Thursday, November 16th

[InnerStrength]

Thursday, November 16th

Hello all
First, Hawk I am also very sorry about your health scare - I wish you all the best. I can understand why you felt the stress and the need to take "that away" (assuming that is how you felt)....I hope you are feeling more positive today. Big hug to you!

For me, with my family, I tend to not talk to my "blood" family about things (mom, dad, sister) although I talk to my sister more than my parents. I have usually kept my mouth quiet to my sister though too because she is very different in a lot of ways, than me. I have always been jokingly referred to as the "bad sister"...

As for my mother, she is a drinker and went to a treatment centre (21 days) for alcohol. She got out at the beginning of october and was doing great and had one slip the other day. Otherwise she is doing great but is pushing AA and her ways on me constantly. To be honest, my mom is a nurturing type and cant seem to let my sister and I "go" as her kids even though I am almost 30. She treats me as a child still sometimes which makes me (and I feel badly saying it) push her away at times. In fact, I really need my independence from her both physically and emotionally or I feel smothered, like I 'never left home' even though I have (ages ago!) - she does the same thing with my sister. My sister is 26 and just moved out on her own and hence, my mom's recent slip. I guess its the empty nest thing. I have to admit, I love my mom a lot but there is some resentment/hostility/guilt there which I havent come to terms with which makes me want to get away from her sometimes (dark eh? I am sorry, but its the truth...)

As for my dad, well I love him to death but I have a protective nature toward him - I dont tell him stuff cause I am afraid to disappoint or upset him. I am his "little girl" still.
And hubby - I guess if I unload on anyone, its him. And he is somewhat patient - more patient now that I have really cut back on drinking. I unload most of my 'stuff' on him and my best friend, if anyone...But generally I tend to keep stuff to myself and wallow mostly.....

OK enough with the novel
Welcome Beth, by the way
Love you all
Jen

[dilayne]

Thursday, November 16th

Jen, you are my daughter's age..funny thing is, on these boards, age doesn't matter..we are all the same. The mother daughter relationship is sooo deeply rooted..it is hard for both sides to separate, but it's so beautiful when you can come back together as two women...I see that for you and your mother..it's so wonderful that you are both taking care of your drinking in your own ways. ((hugs))

[tumadre]

Thursday, November 16th

Good topic, Fan. Our family of origin defines our early years, and, at times, influences our later years. My father was an alcoholic, dead now, molested me when drunk. Not sure to this day whether he remembered it. Haven't spoken to my step-father in 16 years. He was so incredibly critical of everything I did. Nothing was good enough. When he criticized my parenting of my new baby, I let it slide. When he criticized her when she was a 2 year old, something snapped. I wasn't going to let him do the same thing to her that he did to me! My mom has followed me every time I've moved, and is the "child", while I am the "mother". My only sibling, a brother, is a super successful man married to a supersuccessful raging alcoholic. So, I am so thankful for my husband and daughters. Last time I stopped drinking, I went cold turkey (my husband and I went away for our anniversary, and I took my friend Ativan along). How's that for support! :blush: I think I drooled a bit, and I know I fell asleep at least once when we were "communicating". That lasted about 6 weeks-the abstinence, not the drooling. :H
Anyway, this time feels different. When I started drinking heavily again, I was hiding just how much I was actually drinking. Then, when I started this program, I didn't make a big deal about it-just told my husband that I was going to start it, and briefly explained it. Last week (anniversary time again!) when I was so angry with him about losing his job, I felt so lost. We finally started talking, and I decided to tell him about this forum and how incredible the people are here. Now he understands when I ask for privacy to read and post on this site. I've been casually sharing with him my daily struggles, and occasional triumphs. Two nights ago, only one glass of wine!! I know it's not much, not even AF, but it gives me hope.

So, I feel as if I have two supportive families...One at home, and one here!

Thanks, guys, for all the supportive words the other day when I had such a cacapoopoo day. The magic worked, and the next day was so much better. :l

Hawk-Did the other doctors do any sort of biopsy, or other tests?

