Hey all-Nov 3

[soccermom]

Hey Lovelies!
Husband comes home from hospital today--all went well with quad bypass and valve repair.
Okay---so----I have had not one spare minute to check in but was able to read a few posts here and there.
Anyway--I have been drinking so much this past week I have no right to even start a thread.
I have slipped all the way back to the bottom of the ladder. I had been so proud of myself---Now--I HAVE to get a grip on this. I want to increase my topa to 200--but I didn't want to do it yet with having to drive the 1 1/2 hours back and forth to the hospital...
so--please, Jen/Rach--let me know how you take your doses throughout the day--I'm at 150 now but MUST increase--as husband will be home recovering now for at least a month.
I mean--I don't even remember putting the kids to bed last night---I guess I did--they were in bed this morning..maybe they put themselves to bed..that was the old me--this has happened a couple of times this week---UGH! AND double ugh!
Gypsi/MKR--How I admire you---how you decided to do the 180 and stay AF when family health issues entered your lives---I guess it's just a mindset--or I'm addicted...or it's old habits--I must wrap my mind around this and tell myself that I do not want to live like this--the hangovers were hell--I have been on this program since late June and it's this past week that reminded me that I have come a long way and I do not want to go back to the daily drinking--I can't-for myself, my children...my husband, my health.
I love you all.
sm-mary

[lushy]

Hey all-Nov 3

Mary, We are go glad to finally hear from you. I am so happy your husband came through surgery okay. I know what you are going through as I went into a complete drinking spree when my mom died. I guess we choose the easiest way we know to squelch the pain and stress. Just do what you can during this time. Try not to give yourself license to drink, but don't beat yourself up for it either. I am not trying to enable, I just understand the mindset you are in. Try real hard to moderate to avoid the hangovers. Those hangovers and memory loss are what make us feel even worse, which then begins the cycle of needing to drink even more, etc. Well, you know. You can do it. You have been doing so well since I have known you; you will get back there. We love you!!!! Please stay in touch......

[dilayne]

Hey all-Nov 3

Hey Mary, Well, you ARE back..sometimes it is a 2 step forward - 1 step back thing, but you are still headed in the right direction..and for you to have to deal with a major trama like your husband's illness at such a vulnerable time..well, it just happened that way. I'm glad you started the thread..Also, when I went to 200..I did feel kind of lousy, but it was by no means affecting my ability to function..I wouldn't worry about that..if you miss a turn traveling, you'll realize it soon enough..nothing that can't be corrected almost immediately..do what you need to do dear! (((big hugs)))
dianne

[mojomuppet]

Hey all-Nov 3

Mary you could not have fallen to the bottom of the ladder you are still here. Oh and i think the bottom of your ladder is in my back yard anyway so pfft. Sorry cant go back there anymore. Be good to yourself and hang on.

[MKR]

Hey all-Nov 3

Dear SM Mary - so glad you are back on the boards and that your husband is doing OK. Yes, you need to do what is best for you and like Lush said being gentle with yourself is the first place to start. You can always go back to what you had this summer as you know how nice that feels. I love you and find you so inspiring and honest. Who expects this stuff to happen in life? If is had been my husband I truly can not tell you whether I would have stayed this course throughout! Good luck on the topa.

Lush dear you are always so incredibly supportive and understanding. We need you here!

Mike - wow, sorry about the run - maybe a bit of "weekend warrior" in it? My oldest just took 3rd place in the Duke City marathon for his age group a couple weeks ago. Now he has done triathlons etc but with pharmacy school, pharmacy intern job and coaching diving for a local HS, he does not have time to train. Guess how sick he got afterwards? He does that at every race!! His fiancee, says no way do I need to get sick, I am a winner if I finish. From a woman's point of view, I agree with her but trying to understand male thinking there is always this push that goes beyond where women will be. Maybe a bit slower or a bit less the next time. You will also get a reward for time put in yesterday and it may not be so tough next time around!! I applaud you getting out there! Plus you are so supportive of all of us ladies here, thanks!

Jenneh - wonderful research for MM! Count on a lawyer to do the research!! You are great!

MM, I hope you are breathing today and Mike was right, either way your son is a winner. Here is something for him to visualize!
____________________________________________
It's going to be bigger than you thought, you're going to be happier than you imagined, and your friends are all going to be like, "No-o-o-o way! That's so cool! How did you do it?"

Because, all earthly manifestations appear larger in 'real' life than they do in one's mind. Way.

You are still visualizing . . . right?

The Universe
___________________________________

Have so many Friday deadlines I really gotta run.

