Thursday, Feb. 8th

[Allie]

Morning muffs...
Just starting us out today. Woke up at 5:30 this morning to my oldest son calling me on my cell phone from upstairs because he was so sick. He thinks he got food poisoning from eating leftover cheesecake from his birthday a week ago. Severe stomach pain, so I'm not sure what to make of it. It seemed like nothing I gave him helped, so I just laid there with him and rubbed his back for an hour and finally he has fallen asleep and now I need to get the little one ready for school! I think I am going to crawl back in bed after I get home... sooo that's about it!

Hope everyone else has a perkier day ahead!
Happy Thurs...
Allie

[InnerStrength]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Good morning all!
Allie I am sorry to hear that your son is sick! I hope he feels better soon and that your day looks up!
Fan - I hope you manage to find some you time in there somewhere amongst your busy schedule!
I am feeling good today - have been AF 5 days straight - today is day 6 (I promise I wont announce it every single day, just for the first bit - if it gets annoying, please let me know - it just feels good right now ) -
I am thinking I should actually try to wade through some of the contracts/paperwork that has begun to pile up on my desk but I will check in later my lovely muffins/muffin men....well, that as well as planning my wonderful Valentine's day outfit and smashing poem!
Love you all
Jen

[Allie]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Thanks Mike...
I am feeling and doing so much better! I'm just trying not to talk about Lex too much because I know you guys are probably getting sick of it. But this has just made all the difference for me. I have had wine here and there since being on it, but the difference is it that I almost have to force myself to finish a glass, and if I do and pour a second, it just does NOT get finished. Its just that "mental" craving that I am trying to satisfy because my physical body is saying... NO! The eating part is a little better. PMS helps me to eat more! LOL So I've gained a few pounds back, so hubby is happy about that. Okay off my Lexapro soap box. Just wanted to give an update on it as a few of you have asked!

Love to all! (Oh, and Lex wont let me go back to sleep either, so here I am instead!)
Allie

[Hawk]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

hi everyone -

Still battling the cold. Man - I forgot how much they take out of you!

Allie - so good to see you feeling better. Hope the food poisoning passes soon - that's no fun.
Jen - Congrats on 5 days. That's awesome. You go girl.
Mike - Nice to "see" you. Stay warm. Its cold here too - Alaska cold!

To all those yet to check in - have a super day!

[Preciouspinot]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Hello to all!! Everyone sounds so chipper and positive today. I got my new hi-tech laptop today to replace the one that got stolen so my day will be spent setting it up and transfering all my documents. WIll check in later...someone is here in my office..shhhhh

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Good morning everybody!!! Allie, sorry to hear that your son is sick. Hope he feels better soon. I am glad that you are doing so much better.

Hey, Mike, glad to hear from you. So, what sport are you into now that football is wearing down. Are you a basketball fan? Ice hockey?

Jen, CONGRATULATIONS!!! SOOOO terrific. And please, don't stop posting your days; it really helps me. When people post their AF's it acts as a gentle reminder that I have goals too! If people can be strong enough to go AF, then I should be strong enough to stick to my mods -- a lot less painful!

Hawk, I know what you mean about the cold, I'm two hours south of you!!!

Hey, PP, glad to hear you were able to replace your laptop -- enjoy!

Hope everybody has a great day!!!

Monica

[MKR]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Don't you just love all those crazy little quarks, atoms, and molecules, that unceasingly manifest themselves into whatever you're thinking, no matter how big and daunting, small and simple, or rich and gorgeous?

Just look at 'em all right now.

**** The Universe


----------------------------------------

Waves, hand is up! YEP, but it is an easier addiction and probably healthier!!

Lush and Rachele, LOVE your avatars!!

Rachele congrats on the AF days in there too!

Hey Jen, I think the cheerleader stays - It's how we see all of you. Great job AF Jen and it is OK to talk about AF we are quite proud of you!!

Allie, so sorry about your son, hope he feels better soon. Also please do tell about Lex as this has been so GOOD for you, we love to hear great stories too!

Hawk, wish you felt better. Sending you healing hugs.

PP, so sorry to hear about your antisocial client. We have 3 psychologist and 1 psychiatrist in our building. The psychiatrist is right next door to me. (You'd figure I would be in better shape . . . Right?) Anyway, back to the story. I can usually tell their patients walking the building. It was abut 8:30 one morning as I am walking in and I make a mental note as I see a guy in the parking lot . . .that's one of Lisa's patients. Low and behold the guy knocks on my office door and I still think I am just sending him down the hall to Lisa's. NOT exactly . . . he was my new client scheduled for 9:30. Sometimes first impressions are so right on . . this one sure was! Glad to hear you got a new laptop! Hope it has everything you want and need on it.

