No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

[Trixiebelle]

Happy New Year to all Moderators,

I am pleased to say that I managed to get through the festive season without wiping myself out, so for that I am eternally grateful.:goodjob:

What did P*&$ me off though, was the fact that when I visited my sister and stayed for a couple of days, she always brings up the fact that I am the "family drunk" as she labelled me some time ago.

How on earth can I gain a new self image of myself as a moderate drinker, when she constantly rehashes it and labels me with that

Unfortunately I took the bait and bit back hard and quickly trying to defend myself, though I think the best thing is to show her I will not get legless in front of her (or anyone for that matter) anymore, and to ignore the taunting. Sometimes I think she hates me.

How did you all go?

[mylife]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Hi Trixie, sorry about your sister.

It will probably take some time with moderating to win family trust again that you can drink occasionally and in small amounts. At the same time I'm sure it hurts.

Hang in there, and I'm sure it will get better!

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Thanks for the support ML,

Yep, I guess the memories are long - I doubt that I will ever live it down.

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

trixibelle my experience is that there's always going to be some nonsense to deal with for people who, like us, drank a lot in the past but are now making changes for the better. I had similar experiences with friends and family, not to mention all my former drinking buddies who gave me an endless supply of shit for deciding i wasn't going to be a drunk and doing something about it. It really bothered me and for a while had me searching for a way to take my place among "normal" people so all the stupid things that were being said to me would end. That didn't work cause obviously "normal" people don't have to duke it out with al at some point in their lives, so how could they ever relate?
I would offer that this is the new you, and if you've secured a lasting victory over al, then probably a greatly improved you. Everyone just has to get used to it, including you. Its possible we may spend the rest of our lives cashing some of the checks we wrote when we were drinking, but its important to remember that our fight is with al, not the people around us. So I say let people say and do what they will, just make sure al dosen't gain back any of the ground he's lost to you. Just my .02.

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Good advice thanks Believe,

I am obviously on the right path now (I hope) and not quite as far down as you - still learning - but at least I am learning.

It's hard for those "normal" people to understand just how this demon works, I have only just realised how the little shit works and that it is NOT my friend at all. The love affair is over. The self Esteem takes a battering in those instances - I need teflon coating.

As you advise, I will put my energy into fighting the AL and not the people around me - that takes up enough energy daily on its own.

Thanks for the reply, much appreciated.

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixi,

I haven't had any negative experiences like you or Believe describe, but I think Believe's advice is right on. You just have to take care of yourself and not worry about what others think - even family. Eventually the criticism will play itself out and die a natural death.

And, to answer your question - I did really well through the holidays. Only drank a couple of times, and kept it sane. Have to say that I'm glad they're over and that things are getting back to normal. I think the holidays are really hard on a lot of people -- just all that pressure and getting together with family and all the baggage that entails, etc........

Good luck everyone on achieving your goals of controlling AL!!

KG

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Np Trixibelle, glad if i could help. One more little thing though, about the self esteem. Once modding (or even abstaining) becomes the norm for you, that teflon coating won't be needed. You'll be rock-solid on the inside and wearing the gleaming armor of true self confidence on the outside. A lot of these things that are really messing with you now will be trivial at that point cause you'll be moving on to the next stage, whatever that'll be. I'm not just giving a pep talk either. I'm just letting you know what awaits you if you continue the fight. To say it gets better is a gross understatement, earn it and you'll see

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

KG, congrats BTW on keeping it sane for the holidays. Sounds like you handled the pressure quite well!

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Hi Everyone,

Believe, thanks for continuing to log in here. Your advice is valuable for those of us just now trying to moderate.

Trixi, keep letting us know how you're doing too!

ML - hi - good to see you here. Hope things are good with you - sounds like from the other threads you post on that you're doing well.

xx,
KG

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Thanks so much for all your good advice and support.

I let the team down last night, had more than I needed, and now have a less than favourable head this morning, just in time for work :upset:

Today is another day, and I have just tipped the rest of the bottle down the sink, no temptations. I know if I dont do it now, I will have talked myself into drinking it tonight, and I will definitely not go and buy more, that I do know.

