Thurs. Jan. 4th

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Gotta make the donuts....gotta make the donuts...

Gotta test the children...gotta test the children...

Just thought i would start the thread...be back later to actually write something meaningful.

Have a great day!!

Beth

P.S. Look at my avatar...Allie's feet!!!

[soccermom]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Good Morning Everyone!
Beth--Great goals---
Gotta get to work on time...gotta get to work on time...
I'm not gonna get to work on time..not gonna get to work on time..
Allie--great shoes!
Hope everyone has a wonderful day!
sm-mary

[gypsi]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Why is it...

...so easy to meet drinking goals when life is good, yet so difficult to meet them when life goes to crap? When I first started here, it was relatively easy to cut back on the drinking, yet now almost all I can think about is how soon I can get out the door to the bar and start drinking. To say I am disappointed in myself is an understatement, which of course starts this downward spiral into guilt and self-loathing. How to break the cycle? The first part is the desire to break it, which I can't seem to find. That which was so easy last September now seems almost impossible. How have others found their way back to sobriety? Part of me really wants to get back to where I was, but I just can't seem to find my way even with all the tools available here...

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Hi everybody.

Gypsi, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are going through a crisis with your husband, and it is only natural that you would want to retreat to a safe psychological haven that will help you cope -- drinking. You are right that it is easier to cut back when life is going well. Several years ago when my business collapsed almost overnight, my life as I knew it was over. I drank five liter boxes of wine a day and ate everything in site. It was my way of coping -- not a good way and it sure didn't help the rest of my family who staunchly stood by me. I went from 110 lbs to 180 lbs in six months. And just one day, I woke up and said, "I've had enough". Went to weight watchers lost the weight, fought the people who caused the collapse, got a new career, and slowly but sure, am finding my way back.

Don't get me wrong, Gypsi, a career is nothing compared to losing a loved one, but the grieving is very similar. My point is that you have to deal with the grief the best way you can, and you are not a bad person because you are going to a familiar escape place. Give yourself some breathing space. Have you thought about joining a support group for families of terminally ill patients. Your husband's hospital or doctor should be able to help you. Some hospitals actually provide profiles where they offer special groups for people who are struggling with particular issues during the grieving period, like alcohol-dependent reliance due to stress from terminally ill family members. Maybe if you get together with others so that you recognize that what you are doing is natural, maybe it will help boost your confidence level. I'm not a doctor and certainly can't give you medical advice. I'm just sharing what I have learned from family and friends who have gone through similar experiences. If you are part of a religious organization, you can also seek help from your religious leader. They generally have a wide referral base for this sort of thing. I wish you well and will keep you in my prayers.

Love,
MM

P.S. Allie Love the shoes

[InnerStrength]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Hi Gypsi
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. MM's advice is fantastic though - you shouldnt beat yourself up about this.You are going through extreme emotional turmoil! But, you are back and asking for help and we are here.
I have found myself reverting back to old bad habits as well over the holidays. I got ridiculous drunk on several ocassions and embarassed myself and my husband. I am deeply ashamed and I am not even going through the emotional turmoil that you are.
All I can do today is pick myself up and try again. I had gone off the topamax, which I am starting again today. I was not taking the supps (slacking) which I am going back on 100% today. I will be committing to an exercise/walking regime. There is nothing we can do about the past. Nothing. All we can do is help ourselves today.
So, let's grab each other's hands and let's start again. We can do this. I know we can.
Great big hug to you and to all here
Love Jen

[Popeye]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Hi All

Gypsi,
It's really good to hear that you are still with us.
Please don't be too hard on yourself.
Others before me have said more than I could.
Try, try and try again.....

[Preciouspinot]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

I too think MM's advice is right on target. We can support you the best way we know how and we all have a great, deep affection for you and your well being but, I think it would be an even added bonus if you also shared your experiences and grief with others who are also in your shoes now or have been in the past. The hospital or your husband's doctor would be a great place to start. You might even be able to find a place on line as well. I pray for you and your husband and am always thinking of you.

[MKR]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Gypsi dear,

MM and the others here have offered excellent suggestions. None of us can really know the depths of this struggle you are going through. There will be a day, down the line that it will be your time to deal with the drinking. In the meantime, please be gentle on yourself. You are doing the best you can under the circumstances. You may still be doing better than you did before MWO, you had just accomplished so much in September that you are feeling upset that you won't be able to make it back to that place. I think you will just give it time. Grief can be a wholly incomprehensible animal in how it affects each of us.

