Monday January 8

[C]

Monday January 8

Fan,
What's wrong?? What happened??? Just net it out...please

[C]

Monday January 8

EUSTACIA...

EUSTACIA DEAR!

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! WORTHLESS, SO MANY MISTAKES. LET PEOPLE DOWN --
AND SINCE YOU ARE SO RAW AND SENSITIVE YOU CANNOT BEAR ANYTHING CRITICAL FORM YOUR HUSBAND. YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BEAR IT ..HIS HARSHNESS!!! I KNOW !!!

STOP!!!!! --THIS IS THE DEPRESSION SETTING IN AND YOU KNOW IT!!! GIVE THAT DEPRESSION A COUPLE DAYS!!

Forget the drinking, 3 oz of wine is nothing & you know that. That is not your problem. (unless it is more)

YOU WILL NOT JUMP OFF ROOF (or do what I was going to do -- lavendar bath, slit wrists). YES..YOU HAVE HAD THE THOUGHT...SO F....IN WHAT!

OH -- SO YOU HAVE A HIGHLY INTELLIGENT, SPUNKY, NY BRED DAUGHTER??? Wonder why?? How many times I have heard, and other mothers have heard, our daughters say that they hate us!!. IT IS THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP --BABE!!

OH -undisciplined --oh -- you mean creative, imaginative, taught to express herself????

Oh Eustacia... I know how you feel...and I am glad you shared so forthrightly Babe...HANG IN....HEY..I KNOW YOU WILL..because your daughter desparately needs you throughout the rest of her life!!!! And the world needs your beautiful mind!!! I AM SERIOUS.
Love~C


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wish that I could die. My family is back in NYC and my husband is back in his gruff NYC mode. He is on his way here. I called him three times today and told him that I could not handle any more of his hostilitily. He was too busy to speak with me except once for about 30 seconds and he just told me that I'd have to find somewhere else to live because he was going nowhere and then hung up on me. Our kid is coming home with him. I am completely falling apart. I cannot handle being around gruff people. I just drank about 3 ounces of wine. I don't want to drink anymore.

I could fearlessly jump off of the roof but I cannot do that to my child, even though she'd still have her father and even though she said yesterday that she does not like me. I believe that she does not like me. I am the only person who sets any rules or guidelines and she resents it. I am getting called in to her school (again) because she is completely undisciplined.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just disappear. I feel completely without hope.

[Accountable for Me]

Monday January 8

E, Deep breaths!

E--

I am with Chrysalis on this one. It is the depression setting in. You are a worthy, loving individual. It is all about the 'mother/daughter' relationship. It is perfectly normal for a daughter to tell their mother they don't like them. I have seen it with my friend's children. I have experienced it myself. All too normal. HORMONES!!!!

When coming off of the alcohol, everything is still very distorted and we are feeling sensitive and often attacked (defensive). This will pass. It really will.

Take deep breaths and a hot bath or make a cup of soothing tea. We are here for you.

[Guest]

Monday January 8

Eustacia,

You've just gotta get through the next little bit here, then you can start being our wonderful, insightful, loving, respected, unique woman we love.
As for the bad thoughts... I can certainly say I understand. I was there a couple wks ago, and last February as well. Thank God for the kids because they were the only thing stopping me from driving my car off the highway... oh... I'm sorry so dark, but it's true. I proceeded to turn my life around and you will too. Remember, you are doing what you are doing for YOU. Your daughter as well, but for YOU. If you can, perhaps just pull out your inner strength and beauty and strength and move forward. Do something that makes you feel good (of course, not drinking, if it can be avoided). I KNOW it's tough. Just went through a crappy thing with my husband too. But it's BETTER now. And I can't fathom not being around for the wonderful things that happen every day.
Eustacia, you are worthy of feeling good and worthy of not allowing someone else's sh*tty mood invading on the happiness you deserve.
I say ignore the bugger, if he's gonna act like that. Do your own thing. Show joy and happiness. It's sure to rub off.
Yes, easier said than done. I know. You know I know! It might take a couple days, but it can be done. Trust me .
Love ya, girl. I'll PM you my #. We're all in this together.

