Thursday November 9th

[Lynn S]

Since I'm up and on the boards for the first time since October 30th, let me say good morning. I hope everyone's day starts out great. I have to say last week I often thought when I get back on mywayout I know that it is going to be okay. I planned to start last week with 5 days AF. I never made it. I left work Monday night to find my Sonny Bono mustache for my costume to surprise my employees and came home at 8:00 pm to find my 19 year old son was in jail for probation violation for underage drinking (a probation we knew nothing about). I went out and bought a bottle of wine. But I did manage to not go over board and this week I am 500 miles from home arranging home care for my mother, writing letters to my son in jail. So I really identified with gypsy this week and loved soccermom's avatar issues and all and all I am making progress. I am on day 3 AF this week. I have to admit I really think the Topamax makes a big difference. I went to lunch with my mother today and could easily had a glass of wine on "vacation". I wasn't even tempted today. I find it a lot easier to overcome triggers. At least for today. Well, I am starting to get tired. I have to go. Lynn

[dilayne]

Thursday November 9th

Mornin all! Well, a big trigger has been pointed at me since yesterday afternoon..(caution..venting now) My sorry $&%@*& son in law is in jail and has been calling all night and this morning wanting us to come get him. His parents won't, and obviously no one else can. My daughter (who has 4 children with him) had a friend bring her over last night to use our phone because he has her cell phone (their only phone), and all the money they have (he supposedly was going to go cash his paycheck)..was picked up for wreckless driving and put in jail..the vehicle (which we bought for her because a few months ago she finally left him after countless fuck ups just like this and the fact that he was spending his always less than 40 hours a week paycheck on cocaine..missing work, calling in sick, speeding tickets..ad nauseum, etc. etc.) She was committed to finally getting a divorce, did ok working for her dad and started making a plan for herself..well, she took him back, sold their other junk car, turned the vehicle we bought for her over to him and put herself back in this hopelessly dependent role on the most unreliable person on the planet!!! This is been going on for over 10 years...I started drinking after they had to move in with us..5 of them, when she got pregnant AGAIN..the six of them filled our home with this negative energy..I had to go tell him to get up and go to work on occassion...yes, he was doing cocain during this time..I naively hoped that it wasn't the case...after a year, I finally told them they had to go and accepted that might daughter may have to live in the projects..ANYWAY, it keeps coming back to me, and last night we decided that we have to them have their problem. It will probably mean him losing his job again, them not having any money, her feeling destitute...it is a huge tug on me, but I've tried to just focus on supporting her in a vision for her future, which has been to start a painting business..she spent the summer painting her father (my ex's) house and learned the trade..I've designed a logo for her this month, printed buisness cards and postcards for mailing and bought her books on how to start a painting contract business...she could do very well with this, she's a hard worker..she just doesn't believe in herself..and God knows why she continues such a pititful cycle..It breaks my heart..of course I carried guilt for a long time because there were those few months that I drank when she was a child and I divorced her father, but you know what? I've looong over compensated that, and I was a child of divorce and my parents drank and I turned things around very quickly for my kids...So, I don't want to drink, but I'm totally feeling the trigger, and the temptation to escape these horrible feelings are there, so I release them here..I don't want to carry this story around with me anymore, I want to focus on this one moment, and when I go pick my daughter up at 8:00 this morning, I want to be able to give her that strength...I'll be taking her to the police station to try to get her phone, his paycheck and to get her vehicle out of where ever it has been taking. I'm not putting up bail for him, I'm taking on the problem that he could lose his job..to do so would put my finances in jeopardy and would just prolonge this insanity to the next time...could somebody say a prayer for this situation? Thanks for letting me release all of this here! Dianne

[dilayne]

Thursday November 9th

sorry, again..just spit this out without editing....I'm NOT taking on this problem, I need strength in order NOT to..I need strength to sit in loving acceptance while my daughter is scared, angry and feeling hopeless...I need strength to sit there and NOT take it on, while giving her the only thing that will be beneficial and that is faith in her to get through this and to take responsibility for her own life and her own predicament...

[soccermom]

Thursday November 9th

Dilayne, my prayers and thoughts are with you. What a heartbreaking time for you. We love you.
Sm-mary

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday November 9th

Lynn and Dianne, I am so sorry to hear that you are having problems. Dianne, it would be an honor to put you and your family on our prayer chain. There is something about our Synogogue (I'm a Christian Jew) and my mother's prayer ability (she is Lutheran) that has really worked for many people. I pray that it will work for you.

You both seem very strong. Neither of you should be too hard on yourself about drinking at this time. Though you may be using alcohol as a crutch, sometimes in life we need a crutch!!! As long as you recognize it for what it is, lean on it as little as possible, and remove the crutch as soon as you can, it may be relieving heightened stress that could cause other medical problems for you -- you are under a lot of stress!!! One idea that works for me is that when I'm faced with that level of stress, I go exercise before I start drinking. It curbs my drinking a lot and also helps me to sort out my thinking -- just a thought.

