THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

[lushy]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Di, I am so sorry. I meant to comment on your poetry. Needless to say very impressed. I was not in a witty mood yesterday but promise to try and post there later. In the meantime I know Fan, Jen, Pedro or Allie will be right over there with their wit and creativity.

[Saint Jude]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Geez... I'm sitting here with tears running down my face reading all the posts this morning. Love ya guys!:h

Sorry to hear your in pain Allie, have faith Sweetie. It will get better:l
There've been times when I've felt completely abandoned,scared, alone, angry, and ready to just quit everything...it doesn't work that way.

Before you know it something good will happen again, and you'll be thinking... I'm OK!
But it does suck in the meantime...hang in there.

Lush, can't you just throw the dishes out in the yard & let the rain wash em? We had major rain here last night! I hope that guy, makes it over to help ya... he really looks like he knows his way around a woman's appliances!

Di, hope your mouth isn't hurting too bad. I hate the dentist! "Milk it" with getting waited on, for all it's worth, if you can!

Good day to Everybody! Peace & Joy,
Judie

[dilayne]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Hi Lush!

going back to lie down now...now someone needs to go follow Fan's lines..I really need a good a bedtime story tonight! :0)

[dilayne]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

HI Judie! My husband is bringing home tomatoe soup and promised to take the best care of me!
I love you honey! di

[lushy]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Okay, one major stressor is off my back. My brother fixed the dishwasher!!!!! Well actually he told my hubby what to do. We had just installed a new garbage disposal and there is some part that needs to be taken out to allow the water from the dishwasher to flow through that was still there which is why it backed up. Hallelujah!!!! Okay, breathing deep and calming down. But I still need Mr. Hottie to come over to help with the baking.............

[Saint Jude]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Di, Tomato is my all time favorite! I could live on soup & crackers... just about Glad to hear you're in good hands.:h

Lush, Yahoo! Aren't brothers great? Mine's the best!:l
Glad ya got that taken care of.
Definately get a 2nd opinion from Senor' Hottie!

[Allie]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

thanks for the hugs Dilayne and Jen.... I am always inspired by both of you. Jen, I wish I was as wonderful as you think of me to be, but sadly I am nowhere near that. That must be my twin or something. Part of my problem I guess is internalizing pain without even realizing it. My physical health should be an indicator of how healthy or not healthy my heart is. I was in so much emotional trauma last December that I literally got as sick physically as I've ever been. I was having so much itching all over my body and breaking out in horrble sweats at night to the point I would have to change the sheets and my clothes. Then I started running low grade fevers every day and the doctors were mystified. Thank goodness for good health insurance because they finally began to get suspicious of a type of cancer that my Mom had when she was very young but beat it. I had al the same symptoms so they ran tests, MRI's, CAT scans, enough blood work that I thought they were draining me. But everything came back normal. The doctor finally sat me down and told me that the only times those types of sypmptoms manifest is either certain serious illnesses, or it is the result of severe emotional trauma. As soon as he said that, I feel in a heap right there on the floor. It never occurred to me. The physical symptoms continued for about a month and once I realized how bad I needed to be "fixed" on the inside, only then did I begin to get better. I also discovered why girls/ women mostly cut themselves. I used to think only people who were insane would do something like that to themselves. I battled with that last year. It's a result of being in so much pain emotionally that if you can inflict a real wound that causes a lot of pain physically, it will take your energy and focus away from the pain in your heart. Fortunately I was not able to do that much, but I had that horrible thought again today. Dont worry - Im not. Its just scary to me that I would even want to do that. See how wonderful I am Jen?

I feel like I have dumped a truck load of garbage on you guys today and I am so sorry. Dilayne, I'm so glad you are not hurting too bad and managing to enjoy some good movies and laugh the same day you got teeth yanked out! Lush -- I'm thinking of you too and I wish I could come over and make cookies instead of being here today. And play in the snow... I would love to just be a kid right now and bundle up and go outside and have a big snowball fight! But its hot here as usual.... and raining today... not helping my mood.

I'm going to lighten up I promise and go make a gingerbread house with my son that I have been putting off for three days. He needs me to be an attentive Mom right now! It should be fun.

