AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

[gypsi]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Excellent Topic

How well I remember being told to wash the same damn windows, over and over, because we lived on a dirt road and someone drove down the road and kicked up dust...

I am also a perfectionist, like many of you, which is perhaps why this situation I'm going through is so difficult-
"If I absolutely stick to his pill schedule, he'll get better..." "If I don't miss one single appointment..." "If I keep the house spotless, maybe he'll get better..."

And on and on the litany goes, as most of you know. The endless voice in your head that says, "If only you do X, you'll get/be Y."

Tiring, isn't it?

[gypsi]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Update on spouse

Just to let you all know -
After two months of hearing nothing but "no this, no that, no we can't do surgery, yadda, yadda, yadda," we finally got a ray of hope yesterday. Although spouse has a tumor on his skullbone that's growing rather than shrinking, and although it's too big for stereotactic radiation, our radiation onconologist found a doc in Seattle that's willing to do surgery on spouse and remove the part of his skull that has the tumor :woot:

This is a huge step, as it means that someone has finally stopped saying "no" and is willing to treat him as more than a palliative care patient.

[lushy]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

THat is excellent news Gypsi and I will be praying for excellent results. Seattle is a great place to come for cancer care. Please keep us up to date.

[Preciouspinot]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Great news Gypsi! I am so glad to hear.

[MKR]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Oh Gypsi - Great to hear from you and GREAT NEWS! Your thoughts "if only" rang real true with me.

Mike - your post this morning - I sure needed that laugh Thanks!

A lot of us grew up in what Judie calls those situations that "built character." Well we have a lot of characters around here huh?!!

[Saint Jude]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Gypsi, That is such great news! Definately still praying for the best here..

My Dad had a tumor in his pituitary gland about 15 years ago, they removed the whole thing, gland included,... so far, so good...

They really can do some amazing things. With a bit of help from up above ... I'm sure.:wings:

[lushy]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Fan, those are three really good stories. You sound like you are having a great Friday night. Does it remind you of a song by any chance??

[Lucy Van Pelt]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

gypsi

that is great news

NEVER give up hope!!

My neice was diagnosed with god awful cancer almost 6 years ago....basically everyone dies within a couple of years...well...she is stll surviving...now a junior at princeton university...Hopefully going to Scotland for 4 months for a study abroud program...so...never give up the fight.

[Waves 2]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Gypsi, I am so pleased that at last there is a glimmer of hope shining through your darkness.:l

[pansy]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Hi all,

I read this thread last night, but put off posting until today. Just finished wrapping my last Christmas present to send out - really, I am NOT kidding (well, actually I have one more gift to buy and send). I think I might get it mailed on Monday, if I make to the Post Office. Today I am going to open some Christmas and Happy New Year cards . It took me 10 years to finish my dissertation. Sometimes I just give up - it is overwhelming.

Guess these posts really hit home. There is too much that I could write and it is kind of overwhelming. I grew up in a very critical home. There are many things I cannot do: peel potatoes, make casseroles, vacuum (yes, I also am deficient at that), rake leaves (my dad used to put out lawn chair and watch, critique with drink in hand), and many other things. I am not blonde enough. It is good you are smart, because no one will ever marry you (thanks Mom).

My parents deemed me too fat, hence my constant preoccupation with weight. Throughout my childhood, random weigh-ins to find out how much I weighed did not help. Being FORCED to go to Weight Watchers camp (when I was really only slightly tubby and VERY active) in middle school was pretty bad. In high school (when I was about a size 12 -14), I had to go live with grandparent because my father could not stand to look at me - too fat. It is ironic that I have a brother who is anorectic. Wonder where he got those messages?

This is all stuff that I guess I will work on for a long time. I am trying to let a lot of this go and just be happy with who I am. I do not have to save the world every day. My house can be a mess. Seems funny that so many of us are struggling with these kinds of issues. It is just too tiring to think about. Today will be a non-family day ....

Going to have a good day ... and get rid of clutter. Thanks for this thread. It really made me think.

Hugs,
Pansy

[MKR]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Pansy - it is really tough emotions to get over. I am so sorry to hear that you went through that. You can get past a lot of it. I see your strength. . . good for you!

Hugs,
Mary

[pansy]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Thanks Mary,

You are sweet. I have done a lot of work (therapy) to overcome these things, but every once in awhile it does come back. Reading these posts actually reminds me of how far I really have come. Really, I am mostly a pretty happy person. I am very lucky (sorry Lucky, you are LUCKIER). Those things are all in the past. People in the "real" world do not see me that way. To them, I am successful, competent, on the ball.

However, when I get really crazy about too much to do, it helps to remember why I get that way. Work had me nutso last week. Did I really need to get that whacked about it? I am not sure .... I guess I will think about that tonight when I get ready for Monday ....