I didn't have a great day yesterday. I had a lot of stress in my work. I lost my checkbook on Friday and didn't realize it until I found out that someone had spent over $1,000 of my money. My husband is real stressed about it, which then spills over into family issues. It doesn't help that the bank has to reimburse us under FDIC rulings because we found out too late in the day when we tried to access the money -- so we were counting our change last night to get us through until the banks open today. So, we shared two bottles of wine instead of one. But today is a new day and I am determined to do better.

Good luck to you both. My well wishes, kind thoughts, and prayers will be with all of you today. I hope you will do the same for me. Its going to be a tough day.

MM

[dilayne]

Thursday November 9th

Thanks MM,
I'm not drinking..almost a month of AF..I don't even want to..Thank God! I'm leaning on you guys though..I want to use you as a crutch instead of the alcohol. Thanks for being there!

Lynn, ((big hugs to you))!

[Mary Anne]

Thursday November 9th

Good morning.....

Well, sorry it is not for you Lynn an Dilayne, I feel for you.........wish there was something I could do to make it better, but just pray and send positive thoughts your way..

I have a stressfull day w/ a difficult patient and a 5 hour visit w/ 4 blood draws (patient has NO veins either!) Oh, well, I will get through it, whether she will is the question!

ANywhay, just wanted to check in before it gets crazy, thanks for all the positive feedback everyone yesterday, I want to keep in touch better from now on, BUT will be out in the middle of nowhere camping all weekend, so won't be able to til Sun night or Mon AM.........

Will try tomorrow before I leave though...................

Love you all!!!!:l :h

MA

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday November 9th

Dianne, CONGRATULATIONS!!! That IS spectacular. I can't even imagine a month without alcohol, though I am consistently meeting my goals with a few blips along the way. And you can lean on me anytime! I love all of you so much and everyone here has been so helpful to me. I am doing so much better and my attitude towards drinking is certainly different. It would never have happened but for the help of everyone here! I am extremely grateful to all of you and have comed to really care about all of you a great deal.

Fondly,
MM

[Guest]

Thursday November 9th

OK, I'm not gonna be as nice I'm afraid, Di. Sorry, I love ya tons. You know that, but...
HOLY CRAP!! This guy sounds like a complete LOSER! I'm so glad your daughter is ditching is sorry butt for now and letting him marinate in jail. It sounds like he needs a good kick in the head. Hey, I'm the first one to say I'm not perfect and I could have/should have maybe landed in the slammer for stupid stuff I pulled a few times. But I would never drain my family of their finances and sanity while I sat my lazy self around the house snorting cocaine. Well, I wouldn't do cocaine in the first place, but that's beside the point. I just drink lots of booze.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I'm fuming for ya, Dianne. Hopefully your son in law learns his lesson and starts to turn his life around. Those kids need a capable father. If he's not it, tell your daughter I have an awesome buddy here in Ohio who makes a good living and would LOVE an instant family and a hot mamma mother in law!!
OK, that wasn't very Christian or nice or friendly or maybe not even helpful, but that's how I feel dang it. I'm really glad she's getting her stuff and glad you have made the decision not to bail him out and put yourself in financial distress and and AND I'm so glad you are strong enough to stay alcohol free during this!:happy: Don't let him get the best of you! Just be there for your daughter and those grandbabies and take out your juices on some great new art!

ahhhhh.

OK, nice thread yesterday, everyone!
I did go to that wine tasting. Had 3 glasses before, 1 there, 1 margarita after (out to Abuelo's with friends), then 1 more glass--a small one --with hubby cuz he wanted to "crack open" the bottle I bought at the tasting. So that's 6. Woke up at 5am with a killer headache. It's almost gone now, but this is craziness! I drank tons of water last night, spaced those drinks out... it must be the topa. It's an OK thing because it just reminds me that even 6 is over my plan. I'm like the chic who has a few drinks and has a headache now. Weird. So I used my "5 card" and then some. Have to look at what numbers I have left, because we have stuff going on every night this week now. My goal is to have even fewer drinks than last wk. I MUST stick to 2-3 tonight at my jewelry party because I have a job interview thingy tomorrow (I already pretty much have the job...they came to me and asked me how much I needed to be paid!!:H . )

MKR, I don't make the jewelry, but would like to get into that. A friend of mine is pretty good at it. This is a company called Premier Design Jewelry and a consultant comes to my house and sells the stuff. I just supply the food and drinks. I get 50% of whatever I sell if free jewelry!! cool huh?
Rachele, call me today, dammit! hee hee! Am I scary or somethin? I think this post maybe is scary... Nice job on 5 MILES! Almost half way there, girl! What was your time?
Preciouspinot, my 5 year old was looking at the computer screen this morning when I logged on. He pointed at your avatar and went "OOOOHH!!". Great to see you around!
Allie, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! (belated, because I'm a horrible friend). Hope the moderating celebration went well!
Gypsi, you are so incredible. I wish we could be there to help more. Like REALLY help. Thinking of you this morning. I hope your husband is feeling well today. I hope you both have a peaceful day.

