No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trix, well first of all, you've grasped a really important point. Alcohol will improve none of your problems, and in fact will magnify them and mitigate your being able to see things clearly. No matter what's going on in our lives, I firmly believe that unless we can keep al to a minimum, we would be better off with none. It just fucks up everything! Now, if we can enjoy it in a sane manner, that's fine. Obviously, you're starting to realize this. I've just finally gotten it too.

I'm not sure what to say about your husband. The story is a little confusing. Is it like you're living separately for a long time? Does he plan to come back and work? Sounds like you're getting kind of a raw deal, but then if he's truly renovating your place, is it worth it? Was your marriage rocky before he went out there? It is a strange situation. I'm going to reread it, because I'm not sure I'm following it exactly. I have to admit I would have a bit of a hard time putting up with a job in the city while hubs lived the life you're describing. Don't know though - is he really contributing by doing the renovation??

But, feel free to vent any time. It's healthy to talk about our problems. And, we're here to support each other so don't ever feel like you shouldn't do that!!

BTW, what kind of books? I've read several lately that are pretty good. My husband just read Life by Keith Richards, I just read Jane Fonda's bio. And now I'm reading The Glass Castle. Before that I was reading books about addiction. Drinking a Love Story is a great book. Another good one is Eat, Pray, Love.

Hugs,
KG

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Hey KG, thanks for your reply.

Yeah it is a weird situation, he is there doing renovations, that's why I feel like such a selfish bitch wanting him to come back to town for my benefit.

Everything is a learning curve, I think I'll come out of this one just fine, he'll probably come back and I'll wish I had my own space again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The strange thing is that today I am totally fine with it (could have something to do with the lack of AL last night) and then tomorrow, I could be down in the dumps - which I absolutely hate, cause then the bottle beckons. I think its hormonal.

Thanks for the opportunity to air my grievances, its good to hear how other people see it all, and feel free to tell me how you see it. It all helps in the learning and coping process.

So how are you doing?

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixibelle i can see where you might get a little down from time to time in that situation. I look at it a little differently though. Since you are living alone so much you have the opportunity to completely control your environment at home. A very big part of getting used to life without al (which we all agreed is the 1st step towards modding) is establishing new routines and creating a comfort zone that does not include drinking at all. What those routines end up being dosen't matter as much as establishing them in the 1st place. So whether its a couple hours quiet reading time every night, going to the gym, following a new tv series, or whatever you now have an opportunity to establish it distraction free.

Also without your husband there, with you being the breadwinner while putting al in his place is just exactly what you need to get your confidence and self esteem up to where they need to be. So yes its hard, but thats all the more solid your foundation will be once you've met this challenge. You'll be the real deal when you come out of this.

One more thing. It dosen't sound like you're so far gone that you have to be drunk all day everyday. Have you tried that kudzu? That stuff worked great for me, it kills alcohol cravings completely so i would definitely recommend it. My experience is that you build a tolerance to it after a few weeks but thats all you really need anyway, so you don't need a ton of it. It more or less amounts to training wheels for your 1st 2 or 3 af weeks.

Anyway trixibelle this is more than doable for you. Sounds like you're closer than you think.

[gyco]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

life

Trixiebelle;1034430 wrote: Happy New Year to all Moderators,

I am pleased to say that I managed to get through the festive season without wiping myself out, so for that I am eternally grateful.:goodjob:

What did P*&$ me off though, was the fact that when I visited my sister and stayed for a couple of days, she always brings up the fact that I am the "family drunk" as she labelled me some time ago.

How on earth can I gain a new self image of myself as a moderate drinker, when she constantly rehashes it and labels me with that

Unfortunately I took the bait and bit back hard and quickly trying to defend myself, though I think the best thing is to show her I will not get legless in front of her (or anyone for that matter) anymore, and to ignore the taunting. Sometimes I think she hates me.

