Thursday, November 16th

[Mighty Mouse II]

Hi everybody. I had a tough day yesterday. I drank six glasses of wine. Though I did not get drunk or have a hang over, I am obviously really disappointed, as it is the first time I went overboard since I started the program. Tormented by my nephew's situation was a struggle in itself. But when I got great news in my job (they loved the website and I got a contract to do a national radio program), I couldn't resist escaping my mental anguish and let loose to celebrate. I woke up at midnight and began thinking through this issue. I think I have it worked out (I certainly hope so). Today, despite the fact that it is my husband's birthday, I am going to be good. I plan on having three to four glasses of wine spaced out through the day. My husband loved his present, and the day is starting out a lot brighter for me!!! Thank you all for your kind words and support yesterday. I really appreciated it!!!

Allie, how did the date go?

With great love and admiration,
MM
For anyone interested, my shared faith in healing today is on Noah, his drunkeness, and its impact on his children. Love you all!

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday, November 16th

Great topic Fan! I had sort of picked up that you help others but don't ask for help from your postings. With few exceptions, you are usually quick to help all of us, but rarely ask for our support -- you seem to find solace burrying yourself in work -- or maybe not -- it just appears that way! But you are so great, and if you do ever need support, like the others here, would be happy to help!

My family is a two-edge for me. They are always there if I need them, and I have no qualms about asking for help. But at the same time, somehow I have wound up being the defacto Matriarch. It seems like people come to me before they even take a pee!! (pardon my crudeness). When you're working 14 hour days, helping your child with college prep stuff, it can get a little overwhelming. But as they point out, if they make a wrong decision without consulting me, I do get tense about it. So, its nothing I haven't brought on myself!

Much love for the day to all,
MM

[lushy]

Thursday, November 16th

I think I preferred sex as the topic of the day, but I will go with your more serious comment. I am very much like you Fan, I am willing to help out and listen and be compassionate with anyone, but when it comes to my problems I will not share. Instead I sit and stress and stew about things. In the rare event I do open up about things I feel much better which I why I decided to start going into therapy. It has been helpful to have an hour every other week to talk about me and my big or small problems and have someone look at me with empathy.

How does my family fit into my goals? Well, my nondrinking husband, who knows I am trying to cut way back on drinking just told me he heard a great story on the radio yesterday about how boxed wines have really come a long way. I was looking in the refrigerator trying to find an apple for my daughter's lunch and it struck me as so ironic he would say that, that I just did the slooooooowwww head turn, stared at him a minute as if to say, "are you shitting me?" and then said, "no, they all taste like crap." He laughed and walked off. So, for me my family does not really fit into my goals, unless you count the fact I want to be more present for them without being hungover. This is MY issue, something I have to fix on MY own. Hubby's brain is wired completely differently and while I have explained what goes on in my head he will never, ever get it. But that's okay. There are things about him I will never understand either.

Can we talk sex now?

Happy Thursday to all of you other lovely muffins...................Big hugs as usual.

[WaitingToExhale]

Thursday, November 16th

Morning All!

Well, here's a flip side for you all ...

While I certainly understand the ups and downs with family issues, and the intense struggles that can result ... be thankful .. even in some small way that you HAVE family.

I have an astranged sister up north and an 87 year old aloholic father in Texas ... whom I very rarely speak to. And thats a that! (not asking for a pity party .. really)

But these holidays are going to be really tough this year around. Again, partially of my own doing and "dropping out of life" with drinking, but also because of recent loses. No plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

So ... when you get really upset, and frustrated, and worried for and, and, and ... please remiind yourself that you HAVE someone to feel that towards.

OK, nuff of that stuff! On a GOOD note, the last days have been much better ... eating better, drinking less, getting things done for a change. Not drinking at the shop anymore (cept once - oops) .. and that IS BIG for me! All of that feels wonderful ....and I you here to thank for being able to get my bum here and talk it all out!

Maybe I'll callmy sister just so I have someone to bitch about! Just kidding!!!

WaitingToExhale

[lushy]

Thursday, November 16th

Awww, Fan that is the nicest cybersex comment I have ever gotten. Thanks!. :l

WTE, I understand completely what you are saying about not having family. Both of my parents are gone and I was extraordinarily close to them, Most of my friends dislike their parents very much and it pains me to hear them complain when I would give anything to have mine back. I am glad this week has been a positive one for you in terms of your drinking. Keep it up!!!

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Thursday, November 16th

family-

wow...great topic. If you were to ask my husband, I think he would tell you that I lean on him when I need to lean on someone. I guess that is true, in that if I had a bad day, or want to complain about something or other, I do talk to him. Truth is though, when it comes down to the real inner most issues...the ones I really should talk about, I don't talk to anyone in my family. My husband and I have talked about my drinking, but I am dishonest more than I am honest. With my "birth" family (mom, dad, sister), I share very little about my personal feelings. I am close with my sister, but that is mostly being there for her (she has a lot to talk about, with a very sick daughter), and my parents are not great listeners. Even with friends, I tend to be the listener much more than the one to share. Gezz, look what I choose to do for a living!! (a psychologist). I guess I have a lot of trouble really sharing from the gut when it is something of a real issue for me. I am great talking about problems I have had once they are over...but not while I am in them. Not very healthy I am sure. Well, anyway...I just realized yesterday that you guys actually "share" here on the boards...I knew you had the muffin story going, and I knew their was the daily thread, but never read it, and didn't realize how much it was an on-going dialogue. So, I am coming on board...hope you all don't mind. Oh, and although this is the mod board, I am actually trying abstinence...as of yesterday, but still feel at home with the "mod squad"...anyway..have a good day all

