Friday December 23rd

[Guest]

Friday December 23rd

wow.
wow. Thanks, everyone. I even smiled about Pinot's avatar comment! too cute. Remember I told you how much my 5 yr old likes that avatar!

Marriage: we're going to try counselling. Have an appointment already for next wk. I'm SURE the therapist will tell me I can never drink again...bla bla bla. Dreading it. But it's necessary. I truly don't want to go through the crap of divorce and breaking up our family. He just has very little patience anymore and says he's done his "cheerleading" for me already, and he's just tired of it. I know he'll have to live with my "problem" for the rest of our lives if we stay married. It's not fair to him. I have a hard time expressing my emotions to him when I'm sober because I feel cheesy. I'm just not a "longingly look into my eyes and tell me how much you love me" sort of person. I've told him that my ACTIONS should be enough to show him. It's kind of a male/female reversal of traditional emotional stereotypes in our house.

About my dad: I'm scared sh*tless. I have enough knowledge about acute renal failure to be dangerous to myself, but not quite enough information to make an informed decision on how serious this will be. It's torture. On top of it, I called my sister to ask her if I could stay with her because my parents' house is obviously ripe with flu bug. She just said "STAY AWAY!!". Everyone is sick there, I guess. This awful flu that's spreading like crazy. She will keep me posted, but for now I wait with a packed bag and just freak out all by myself (now I'm bringing you guys along,... sorry. I really am). I just don't know where else to vent. Thanks again for all the messages. Thank you Allie so much for calling me and the update here, and EVERYTHING. I love you, too.
Thanks Gina, too. Thank you for always listening. You are both wonderful friends.:h :h

I've always had a low self-esteem thing. It's pretty bad right now. And I had been getting SO much better!:upset:
Husband did

[Guest]

Friday December 23rd

mary, don't you go getting any more sick!!!!!!
Get well soon.

[Waves 2]

Friday December 23rd

Becca, I'm sorry you are hurting so much at the moment. Believe me- while you are in such a high emotional state is not the best time to make life-changing decisions. This week has made us all very down in the dumps and question our own lives and why we make a mess of them.

Of course I didn't know you last year but from your posts that I have read since coming on to this site I can see just what fantastic progress you have made. You have much greater control over your drinking for a much greater percentage of the time. You have lost lots of weight. You have had wonderful success with your running and will have again. ( You have to remember that stopping running gives you severe withdrawl symptoms just like alcohol does. The lack of endorphins puts you on a downer. )

It's not long since your husband decided to try to begin to run with you. That shows love and commitment. He has had a downer this week-perhaps he is frustrated that he can't help you more. In the past he has worried that he is not enough for you anymore and now you seem to feel the same. Let him support you in this worrying time with your Dad. He will do I'm sure. Like MKR said, you have had so much to deal with already in the last week --- but don't forget all the positives. You have been the inspiration for many of us on here. We are feeling your pain too. Please don't beat yourself up. Love and hugs Waves xxxxxx

MKR- I'm sorry you are not well again. Everyone else -Love to you all as always
Waves x

[tawnyfrog]

Friday December 23rd

Becca - No-one who is not involved in this Community would understand the intensity of emotion that we experienced here last week. Waves is right - now is not the best time to make big decisions.

Please hang in there. We started at about the same time - you are very special.

[MKR]

Friday December 23rd

Hey all,

Becca, glad to hear you are going to therapy. Waves has it right on - you are in withdrawal not running either but you are ALWAYS inspiring to all of us. You, your family and especially your dad are in our prayers.

I thought a couple of times about telling my husband about Kanga and Tawny and the upset I felt, the prayers I kept saying. Then I thought, that is mine to hold onto and he has no idea, since I do this at my office, how often I am here and how much you all actually mean to me. It is not something I have made known to him. I feel recovery was mine to have and the results were mine to share with him but not really talk about just show by hardly ever drinking any more. That is just my personality, quiet determination.

Allie, thanks so very much for the updates. You are so sweet.

Thanks Lush, Allie, Judie. I missed you guys too. Allie, you are right, it's so much stronger on the other side. Lots of work but really quite worth it.

Yeah I guess my immune system is a bit shot. Been losing so much sleep over the kitty, who eats just a bit only at night . . . . but has some recognition in her eyes now! Working like a crazy woman and simply not getting enough of my vitamins, sleep and just plain old fun times.

Topping it all off, there has been a ton of negative stuff going on, not with hubby and me but extended family circumstances. Having in laws just over the fence for 6 months, doesn't get to me too much, sure upsets my hubby, his take on his dad. I am trying to stay out of that one, only offer observations to my husband. Then, basically a bunch of my selfish sibblings - not even thinking about how short the time our parents have left. ONLY thinking about what they want. . . really starts to grate on my nerves. BRATS!!! Ok, thanks for letting me vent!

