Saturday Dec 2nd

[Waves 2]

Hi all,
Welcome to SKendall. Glad you decided to join us. We will help all we can.:welcome:

Becca, hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.:l

Allie, you really should write a book. Your way of expressing yourself is so emotive. I am so glad the picture was still there and good luck with the ring.

Mkr, I hope your cat is still improving and you too of course.

I couldn't be there for the Kanga memorial but I was silently praying and I was AF.

I was at a school winter fair yesterday. It is amazing how much more confidence I had this year than last year. Just knowing that people could not smell alcohol on my breath made it so much easier to talk to everyone.

Tumadre, well done on the AF for kanga. Even though it was so difficult it is a little stone that you have moved.

E :l

SM nice to" see" you yesterday.

Everyone else, (don't want to give names cos if you look for your name and it's not there it feels slightly sad) love to you all as always.

Waves xxx :h

[Waves 2]

Saturday Dec 2nd

PS Tracker record: the numbers are days

September 10 AF 6 mods

October 11 AF 7 mods

November 26 AF 3 mods 1 too much but not ??


What a difference from April, May, June, 30, 31, 30 days ??

Found this site mid- July. Began tracker in Sept. I am so grateful to RJ and everyone here. :thanks: :l

[tumadre]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Good Morning, Waves-
I'm just going to bed, but it's nice to start my day off in the morning with the intentions I've put myself to bed with. Thank you so much for the "small stone" thought (and remember who you stole that saying from :H ). And thank you to E & MKR and all others who sent good thoughts my way. Just when you think that being AF one night means so little next to everyone else's huge problems, someone sends a sweet note, and it's all good again. Even though I'm still feeling a little zombiesh and wiping a bit of drool off the chin from all the topa, I only had one beer with dinner. Wow.
I'd explained to my husband early this week about Kanga, and he understood why I was spending so much time here and why I was so sad...I wrote "Kanga Day" on the calendar, and my daughter (16) asked what Kanga day was, so I told her that a friend I knew from an on-line group had died, so we were going to honor him with a service, and we weren't going to drink that day. (2 years ago when I stopped drinking, she was fully aware of every step, this time I haven't been so up front). Earlier today, she asked if I could pick her up after the football game, cause she knew I wouldn't be drinking cause of Kanga day. She even jokingly said she wouldn't be drinking (in honor of Kanga) if she could go to a party where everyone else would be drinking -these are 16 & 17 year old kids! What a dilemma! I have this incredibly responsible honest daughter who just now is being allowed to date (yes, I'm the meanest mom from hell) and told me that people would be drinking, but she would not and neither would her friend who drove her there, she'd call me with the address, keep her cell phone on her at all times, etc. If I'd said no, next time, she'd just lie and say that no one was drinking so that she could go. After all that, her father (ex-husband) totally alienated her by refusing to let her go and saying he didn't trust her or the guy she was going with. He has some good points about why she shouldn't be at a party with under-age drinkers, but eventually she is going to find herself in that situation anyway, and I don't want her to stop being so open and honest. I value that relationship so much with both of my daughters-we're incredibly close (even though, like they say, I am the meanest mom ever) .
I realize I'm writing a book, but this has been bubbling for awhile...you can skim if you want to just go to the short notes.
Over a year ago, before my oldest daughter graduated from high school, she was extremely argumentative and rebellious (well, she'd been that way her whole life-she came out hard headed). Because of this, and because she was the first-born and I was so strict and also she and her father would go around and around in circles, she finally just began leaving the house more and more in a rage, not following up with any promises, failing in school, and drinking...Her friends loved her so much, but they had just about reached a breaking point with her and I almost had, too. The night of her graduation party, she went out to a party with an older crowd, and didn't know many people there. She quickly became very drunk, trying to fit in and feel more comfortable, and ended up being raped. We pressed charges, but he was never found. She was a minor, and he was an older guy who was a friend of a friend...he even brought his 5 year old son to the party, and left him in the hallway when he took my daughter into the bedroom and closed the door on him. Then he left, and my daughter was brought home by her friends. My daughter and I have had a lot of conversations about drinking since then. I'm still scared about genetic factors with her.
To go away to Central America with this college program, you had to sign a contract that you would not use drugs or alcohol the whole time you were there-not because of religious purposes, but just because of the consequences of what could happen. In the history of the program, there has not been one intact group until now-there has always been kids sent back. This group is the first ever for not breaking their contract, and I know that my daughter was one of the leaders in keeping the pact strong. However, I'm worried about what will happen when she gets home, and is around her old party buddies. She has some major party animal friends! You all know the type! No matter what age! You get together, and there is substance abuse or there is NO FUN!
I'm thinking about this because she's coming home next week after being gone for 3 months...
Done writing. Thank you so much for listening. Not even sure if I made a point.