Betty, I totally missed the once upon a time deal but I think Paul is a great guy. I hope he is feeling better today.

Beth, how is your niece? Been thinking about her, please know she is in our prayers.

Where's Judie, now I am worried about that migraine.

Mike, good to see you. Funny how that list works!

MM, you sound good too! I agree on posting, in fact I need to get over to the drink tracker. It does help keep you on track.

I started yesterday at 7am meeting and finally got home at 9:45 last night. Long day since I had 2 benadryl for the allergies throughout the day. Had about a half glass of wine at the dinner meeting but was so zonked on the benadryl couldn't really make it through the rest without falling asleep. Network, network, network.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day today!

Hugs and Love to all,
Mary

[lushy]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Hi everyone!

Allie, hope your son gets better. I can relate to your morning. My daughter has been sick all week, leaving me very sleep deprived. And keep touting the benefits of Lexapro. I might ask my doctor for some if you keep having such success with it.

Jenneh, you posted a very interesting question on Mandy's Aching Head thread. I think you should post it here and see what responses you get. It gave me something to think about for sure.

No time to personally address everyone this morning. I am running late again...........group hug!!!

MKR, we were posting at the same time. I hope those pesky allergies go away soon.

[InnerStrength]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

OK sure I can raise it here.

Mandy was saying that she had slipped the night before and she had said that despite her 26 days AF, obviously "the problems were still there!" and I commented this:

Hi guys
One thing that Mandy said that struck me was "the problems are still there"!
This is something that worries me. While I am pushing for these days of AF, I DO sometimes think (example, when I am thinking of an approaching weekend and whether I can allow myself to drink), "so arent the problems still there?" - if I try the AF days, in the back of my mind I am always wondering, am I REALLY actuallyl changing anything? Is my mindset changing? Is the "addiction" changing? Can it? Are my struggles, in other words, really making any difference?
My mother seems to think that the only "tools" that can actually beat this are through finding a higher power for example, through AA etc. I wonder - how do we beat the "problems" behind this thing? Counselling? etc.? What do you guys think? Does this make sense? How do we ensure that we are REALLY making a difference and addressing this head-on, as opposed to AF days piling up but not really getting well?
Not to be a downer, I have just thought about this before?
Love all
Jen

[InnerStrength]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

My day which was going okay is now turning into a piece of crap. My husband is being completely unsupportive of me. He is screaming in my ear because I said I don't want to go to a party on Saturday night which will involve some heavy drinking because I know I will want to drink....he thinks its because I will be embarassed not drinking- but its not that!!! It's because I will want to drink! I feel like he is forcing me into this decision - I mean, yes I want to accumulate the AF days but I also feel like he is forcing the decision on me in some respects which is making me so resentful of him. I feel like I am living under a microscope - like some days its not necessarily my decision but I have to "live with it" or he will leave. On the one hand, I know the AF days are good for me. On the other hand, forcing the AF days is not ME choosing the AF days. I ask myself, if I was going to go to this party and hubby was not around on saturday would I drink? The answer is yes. I ask myself, if hubby was not around, would I drink this weekend? The answer is very likely yes. SO am I really making any progress?
God, I am depressed now.

[fsophiah]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

The problem is still there...I've been thinking about that too. When I first came here, I was overjoyed to find topamax, and I thought it was a "cure." I was having a terrible time with it, having intestinal problems and general gastric distress, but I just knew that I would find the magic formula that would enable me to take the topa and get over the side effects. I was just so happy with the way it worked on my alcohol cravings and consumption. After quitting topa, then going back, I'm more or less convinced that I'm allergic to it. (The asthma attack should have been a good indicator.) While I've cut back on my consumption, I still love the wine, and I can see the consumption of it creeping back up. Maybe I should ask for Allie's drug.

[MKR]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

I still think it is a "click switch" in your brain. I swear it happened to me. I still do not want my two favs in the house in case I would cave at some point. so there is that thought still running but a bit more distant these days.