How did you all go?

hi wonderful thread,:upset:will only give us mixed feelings,you my dear feel good in your body ,for what you ve accomplished,:goodjob:youve lerned you dont have to get loaded,but just to enjoy,how your sister feels is her problem,there was a thread on yesterday on how others feelings effect us,as a person with an addiction to alchohol,not necessarily an alchoholic,ive lerned over 41 years ,i have to look out for number 1,ME,hahaha,:thanks: again :goodjob:gyco hahahah

[gyco]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

ooops, i forgot to add,in there minds remember they always wonder how long we will last,next time you see her rather then getting upset with what she says,just give her a big hug and tell her you love her

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

BELIEVE;1036301 wrote: Since you are living alone so much you have the opportunity to completely control your environment at home.

Trix - this is how I see it too. Being home alone is part of why I was successful in going my 2.5 mos AF. I guess it depends on what our triggers are, though. For me, being around others drinking is a huge trigger. So, think of this time as a positive in that you are in complete control without the influence of others. Worked for me!!

Gyco and Believe - good comments!

Trix - I am doing really well. Thanks for asking. My life is so good now that I've got the alcohol under control.

KG

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

2.5 months KG? Thats really good. Good stuff, its nice to see peole doing well. Even al's sorry ass can't win 'em all

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Believe - I know - I'm thrilled with my 2.5 mos. It really enabled me to get to this point. I originally thought I would just go total AF, but really missed not getting to share a nice bottle of wine with hubs when we go out to dinner. That was always our favorite form of entertainment. So, I just felt I really wanted to at least give it a try. My thinking is that if having al on social occasions pushes me back into the daily grind, at least I'll know. And then, when I go AF there will be no question in my mind. Before the 2.5 mos. I had never stopped drinking for more than a day or so. Something about that chunk of time really changed things for me. I think you're the one who said you didn't think it would be possible for someone with a drinking problem to moderate without having gone AF for a while. I totally agree. Giving my body that break enabled me to really understand what drinking daily was doing to me. And, of course, working through the cravings was invaluable too.

Anyway, I'm so happy to be where I'm at. Al is a tricky bastard, though, as you say. So, I'm vigilant and committed to achieving my goals or it's back to AF for me.

Trix and Gyco - hello! How are you guys?

KG

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

As always, great advice.

Believe, KG and Gyco, its always great to see another persons perspective, as I was sure that I had the wrong end of the stick and felt victimized, which just provided me with the excuses.

Deep down I knew this was a good opportunity to turn my life around, just didnt want to face it I guess.

Being on my own, was when I realized that this is MY problem, until then I blamed him for leading me astray. Amazing how we can pass the buck and not take responsibility for the things we don't like in our life.

So all in all, a major learning curve about a lot of things in general, a huge step forward in my own development.

As for the Kudzo, I tried Baclofen and failed miserably. I could hardly stay awake. What are the side effects of Kudzo?

As for the big hug and I love you Gyco, she is a very reserved woman, I reckon she wouldn't know what do to :H, and would probably push me away and then make fun of me, but very interesting point, I'll definitely give it some thought.

KG, I'm really glad you are doing so well, and are able to enjoy a bottle of wine with your hubby once in a while. You would look forward to it I imagine. Does your hubby drink much? How did he react to the fact that you went AF for 2.5 months?

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trix, you're sounding good today - way to go with the new attitude!!

Re hubs and drinking - I would say he is a very moderate drinker - happy to stop at 2. He can get on a roll and drink more, but doesn't do that much any more. He too appreciates feeling good the next day. When I went af, he immediately quit drinking at home to support me which I thought was amazing. He still drank during that time if we were with other people, but that wasn't much.

So now, he is drinking exactly like I do - none during the week and a couple of drinks if we go out. So far, so good!

So, I haven't read all the previous posts - does your (is it husband or boyfriend?) drink a lot? That would be tough if you're trying to mod.