Love you all, and hope everyone's day is full of Christmas spirit-
Tumadre

(yes, Macks, now that it's DECEMBER, it's OK by me to start with the Christmas stuff, but ya'll were starting while it was still NOVEMBER!):nutso:

[Hawk]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Good morning everyone -

I had a great day yesterday - to a point. I got to the gym and got a lot accomplished in eerands etc. Had a large family dinner that went very well. I had planned to not drink yesterday but after dinner, my husband (of all people!) suggested we go up to our favorite little Italian place for some drinks. I was floored. :eeks: He's usually not encouraging me to out and cocktails....So a group of us went and I caved and had a few. It annoyed me that I did it. I was in control and nothing bad happened. I'm just frustrated that I had such a good day and was on track to be AF - one of my coffeetime commitments. Fart. Oh well.

Anyway, at least there was control and I am not hungover or anything. But I need to find a way to stay motivated. I crack too easily.

Frustration!

Ok - today AF and to the gym for sure.

Sorry for the rant. I do hope everyone has a good day and accomplishes what they set out to do!

[fsophiah]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Oh, God. The alcohol in kids issue. I deal with it every day as a teacher, although my own children were great on that score when they were in high school. Your kids sound great, tumadre, and I think it's important that they get the message that underage drinking is not okay. I teach seniors, and some time during that year at my school, it seems that so often the parents just cave. They go to the tropics for spring break with parent "chaperones," and everyone gets drunk together. Some of those kids are going to grow up great anyway. I can't imagine how.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Good morning all!!

I have been absent from here for a couple of days..fighting a raging sinus infection. UGH!! I have the WORST sinus' in the word...anyway, I am on the mend, and actually had two nights AF..so that is a good thing.
Becca..I hope you are in a better place today. I want you to know that I haven't said this to you before, but YOUR successis have personally been inspiring to me. Even though you see yourself as backsliding, I was just admiring your wonderful November on the drink tracker!! Just before reading your posts...seriously. SO, even if you have fallen from where you want to be, don't beat up on yourself so much. You have done, and are continuing to do so beautifully. Don't lose sight of that. Many of us have issues with perfectionism, and we be so hard on ourselves when we fall short. I hope you are not doing that to yourself.

Tumadre- I so understand the mom thing. I too have teens. Thank God they are (so far) very good kids and not interested in the drinking....I worry to about the genetic factor.

Allie-I agree with what was said above...you do have a gift with words..you write beautifully and with wit and humor!!! You should major in it at school!! (forget the algebra lol)...I am glad you had such a nice time with your mom the other day...I hope she is feeling well, and dad is keeping it together. The painting sounds beautiful...in all it means!!

Everyone else...have a great day!! OH...I hope any of you in the midwest were not too effected by the storm...it sounded terrible!!! (I won't tell you the weather where I am lest I loose all my cyber friends)

with love,

Beth

[lucky 2.0]

Saturday Dec 2nd

MWO VACATION ALERT

I am taking a MWO vacation.

There is not enough time for me to work, exercise, do my Centerpointe Research CD's, read for Book club, and maintain relationship and friendships in the non-MWO world.

I will post #'s in Drink Tracker, if it proves not to suck me back in for too much time.

I care about the people here very, very much and wish I could wave a magic wand and take all our troubles away.