Last Saturday evening, I was having my nails done and she was way behind schedule - about 6:30 she offers Cosmopolitans all around. I was super hungry by then and I said no thank you. Here is what went through my head, That sounds delish, that would hit the spot then came . . . the liquor store is on the way home. So rather than tempt myself I said no thank you. b/c if I had left with that drink in me, I would have probably stopped at the store - Hey it was Saturday night right?!

Sunday afternoon visiting my parents at 2 my dad asked me if I want a rum and coke - 2 is rather early for me even when I had been drinking and I really didn't have a taste for it even though it is my absolute favorite - once again that same liquor store on my way home. I said no thanks water is great.

Somewhere in there, it doesn't mean what it use to for me. I think a lot of AF days help. I think the CD's truly set my head in a different place.

The big question is: Can we come to a place where that whole (the store etc) thought process is simply not there? - I don't know. I know I am not at the place to say I feel super strong with a liquor cabinet full of my favorites. I am almost a year into MWO. Maybe I will never reach a place where I have that in my house again and it never calls me. Small price to pay for having my health back though.

And Sophia, awesome on the jobs this summer!!

[Mighty Mouse II]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

I cannot speak for those who are treating their problem with medications. Since I have attacked my problem through behavioral modification techniques, it is from this foundation that I base my comments. While the problem is still there, it is clearly not as bad as it was when I joined the group in October, and it consistently improves.

We have to remember that the longer we behave in a certain way, the longer it takes to modify that behavior. And the more infiltrated it is in our daily lives, the harder it is to change. Alcohol is so hard because it is a wonderful escape and it is also a wonderful social experience. So often we get into a habit, and this is an enjoyable habit, until it grabs you. So if you're used to drinking during activities, then it will be a long time before you can do that activity without wanting a drink.

But additionally, human functions and desires are also based on senses. And this is the one that can catch you unaware. Maybe there was a certain fragrance in the air during your most enjoyable drinking time, or a specific taste, or music -- you get my point. These subliminal triggers can happen and we start drinking, totally unaware that these senses were what triggered it. And that is the most difficult behavioral modification techniques to tackle.

Another area that is really tough is that the pain we have inflicted on others through our abuse has made them unwitting enemies in our desire to stop. They have been trained over the years in triggered responses based on our abuse of them through the drinking. Even if they are aware that we are trying to stop, they can't be expected to just turn off their trained, triggered responses. And we can't expect them not to panic if we show even the slightest slip in our new goals -- and of course all of this just makes it harder to stop.

So, in my usual long-winded way, I am saying that for most of us we drank a long time and it has infiltrated almost everything we do and everyone close to us. It is unreasonable to expect that the desire to stop it will an easy path. We literally have to claw our way out, slipping and moving forward. As long as we continue to move forward in an up-hill trend, then it is worth it. Is the problem gone -- no. Is the solution closer -- yes. We must find peace and strength in the process. Is a higher entity necessary. For myself, I don't think I could have done it without my unwaivering faith in G-d. But I don't feel the need at this point for an official alcoholic abuse program.

Sorry to be so long-winded!!! And I don't even know if this is helpful!! Each one of us is unique and must find our own solutions. But I have found for myself that people who have shared their process, both the good and the bad, have been invaluable for me in getting better. It is in this spirit that I share this information.

Love to all,
Monica

[Waves 2]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Hi all, Good question Jen.

I wish my switch would flip, Mary.

After my 30 days AF I felt great and had a month where I was totally in control. Then I had to go to a meal. I couldn't get to any water, overindulged and slid right down the mountain. Now I am having to claw my way back up. The problem? Yes. It's back with a vengeance. It was just waiting; playing hide and seek.

After every day AF I feel better, healthier, clear-headed etc. But I am also more impatient and hyper.

MM says in one post that mods is less painful than Abs. For me it is easier to not drink at all one night than to start and try to stop after a few glasses.
:l Mary, sorry you are not feeling good again.:l
Love to you all as always
Waves

[lushy]

Thursday, Feb. 8th

Waves, I am in the same boat as you. I am drinking too much and not getting AF days in. I completely agree that going without is easier than trying to moderate; something I obviously have not figured out how to do yet.

And Jen, in response to your question. For me I think my problems are caused because of alcohol. Yes, I have had life traumas and sadness which caused me to start drinking to excess in the first place, but after years and years of daily drinking I have drank away the naturally fun side of me and turned into a moody, angry person who lacks the motivation and excitement for life I used to have. I think every day we can have AF does change us in very positive ways. Even if we are not completely abstinent it is still a positive thing.