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[Owly]

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Cheers Olly, I tell you one thing - seeing those two last night strengthened my resolve like nothing before - not even the awful alcohol withdrawals of the past, 'scared straight' as was mentioned earlier in the thread.

They did come back at seven, so much for the long sleep, but had sobered up. I was very pissed off by this time and made it clear to them. I've just been sat with the guy for an hour, he really wants to sort himself out and I'll be trying to help him get in touch with some counsellors and a doctor - he's been drinking solidly for pretty much 19 months. Everyone deserves help if they ask for it and want it, I will see him later to see if he has stuck to his promise but he is NEVER coming back here again I can assure you of that - he was deeply sorry if he upset me or got me into trouble with my landlady upstairs. I sent him off with some kudzu, vitamins, orange juice and some diazepam for the withdrawal, I will see later just how much resolve he has to help himself.

Personally I thought this was a horrible experience for me but in hindsight I have seen where these situations can end - embodied in those two - and it was maybe just what I needed, an angel disguised as a devil?

[dilayne]

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Hi Owly..just read the post here. Sounds like you are very much headed in the right direction. You've said that you usually are good at setting goals..I highly encourage you to go with the 30 days AF that you mentioned earlier..if you think you can do it..Do It! It will definitely help you to sort much of this out..Roberta suggest it in her book for maximum effectiveness of the topamax..I also wanted to echo someone else's comments on the CDs...I think many of us have to get over our pre-conieved ideas ahout hypnosis..it really isn't a 'big switch'..there is no ah ha moment..it is very subliminal. I did find that if I didn't use them that first 12 weeks, that is when I would get a little batty, so I didn't notice the effects of the CDs unless I wasn't using them. I have about 12 weeks alcohol free now, but initially tried moderation..after being alcohol free for a while and using the topamax and doing mods...then going off the topamax..i realized that I wasn't going to be able to practice moderation without the drug, so I made my decision from a very clear headed place. I think it's good advice to get out of your old 'playgrounds' and take this program very seriously and follow it to the T, at least for the first 12 weeks as outlined in the book..it's my position that it should be followed as closely to Roberta's suggestions at first and then after some time and experience, modified to what will work for you in the long run. As for being bored or being concerned about the lack of friends during this time, please consider that it may be good for you to sit in that 'space' for a while..we tend to drink and do drugs and fraternize with questionable folks...all in an effort to avoid being with ourselves, which is what we need to do the most...the gym sounds great..it really sounds like you know what you need to do..it's making the commitment and making a break from all of the things that you've used to avoid facing your demons..which do exert themselves more when you start making efforts to honor your higher self..what you are experiencing as sabatoge is very normal...it's your ego...It's been my experience through several intense stages of transition in my life..when I want to grow, my ego will exert itself in the most destructive ways, but now, I recognize it, notice it and observe it..when you are able to be conscious of this, as you seem to becoming..then trust that it will lose it's power over you..trust that your observation is powerful. Good luck to you Owly..keep posting, remove yourself from all of these dangerous situations and have the courage to sit with boredom for a while, work the frustration out in the gym...pray!
Namaste! Dianne

[fsophiah]

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Tristan, look up "sociopath" on wikipedia. I think you'll find your friend there. He's charming He's astute. He's a dangerous person. And he likes to smoke smoke crack. As I read your post, the thought I had was--He needs to move. This guy will look remorseful, say what you want to hear, and since you gave him something, he'll be back. Don't make the mistake of thinking he's an angel in disguise. The neediness of dangerous people is part of their charisma. When it's a character in a movie, it's compelling, but when it's real life, it's a nightmare. But if the yawn of the abyss is what it takes to motivate you, then I'd say you might make it. And I say might make it because I was astounded that you went back to the same pub the day after the scariest night of your life, even if it was just to drink lemonade. That's called denial. Your habits have put you in danger. You have been thrown a lifeline. Take it. Grab it. I'm not exaggerating. Olly was right. Do everything in the program, as Dianne says, compulsively, to the letter. You need to box yourself in. Anyway, lecture for the day concluded. Good luck, Tristan.

[Owly]

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Sorry I can't reply to all the points at the moment, I am very tired and am going for a nap.

As for sociopath... it's possible but I don't see all the criteria there, I would hardly use the word charming. The other guy who came round though, well yes he ticks the boxes and I've just had to dispatch of him because he did come again this afternoon with some stupid story about his mother dying and needing a train fare (the same mother who you said was dead last night?). I made it clear I would never be giving them anything ever again and asked him to leave which he did, I'll be taking the buzzer out of the bell and so help me if either of them come back, assassin or not, I will defend my property.

If the first guy comes back, I'll know that he is a complete liar, and dangerous, and will have to consider something as extreme as moving (to the first permanent place I've lived in for years

So tired... my friends want me to book new years eve tickets, no chance, I hate alcohol. I've already been in the pub today for a lemonade, just to make sure the guy hadn't snuck in when he promised he was going dry. I'll go back later for the football and if he's drinking, as he promised not to, then that will also be it, no more contact, which I'll explain carefully, firmly but sensitivly - the reaction will show his true colours. I need to know otherwise I'll just be worrying, one way or the other I have to be sure.

[Saint Jude]

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Owly, at the risk of sounding harsh...
I'm gonna say it anyway.