Going on too long here as usual. Everyone, Jude, Mike, Lush, Tink, SM Mary (you're cracking me up lately), Mary Anne, Mighty Mouse(I just do a lot of drink counting, it's my thang), Brian, Waves, Laura, Lynn, every important person I missed, Have a great thursday!!

[Lynn S]

Thursday November 9th

Dilayne:

I'm with you!! I am not drinking! Hang in there!! Get the money, get the phone! Leave the stinking son in law in jail. Maybe by the time he gets out she will figure out that she is better off without his chaos!! Thanks everyone for the support. I have to say my son is kind of remarkable. We all think our children are remarkable. My husband and I got our children a girl and boy when they were 9 and 8. Their father died of a heroin overdose years before and their mother was dying of liver/kidney failure due to alcohol and drug abuse. They came from homeless shelters of lower Manhattan, New York to the subburbs. A little frightened Puerto Rican girl and boy. We helped get the mom into treatment and maintained contact eventhough we moved to the midwest. She finally died this past March and I think my son is grieving her loss again.

Gypsi, I am thinking of you and I hope you are strong and able to be a comfort to your self and your husband today.

Thanks everyone for all of the good support.

Becca, I did research on how to train for a mini marathon. I guess I had better get going. It says to start by running 3 miles the first day for a novice. I need pre-novice instruction. I am walk/jog/walk/jog/walking 3 miles. Obviously, it's a good thing I am starting now.

Lynn

[tinkerbell]

Thursday November 9th

I feel ashamed reading all your posts about the hard times you are going through when, apart from my unemployment, my life is pretty damn peachy. You guys are inspirational. Really.

I was bad last night and had a whole bottle of wine, I managed to make it last 5 hours though so not so bad I suppose. Woke up feeling slightly hungover but not as much as I expected to be, I think the 4 days AF earlier this week gave my liver a bit of a rest and allowed it to process the alcohol faster.

I expect I'll have a glass or two tonight as well, but not too much as Friday is going to be a big messy night.

Good thoughts to you all

xxx

[lushy]

Thursday November 9th

Dilayne, my stomach was just churning as I read your story. As a parent you must just be so sad for your daughter and so angry at the loser SIL. Having kids probably makes her feel more trapped. Of course she will be in my prayers that she get the strength she needs to leave him. What a mess. I am really sorry. You have come SUCH a long way to be able to not turn to the bottle. You are an amazingly strong person. I hope you will not bail him out. Maybe this will finally be his "rock bottom", and he will turn something around. Those poor kids.

Soccer Mom!!! Finally an avatar that suits you!!!! Very cute.

Group hug to all this morning. I am sure you will hear from me later. Aren't I at almost 1000 posts?? Cheesh. Would someone please try and catch up with me?

Jen, hope we hear from you today. XOXOX

Tinker, did you hear about the job yet? You said you applied for benefits so I do not know if that means you did not get it or not. Hoping the best for you........

[InnerStrength]

Thursday November 9th

Lusch you are the sweetest!
All, I am thinking of each and every one of you in your personal struggles. The strength, integrity and positive energy on this board blows my mind everytime I come here. I love you all so very much. My prayers go out to each of us today and our own personal battles. I will post more later.
Love you all.
Jen

[lilyluvr56]

Thursday November 9th

i feel the same...since i have been lurking around this site...99.9999999% of everyone who posts has something positive to say. and once you forget about the drunk state, that was once a vacation spot in your mind, you realize that the world is not crashing down around you. and you can have the strength...due to lack of feening, or headache...to challenge your struggles head on. everyone here is an inspiration to me. and i know you are going through a lot. be strong. people here feel your pain. and i want to be one of the ones to help you get through...just as i hope you will be there for me. i had a friend tell me that earth is the devil's playground, and he likes to be popular. "He" will push at all the the buttons and triggers you have left to keep you in "His" grasp. "he" wants you to stay drunk, because when you are drunk, you seem to drown out the angel on the other shoulder. it's hard to stay strong, because on earth, it's easy to be bad. but hang in there. maybe you are going through this because there is a lesson you have to learn. you can't learn that lesson if you are too drunk to understand it. so try to stay sober and reflect, and make a decision with a CLEAR MIND. if you don't learn the lesson now...chances are it will repeat itself.

[Preciouspinot]

Thursday November 9th

Big Group Hugs to All!!! My goodness, there are so many of us now! It takes me a half hour just to read all

the posts in this thread. Lynn, sorry to hear about your son. Hope you guys sort through it all.

Di...the best thing you can do for your daughter is be a STRONG role model for her. Show her what a strong

woman would do...let him stay in jail...definately don't rescue him! I would just be so pissed (excuse my

french) if I were you. I definately feel like Becca. Anyway, hope everyone's day will be a good one. I'll

check back in later.....