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    #1

    EUREKA MOMENT

    One of the reasons I have been in denial is I never could think of any emotional reasons for my drinking. The other reason is that my body can't take as much alcohol as most on here so my intake looks pretty small compared to most. I was drinking half a bottle of wine a night; sometimes a bit more; on weekends about double that. OK so all good reasons to say I was a moderate drinker. But two things have come to light. I can't seem to control my drinking; in other words I drink every night with only a night or two of skipping once in a while. Most importantly, last night I was coaching my stepson on how to handle his 14 year old. He called to ask for advice. I said to him "Fourteen year old girls are very difficult. When my daughter was fourteen, that's when I started to drink." Ha ha ha.. but then it hit me. I did have an emotional reason to drink. I don't have it now. She is all grown up and wonderful. BUT the drinking habit has continued. As a fourteen year old, my adopted daughter was very confused and angry. It was terrible. I feared for my safety at times. I had to call the police on her twice as she really wanted to kill me. It was then I started to have a glass or two of wine every night. Eureka !! I had never put those two things together. It may sound like nothing but for me, it means a lot. She almost destroyed me and I won't let her destroy me anymore. She matured but I didn't. I am still physically addicted to the past. WOW...

    I have a drinking problem. Now I know why and it means everything to me. I will humbly begin my 30 days AF. After that, maybe moderation, maybe AF. Six days is my best so far so here we go.

    For the record my daughter is now 23 and my best friend. So all you with teenage witches, hang in there. They do become human again with love and support (and for me, a little glass or two of wine but I am not recommending that...it's addictive you know)..
    Tipplerette

    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    ? Lao-Tzu
    Tags: None
    #2
    EUREKA MOMENT

    Hi Tipple - I totally get what your saying about finding answers to our questions. In my 1st few weeks and months AF I had dozens of Eureka moments where I suddenly saw so many things in my life with absolute clarity. Now they seem so incredibly obvious but living in that AL fog really impaired my vision. Be prepared for other wonderful answers while you are AF.
    "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
    AF - JAN 1st 2010
    NF - May 1996

    Comment

      #3
      EUREKA MOMENT

      Thanks Chillgirl, it's the first Eureka moment for me but it's a wowzer. It seems bizarre now that I never saw it before. I really want to use this "message" as a springboard for my sobriety. I have never even used that word before in reference to myself because someone who doesn't have a drinking problem doesn't need sobriety... but I do. I can't wait for the other wonderful messages and answers to come. Getting excited.
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

      Comment

        #4
        EUREKA MOMENT

        Hi Tipp,
        Great post! It's an amazing feeling when you are able to understand more of yourself. I also had a eureka moment with the cause of my drinking. I suffered from panic attacks in my mid twenties and concluded that alcohol was the medicine. Fifteen years later and panic attacks controlled but still drank like a fish.

        All the very best with your 30 days AF. I think 30 days will help you tremendously. x
        Be strong-
        We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
        Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'T

        Comment

          #5
          EUREKA MOMENT

          Thanks Rebirth, I really think this is IT !! Glad you were able to find that starting point. It puts the habit of drinking daily in a realistic perspective, doesn't it? It finally tells one that stress caused this habit that we have been pretending to enjoy and find comfort in. Knowing the cause or the "why" is a biggie for me. From what I have read in your recent posts, you are doing great, aren't you? Keep it up and thanks again.
          Tipplerette

          I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

          "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
          ? Lao-Tzu

          Comment

            #6
            EUREKA MOMENT

            Yes Tipp I am moderating very successfully and feel very confident that I can stick to my healthy drinking plan. All the best. x
            Be strong-
            We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
            Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'T

            Comment

              #7
              EUREKA MOMENT

              Tip,

              One thing I did learn in rehab was that drinking (and for others drugging) worked in the beginning.

              That is the lie of an addictive substance.

              It does work at first.

              Then it takes over. At some point the substance, whatever it is, takes over and becomes the problem.

              I hope whatever you decide, AF or Mod, works for you.

              Best of life to you,
              Cindi

              ps My children are my best friends today, also. 31 and 29. 7 grandchildren who adore me despite my addiction. Isn't that amazing?
              AF April 9, 2016

              Comment

                #8
                EUREKA MOMENT

                Well done tipplerette its great when the :moments: just hit us and answer many qustions for us, keep at it, its so worth it :-)


                :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                Comment

                  #9
                  EUREKA MOMENT

                  Cinders, you are right and I do have memories of stopping the shaking hands after a big blowout with teenage daughter with a nice glass of wine. Just one... at first. Now my life is so perfect EXCEPT the drinking. Very clear. So happy for you that you are surrounded by your family's love. I have been so fortunate myself in that my three kids think I am the cat's pajamas. My seven month old Granddaughter and I already are bonding. Ain't love Grand !!