Hugs,
Pansy

[tumadre]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

PERFECTIONISM (Was 1.5.07)

You are all so beautiful in your hearts, with your words, and (from some of the profile pictures) pretty awesome in person also!
There is so much pain in some of those posts...:h Do we carry this around with us?

Fan-You peeked inside my mind, once again...it's a wonder any of us speak at all, with all those words running around in our heads! It's a wonder that we can even hear others tell us how incredible they think we are, with all that noise in there!

I'm stepping carefully here with my words, as I don't want to offend anyone. I only have one person in my life who is similar to some of our descriptions; my sister-in-law, with whom I have a very strong love-hate relationship. She is, and has been, an alcoholic for the 26 years that I have known her. In her family circle, she no longer speaks to many of her own primary family members (perfectionistic alcoholic parents, of course). Every few years, she loses another of her best friends due to a "disagreement". With her, you are either "in/with her" or "out/discussed with everyone as to what you've done wrong".
It is very difficult to listen to her describe my brother's daily activities, and how she pushes him to succeed. And succeed he does, but at what price? She is incredibly involved in community fund-raising and their Catholic Church. We just spent the holidays there. Their 3 children are perfect, and I love them dearly. However, after an encounter with her, I'm horrified at how she treats them at times (verbally abusive), then turns and becomes loving and goes to great lengths to describe exactly how they have succeeded...ad nauseum. And they've been trained to respond with gratitude at how their mother has sacrificed, continues to do for them, and that they wouldn't be the person(s) they are without her. A great deal of bowing and scraping occurs. They are beautiful, bright, extremely musical/athletic/academic superstars.
My reaction is to feel as if I haven't pushed my children hard enough. I always come away from her with a renewed effort to "make something more" of my children. Their cousins are at Johns Hopkins, MIT, a year abroad in Brussels, 1st cello, Homecoming Queen, etc. I begin to question myself, once again. How are my kids to reach their potential if I do not drive them, push them! If I'd just pushed harder, my daughters would be doing the mainstream college track instead of the more alternative approach to education and life that they are in the midst of (and, to be honest, on most days, sounds pretty interesting). But, (the other half argues), they could have learned to play a classical instrument if I'd just kept at them, or pushed harder academically. Ugghh! I tear myself up at times, second guessing.

The bottom line is that I truly like my daughters as people. They are my friends, they're interesting, funny, beautiful and bright, just like their cousins. But could they be more?!

There is so much I, personally, could be succeeding at, if I'd just move on it and not analyze it to death. So, it's not just my daughters whom I'm thinking of/comparing her to. I'm also comparing and judging myself.
Therein lies the rub. It really comes down to me, and how am I to deal with it?
So, a bit of a vent. It's just hard, sometimes, to know the best course of action when you're a parent (and an imperfect perfectionist). My second-guessing (of my life) is rearing its ugly head, and it breathes fire when I visit my family.

Thanks for being here-
Tumadre

And no, I did not go back and edit this post...

[mimi]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Isn't what we are all doing battle with, this idea that now isn't the right time? Trying to figure out how to 'be here now?'

I think my whole struggle with ETOH could be summarized in this: "tonight will be different." And then 'tonight' comes, and I have a dozen reasons from the day to justify why I should put off to tomorrow the goal i set for myself for tonight. I look back at journals started two years ago to track my goals and changes and they could have been written last week. Yesterday for that matter.

It helps me to remember the meditation instruction I learned, to deal with the mind wandering off. The instruction is, this is the nature of the mind, to wander off. Be gentle with it, as you would with an untrained puppy. Just bring it back. And then bring it back again.

Someone told me that an airplane aimed at a destination is actually pointing directly at it about 5% of the time. Everything else is course correction.

I'm saying this as a reminder to myself, today, as much as for anyone else....

[lushy]

AND A GOOD FRIDAY TO YOU, SIRs MADAMs: 1.5.07

Tumadre, powerful post indeed. I too wonder if I am "pushing" my daughter hard enough because I want her to be able to have a successful career, if she so chooses when she is older, but I am much more concerned with her being a good, kind and loving person which she most definitely is. I have emphasized that much more than sports and academics. You sounds like you have let your children be free spirits of sorts and they sound like they have had wonderful adventures and experiences (didn't one of them just go to Costa Rica or some place like that?). Sorry, I think that is much more of a life lesson than being Homecoming Queen. Sounds like you sister-in-law is very insecure and controls everyone in her family to be how she wishes she was.

And Mimi, I understand the goals in your journal. I, too, have the same goals I set out for myself 10 years ago and have accomplished very little of them. Instead I have drank and put off life. Time for us to change that I would say. Loved the plane analogy. I will think of that often......