My love to all.

xoxoxox,
lucky

quack quack

[fsophiah]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Thanks for telling us. Otherwise, we might think you know what.

[KatieSmiles]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Hi everyone,

Treasure and enjoy today, while paving the way toward a bright tomorrow. Give your energy both to being and to becoming.

Another step forward
Today I will not drink

[Saint Jude]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Hi Everybody.

Just popping in for a quik check in. Hope things are going better today all around... I've got to work early tonight & have to get some painting finished up as well.

Love ya guys!

:l Judie

[betty boop]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Hi everyone, just a quick check in to see how everyone is.....

Becca - hope you are feeling better today :l

We've spent all day fetching a 9 foot christmas tree, manhandling it into the house & decorating it......

I just love christmas (Hi Macks) bet my trees bigger than yours LOL xx

I will still have a few glasses of wine later, but this is the 1st year in at least 10 years that we haven't been drinking all day while decorating the tree.

Take care all, love you loads, Paula :l :h :l

[Allie]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Afternoon chums~
Gosh Waves, you really think I could write a book? What would I call it? "Inside The Mind of a Monthly Moderator" ...:H I'll get to work on it!

Mary, hope you are getting better as well as dear kitty!

Tumadre -- I didnt realize you had a 16 y/o daughter. I do as well. I am so sorry for what your oldest daughter has been through, but sounds like she's got a great head on her shoulders and I think you will be amazed by her wise choices when she gets home. I know you are excited to see her! I too was raped a long time ago, although I was not drinking. (wish I had been) Healing does come though.

Becca -- I hope you are feeling better today -- call me over the weekend if you want to talk -- I'm here.

A good friend of mine from North Carolina who is a flight attendant flew in this morning. She flies with a private company on a lear jet. Anyway, they were flying a group of executives in for the Wake Forest - Georgia Tech game today in Jax, and I was supposed to pick her up at the airport and spend the day with her. Just as I was walking out the door, she called from the airport and said they had dropped the guys off, but were immediately having to fly back to Charlotte as something had come up. I was so bummed! I have not seen her since I moved here. And to boot -- I was all cutesied up with nowhere to go! The whole family was gone with their own agendas, so I went to Chic-fil-A and ate by my lonesome :upset: , but did wind up meandering over to Dillards, and "Lancome" and I wound up having a nice time together after all!

So I think I'm going to have two to three glasses of wine tops tonight since I was AF the last two. Hugs and love to everyone else... if I dont submit this quick, it will log me off and I will lose the whole thing!

Great weekend all --
Allie

[Mighty Mouse II]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Hi everybody. My life is a whirlwind, as usual. Stayed home from Synagogue today. Had a "Shabbot at Home" Service. I needed some quiet time with the Man upstairs. I have too much going on in my life at one time.

Yesterday morning, my son gave his senior speech and he invited us to attend. I was in awe at what a great speaker he has become! About a year-and-a-half ago, he decided he wanted to strengthen his writing and speaking skills. Wow, he is a man of his word. Now he is concentrating on leadership training. He is something else! I also was amazed at how popular he has become at his school. He has always been a loner, follows his own beliefs and does not crumble under peer or social pressures. It is nice to see that he has gained respect and friendships doing that. If someone could have captured my "beam" yesterday, they could have lit the world!

I did my first radio show yesterday. Got really good ratings. They said it takes about 13 weeks to really develop a following and a flow. So, we'll see. I used to do TV and radio spots when I was younger, but they were 1 minute spots on radio and 10 minute spots on TV. It is a real trip trying to prepare a 30 minute program. But it wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be.