                  Mario, to add to your point, what's wierd is that it was so OBVIOUS once I was hit in the face with it last night. I have spent time asking myself what emotional reason I have to drink and came up with no explanation but it is as clear as the nose on my face now.

                  Merci, Gracious, Thank you, Ta !!!

                  Tips
                  Tipplerette

                  I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                  "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                  ? Lao-Tzu

                  Comment

                    #10
                    EUREKA MOMENT

                    Made it through last night with no question. Was not even that determined not to drink. We had hamburgers BBQ'd and when hubby offered the wine which was open on the counter, I didn't give it much thought and said no. Wine doesn't go with burgers in my mind. Hope the future is that easy. Wonder if it's the new mindset or just a fluke. I did take lots of L-Glut so that probably was a physical factor. Will report tomorrow.
                    Tipplerette

                    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                    ? Lao-Tzu

                    Comment

                      #11
                      EUREKA MOMENT

                      Well done Tipp! It wont always be that easy but when the craving is difficult, just forward the clock and think about tomorrow. You will feel empowered and energized or just absolutely LOUSY!

                      I will keep checking this thread to see how you are doing
                      x
                      Be strong-
                      We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
                      Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'T

                      Comment

                        #12
                        EUREKA MOMENT

                        You are very kind, Rebirth to be taking an interest in my journey. I realize the cravings will be coming along shortly; maybe even tonight. I keep thinking about those terrible times with my teenage daughter and saying to myself "You are not in that situation anymore; you don't need to dull the pain as there is no more pain." It seems to stop me in my stinking thinking tracks. Take care.
                        Tipplerette

                        I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                        "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                        ? Lao-Tzu

                        Comment

                          #13
                          EUREKA MOMENT

                          Thats very good thinking. I also think of all the awful things that I did or that happened to me when I drank out of control. God. I never want to go back there.
                          Be strong-
                          We define ourselves by the best that is in us, not the worse that has been done to us.
                          Be constructive. Clear the word of CAN'T

                          Comment

                            #14
                            EUREKA MOMENT

                            Day two went well. Did not take the L-Glut so had the physical cravings. It was interesting to be sitting there having a craving spell every hour or so and talking myself through it by being able to rationalize the reasons why I drank. My daughter called and was bitchy and blaming me for not taking her side against her brother in a petty fight about who's dog peed on her Dad's bed. Normally that would have spurred me to have a comforting glass of red. I thought about it in terms of what I "used" to do. The fact that my eyes are wide open now to the psychology of my addiciton is a major deterrent. It seems like I am on my way to being the Tips I was for the 45 years before daughter hit her teenage years. I drank at parties and occasionally with a nice meal. Only time will tell. I want to host the kids at Easter without drinking. That will be a ten year milestone. Will report back tommorrow.
                            Tipplerette

                            I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                            "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                            ? Lao-Tzu

                            Comment

                              #15
                              EUREKA MOMENT

                              Tipplerette;1102691 wrote: Day two went well. Did not take the L-Glut so had the physical cravings. It was interesting to be sitting there having a craving spell every hour or so and talking myself through it by being able to rationalize the reasons why I drank. My daughter called and was bitchy and blaming me for not taking her side against her brother in a petty fight about who's dog peed on her Dad's bed. Normally that would have spurred me to have a comforting glass of red. I thought about it in terms of what I "used" to do. The fact that my eyes are wide open now to the psychology of my addiciton is a major deterrent. It seems like I am on my way to being the Tips I was for the 45 years before daughter hit her teenage years. I drank at parties and occasionally with a nice meal. Only time will tell. I want to host the kids at Easter without drinking. That will be a ten year milestone. Will report back tommorrow.
                              Tips,

                              So glad you made it through that spell. YAY!!

                              My husband, a non-drinker, reminds me constantly that most people make it through life without drinking when issues evolve.

                              He is right. Most people do.

                              That is what I have to get my arms around and so do you and so does everyone else on this site. Our "solution" is not the way to go. It is false.

                              Keep on keepin' on. You are doing so well.

                              Love,
                              Cindi
                              AF April 9, 2016

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