Love all of you!
Allie

[Beaches]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Allie,
I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better. I just hope that you do. I'm glad that you are venting. It's so therapeutic to emotionally let go to people who know you but don't KNOW you. Take Care

Lush-Hey if Mr. Hottie comes over to bake let me know. I may just be there
I'll just have to find Mrs Doubtfire first to watch my kids.

[dilayne]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Hi Allie...my beloved therapist reminded me yesterday that I on some level, I'm ashamed of my feelings...it's so hard for me to imagine that it is OK to feel what I feel..it's such a lonely place. I don't know where I learned it but I've spent the last year trying to unlearn that..that is why I go to him..and here. Having all of these 'feelings' AND 'emotions' are what being a human being is. I want to hug you, but I don't really want to say that I'm sorry that you are having your feelings..I guess I want to say more that I 'accept' your feelings, I love you for feeling, and that everything will be alright...I don't know what your faith is, but regardless..Jesus was a great teacher..he did not tell people that he would carry their crosses for them, he told us to pick up our crosses and we would walk together..I'm comforted by his passion..he was an example of the human condition...he had no idea what was on the other side of the crucifiction, but he knew he had to die in order to live...and we do too...this journey, and alcohol..and our hearts desire to transcend it is like a crucifiction, it's painful, the feelings that come up when we take away the pain meds...hurt. We're in this together, carrying our crosses...helping eachother when it cuts our shoulders, or falls off our back....
We're all right beside you dear...

I hope no one is offended by my comparison..it is Christmas time...whether it be your faith or not, there are good lessons in the story. :0)...peace be with you (and me!) :0)

[soccermom]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Allie--There are times that I wish I could line everyone up and just give them a big, fat hug! My heart is with you. ..and yes, we think of you very highly over here on our very funny and cool board.
Di--glad you're doing okay with the teeth too! Take it easy for the next few days.
Lush---I like the idea of baking those cookies in thirds for your brother and thank goodness that dishwasher is fixed.
I just got back from taking my kids to see Charlotte's Web. I was afraid it was going to be a big Yawn, but it was actually very good and quite touching..even though, of course, I know the story..it was quite touching.
...and Mike--I love that song..

[Beaches]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

I always take an opportunity at this time of year to reflect back to all the trajedy's of life and how I've come out on the other end. At 18 I was in a car accident, hit a pole and ended up in the hospital. When I was 20 I was severly burned (3rd degree burns) while working at a chemical plant on my college summer breaks. It took 32 days on ICU and another 2 months of home nursing care and 2 years of OT/PT to get me back on track. I came out of it a much different and stronger person. I don't think I would be where I am now if this had not happened. A wake up call if you will.
Then my twins were born 13 weeks early meaning that they spent their time on the NICU. My daughter was there for 2 months and my son for 2 1/2 months. I lived there. I survived through them not breathing, blood transfusions, low oxygen counts, IV's in their arms, feet, heads etc. I was not even allowed to see them until 24 hours after because the staff was "stabilizing them". For a week I could only touch them with my fingers through an incubator hole. Then finally I was allowed to hold them. I decided then to never let them see me upset so they could feel my strength and get stronger themselves. They ended up coming home around Thanksgiving so the holidays are very special to me.They are now healthy children and I am lucky and thankful. My son has autism and is a wonderful little boy.
So what's the point of all this. I guess it's just to put it out there because I don't talk about it a lot and that it gives me a chance to see how thankful I am to be here.

[Saint Jude]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Wow NP...:h :flower:
Thank you for sharing this. You're an inspiration :happyheart: I'm very thankful you're here too.

:l Judie

[Beaches]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Thank you both. I am just glad I found you all!

[Hawk]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

NP - Thanks for sharing that - it is indeed a time for reflection and graditude! Thank you for the reminder.

Di - Glad the dental work is done - now be pampered!

Lush - Amen on the dishwasher!!!

[fsophiah]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21st,

Whoa! What a day! Allie, it's hard to read your posts because you are so charming and intelligent and witty that it's hard to imagine you in such a dark place. Do you feel suicidal? I have to ask. Don't be offended. What you are feeling about yourself is so out of synch with what you are perceived to be that I have to suspect that you are really, really depressed. I'm worried about you. I think we all are. Judie, can you come along in your kayak and pull Allie out of the water?