KG

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Soooo much easier when you have a supportive hubby, lucky you.

No my husband drinks heavily. Though he never seems to get really drunk very often and make a fool of himself - that's reserved for me :argh:

Anyway, when we get together (which is every weekend - I drive to his place) The drinking begins again. I am careful to not get into anything I cant handle, like wine or Champas - which I love, but send me off the deep end.

I then find it tough to switch off again. I find it much easier to just not drink, one or two is tempting fate. This stopping and starting screws with my head.

I think I might have a go at doing the whole AF thing - like you did for a month or so and see how i go. I don't know when I will start, but Im a lot closer than I was - a month ago I would never have even considered it.

I'd love to be in your headspace - sounds bloody good.

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixi - I can't recommend the AF time highly enough. It has made all the difference for me. But, then I was really ready to get out of my rut...........I know that matters big time - the desire part of it.

Well, I'm sorry that you're having to contend with your husband drinking. I think it's still doable, just makes it harder. Any chance he would do 30 days with you?

I sure hope something works for you - life can be so much better!

xx,
KG

[Trixiebelle]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

KundaliniGirl;1036771 wrote: Any chance he would do 30 days with you?

No way in hell, he's an addict and he's not about to admit it or give it up. I gave up smoking while he sat there puffing away right next to me.

It will make things all the sweeter if I can do this on my own too. I felt an incredible sense of achievement (and still do) giving up under those circumstances.

I am considering the Kudzu, just for a head start. Not sure though after the Baclofen side effects, I have to look into the side effects of Kudzo.

Trouble is, I do love to have a drink, and I do love the taste of it, you have to weigh that up against feeling great everyday (physically and mentally). Moderation is what I ultimately want to achieve. Though I would love to be one of those people who can take it or leave it. Not sure I have it in my genes though.

[BELIEVE]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Trixi, kudzu doesn't have any side effects other than a greatly diminished desire to drink. You can probably expect a little weirdness when you stop though due to the changes that will be occurring in terms of your body chemistry. I read somewhere that it takes around 90 days for your chemistry to change and your dependence on al to be modified. While the first few weeks are the hardest and kudzu helps get you through that phase, you'll build up a tolerance for it after a few weeks and thats its big draw back. Of course you could cycle it every 2 weeks or so and see how that goes but if you make it to day 21 af honestly you should be ready to continue on your own for a while after that. That was my experience, maybe it'll be different for you, i don't know.
If your husband drinks and that causes you to drink, then loneliness or feeling abandoned be dammed you have a great opportunity to take a little time to be a little selfish and get it together.

KG sounds like you really get it, i hope you can continue in your success. I think you can provide inspiration and information to lots of people just starting out, even if you're still looking to improve on your situation. It is nice to be able to help out and support others if possible. Thats why i like to swing by from time to time.

[KundaliniGirl]

No Regrets - but does the taunting ever stop?

Believe, I can't help but want people to experience the positive side of changing their alcohol habit. The difference for me is dramatic..........Of course, it helps me also to write because it reminds me of where I've been and what I've achieved -- all of it helps us stay the course, right?

I appreciate your being here because you've really got some strong credentials in the modding department!! And, it doesn't hurt that you have spot on logic! Hope you'll continue to post.

Trix, I'm sorry that you're in this cycle that seems challenging at the moment. If you can think about the long run, i.e. going through some AF time in order to be able to mod, then it will be worth it. That way you don't have to give up al totally. Try the Kudzu and a 30-day af period. If you're at a problem drinking level and just keep going, it will get worse and you'll have to deal with it at some point, right?! Having said that, though, are you really ready? Sounds like maybe not??? Remember that if you let it get a lot worse, you might not be able to mod (hence all the people on the other threads that know they can't mod and are AF). I'd rather get control of it now because if I wait I might not have the chance of moderating. Does that makes sense?

Anyway, we're here to support you.

xx,
KG