startagain Tuesday

[Allie]

startagain Tuesday

Hi everyone...
Just wanted to say a few things, because I will not be back on here for a while for many different reasons. I posted last night on yesterday's thread, but I'm sure many of you may not have seen it.

Just to sum a few things up, my Mom had her last chemo treatment yesterday and although that is good, we did not get good news from the doctor. We were not even expecting any prognosis for at least several weeks, so to get a report yesterday and a bad one on top of that was disheartening to say the least.

Secondly, my Dad who had stopped drinking in October because he landed himself in the hospital from a nasty fall down a flight of stairs has decided to resume his old habits which leaves me as primary caretaker for my Mom.

Finally, several of you have asked about Becca here on the mods board and I have gotten many private PMs. I have basically been very evasive or not answered at all. I have been in close touch with Becca, and after talking with her last night and telling her many were asking about her here, she told me to let you guys know a little update. Basically, she was going through a really tough time and unable to really share how much she was struggling. Long and short, she on her own choice was in rehab for a week and is now committed to AA. She said that AA has done more for her in a week than this website has done for her in a year. She sounds terrific and has a spunk and a spark in her voice that I personally have not heard in a long time. She said she may pop in at some point down the road, but will not be an active member here anymore.
She said she misses so many of you, but needs to take care of herself right now.

I too need to take care of my family immediately, and will be leaving to go out of town Thursday, so I am not even planning to take my laptop this trip. I just need to get away. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I love all of you and thank all of you for all the support, care and love that have sustained me through a difficult year! I will be popping in, but I ask for your prayers for my family and for me. As always, Lex is being a good friend through all this! Thanks Lex!

Love to all,:hug:
Allie

[lushy]

startagain Tuesday

Morning everyone!! Wow, what a morning around here.

Allie, as always you will be in my thoughts. I also wish nothing but the best for Becca and hope she has found her answer. She deserves it.

Waves, like I always like to say (and I know it is getting old), you need to focus on all of the positive. You have logged in more 0's in your tracker than most of us moderators. I know you feel bad today but please look at how far you have come. Keep making goals for yourself. I know you will make it.

Sophiah, wow those are quite some things to think about. With all of your vast experience I am sure you could take this retirement offer and find a fulfilling part-time job, if that is your desire. And I completely relate to your brother. I have one of those who is just a complete and utter ass. He cannot even string a sentence together without saying something either stupid or caustic. Fortunately when my mom died and left us a little bit of money I was the one in charge or it would have been a nightmare. Family angst can lead you to the wine, but it sounds like you are doing well in that area.

SM-Mary, Don't feel left out. If you would like I can start sending you a Cliff Notes version of everything that happens around here in a day since I seem to always be here.

MKR, I hope you are feeling better. You are such a kind soul.

Jude, how is the headache?

MM - Enjoy the day off.

Beaches, Your kids must be thrilled with the snow finally. I hope it is not too messy for you to get out of town.

Ilex, I am not one to give advice on how to mods because some days are better than others for me. However, I do know if I had 30 days under my belt and I were feeling real positive about that, I might consider continuing on with it and then just allowing yourself a certain number of drinks on a day or two in the week. I don't know, it is really such a personal thing. I wish you the best and hope you will keep us informed on how you are doing.

Sammy, hope you are warming up.

Fan, as always, you da man and we love you!!!

To all I have forgotten I am sorry. Hugs all the way around.

[Rocky]

startagain Tuesday

My prayers are with you Allie!

[Preciouspinot]

startagain Tuesday

My heart goes out to you Allie....tell Becca I'm glad to hear she's doing well...

[betty boop]

startagain Tuesday

Allie, My prayers are with you and your family .....

Lots of love & hugs :h :l :h :l

Paula xx

[MKR]

startagain Tuesday

Not events, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.

Not the cracking of the bat, but gliding over home plate.

Not the inking of the deals, but the kind of life you'll lead.

Not the scale, the diet or food, but the admiration you have earned.

And not the whens, the wheres, and hows, but the laughter, high-fives, and wows.

Not events, but outcomes. Visualize outcomes.

**** The Universe

______________________
Busy day here on the boards already.

Allie, so very sorry to hear bad news on your mom. Hang in there dear girl, all of us love you. Prayers going out to you and your mom. Mike is right, Becca got to where she is via the journey through the time here on the site. Glad she is in a good place and maybe the rehab center was just the right start for her. Give her our love.

Waves, you have done wonderfully moderating. Making your plan and sticking to it is great!!

Mike, always so profound, I really look forward to your posts. I know you are still young but retirement is probably not even on your radar eh? Sort of a distant dream out there somewhere. You are a great dad and we all applaud you taking care of the babies emotionally and financially.

Ilex, please come see us that would be great. If your little voice says you are not ready yet to stop the AF, don't do it. . . yet. Stick around over here and look at what challenges may come through by doing mods. I have maintained mods pretty well for a few months. My mods look much more like AF with an occasional 1-2 drink evening. It also takes in to consideration my triggers and at that point where I am so upset I feel I MUST go buy the hard stuff and go crazy . . . I have had to breathe calmly and go do something entirely different so that my long term goals are still in place. If you do decide to drink some, have a huge glass of water in between your drinks, sip them rather than drink them down quickly. Best of luck let us know but let your voice be your guide.