And everyone else, remember there are always 2 sides to a story. Don't know what your hubby is going through, Eustacia, but I know mine was devastated when I was getting all this negative feedback from the website and people thought he was a horrible person. It didn't help the situation, although I know you guys were just trying to protect me:h .

OK, stay close, E. Lay it all out there and we will listen.
Love,

[Cashregister]

Monday January 8

E-

I don't know how many times I told my mum that.

As for the depression, that's real and you should talk to someone about it - even a confidential phone line. If you starting to think like that then you are very depressed. Your daughter does not mean that, and if you did something to yourself she wold spend the rest of her life blaming herself or trying to work out what she could have done to "save" you. That's what I got told when I was in your shoes but with Post-natal depression - the children (and others) will always blame themselves.

You are so important, and your daughter needs you, and you need to be healthy and happy. Please please try and speak to someone...it saved my life.

Look after yourself - please.

Lots of love

Cash

xxx

[Quiescent]

Monday January 8

E, I'm so sorry!

I just want you to know that I have three daughters. My oldest daughter seems to hate me when things aren't going her way and just loves me to pieces if she wants something (imagine that?) I know your daughter loves you......she is just very saavy at pushing your buttons! "I don't like you" or "I hate you" are the best ways kids can hurt us to the core, and they know it. She may resent the rules now but some day she will happy that you cared enough to give her the guidence that she needs.

As for the husband, don't leave! Mother and child should stay in the residence no matter what!

Take good care, I will be thinking of you:lilangel: :l :h :angel:

[1234mwqv]

Monday January 8

E,
As for whether or not your daughter loves you, of course she does. And you know that she does. You know that without any of us telling you that. Mothers and daughters have a bond that no one can ever understand.
Should you stay with your husband? If your personal safety is in danger in any way, then the answer is no. Even if you need to temporarily get out until things can be sorted out, you should find a safe place to go until things cool down. If I am jumping to conclusions, ignore that advice. I don't know your husband but you describe him as someone that seems a little angry. You don't want to fight in front of your daughter and if there is any chance that he will become physical than get out immediately.
In terms of drinking, don't worry about 3 ounces. Just don't get carried away. Please let us know what is going on.
Do you have relatives nearby? What is your support system like?
Thinking of you.

[Saint Jude]

Monday January 8

Eustacia,
I'm so sorry to hear you're going thru this. Please be strong and know that you will get thru it just fine.
I'm sure your daughter loves you... who wouldn't?
Know that we're all thinking and praying for for you, Sweetie.


Don't let others set limits for you. If someone says "it can't be done", it usually means that it can't be done by their rules.

Love ya,
Judie

[vinophile]

Monday January 8

Eustacia,
What our kids say to us can be so devastating!!!!
Please keep the issue between you and your husband separate from what your daughter says to you. We all can say what we don't mean and that is especially true of kids. Believe me I have 3 teenagers and my skin is as tough as nails now!!! I could shrivel up and die when I think of what they have said.
At this point keep the issues with your husband separate. We all love our kids no matter what and they should know that.
Problems with your husband are a separate issue.
I love reading your post E as you have fabulous insight and are a tower of strength.
I'm thinking of you and know you will get trhough this.
Hugs to you!!!!
Janet

[tawnyfrog]

Monday January 8

Eustacia,

I remember reading your very first, extremely eloquent post and thinking "Wow ... what woman!"

My opinion has not changed one iota.

"Wow ... what a woman!" - a woman who will weather this storm aswell.

Stay strong.

PS. Have you ever told old Grumpy Bum to pull his head in?

[Hawk]

Monday January 8

E -

What great advice has been posted here already. I can only echo it - not add something unthought of. What I can tell you is I was a total Daddy's girl and lashed at at my Mom frequently. When my dad died, I was absolutely lost. I was always close to both, but more to my Dad. I realize now that I would be lost without my Mom. LOST. And I guess I knew that all along - I just needed a reminder.

