Thinking about moderation

[Shanny5]

Hi All,

I?m really not sure whether to post this question or where on the forum it has a place if at all but, I have what feels like a very dumb question. Am I ready or able to moderate??
I?ve done A LOT of reading on this forum. It?s been a daily morning ritual for me ever since I stumbled upon it one day, looking for answers. I found so much information and support here that I now feel comfortable enough to ask about something I feel may be considered petty or naive in comparison but here goes? I just don?t know if my drinking is any longer an issue per say. I need some input! I?m not looking for ?an out? or an excuse to drink, just some sound advice from a place where I see that people are not quick to judge.
I had for a long period of my life, a very bad problem with drinking no doubt. I barely remember my late 20?s and early 30?s and cringe at the memories I do have (I?m 40 now). I have detoxed with medication one time and relapsed shortly there after but never went back to the destructive habits I had before. Shortly after, I went on Campral with great success and it changed my life for the better from that day on. It somehow broke the cycle. Since then I have been on and on and off with Campral, consistent for some time and then tapered down to using it in times of stress and taking it when I knew to expect triggers, and abstaining without meds in between times. Life is good now and I feel like a different person these days but jeez, I miss being a part of the society who has a drink or two with friends on occasion.
Am I kidding myself? Am I becoming complacent? I had a drink on xmas day and then again on New Year?s Eve. It was ok at the time, it hit me in the head the next day but my life went back to normal afterward. I have too many commitments to drink on even a weekly basis these days and I wonder if I'm ready to moderate? Or should I open my eyes a bit wider? How and when does one know for sure? Is it too early to let my guard down? Is there such a thing as having control of Al after having such a bad history with it?
Any advice will be very welcomed. Please accept my humble embarrassment in advance if this comes across a bit lame.

[JackieClaire]

Thinking about moderation

Hi Shanny,
Not a dumb question at all, hun. Asking questions is vital to everyone here.

As you can see I'm a long term abber. When you say you drank on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve was it just a couple of drinks?
I had a little peek back over you previous posts and to honest I would say give at least 30 days AF, even better 60 days before considering a bash at moderation.

I really hope a modder can come along and give you some advice, but you know you'll be supported on whichever path you choose.

J x
:l

[mylife]

Thinking about moderation

Hi Shanny,

I'm still working on my own issues, however my instinct for you would be to say are you really missing that much by not drinking? I also have experience with a relative who went through his whole life giving up AL and going back to it...the times he gave it up his life just got better and better...whenever he went back to it -- even "modding" things just seemed to get worse for him.

In my opinion, I would really consider whether it means that much to you to drink to give up the benefits you've gained by not drinking...hope that helps!

[BELIEVE]

Thinking about moderation

Shanny your question isn't dumb at all. Matter of fact its perfectly natural to be having these thoughts considering where you are in dealing with your problem. If you've read any of my other posts i'll sound like a broken record but anyway..I think a good time to consider modding is the point at which you really don't care if you ever have a drink again. Also, to think that social situations are based on drinking (just a couple drinks or 100 it dosen't matter)instead of spending time with people won't make you "normal". That was one of the harder lessons i had to learn. Of course thats just personal experience, your results may vary.

[KundaliniGirl]

Thinking about moderation

Shanny, I can only tell you my experience but I think it might help. I drank normally for many years, then started escalating. Ultimately when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and then it recurred, my drinking increased pretty dramatically. I had two incidents that brought me here. I was determined just to be done with alcohol and went 2.5 mos. without any. Becoming AF was a real turning point for me. I loved my life without it except for one thing. I couldn't get past wanting to share a nice bottle of wine at dinner when my husband and I would go out (our once/week night out) or when we got together with friends (pretty rare - most have moved so we just see them occasionally).

So, after 2.5 mos. of thinking I wouldn't drink ever again, I had this desire to try the occasional kind of drinking I described above. So, for the last month, I have done it. I have the 1/2 bottle of wine or 2 margaritas when I'm at dinner. I don't drink anything at all during the week (the dinners invariably occur on the weekend).

I have to say that I think I've achieved the ultimate. For me, having to say I could NEVER have a drink was daunting. Having said that, though, I am fully prepared to go back to totally abstaining if I ever get back to wanting to drink during the week. This is my big red flag if it occurs.

I'm thrilled to be exactly where I'm at. It sounds to me like you're trying to achieve something similar to what I'm doing.

I think the most important component of why I've been able to do this is my 2.5 mos. totally AF. Before that I had never quit drinking for more than a day or two and I found I couldn't cut down my drinking. But, after that 2.5 mos. suddenly I was able to drink normally (at least so far). It was pretty miraculous for me, really! I have never been in a better place as it relates to alcohol. No longer do I drink habitually but on those occasions (no more than 1x week) I can have a couple and not worry about getting back into my rut. I'm so much more relaxed and happy than I was when I'd go out to dinner and not be able to have a glass of wine. And, of course, I'm light years better off than when my drinking had escalated!! I feel like I'm handling alcohol as it's meant to be - very casually and nonobsessively in any way.