Love all of you,
Mary

[MKR]

Hey all-Nov 3

OK, Dilayne and Mojo we were posting at the same time! Great to see you both! Hugs and Love, Mary

[InnerStrength]

Hey all-Nov 3

sm Mary - do NOT beat yourself up. Goodness you are going through so much. When I was at 150 mg I was still drinking waay too much for me. It was only when I went to 175 mg - 200mg that the switch went "bing" for me. I take 75mg in the morning and 125mg before bed. I cant take anymore during the day or I will be a zombie. I sleep off most of the effects.
You are woman, you are strong
Love ya
Jen

[mary8305]

Hey all-Nov 3

Hi Everyone,Glad your husband's doing better mary,I don't do well with stress and want to drink more at those times,it's the first thing I want to do and it's hard for me to admit it.I have been under stress with my daughter's depression episode and I have recently started therapy.I'm tired of not coping well.My best friends husband's is very sick and it's very sad, sometimes life is a struggle.I want to be strong, isolate and handle it on my own and then later say oh I went through this but I'm fine now.But I do need support now I want to drink more and I'm dissapointed because for three months I didn't I was totally satisfied with one or two drinks,now I'm craving more and I have to be honest.I've increased the topa to 100mg and I guess I need to get off my butt and do the other parts of the program more. thanks for being here, thanks for your honesty soccermom you helped me today, love,Mare

[Saint Jude]

Hey all-Nov 3

SM Mary, so glad to hear your Hubby came thru the surgery just fine. That's got to be very stressful. Glad to see ya back on the boards! I shouldn't say it... but I'd probably be drinking too! That's usually my first impulse, when I'm stressed out or scared, or angry... . And no you're no where near the bottom! Just lost a little footing, time to start climbing back up that hill! We've all been there, and probably will be again, but hey, we ARE human!

Glad you're back!:l And glad your Hubby's coming home today.:h

Judie

[Guest]

Hey all-Nov 3

I screwed up last night too. Drank all of my remaining 8 drinks for the week in one evening. oops. grrr. Couple glasses of wine before we went out, a martini ( I count that as 2) , 2 gl. wine with dinner, a coffe drink. One more glass of wine back at the hotel bar with hubby and his boss " night cap". I felt like I was spacing myself and not going that overboard for the course of the evening, no craziness, no blackout garbage... but I have a killer headache today. Plus I had planned only 3-4. PLUS I've used up all my drinks and we have a wedding to go to tomorrow!!:egad:

I am officially a moron.


SM Mary, I'm so glad to hear your hubby is doing better! Come on, you and I are going to keep that drink count down sister.
What's this I hear about Mike running? I missed something. Gotta catch up. I've never run to the point of making myself sick! Felt like it, but I take walk breaks when it gets to that point! I agree, just finishing is winning for me! Well, beating my personal times has gotten to be a thing too, so I guess I understand how it can become extremely motivating to win, MKR. He must be in awesome shape. Hubby is training for a triathalon now too.

OK, gonna go take a nap. grrrrrr.

[lushy]

Hey all-Nov 3

Becca, sorry had to laugh at the moron comment. Gee, I have NEEEEEVER been there, so I know not of which you speak.

Fan, I meant to also say that I got a chuckle out of your hurling while running story. Does this make me evil for laughing at other people when they are down?

I just canceled going to a clothing exchange party tomorrow because it starts at 9:30 am and goes until 3:00 and there is going to be lots of drinking going on and my BF, who is an alchie, is going and called to see how many bottles of champagne we should bring!!! I did not know there would be alcohol there because her friend having the party does not drink at all, so what did I say? I told her I had food poisoning!!!!! I could not deal with her twisting my arm to go, because it would not have taken much, and if I start drinking that early it would be a nightmare. I also did not sound like I had a genuine cold or anything so I just lied and said I ate some bad meat. I am now sitting here just annoyed that I cannot trust myself in a drinking situation like that, but I guess it was good that I did not subject myself to it, right? RIGHT????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Waves 2]

Hey all-Nov 3

Right

Well done for last night Lusch, I too would avoid a party where the idea is to drink as much as possible. I think at this time we are too vulnerable to subject ourselves to that.

Soccermom Mary, I'm glad that the operation is over and that your hubby will soon be home. I echo the sentiments of all the others: don't beat yourself up about yesterday, today and tomorrow are new days. :h

Love to all as always

Waves x

[soccermom]

Hey all-Nov 3

Thanks Everyone!! I don't mean to sound like a lesbian (and not that there's anything wrong with that!) but I just love all of you so much! I am so thankful that I found this sight..where on earth would I be if I hadn't??
Now-Lush--absolutely brilliant coming up with that food poisoning idea! I agree--we are vulnerable creatures and being around alcohol related clothing swaps is just not a good idea!
Last night my daughter poured me a glass of lemonade and brought it to me--she placed it along side my glass of wine--meanwhile I continued with my wine drinking and managed to get sloshed. Great mom. if that's not a wake up call for me to climb right on back up this ladder of mine I don't know what is!
sm-mary

[InnerStrength]

Hey all-Nov 3

Yes Lusch very good move. You should be proud that you did that! I think half the battle is turning down those old temptations! I sometimes found that turning DOWN those old get togethers were just as hard as turning down those drinks!!
And Lusch, as for being annoyed because you feel like you cant trust yourself being in a drinking situation like that - - uhhhh HELLO!? We are all vulnerable around it. Why would you subject yourself to that? Besides, if your friend is anything like mine (my alchy friend), there is that pressure of, "why aren't you drinking? Here drink and catch up!" etc. etc.
Eck. Who needs it? We certainly dont!
Good on ya
Jen

[Saint Jude]

Hey all-Nov 3

Keep on climbing Mary! We'll get there together... Feeling kinda down today myself...