Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

[trishinnebraska]

This is very trivial compared to what Gypsi and SM Mary are going through?you ladies are in my thoughts and prayers?

It?s 9:30 P in Omaha ? my darling husband is at his 60th birthday celebration with friends and family at a cute little neighborhood bar/grill called Keno Kabana. It has been planned for awhile (hell ? I even helped plan it!) and we were both supposed to go? I couldn?t. I just couldn?t drag myself upstairs to get ready to go. I?d rather stay home and drink alone and stare into the fire. The supplements alone aren?t working?I am depressed and really don?t feeling like going anywhere except where I have to go ? like work, grocery shopping, etc. Drinking way too much ? can?t seem to tolerate the topramate. So?here I am ? big pity party I guess?half-sloshed and will probably be sorry I posted this tomorrow. I know what I need to do but can?t bring myself to do it. I hate large groups of people, loud places, and being in a cramped space. I make excuses so I don?t have to go to places like that with my husband. He is very understanding but I feel really crappy about it. I just don?t seem to fit in quite anywhere not with his crowd, not here? I?ve always been somewhat of a ?loner? but I?m getting tired of that. I wish I could fit in better but at 57?do things really change? Probably not. I am about to give up on this whole experiment. You guys have been great and I will continue to come and read posts everyday ? perhaps there will be some inspiration along the way. I think I?ll go up now and crawl into bed before I literally have to ?crawl? into bed. As Scarlet said, ?Tomorrow is another day??the only thing is I?m afraid it will be like today and the day before?

Sweet dreams all?

[Guest]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

a little prayer

I just wanted to let you know that I am sending you a little prayer. You are ONLY 57--it is never too late to make changes--and when you are 90 you will think that 57 is a spring chicken. I don't know your history as I rarely stop over on the mods board. I am sure your mods friends will be able to help you a little more than I can.

Kim

[Waves 2]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

You are not on your own with this feeling Trish. Hope you feel better today.:l

[tumadre]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

Trish-
I too am a bit like you, and it is difficult to separate the drinking that keeps us from going out from just being a loner. I've made excuses that range from the ridiculous to the pitiful...I'm sick, kid is sick, forgot, wrote it on the wrong date, etc...I'm still struggling with feeling like it's OK to be a "homebody", and also having a pretty good time if I do go out (and if I don't get drunk/leave early enough to get home to get drunk). I know that sick feeling of not going to something-I call it a sick regret. I usually spend the whole evening going back and forth about whether to go or not. Can you plan a special time for just you and your husband to celebrate his birthday?

[Mary Anne]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

Trish

My heart is with you:l

Please know that I have bean thear also................ I love you too

MA

[trishinnebraska]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

Thanks all..feeling better today

Thanks for such great replies. Just to let you know, I'm feeling better today...I have always kind of beat on myself for being such a homebody - it's good to know I'm not the only one out there. Anyway, ready to start fresh today - poured that last drink down the drain last night - something I probably wouldn't have done before so I guess I am making some small progress. It's going to be beautiful here today so hubby and I will work in putting the garden and the yard "to bed for the winter" today - thanks for being such good friends!:l

[fsophiah]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

I'm 58. I thought I might as well keep drinking because I'd done everything I was going to do in life anyway. The problem was that I hated myself. This program changed everything for me. It gave me a new life to look forward to. I lost weight. I feel more connected to people. Even my alcoholic son quit drinking. It's a slow-growing process, and I've started sounding like an evangelist. Yesterday I stirred up hard feelings by saying that it was important to do 30 days abs. But there is a good, new, hopeful life for you if you choose to move on with it.

[eustacia]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

Dear Trish,

I'm glad that you're feeling better today. You're certainly not alone in your wish to be away from places that can be abrasive--crowded, loud . . . whatever. I've had to learn that it's ok to stay home with a book sometimes, maybe a LOT of times. I've begged out of large birthday parties, bar mitvahs and weddings because I was feeling too exhausted or just too desirous of solitude at the moment to deal with five hours of chit-chat with near strangers unless I wrapped myself in a warm veil of alcohol. One of the things that I've found in this program is support for feeling what I feel without excessive apology and with that, for me, is a lessened "need" to drink to assuage feelings of guilt if I do stay home.

On the other hand, I've found that spending almost all of my time at home and at work can lead me to become ruminative and to drink. I so hate to go the gym (again the "leave me alone" phenomenon) that I was neglecting the exercise component of the program. I work quite late and so a run in the park isn't the smartest idea and on weekends the park is as bad as the gym. I'm constantly "running into" people I know, which tends to lead to more social invitations, as well as running into people I don't know and don't want to know who communicate via lascivious remarks, barks, grunts and whistles. After a lot of looking, I found a Pilates teacher whose studio hours matched mine well enough that I was able to book two sessions each week with her. Pilates works for me because there is no scene to contend with while I'm exercising--I'm alone in a studio with my teacher. I know that I wll stick with this exercise modality because until my work schedule went completely out of control, I had practiced Pilates for about 20 years. After two weeks of Pilates, I'm far less depressed, drinking less and I can fit into a few favorite clothes that I was ready to send to charity. I'm wondering if some simple form of exercise--a walk to see the beautiful fall colors, for instance, might be what has been missing for you.

Don't give up on the program! It really does work if you configure it in order that it meets YOUR needs.

:heart: E

[eustacia]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

P.S. to fsophia--

I agree with you that 30 days abstinence can be helpful. A couple of years before I started this program I decided to be AF for a month. Just remembering that I was able to do that has helped me believe that I can learn to moderate my drinking on a permanent basis (with the help of all of the wonderful MWO people, of course )!

:heart: E

[lushy]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

E, good to hear from you again. We have missed you around here.

Trish, I am glad you are feeling better, but if it helps add me to the list of being a homebody loner. I dislike going out and being social (unless I am drunk) because I feel like a social misfit. I am a very honest, tell it like it is, kind of person and I find most people are not like that so I find I have little to say. I am not a good small talker. E, I just bought a Pilates machine which I have not used yet but you now have me excited to give it a try. My muffin needs a good shrinking right about now.

[eustacia]

Help?? ...and Sweet Dreams all

:nutso: Hey, Lush!

Good to hear from you! Pilates can work wonders. If I lived in a house instead of an apartment, I would have at least a Reformer (you non-Pilates people will have to figure out what that means ) at home. But because our laudry room doubles as a darkroom and my husband's study is the guest room . . . you get the picture. Lush, as long as you remember to suck in your gut as hard as you can for as long as you use the equipment, you should notice a diminished muffin top within a few days. Good luck:thumbs: !

:heart: E