Well, just as everything in my world is going great that is when my parents start acting out! Go figure. They are the greatest parents in the world 99 and 9/10ths of the time. But when they go off, MAN, do they go off! And of course, when they go off -- I usually go running for the bottle. Fortunately, yesterday I just couldn't -- had to be sober for my show and for my son. But, I felt like I was going to have a breakdown. They were going to go see my son -- my dad got sick -- couldn't go -- my mom was going to go, then wasn't going, then was going to go -- calling me every five minutes. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get my outline and intro's to the radio broadcaster before I leave. Then, my father wanted to listen to me on radio -- he has state-of-the-art computer -- can't figure out how to use it. Spent over an hour -- then my husband spent another hour -- he couldn't get it -- sobbing the whole time (sounded drunk as a skunk!). Then, they decide to drive 200 miles to get cigarettes for my father because my mother wants to shop at a special place. Meanwhile, my father is so shaky, he keeps falling, he's dizzy, passing out. I was screaming at them to reconsider, tried everything I know except to disown them, and they still went. I told them if they killed themselves or someone else, I would spit on their grave -- still didn't work. So, the bottom line is that stone I threw in the river to Honor Mother and Father -- I failed miserably yesterday.

Tumadre, my advice would be to dote all over your daughter when she comes home. Tell her how proud you are of her for being a real role model for the family. Tell her that you realize how difficult it is to kick the habit, as you have been struggling with it for years. Tell her that you look up to her -- just a thought. My son doesn't drink or smoke -- and that is what I do with him. I always tell him how much I admire him for not falling into the same trap that I did. We talk about it often. I think that is important when we are asking our children not to do something bad that they have seen us do. When he was 16, I had wanted my son to get his license (he'll be 18 in December). He has refused everytime I ask always saying that he doesn't think high school students should drive, its just asking for trouble. Now that he is going to be going to college, he said he is taking training in the spring, but doesn't plan to take his car to college. I think talking these things out by making them feel like the heroes they are for making good decisions, just makes them want to make even greater ones. Just a thought for you to consider.

Well, I'm going to go burry myself in THE BOOK to see if I can find something that helps me come to terms with how badly I failed with my parents yesterday.

May you all have a wonderful day.

Love,
MM

[MKR]

Saturday Dec 2nd

Happy Saturday to all!

Sorry Judie that it isn't really your Saturday. Enjoy the day painting though. I like the caulk used it before on smooth walls. Here in the SW - they don't seem to know smooth texture - everything has tons of texture, everything even my office walls.

TuMadre, it is tough finding the proper balance for the teenagers. I applaud your daughters and you. Having a close relationship really helps. I think she will do really well back here. Both my guys went to prep schools with fairly strict rules that if you are partying outside of school even you better watch your step because you could get expelled. They both knew the many years as a single mom, how much I gave up to get them there and so they were pretty cool about the whole thing. They were grateful for the education. Still, I served them wine at home for special occasions and always let them have some. Once again that forbidden fruit thing, didn't want them to feel that. It still boils down to their choices which we always hope are mature. Ultimately, they are responsible for the consequences of any and all actions in their lives. She will do great, she has probably outgrown those partying friends.

Sophia, you are right, I think many parents are completely worn down by the senior year.

Becca, I know this will be OK. It is a growth period in your marriage.

Welcome SKendall.

Waves, I am so proud of you!! It is easier to go to socials and stay totally sober. We went to one last night, a fair amount of locally grown and processed wines were out. A few people were kind of drunk by the time we were leaving. I took some water and toasted Kanga to myself.
I love the tracker also.

Allie, you are a wonderful writer. You have me laughing one minute and crying the next! Quite an emotionally stretching month you have had. Hang in there sweety.

Lushy, too scary the fire the other day. I am so glad you caught it all in time.

Beth, sorry you are not feeling so well. I hate sinus infections, the headache makes me frown all day. Feel better soon.

Lucky, good to see you, we will miss you but I get the need for a vacation.

Eustacia, I wish you had more time with your FIL. It sounds like you two are true friends.

Kate Smiles, like the quote - thanks!

Hawk, sweetie, it is OK. kind of a surprise on hubby's part huh? Just know you are so much better than before. I understand your irritation as I have had that with myself sometimes, then I had to ask myself if I was being irrationally tough on me. . . you too maybe?

Paula W, good to see you. I am really torn this year, the big fresh tree or do I go for an artificial one after all these years? My husband is Jewish and goes with us to pick it out but he really doesn't get into decorating and my sons are in their own places. I am wondering if this is the year.