Hope everyone's day has some sunshine in it!

[TracyA]

Thursday, November 16th

This is an odd topic for me with my folks gone and me divorced and my kids grown. I've pretty much given up on my siblings.

This Thanksgiving ex and the kids are coming over to my apartment for dinner. It will be fun - we usually have fun together. My daughter and I are becoming closer the older she gets. She's the one I would go to if something really scared the cr*p out of me, etc. She calls me if something upsets her. If she wasn't there, I would call my ex. He's a nice guy and a good friend.

I miss having someone to take care of more than anything else, but its the first time in my life that I'm not a caretaker of someone. Mostly, I've decided that I'm pretty much on my own in the world, and I'm okay with that.

Hawk, sorry about your scare and thinking about you.

Tracy

[Allie]

Thursday, November 16th

Afternoon Mod Squad!

Bak -- so glad you are going to hang out over here with us!

Actually I had a long post and I accidently hit some weird key on my computer and the whole thing disappeared, right as I was finishing of course! So now I dont feel like re-typing all that!

The date went great last night -- we went to our favorite little place on the ocean and were able to sit outside and listen to the waves, and it was warm and breezy. I stuck to my goal of two glasses of wine, and felt really satisfied with that. (I hate it when I DONT feel satisfied).

I've been running around all day with hubby running errands and stuff as he had a lot to do to get ready to leave tomorrow. I also talked him into getting our Christmas tree today because we normally go get it the day after Thanksgiving, but he wont be here.... I also managed to talk him into an artificial one because for some reason, he and the kids bring home the wimpiest trees every year! They deliberately choose the ones they think no one else will buy because they look so pathetic. Last year my daughter was like...."its so cute!" I'm thinking... "It looks like it is dying of a disease!" So no more sickly trees! The one we bought today is gorgeous and already stocked with tons of white lights. We just finished getting it up and you cannot tell it isnt real! (Garden Ridge is having huge sale on them by the way...)

Okay, to the question of the day..
I have great support from my husband, but unfortunately I am not always truthful with him. I have big people-pleasing issues that stem from childhood and overbearing strict Dad who rarely showed approval for anything, but way overboard on the criticism and punishment. So this carries over now with the drinking issue, because whenever I do not stick to my goals, I try to hide it from him because I am so afraid of dissapointing him and "getting in trouble". Guess I revert back to those "scared little girl" reactions. But he is very supportive of my drinking moderately as long as I stay within the boundries we agreed on. Which really means a lot to me, because I know we can still enjoy nice wine with dinner, but just two glasses.

Still having pool issues that I have to go attend too..... my son woke me up this morning tapping me gently and saying..."Mom, I think the pool is about to overflow!!" Talk about an alarm clock!! We had to drain two feet out yesterday (which took 14 hours), so we assumed it would take as long to fill it again. So we put the hose in it at 11:30 last night and lets just say it filled up quicker than it drained!! thank goodness -- if he had not woken me up, it would have surely overflowed by the time I discovered it. Now I've got it draining down again.... Cant WAIT to see this month's water bill!!:wow:

Off to check on it again.... have a great rest of the day
Allie

[lushy]

Thursday, November 16th

Allie, that is so sad your husband will be gone for Thanksgiving. I cannot believe they could not change the timing of his trip. You know, your post struck a chord with me and I want to thank you. I feel as my daughter is getting older I am trying to keep her in line more, not criticizing her but being waaay too controlling. I am scared to let her make decisions on her own because, well, because I am a worried mom. Just this last week I can see traits of her becoming a people pleaser because of my behavior and I do not want her to grow up like that because, as you know, it can cause problems down the road. So thank you for making me see I need to stop right now and let her have much more space to do things herself. God, it is just so hard.

And I need to hear no more about your gorgeous warm weather when I am literally wearing a down jacket as I work this morning because my house is so darn cold.

Becca, you telling your boss off today? Where are you?