Finding a support group out there and coming back here to share with us is a great idea.

Hugs and Love,
Mary

[lushy]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

As usual Gypsi I empathize with you as when I was going through the death of my parents I drank all of the time. However, looking back I realize I was completely alone. I worked at home, had few friends and those I had could not relate to what I was going through because their parents were healthy. I wish now I would have joined a support group or had an online group like this one.

Whatever you decide to do please know we are here to support you. What you are going through is just an unbelievably traumatic thing at a time in your life when you would least expect it. Do the best you can.

Morning to all of the rest of you...........:l

[Allie]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Gypsi,
I echo what the others have said and they probably said it all much more eloquently than I could have anyway. I can relate in a way with my Mom battling terminal cancer right now. I just got home from the hospital as she had her weekly chemo treatment today. It really makes you evaluate everything precious and dear in your life.

As the new year approached I realized that I had not really made any new goals as far as the drinking issue, and feeling like tackling a whole month of Abs was unattainable and setting myself up for failure. I just didnt want to start off the new year by failing. So I very nervously brought the whole subject up with my husband and told him that I knew I had made huge strides this year, but didnt want to get complacent and not continue to push forward. I told him that I felt like I needed to try and not drink at all during the week to begin with. He very politely interrupted me asked if he could say something in response to that... so I was waiting for him to tell me that was not "good enough" or something. But he said that he felt like even THAT was setting myself up for failure, and that what he would like to see is for me to commit to two days a week, and not two in a row, of no drinking. To pick the days, and come hell or high water, that I will not drink on those two days. Like Sunday and Wednesday or something. That way if it is hard, I dont have to do it two days in a row. He said after a month or so of that, he would like me to up it to three days for a month or so, and so on. He really wants me to take small bites at this where I KNOW I can be successful. The other thing he asked is that I would be completely honest with him every day. He wants me to keep a journal of my thoughts, struggles, etc in this arena and leave it where he can read it everyday. That way he can know if I'm having a hard time and it makes it a lot easier than having to sit him down each day. I thought this was a terrific idea. You guys may think its terrible, but I am really excited about it. Its so hard for me to open up to him when I struggle. I am on cloud nine knowing that he wants to support me in this way and be intimately involved with my day-to-day progress and setbacks.

Oh and about those shoes on Beth's avatar.... you have to read yesterday's thread for her explanation! I promise I dont own those.... Beth and I were having a blast on New Year's day shopping and we got carried away trying on goofy shoes! Notice that the shoes are still "hooked" together! That's why I had to stand sideways so you couldnt tell as much! I have GOT to figure out how to get the picture of HER shoes (hot pink) off of my cell phone camera and onto my computer so I can blackmail her. HA. That pink bubble on my avatar might be replaced real soon with pink shoes....

Have a great day!
Allie

[Preciouspinot]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

I am no where near the communication level with my hubby as you are with yours but, out of the blue yesterday he says, "oh, I see you're trying abs now." ......he actually said "abs".....I freaked he actually knows the lingo...don't know how to feel about that one...

[Allie]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

He's a lurker here PP..... LOL:H

[lushy]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

that is nice to have such a supportive husband Allie. Mine would be as well IF I would talk to him about it. I am very tightlipped about this with him for some reason and I know he would like to know more. He knows about this site and that I am trying to cut back but I guess because he does not struggle with this issue at all I just do not feel the need to talk with him. It is like me talking about my weight struggle with my friend who weighs 95 pounds. She does not get it.

I will say, however, I 100% agree with him about starting out with two days a week and not even in a row so you will definitely succeed. You sound like you have been moderating extraordinarily so it really should not be all that hard for you. When does school start?

PP, your husband knew the term abs? Maybe your husband is really Macks or Fan and you do not know it? Hmmmm, food for thought............

[InnerStrength]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

LOL Lusch!

[Waves 2]

Thurs. Jan. 4th

Gypsi, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. You just felt that you were making headway with facing your problem and a far deeper problem was thrown in your path. Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. I can't imagine having to face what you are but I think that MM was right in what she said about trying to find some sort of support. I tend to shut out the world when a serious situaton hits me but having done that in the past I know it's not really a good thing to do. As far as the alcohol problem is concerned ,Allie's idea of small chunks where you can succeed is good. Having said all of that just getting through one day at a time without breaking is success at the moment I would think.

Love and giant hugs,
waves xx:l