Stupid day

[InnerStrength]

Stupid day

Thanks Sammys.
The worst part is that he treats me like this is all my fault - like he is miserable because of me and "my problem".
Oh well I guess it is...
I am cheering up now.

Love Jen

[Mighty Mouse II]

Stupid day

Jen, I actually tried to send this PM because I think probably everyone is tired of hearing my opinions today. But your box is full, which further supports that you are probably overwhelmed with advice. But I feel so much for what you are going through and think that you are such a terrific person. Thus, hopeful that I may bring you some helpful suggestions through my world view, I am sharing my views.

Two thoughts I want to share with you. As I had placed in one of the threads today (when I misunderstood the question!! dah!!!), in a way our loved ones are sick too, as over the years they have developed inappropriate triggered responses, and their fear exacerbates as we try to recover, making it even more difficult. There is substantial case studies on this topic. So, in my humble opinion, I would give the guy a little space. Write the note; see where it goes; but if he gives you an inch, approach him forgivingly; because the fact that he is still there, is a significant sign of his love. But I would not go to the party because if you don't recover, he has already stated that it puts you at risk -- so be stern on your need not to go and why.

One final point -- I would not encourage him to go by himself. I work in a man's world and a man going alone brooding about his mate not going is like bait for other women -- not that your husband would do that -- but why place an already vulnerable man in that position. However, in my own opinion (and you have to do what is best for you), I would not go even if it meant he would go alone -- but I would not make it an easy decision for him to go alone by making it an invitiation.

Again, these are just my suggestions based on what I have seen in my life. Each person must walk their own path and gage their decisions by their own world view. Friends can only provide counsel, but the decision of what to do and how to act rests squarely on each individual. May G-d be resting on your shoulder as you face your challenges.

With great adoration and deep respect,
your friend
Monica

[Beaches]

Stupid day

Monica,
You are so encouraging and open minded. Wonderful insight. I will store this information away for one day when I may need to use it. Thank you

[dilayne]

Stupid day

Hi (((Jenneh)))...great advice here, as always! Husbands can be such stupid jerks sometimes..at least mine has the decency to admit it. He sounds like my guy in some ways...he wants his cake and eat it too..it's just that black and white thinking. If they don't 'get' it..sometimes it can be so frustrating. Hopefully you can bring to him that you really want to be AF and that you need to know if he is going to be supportive of your efforts, not just his efforts. Ask him if he is willing to make some sacrifices while you are finding your footing. You may need to remind him that NOT going to a party is not too much for you to ask as support. Sometimes we all need to have things put in perspective. I don't know the whole situation but I know how one dimensionally my husband can see things sometimes and I know it's my job to find a way to communicate to him in a way that he can hear it...it's so much about communicating. If we aren't clear, then the communication usually just ends of being ego to ego instead of heart to heart. If you can come from your heart..know clearly what you need, and ask for it from that place, he is most likely going to be able to hear you from that place...if you are communicating out of fear, you most likely have your defenses (and ego) up..and as a man, he is going to go into fight mode..it's automatic...he sees an ego to fight, not his loving wife who needs his help.

You are going to be fine Jenneh, you are so good about letting others support you..you are not in this alone and what you are going through is what many of us have to deal with on one level or the other.

Remember, he will hear you most when you can come from a heart space..be vulnerable, real, defenseless..ask for what you need...and be willing to stick to your priorities...

And..he just might not be able to have his cake and eat it too...you need to let him deal with that fact, that is not your problem dear.
Dianne