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[KundaliniGirl]

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RC - we leave Saturday evening for a few days. We don't usually travel this time of year, but just need a little break.

How are things in your world?

KG

[Ringing Cedars]

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Morning KG~mini breaks are often more restful than full blown holidays and all the prep and catch up. Hope you have glorious weather. Will you drive?

My world is feeling much safer and inhabitable these days. Many areas are coming in together at once. I'm sure some here would love to project and say it is because I am not drinking as much and for a good portion it is true but the real turn around has been in finding a support group for people in my situation and finally getting a break through with my oldest daughter.

In the support group a lady wrote a poem that I would like to share as it so describes what I've gone through the last 10 years.

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE? My life had descended into a black holeThere I was searching to find my lost soul. I found myself living a life of despair,I was searching for something I couldn?t find anywhere; The smile that I wore was just a disguise,For the pain and the tears all caused by their lies. They pretended they knew all about how to live -About how to parent, about how to give; But what they were teaching wasn?t true, wasn't real-Instead they were focused on what they could steal. I went through the years not feeling a thing,Only thinking about what a reunion might bring; There were times I was happy and gave of my heart -But with loss deep as mine it was doomed from the start; I was bitter and broken
and so full of shame -Resulting from years full of torment and blame; The pain from this loss was my license to be -Whatever I wanted and find healing for me; Who was I? What was I? Why was I here?These questions were hidden inside of a tear. A tear, just a sign of the pain deep within -A tear, full of doubt and regret and of sin - I sat there alone, in that hole deep and black -Wondering how would I ever find my way back? I was scared of my future ? could I ever overcomeAll the lies and the distance - had the damage been done? I was searching for freedom for light from above -I was searching for spirit, for truth and for love. My journey was long --- didn't know where it would take me -I just remained strong and wouldn?t let it break me. My sons are my life, my incentive to fightBut today?s sense of peace didn?t happen overnight. The black hole was immense - and hard to see through -I was successful because ? To Thine Own Self I
Was True.

[KundaliniGirl]

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Morning KG~mini breaks are often more restful than full blown holidays and all the prep and catch up. Hope you have glorious weather. Will you drive?

My world is feeling much safer and inhabitable these days. Many areas are coming in together at once. I'm sure some here would love to project and say it is because I am not drinking as much and for a good portion it is true but the real turn around has been in finding a support group for people in my situation and finally getting a break through with my oldest daughter.

In the support group a lady wrote a poem that I would like to share as it so describes what I've gone through the last 10 years.

RC - I'm glad to hear that whatever sorrow you were experiencing is getting better. If you feel like talking about it, I am all ears. You may have posted on other threads about your situation, but I have not read them.

Anyway, my life is good now too. I've gone through a long bout of illness with my husband. He's had recurrent cancer and had to have a major surgery, but is doing well now.

Life is not for the feint of heart, that's for sure.

Oh, we are flying to Santa Fe - not driving (too short of a trip to drive). Have you been there?

Sending you peace and strength,
xx,
KG

[Ringing Cedars]

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Hi KG--I have not been to Sante Fe or Mexico for that matter. Florida, Bahamas and Cuba are the southern destinations I've enjoyed to date. Love warm weather and soaking up the sun. You must be getting excited to be there.

Yep I've always said being in business for yourself is not for the weak of heart. I just wonder sometimes why God made me so strong to heap so much on me.

Anyways, thanks for offering an ear. It's a 10 years story of despair in the abyss--drinking was only a part of the pic the last couple of years. Most people don't really understand it unless they've walked it to tell the truth which is why I isolated more and more and wallowed in booze. I couldn't understand what had happened, how could anyone else. I'm sorry that probably doesn't explain anything. You could google PAS, Amy Barker to get some insight.

Sorry to hear about your husband's health but sounds like he's well now and glad to hear that. Have a wonderful holiday together KG! xo

[KundaliniGirl]

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Thanks RC - am looking forward to a change of scenery and not having to cook! I love cooking (or should I say home-cooked food), but it's nice to have a break. The food in SF is supposed to be wonderful.

I understand now about PAS - just not sure who had it? Your daughter, you? Anyway, it sounds like you and your daughter are getting better with the support group. I wish you well with that. It always helps to be with people who've experienced what you have. No one else can relate as well.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your weekend!

xx,
KG

[Ringing Cedars]

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Hi KG--I gave you the wrong author and should maybe have spelled out Parental Alienation Syndrome. No one "gets" it, they experience it as victims. My ex alienated my 3 children from me when I separated from him. Coincidentally, I learned through my experience, that I was alienated from my bio Dad as a 2 year old. Here's a link. The second video clip is Amy Baker.(not Barker) What is Parent Alienation Syndrome?

[KundaliniGirl]

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This is interesting RC. I've never understood how a parent could vilify another parent to the children -- very selfish because it's the kids who suffer the most. Hope things are getting resolved for all of you!!

[Ringing Cedars]

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That kind of parent is probably clinically narcissistic or borderline personality disorder or both even. They don't understand or care what it does to the children as long as their needs are being met. It is in fact a form of abuse. It is unlikely to ever really be resolved. How can you get back 10 years of parenting at a critical time in their life. I am moving forward trying to be as positive and successful as I can and not self sabotaging myself on top of the PAS.
His whole mo was to destroy me at the any cost. Well I won't give him that satisfaction!!

[KundaliniGirl]

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Well that sucks! As you say, best to move on down the road.

[gyco]

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r c i met many people like you in aa. as you take your journey you will be less confused look at the hole picture

[Ringing Cedars]

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I'm not confused at all gyco. You may be trying to read between the lines when the surface text is the whole picture.

[Ringing Cedars]

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KundaliniGirl;1062475 wrote: Well that sucks! As you say, best to move on down the road.

Yes, the thing was, at the time there wasn't a lot of information out there and shame and embarrassment would prevent many from seeking it anyways.

He's proved himself now by discarding my three children for another woman. He brainwashed them to believe I deserted them 10 years ago and now he has actually deserted them for real. Gaining their trust is going to be very difficult but I'm in for the long haul. Always have been, they just weren't allowed to believe it.

Sorry to go on. Like I said I could write volumes and part of me feels I need to explain because many people on this site would assume the alienation took place because of me drinking.

Anyways, thanks for the ear and once again have a wonderful holiday!! xo

[KundaliniGirl]

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RC sorry to hear about your issues. Life............hope you and your childeren are on your way to a better place. Maybe in some strange way it will be easier with him out of the picture with his new wife............

Off to Santa Fe..........thanks for the sendoff.

xx,
KG

[Ringing Cedars]

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Hey, it is what it is KG. No sense wasting time speculating now(doing my best not to anyways)

Are you not gone yet??

xo

[KundaliniGirl]

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We head for the airport at 1:30 CST - can't believe I'm ready to go already!! Oh, by the way, I just went and found your original background story on the With Respect thread - your story sounds really similar to mine in that we had a situation that really sent us over the top on drinking. Glad we can be here for each other. Looking forward to getting to know you, Peace, Gidget, Eve, and Kev better. It's nice to have some company.

RC - I too live in the country on acreage - really peaceful. We're thinking of relocating to Santa Fe, which is part of what this trip is about -- I'm unsure about it, but get kind of bored here because we're a bit isolated. Am thinking I might need another more social phase of my life (I know my husband would like a change). I know the answer will come to me - just giving the concept time to gestate. We're consider SF because we can ski, hike, etc. It may be too expensive, though............just checking it all out.

Ciao!!
KG