MM, I actually had to tell my mom this week, we would not discuss my brothers and her upset over their situations, was simply too negative for both of our health. I "MM" my way around my parents. I just couldn't do it. It is OK, we love them and they can make us crazy. Give yourself space. Sometimes when my parents or my in laws make me crazy, I say to my boys, if I ever get like that, please don't let me get away with that nonsense. They always laugh but I am serious.

Mike, hope you are having a wonderful weekend with your kids.

Macks, you are such a great addition to the group - but PLEASE . . . Christmas already???!!

Rachele, Mary Anne, Dilayne, wow giving up the artist, I support your choice and understand the ties, Precious, Best, Nancy, Lisa, Gypsi, SM Mary, Laura, Tracy, Trish, where are you? Tawny and anyone else I missed.

I love you all,
Mary

Ivy the kitty is doing OK, she takes her insulin shots pretty well and has a bit of an appetite, so we may get to keep her after all.

OK, we are all kind of winding up for the holidays and I know I am having a harder time than before staying AF and or moderating. So unless I missed it I don't think we posted Decembers mods plans.

My December Plan:

Ride the bike for 20 minutes at least 4-5 times a week - knee hasn't been able to do the 30 mins lately
Guard my rest and get 7-8 hours of sleep a night, means I have to wrap the kitty up in blankets and put her in a different room
Take supps and vitamins
Drink plenty of water
Listen to the CD hypno twice this month
When I go out have 1-2 drinks (do not drink at home on those days)
2 times a week if I choose, have a drink or two at home. (with all the parties going on, they may put my drink level up higher per week than it has been in months.)

do one thing nice for myself each and every day

[Guest]

Saturday Dec 2nd

I want to thank you ALL for the thoughts and prayers for both my marriage and my dad...

BOTH are doing MUCH BETTER TODAY!!:yay:

Hubby and I talked through things, are STILL going to counselling, but know we do not want to be apart. We just need to communicate better and I need to continue with improving my drinking patterns. It was just a rough month for me. I've never taken an antidepressant, but maybe???
Anyhow, we had a good day today.

Thank you for the prayers for dad. He got this flu strain so badly that it landed him in the hospital with acute renal failure, but his kideys are now functioning, the catheter is out, he's up and walking around and has been moved out of the ICU. Oh, and they pulled his IV line in his neck. It's good news! He needs to stop scaring me like that though! Dad is a burly, construction worker kind of guy who taught me how to drink. His GI system is not impeccable by a long shot. I'm just so glad that he's strong enough to take the abuse of this dang virus. Had my bags packed, but sister said "stay away, very contagious".

Camper, hope you are doing better today.
Tumadre, your daughter sounds amazing. I hope my children are so strong some day. I love your spirit and she must possess a great deal of the same. You are not a MEAN MOM! I think parents (self included...) are sometimes too lenient. Your other daughter's dad... with that party situation. I HATE being trumped when it comes to stuff like that. You were right. You want those communication lines to stay open. Remember adolescence???? Geez. Honesty was SO much better than sneaking around. I remember being brought home from a high school dance because (older) boyfriend and I were drinking beer in a parking lot! I called my parents and told them EXACTLY what happened (we were too early, and he had beer in the trunk... popped a couple and got caught by the cops!). Anyhow, mom met me at the door and was just glad I was OK. I told her how embarrassing this was. Sure, I got a bit of a slap on the hand, but if it weren't for my parents openness, I could see me rebelling. You are doing good, Tu.
Bak, thank you for the continued love. I thought my drink tracker looked horrible! I'm bummed that it's at the top of the dang list! I am proud of the 0 days, but there are too many red days. It's the first monthe I've used that thing to it's full capacity. Great tool. I have to count the bad days, mods days, and AF days like Waves does, so I can see progress with the weeks.
Waves, you are doing AWESOME.

Everyone else, I won't keep typing a giant thing today. I'll be in chat. Love you all so much and thank you again for the thoughts and prayers and support. You helped carry me yesterday.

Love,