[iia67]

Thursday, November 16th

Pool...Its November

Allie...don't take this the wrong way...but I hate you right now!! Filling your pool..Its 40 degrees and raining...everyday...for the next few weeks and then we get the "wintery mix". I hate the Ohio Valley in the winter time...the sun rarely shines...I can handle the cold, but dreary overcast days...yuk!

To address the subject at hand...I don't confide at all with anyone about my problems/issues. I guess I don't see the point. It doesn't do any good to complain...besides " there's no crying in baseball" (I love that quote..I use it with my girls all the time) My wife is the type that has a crisis everyday about something...so I usually have to listen to her crap. I guess this is my point of view...As soon as I was born someone somewhere truned an hour glass of sand over letting it begin to flow out. When your out of sand..well...that's it...the party is over. So don't let anyone use up your sand !! Its too precious. Which leads to my next favorite saying " you're burnin up my sand woman !" But in a way..I think this leads to my drinking problem, because I always find a silver lining in just about every situation to "celebrate" with a drink of course.

Take care all

Brian

[Allie]

Thursday, November 16th

Lush -- I am always trying to be sure I am not turning my kids into fearful, people pleasers as well! I think discipline is good for children as long as it is not done in anger such as yelling, name calling etc. I feel I have been pretty strict with my kids for the most part and they have often not been allowed to do many things they have seen their friends doing over the years. But learning not to take your anger out on them, even when you are angry at them, has been a challenge for me. My mother was a great example and she brought balance, so I am grateful to have had a good role model as well. She often would get upset with my Dad because of how he handled us, and would usually come comfort us as soon as he was out of sight! But I have an eight year old too, and as I discovered with my older two, it is a really good age to start letting them make their own choices, but I still choose their list of choices if that makes sense? Sounds like you are a great Mom!

Brian -- I wish I could say it is still hot enough here to swim, but it isnt! It is in the seventies every day, but unless the temperature stays consistently in upper eighties and nineties, the water in the pool gets freezing! But we will still have to maintain it during the winter. I like to keep it sparkly and pretty because we grill out by the pool and entertain by it year round. I even bought a "disco ball" that floats on top of the pool and it has a light inside that makes a light show on the bottom of your pool..... LOL! It is really awesome! The kids love it, and I admit that I do too.... I could really waste a lot of money on pool toys.

Off for my run.... uggh.
Allie

[Quiescent]

Thursday, November 16th

Sorry,

Topics are too stressful for me to read about or even try to drag an an answer out of myself right now. I am just plain old stressed out.

I have started to dose down on the topa because of the cost, but have been moderating pretty well.

I'm not going off the deep end or anything

I just don't want to stop posting and lose touch with this board.

Brian and I are in the same chilly and wet Indiana cliamate.....burrrrrrrrrrr

I am really enjoying the silliness of "once upon a time"

Love to all,
Rachele

[MKR]

Thursday, November 16th

Hi all,

Rachele, I pm'd you. You are in my prayers sweetie.

All who are having a tough time, bless you and keep you, the good is around the corner, so hard to find and see in the middle of the mire. I am truly speaking from my own experiences.

Great topic,"family and support systems" can bring up so many emotions. Alas, my day is gone however - finally feeling more human today and got a lot accomplished. Need to go home and take a hot bath though cause I have pushed my way through the day today.

For me . . .example: The full crew including in laws and outlaws at my house for Thanksgiving!

Love you all, hang in!
Mary

[tinkerbell]

Thursday, November 16th

i think i may have to leave for a while

i'm not managing moderation and am getting worse if anything

i love and appreciate you all and will hopefully be back soon

xxx

[Guest]