Not from the Universe but sage advise about . . .

Marriage - some of the things that the over 50 years of marriage grandparents and 70+ folks said to the kids on their engagement after the toast.

One grandma said, always tell her she is pretty and tell him, he is handsome. Set up at least two dates just for yourselves in a month.

One said, don't argue but if you must . . . pick your battles because so many things are so small and not worth the price of a battle. (Personally I was thinking that was acceptance of the small things, getting over the fact that we are not perfect and neither are our spouses/significant others. . . OUCH!)

One said, always try to communicate, make sure you actually understand what the other is saying.

Another said, think of yourself as a couple FIRST and foremost . . then comes the rest of the family, friends and the world.

All things I thought made marriage a better state of mind all the way around. - Once again though it takes two and two committed people.

I say YES to health! Enough of this stomach stuff!

Love you all,
Mary

Tawny - prayers and love to you sweetie.

[eustacia]

Friday December 23rd

Wow--

There is so much going on today. I'm stealing time to write but I feel that I really want to reach out to people.

First of all, Becca--You are a glorious, wonderful, loving and wise woman. I feel very deeply that your husband is not going to abandon you while you are struggling so valiantly and honestly (yes, I know that you have slip-ups). I also feel that it is a good sign that you are your husband are both willing to seek therapy. I know so many people who've been through marital therapy and their marriages have emerged as better relationships than either partner ever could have imagined. I hear how terrified you are about your dad. He is in a very frightening place and I know that you will want to be strong for him. I hope that you will find some little thing that offers you respite, whatever works for you, and that you will not be too hard upon yourself over your drinking to take some soothing measure.

MKR--I wish that I didn't know about beloved cats but I do. I have one of my beautiful cats warming herself under my desk lamp as I write. She sends loving and healing feline vibes and I send human ones.

Allie--I am so glad to read that you got the painting. Last night I was so hoping that it would be there for you in the morning. Your husband sounds like a sweetheart. I have the feeling that if he only knew that you wanted the old, soulful ring that he would be buying it right now. You deserve it for your courage and unstintly generosity alone. I'm sure that he knows what a treasure he has in you.

Love to everyone,

:heart: E

[tumadre]

Friday December 23rd

Good afternoon, all-
Becca, everyone has said so many wonderfully supportive words, I certainly couldn't add any more. I'm sending prayers and love to you and your family.
Was AF last night, 1st time in 2 years, craved sugar along with alcohol...went up to 200 mg. of Topa and I feel like a zombie. Gonna go sit in the corner and drool...
Tumadre

[TracyA]

Friday December 23rd

(((Becca)))

It is plenty hard struggling with this without being labled "bad." I spent some significant time in that situation, and it tore me up pretty good. Good that you're getting counseling. You may be surprised by what you hear.

And your dad on top of all that! Hang in there. Many thoughts of love and hope coming your way. :l

Tracy

[Mary Anne]

Friday December 23rd

Just finally getting a chance to check in!

Becca, didn't read anything but today, hope you are alright! pleas PM me if i can help??!!

I miss you all sooooooo dearly!!! I have been traveling, working my A** off and haven't had my usual 10 min to check in at all this past week...............looks like you all are "hanging in there" as I am, am having only 4 beers tonight as I need to wake up at 7AM and do alot of stuff w/ kids & horses (I know you guys probably get sick of hearing about my horses, but I love them as my family, which they are part of!?)

Anyway, take care, I love you all and I am happy to be able to just check in and will make it a point to try tomorrow(our co. Christmas party is tomorrow night, pray for me!)

Love and hugs and kisses,:h

MA

[eustacia]

Friday December 23rd

Way to go, Tumadre!:good: :good: :good:

:heart: E

[Hawk]

Friday December 23rd

WOW. LIke Mary said - there is so much going here today. I had started to reply to it all and then a family dinner got in the way and now I am finally back and I think everyone is in their crib!

Anyway - Becca -- There is simply nothing I can offer to the sage advice given tonight. You are an amazing woman. While I have only seen a glimpse of your journey, I am overwhelmed by your willingness. Do not understimate the power or gift of willingness. Its half the battle. You have so very much to offer - dont walk away if at all possible.

Allie - you are a gift. You have such positive energy flowing despite the hardships on your plate - I only hope to have that some day.

I had started a list to everyone but it is late and I cannot go on. You have all contributed so much today and your spirit makes me proud to come here. I always know that I can come here. And that is a GOOD feeling. Better than you can imagine.

Becca - hang in sweetheart.

Everyone - and sorry for not being specific - Love you lots!

Hawk