Isn't it a bit too soon for you to be taking on someone elses' problems when you seem to have enough of your own on your plate?

I know... I have mine as well.

But, I also know what condition I was in ... when I found this place. And I know without a doubt, it was all I could do, to get thru one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time, untill I got things back into perspective, with myself.

Please allow yourself the time and energy YOU deserve RIGHT NOW. You are worth it.

Arm yourself with some time & tools, before you try and save someone else from "drowning"... it's too easy to be pulled down too.

I'm just using this analogy, because I have pulled people out of the river before, with my kayak. Had I not been in my boat, and had floatation. I wouldv'e drowned too, the current is strong, even when it looks calm on the surface, for real & people panic. Especially when they are desperate.

Please be careful:h
:l Judie

[Owly]

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You're right Judie - I can't help in, I have the following information which I am going to give him:

West London Day Centre
134-136 Seymour Place
London W1H 5DJ
Tel: 020 7569 5900

Nearest station: Marylebone, Edgware Road or Baker Street.
Opening times: Roughsleepers Mon - Fri 8:45am-10am; Open access Mon - Fri 10am - 12:30pm.

Services: Day and TV room. Breakfast/lunch, washing and drying facilities, poste restante, safe keeping and free clothing. Welfare, benefit and housing advice. Link Worker to CAT teams, counselling, craft workshop, medical services (full time nurse and visiting doctor), luggage store (phone for space) and computer training.

It's up to him to help himself, if he can. I can't express how upset I am about what happened last night, this isn't just my home, this is my recovery center.

Regarding the angel comment - obviously he isn't and never will be anything like an angel, I meant it was in the eye of the beholder - to me what happened happened at the right time as for as alcohol is concerned. Yes, I am going 30 days AF, starting from last sunday. I will go and give him this information if he's there, watch the end of the football, come back and download the book.

Thank you everyone, it's good not to feel isolated so please don't make your comments too alarming - remember I have an anxiety disorder! The best wishes mean everything to me though

Tristan.

[Saint Jude]

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Right on Tristan! Sounds like you're addressing this in a healthy way for you. I hope I wasn't too "direct" with my post...

I just know how difficult this can be, especially in the beginning...
Thanks for keeping us posted. We really do care about you.
Be strong, you can do this.:h
Great job on getting to the gym too. I find that really makes a huge diff for me to stay physical.

[Owly]

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Thanks Judie :h

He wasn't there so that's it really, as far as I'm concerned it's over - hopefully it means he's serious about the recovery but I get the feeling he hasn't hit the necessary 'rock bottom' (no pun intended) to do something more positive about it. He did draw up a plan earlier so I don't know, maybe he's stronger than I thought.

No gym for two weeks though as coach is on holiday... have to do those home exercises he taught me today.

[Olly]

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Owly,

Congratulations on setting a 30 day AF goal!!! That is huge, and a really important first step. It'll help alot to download the book and read that through... it'll also be something to keep you busy in the early days. And remember, those early days can be hard. So, be sure to keep coming back here, posting, asking for support. Especially, as Mike up North said in a post, when you are "hanging by your fingernails" from letting go and taking a drink. You might want to check out the Abstinence Boards (both monthly and longterm) that's where I find my important support to stay AF.

I"m glad you've ditched the two users! I know your heart was in the right place, wanting to help. But, as said before , it's time to take care of Owly now. Good, comforting, strengthening, kind, quiet and positive care. :l

Good luck with the home exercises... that's something I just can't do. If I get on the floor to do some crunches, it's a matter of minutes before I'm curled up and ready for a nap!! I choose walking... I set a far away destination and walk there and back. It's always great for picking up my mood and getting a healthy glow in my cheeks.

Take care Owly and may you have a very special, meaningful and sober Christmas.

Olly

[Owly]

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Thanks again olly for your kind and supporting words My ex-gf just came over and said I had all the support I needed whenever I want it

There are two main hurdles coming up - my friend's birthday party tomorrow, and new year's eve. My resolve is currently strong, I feel confident being sober, it's a good feeling.

I went to the pub and played pool last night, no problem at all just having lemonade, no temptation, it was just a little boring and I came home early.

[fsophiah]

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Good for you. I think I came on too strong. Judie said it much better than I, and she was right. You are marching along in the right direction, and we are all proud of you, sitting in front of our little screens all over the world, smiling. Go over to Trafalgar Square and pick up one of those little mince pies. I hear they give them away on Christmas eve. Of course, I really don't like mince pies.

[Owly]

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Lol classic - I just got a surprise gift in the post from one of the companies I work for - a bottle of Champagne!

Think I'll go for a mince pie instead

mmmm does look nice though

[Saint Jude]

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Just think how good it would feel to completly suprise someone ...out of the blue... and hand them a bottle of champagne, and say "Merry Christmas!"
That way you don't have the temptation around, and ya get to totally make someone's day!:h



Besides ... think how good that'd make ya feel ...

[Owly]

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Good point - it is my friend's birthday tomorrow....

But then most of my recent trouble comes from giving too much away!

[Owly]

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Thanks Fan

It wouldn't matter if I kept it tbh - I never drink at home, there've been beers in the fridge all week but never crossed my mind. It's the going out that gets me - so two hot spots - birthday tomorrow and new year's eve!