Thursday, November 16th

Tink,
We will be here. Do what you have to do.
I drank way too much last night, go figure. Stupid boss! Now that I've conquered the "drink every day, hiding drinks, drink too early, pass out, "... all that crap, I've really got to get a grip on the emotional drinking. I drank too much when I was diagnosed with the shin splints, I drank too much when my stupid supervisor pissed me off, and I should not be doing that.
I went to my topa prescribing doctor for something unrelated today (girl stuff), and he wants me off the topa in the new year:egad: . Guess I will have a decision to make. Either go buy topa on my own and lie to him, find another doc, beg him to continue it, saying I don't have this problem completely under control yet (I'm sure he will question things, even though he has been extemely supportive and is glad I'm doing better), or get some balls and do this without the topa. I tried that in the summer and had a few bad episodes--enough for hubby to say "you are completely going back to your old habits". That hurt. I had worked so hard and then slid. Sucks. He did say that the holidays can be challenging so he renewed my script for the next few months. That's good! I'm still a whuss about titrating up. That's part of my dang problem, I know.
So about family, Fan, hubby is my parole officer and my biggest supporter all at the same time. Did I tell you guys that when I did the half marathon in San Fran, he had contacted all my best friends and family to have them send cards and emails, had boxed them up in pretty paper, and given them to me the night before the race? He had also purchased all these amazing organic massage oils, salts, roses...had drawn me a bath and massaged my legs also. It was awesome. He has been really great with my "issues" as a whole since the initial problems. He lets me have this website privately and just knows it's part of what I need to keep myself level. He sees how much it helps and doesn't interfere. Except for asking every now and then "how are the girls?" (sorry guys!).
My children, of course, are of utmost importance. I LOVE tucking them in sober, I love making it to their sporting events without dying for a drink (or bringing one), and I'm hoping that my efforts will afford me the opportunity to be around a few more years.

Take care, everyone.

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday, November 16th

Good evening everybody! My husband's birthday is going great and I am back on track!

bak310, Welcome, its great to have you aboard.

Waiting to Exhale, if you can get to Baltimore, you can spend Thanksgiving with us! We always have a ton of people. Maybe the change of scenery would be good for you. Let me know!

Dilayne, you are a fabulous person. Don't know how you have so much strength, and it is very good of you to share with the rest of us.

Allie and Lush, it sounds like we had similar childhoods and struggle with the same issues with our own children. Its ironic that my friends tell me that I am strick with my son, though I have never hit him or anything like that. But, as they point out, he has always had a defined set of rules, and if he crosses the line, then there are consequences. But I try to approach it with logic, and he always has the opportunity to be heard. This is unlike the others in our social setting. hey are very liberal and having a waving line of discipline depending on their mood. But my son and I talk, we're real close, but I always feel aweful if I have to address issues -- my husband never will. I always end it by saying, "I hate this, but my job as your mother is to help you to be the best person that you can be". It seems to work for him.

By the way, Lush, did I read that you are thinking of going into business? Forgive me if I misread it. I sort of have been out of things the past couple of days. But if you are, I have owned several businesses in my life, have written many business plans, and know the funding source options. So, if you are PM me and I'll share info with you.

Hawk - I'm so sorry of what you are going through, but you should definitely get a second opinion. When I was 24 my GYN told me I had a lump and it had to be removed. She referred me to her husband for the operation. I went to my GP and told him what she said. He ordered all the tests, mammogram, etc. He said it showed that there was a tumor, but it was benign and did not need to be removed. I am now going to be 50 next week and still have never had it removed! Get a second opinion! It could make a big difference in your life.

Fan and MKR, you are both always so supportive. Thanks for being who you are.

Imagine, how are you doing? I think about you alot! Hope Hubby finds a job.

Allie, sorry that your husband's going to be away, but really glad you had a wonderful night!

If I have forgotten anyone please forgive me. My level of exhaustion these days is horrible!

Love you guys.

MM

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday, November 16th

By the way, where is St. Jude today?

[TracyA]

Thursday, November 16th

becca wrote: I went to my topa prescribing doctor for something unrelated today (girl stuff), and he wants me off the topa in the new year:egad:

I read a couple articles that said past a year on topa, people run the risk of developing kidney stones. Maybe that's why he wants you off.

I loved what you said about your kids. A clear memory of childhood I have is my mom always having beer breath. Sad to think that my kids probably have that memory of me. It's nice that your kids won't have that.

Tracy