I was very interested in the what you said Believe about the self confidence returning - interesting how AL robs you of that. This is the very thing I am trying to achieve, so if getting off the AL is going to give that back to me, then this journey is definitely worth the effort.

KG, thanks for your support too, and well done for getting through such a tough time, you are an inspiration.

Love to you both:l

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixi - well done on pouring the Al out! Hope you have a better day tomorrow (we know you will)!

We are here to support you.

Hugs,
KG

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Thanks KG,

Its through the support that I get here, and people such as yourself, that I have the courage to face this beast.

Takes such a long time to admit to the addiction, and mine takes hold when times are tough. I have to be strong and get through these times without turning to AL, I have realised now that it only makes things worse and not better.

Unfortunately, I find myself in a situation that I cannot control - unless I separate from my husband (which I dont want to do) so I must find a way to accept it and learn to live this way until things change (which they will) without alcohol.

I believe I can do it.

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixi, I'm glad we are here to support each other. I really am so much happier without alcohol dominating my life. Everything seems better. I don't mean to say that it's miraculously fixed all my problems, but things are really amazingly better overall. Keep at what you're trying to do. It is so worth it.

Hope you have a wonderful day. I'm online quite a bit because I work from home, so just vent and I'll be here to "listen."

xx,
KG
p.s. Best of luck with what's going on with your husband. Hope you can work things out if that's your goal.

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixibelle i'm sorry to hear about the other night. These setbacks and the struggles to come back from them are one of the things people without drinking problems just can't relate to. And despite having support from people who do understand, the big fight with al goes on inside us meaning there will be times ( a lot of them it seems) when we have to face the demon alone. He's good at what he does, it can be a little tough to beat him.
This gets right back to my point about self confidence and having a rock solid core and all. Despite all the help and support you get, ultimately its you who will have to climb this particular mountain. When you get to the top you'll have an appreciation for what it took to get there, and the taunting that prompted you to start this thread will bounce harmlessly off you.
IDK whats going on with your husband but if he drinks and you think you'd have to separate to avoid being around it, i'd submit that thats not the case. Sooner or later you'll need to be comfortable around al, his ubiquity is undeniable. I work at a brewery, and i was working there when i started this journey. Couldn't very well quit my job cause there was beer everywhere, could i?
Like I said IDK your situation, i'm just throwing that out there.

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your continued support. While I do know that the struggle continues, it is a whole lot easier when you can get support and advice from those who have trodden the well beaten path.

As for the husband bit, basically (and I didnt want to bore you) He lost his job about a year ago, a lot of stuff happened last year, we sold our house, bought a new one in town and he ended up moving out to a block we have in the country to fix it up and get it habitable for us to go to when we like.

I saw this as him "abandoning me" to a certain extent. It was never meant to be this way, it just happened. I was and still am stuck in town working and taking responsiblity while he has a wonderful idealic lifestyle and doesnt contribute to the finances. This is all so meladramatic and part of me is ashamed for thinking this, and part of me resents the hell out of him.

While I am in town and on my own, I am very vulnerable to AL, as I tend to think too much and get things way out of proportion, hence the need for the confidence to do this on my own. (It's been over 20 years since I lived on my own, so it took some adjusting).

Things are getting better now, and I have realised that AL is in no way a help to my situation - Yay, I finally realised. I am now working on cleaning up my act, making myself busy through the week, so I can not fall victim to the clutches of AL and being on my own, sulking - which I hate. I am also working on my self confidence and self belief that I am strong enough to cope with things. I have no idea when he plans to come back into town and get a job and live with me again, but I cant sit around and wait, thats too dangerous.

So I have found a good website that I can do some confidence building, I would love to know if you know of any good book, I love to read.

I often feel like a weakling that I cannot cope living on my own and he can, makes the bottle look very appealing when you are in such a position. At least I am aware of it and can fight it, if I can see what I am up against.

Sorry for the lengthy post, might help you to see things more clearly. I aim to support you guys too and not always be on the take.

Thanks for listening.:l