KG

[DriftyAlison0]

Thinking about moderation

Thats what I would say. Wait at least 30 days then revisit the thought. Moderation is not easy but if you can keep yourself to a certain number of drinks and stick with it, then it will be worth it. But like I said eariler and others have said, have 30 or more af days on your belt. You may think differently then or you may be more willing to try mod. Whatever happens when you have 30 days af your mind is clear to think of it. Right now it could be the AL demon trying to get you to drink. One thing that I do and plan to do soon is to have a 30 day af period. I do every now and then.

[Shanny5]

Thinking about moderation

My thanks to all who have taken the time to reply. I logged in this morning with much trepidation as to whether my post would be viewed as whinging or just weak but I see I needn't have worried. I'm always amazed by the kindness shown here.
Anyways, I've been many months in the past (sometimes consecutively, sometimes not) AF but think after reading the above views, it might be time to go again. Just the fact that I'm even thinking about Al might be all the hint I need to stay away.
Thanx again everyone I'll just be be lurking around here as usual.
P.S I'm reading Dr Ameisens book at the moment " The End of My Addiction" and WOW it's a real page turner! I'd highly recommend it.
Have a great day

[KundaliniGirl]

Thinking about moderation

I'm reading Dr Ameisens book at the moment " The End of My Addiction" and WOW it's a real page turner! I'd highly recommend it.

Shanny, the book is about using Balcofen to stop drinking, right?

KG

[Shanny5]

Thinking about moderation

KundaliniGirl

Yes, it is about Balcofen but also extremely interesting on other levels. I'm not sure Balcofen would ever be my thing but I figure the info is no load to bare.
By the way, the way you explained your journey with Al, struck me as one very close to my own. I was particularly able to relate to the way your 2.5 months of abstinence helped to change the way you approach Al. I feel this has also happened to me but I guess we'll see how it goes in the future.
Yay for us!

[gyco]

Thinking about moderation

live and lern

Shanny5;1038100 wrote: KundaliniGirl

Yes, it is about Balcofen but also extremely interesting on other levels. I'm not sure Balcofen would ever be my thing but I figure the info is no load to bare.
By the way, the way you explained your journey with Al, struck me as one very close to my own. I was particularly able to relate to the way your 2.5 months of abstinence helped to change the way you approach Al. I feel this has also happened to me but I guess we'll see how it goes in the future.
Yay for us!

:goodjob:hi shannylife is what it is,you have a foundation,just realising there is something better then gettin blitzed is a step forward, :upset:hahah or is it,beleive it or not many of us just have an addiction,dont mean were alchoholic,and we can even stay way from the stuff for long periods of time,i beleieve everyone has to find there comfort zone my dear, it took me 41 years,and im still searching which is the rite way,:goodjob:i wish you well gyco

[BELIEVE]

Thinking about moderation

Yeah shanny the more often you go af and the longer you stay each time, the easier it gets. Of course it never actually gets easy and its never good to let confidence turn to cockiness, since al is nothing if not persistent. Still though you are racking up af days which like gyco said is building a foundation. Even if the future is a little hazy, i think you're doing very well in the present.

[Shanny5]

Thinking about moderation

Believe
Thanks I do feel a certain amount of .....peace these days although I'm very well aware that this comes more from the time in abstinence more than anything else. I'm building that foundation and I think that one day I'll be a modder but there's no rush.
I've never actually been able to admit openly, even to myself how low I went in Als grip and the unforgivable (unspeakable) lines that were crossed and I will also never forget how it almost killed me. It's like a cross to bare.
Gyco
I always read your posts with interest as I believe your wisdom has been hard earned and won. I've been lurking around here for some time haha.

[BELIEVE]

Thinking about moderation

Shanny the fact that you are even here and openly discussing your struggles and options moving forward is still a huge step. To me, asking for help is admitting to your struggles and even lurking here is a form of seeking help so keep it up!

[gyco]

Thinking about moderation

live and lern

:upset:

Shanny5;1038135 wrote: Believe
Thanks I do feel a certain amount of .....peace these days although I'm very well aware that this comes more from the time in abstinence more than anything else. I'm building that foundation and I think that one day I'll be a modder but there's no rush.
I've never actually been able to admit openly, even to myself how low I went in Als grip and the unforgivable (unspeakable) lines that were crossed and I will also never forget how it almost killed me. It's like a cross to bare.
Gyco
I always read your posts with interest as I believe your wisdom has been hard earned and won. I've been lurking around here for some time haha.

:goodjob:my dear your already modding as you talk about it,thhere s a certain air about people like us when we get it, rather then beating ourselves up,simplicity,we talk about with people who have been where weve been,and actually survived,i remember reading and hearing about it from people on mine and therre journey's,a TRAIN RECK,:upset:alchoholism or addiction has never been xplained better,it is just figuring out how to SLOW THE TRAIN DOWN,or just get off iwish you well gyco

[KundaliniGirl]

Thinking about moderation

Great posts everyone. Gyco, I agree with the train wreck analogy. I've slowed mine down and am so much happier. I honestly don't think I'll ever go back to the speeding bullet. Once you know how much better it feels just to chug along, it's hard to justify every choosing to go full throttle again.