Beth

[dilayne]

Thursday, November 16th

Good Morning! Great topic Fan.
I am the fixer in the family..stems from being the peacemaker as a child...I take on everyone's feelings, needs, etc. and mine get buried..somewhere along the line I learned that my feelings and needs didn't matter. I've spent the last year looking at that and have learned to recieve help from my wonderful therapist..he's showing me how to be different..and also that when I do help others from that place, it's such a cost to me and sometimes not really much help to them...it's a task to sort all that out, but I'm doing it. I'm learning how to be there for my daughter..what I can and can't do for her. I've made quantum leaps around that. I'm also learning how to 'help' my husband without making him wrong and allowing him to be there for me. As for my mom...I've just recently allowed myself to feel the dissappointment of her inability to be there for me..I've actually learned that I've not only been able to deal with my own grief, but that I've been carrying hers around as well and that part of my 'recovery', 'healing', 'growing'..whatever you want to call it, will require me to grieve her grief..the good news is that I know I can do it, that I've grown strong enough and that will be a gift I give to her when I'm ready...she won't even know about it..but I know that I'm the designated emotion carrier in the family and if I don't follow it through and release it with love, that I will be imprisoned by it.

[dilayne]

Thursday, November 16th

oh, and regarding the drinking...my husband's willingness to stop drinking with me is a result of a lot of inner work on my part before I felt that I had a right to ask him to help me and to believe that he actually could love me enough to do it...it's amazing that when I 'got' it...that is when he 'got' it...not before..we went around and around about it for a while before he saw that this was 'our' problem, not just mine. WOW, it's probably the first time that I didn't feel like I was all alone with my 'shit'!

[lushy]

Thursday, November 16th

Di, I find it amazing your husband was so supportive in quitting drinking along with you. Does he say he misses it or was it just not an issue in his life? Is complete abstinence for the unseen future his goal as well? You are a lucky, lucky women that he is working so hard with you. Bravo.

And Beth, welcome. We are not as shallow as we may seem on the surface in that Once Upon A Time Story. We are just incredibly funny people! But we talk about very serious things here as well. I know you are aiming for abs and I wish you the best.

[dilayne]

Thursday, November 16th

Lush, no, it's never been the issue with him as it was with me...but I knew it could be..he just wouldn't admit it..he just doesn't 'feel' as much as I do...HeLL, the man could eat a cup of cream cheese and not see anything wrong with him...'a problem' wasn't on his radar screen, but from my perspective, he was definitely abusing it too...he and I had been drug and alcohol free our entire marraige together until a few years ago when I talked him into letting his hair down and our drinking for fun, now that the kids were grown and gone..he actually resisted the idea but in my oh so convincing way he went along with it...when he realized that he could get great sex when I was drinking, he went gun ho all the way!!! He started bringing it home every night...Somebody had to stop it for both of us, he doesn't miss it at all now..he might miss some other things though! TMI??? I wouldn't call it Lucky either, It took a lot of work to get us to the point where I realized I was gambling way to much and then to get him to go to therapy with me..it was in a session that our therapist let us know that we should deal with it as a couple...he got that and that is what enabled him to quit when I decided I needed to.

[lushy]

Thursday, November 16th

Right, I remember you commenting on how he could drink a fish bowl of wine, a bag of chips and a cup of cream cheese. Ugh!!! And I meant lucky in the fact that many people would have chosen to walk away because it would have been too much effort to give it up. It certainly sounds like you have done a TON of work to get your relationship to where it is today.

[Hawk]

Thursday, November 16th

Hi everyone -

What a crappy day yesterday turned into. I did get some studying in for my licensing exam (not enough, but some). Went for my mammogram which took 3 hours because they kept ultrasounding under my arm on some *lump* thats there. Its been there for 2 years and I have seen numerous doctors about it. This is the first one who was alarmed, said the word tumor, and said it, whatever it is, needs to come out asap. So naturally I came home and drank wine while I made dinner. Then I had wine with husband at dinner. Then I drank what we didn't finish at dinner. Crap:upset:

So I woke up today, feel like crap, full of remorse, know he's probably disappointed in me - again. I don't know if we had a conversation last night about me drinking too much or it that was a dream. Frustration!!:blush:

Now I am going to try and study but its hard to concentrate. Sorry for all my complaining - I just needed to unload.

[lushy]

Thursday, November 16th

Hawk, I am sorry for the health scare. I know how stomach churning that can be. When will you get the lump removed? I am sure if all of the other doctors thought it was nothing then it is but I hope for your peace of mind you will get it taken care of soon and get an answer. Hang in there.

[Preciouspinot]

Thursday, November 16th

Hawk, I hope it's nothing and the worry was for nothing...seems like you've had several "crap" days now...hope it gets better for you and that your hubby turns out to be a good support for you...

As for the topic at hand..It seems like we're all in the same boat. I am the care taker of everyone in my house...I have three small children and a husband who is Latin and expects to be taken care of and I work full time as well as a Program Director. I prefer to handle my problems alone my way. I would get MORE stressed out if I knew people close to me really understood what I go through and tried to fix me. No thank you. But, surprisingly enough, this tactic has lead to some serious introspection and growth.

[Preciouspinot]

Thursday, November 16th

Same thing with sex...alone and my way!!

TeeHee....just kidding