I pray that things work out for you and your family. You deaerve the best my friend. You are a beautiful spark of life here - don't change that. It will get better.

[Popeye]

Monday January 8

Hi Eustasia

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. You are a lovely lady.
My daughter (23 now) has told me she hates me on many occasions. It never gets any easier to hear, but she allways comes around. They are just words. Kids will say anything sometimes just to get a reaction.
Let us know how you are .....PLEASE.

[Olly]

Monday January 8

E,
Just want to add my love and concern.... I hope you're feeling better. Although it's hard, and sometimes harder than hard, remember in your darkest moments to just hang on, "for this too shall pass." I hope all of the obvious love and concern here for your spirit will remind you that you are truly precious and a gifted soul. We all want to help you as much as we can. Please keep posting!!
Olly:h

[eustacia]

Monday January 8

Wow. I am so touched by the outpouring of support. It truly meant the world to me. I do want to apologize for causing people to worry about me jumping off the roof. It is only a fantasy, I would never do that to my daughter.

I drank a great deal more than usual tonight. I was drinking wine spritzers and so I'm not sure exactly how much wine I consumed but it's probably somewhere between 16 and 20 ounces.

I haven't yet slept. My room is overly warm and yet I cannot stop trembling. My soul is chilled. There are a couple of things that my husband says to me that are on my mind right now. One is that I am "too sensitive." My internal retort is "I am too alive???" The other is that I am weak. Unfortunately, I don't have a comeback for that one. Maybe he is right.

Lushie, Thanks for your concern about marital counseling. I've tried to get my husband to go many times. Typically, I make the appointment and he forgets to show up.

Mike, Thank you for reaching out to me through your own pain. You don't complain much so I'm concerned that something is quite awry with you.

Hawk, Not Powerless, Rachele, Judie, Paul and probably a few others whom I'm missing, You guys got it so right. I'm not upset (terribly anyway) about what my daughter said. I just get frightened that her father is so permissive that our highly imaginative child is going to find herself in a dangerous situation someday. Also, I'm worried that my continued involvement with the school is counterproductive. Still, this school treats its charges like they are hot house orchids. I'm sure that if I skip the next conference that there will be fallout. A visit from Child Protective Services because of a neglectful mom or a dismissal for my daughter because of my lack of cooperation are two things that I worry about.

123MWQV, I am not worried about physical violence from my husband. I'm the one who is being violent, albeit, only to my self. I'm drinking way too much! Thank you for your concern.

Janet, I think that your advice is wise. I am trying to keep my daughter out of the fray. Putting her in the center of things is certainly not going to get her to love me! Yesterday I placed an ad for an apartment. I hope that I can find something that I can afford. I'll miss her but I don't want her to live around all of this tension.

Olly, I keep telling myself that this, too, shall pass. It does bring me some calm.

Tawny, Leave it to you to make me laugh through tears with your description of "grumpy bum!" It is so true. I wish that I could figure out how to post a video of Grumpy Bum for all to see. He really does define the term.

Chrysa, Thank you for helping "unpack" the situation a bit in order that I could see it a bit clearer.

Allie, Thanks so much for being there for me. I know that you're struggling, too.

Becca, I know that you understand a great deal about what I'm going through. Thank you for trusting me with you phone number. I just might call.

Anyone I've missed, thank you, too.

:heart: E

[Mackeral]

Monday January 8

Hello E,

We havnt spoke to much but what i can gather from your posts, you are a very intelligent lady, and one i admire.
Its hard enough going through this, without having extra problems on top.
I think its the same the world over...Mums get all the responcible jobs...and Dads are for fun...My eldest daughter is starting to realise that and respects her mum more and more each day...As i'm sure yours will..
Apart from that i dont know what to say other than you have everyones support here....And we all wish you happiness as soon as possible.:l