Beaches, snow days WAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOO! for the kids - you have to go to work though? Enjoy vacation.. . some of the fun is thinking about it ahead of time.

MM, time off OMG, what do you do with that?!! Have a great day and sorry about your M & D.

Sophia, hard decisions. If you do, will you have the independence you were hoping for? You have some great advise on here. Family, wait until my brothers and sisters realize, I am not the oldest but I am the one in charge of parental living will, their medical, younger sister's manic depression and executor of the estate. don't get me started . . what is that saying you can choose your friends not your family?

Sammys, glad to see you here.

SM Mary, don't feel left out. We love you!!

Lush, how is it going today? did you take a walk yesterday? I know you can do anything you put your mind to!! RAH, RAH RAH! BTW, Where's Jen?

PP, how did the walk go? did I miss that post? Hope you are having a better week than last.

Betty, packed yet?!!

Tough day here again and no my head is not feeling tons better - wrote my husband the note last night, been quite some time since I resorted to that, but his attitude really is tough to be around sometimes . . . I think he is taking him meds, hard to say. I wonder if he finds changes he is trying to make so tough that, he wants to see me fall back into old ways - so he pushes the abuse buttons on me. Makes me sad to live with him. . . Still AF and smoke free though.

hugs and Love to all,
Mary

PS: Judie, come post to let us know you are OK.

[lushy]

startagain Tuesday

Yes, PP. Did I miss how the walk went as well?

MKR, I just e-mailed you but am SO glad to hear your wrote your feelings down for hubby. I hope you start feeling better soon.......and you know what? I finally understood the quote from the Universe and it is what I am trying to change my mindset to. Thanks for sharing.

Jen, where are you? Did you OD on caffeine?

[InnerStrength]

startagain Tuesday

Hi guys I am here, just absorbing it all and thinking.....
Allie, I wish you well and give Becca my love as well. I hope she finds what she has been looking for. She and her family deserve the best.
Everyone else - Love ya!
RAH RAH RAH!
Love Jen

[DidItForMe]

startagain Tuesday

Good morning everyone! As you can tell I am not the early bird in the bunch!

Ilex, I may not be the best person to ask about Mods since I haven't even come close to achieving my goals there. But there is something I would like to share. Last night I was reading a book called "Dry". It's a really good book about, you guessed it, getting sober. The man in the book has just finished 30 days in rehab and is now heading back to the outside world. I remember thinking to myself, WOW how awesome would 30 days feel? If I could make it 30 days, I don't think I would ever drink again. Maybe what I need is to put myself somewhere where I CANNOT drink. My willpower is so weak at times. Then this morning I read your post that you were on day 30. OMG, I think. I wish I was as strong as Ilex. Maybe I CAN do it. You were an instant inspiration to me. I guess I am just saying thank you for sharing and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be careful if you attempt Mods.

I had a second chance with my daughter last night. I asked her if she felt better about the conversation we had the night before (the one where she was crying and I couldn't remember why in the morning). She told me she was much better and that I had made her feel good. She is an angel, that one. After talking to her I did remember much more of the conversation, but it still breaks my heart to think I almost missed it. And, of course, I have to wonder how many other times I have missed. Thank God for second chances.

Sounds like there are many challenges for many people today. I wish you all the best.

[Beaches]

startagain Tuesday

Allie I wish you and your family the best of luck as well, it's such a hard time you are going through. I am glad that Becca allowed you to let everyone know how she's doing. Sounds like she's on the right path and had a great stepping stone here.

MKR that's so great that you write you husband the letters. Does he respond pretty well to them? It's interesting that the people around us feel that if they are miserable the rest of us need to be as well. Pretty sad. Just remember that you're amazing.

SM-Mary we are always thinking about you. Hope you find more time to stop by.

Sophia-Early retirement does sound wonderful if you can take on a nice light PT job as well. I have quite a long time to go before I get there. Right now going to work is respite

Lush you sound so peppy today!

Jen you're always so cheery, I look forward to seeing your posts.

How did the walk go PP?

Fan you are just profound.

I'll miss you all next week when I'm out of town. Don't think I'll have access to any computers.
EEEKKKKK

[dilayne]

startagain Tuesday

..just popping in to see how everyone is! Hugs to those who need them, cheers for those who want em'...and a salute to all who show so much courage on their journeys.

I'm good...feeling a little loosey goosey...had a dream I had wine the other night. My husband and I are flirting with the idea of sharing some wine..it just comes up in little statements, here and there...I feel a little tug, I turn, then turn again...hmmm, can we? I don't know. We have stronger boundaries now, we might could share a bottle and leave it at that. Coming here helps me keep it real and honest anyway.

I don't have much to say, but do check in daily to feel connected...I've been out of town for a while and kind of feel invisible here these days, but still find comfort in witnessing the support given and recieved here even if I stand on the outside.

Di

[lushy]

startagain Tuesday

Di, I was just thinking of you yesterday. Nice of you to check in!! We have missed you....

[Preciouspinot]

startagain Tuesday

Di...you're never on the outside! Please don't feel invisible...I see you quite clearly!

[dilayne]

startagain Tuesday

thanks Lush, Precious and Fan! I needed to hear that today. (((hugs)))

[InnerStrength]

startagain Tuesday

Has anyone seen E around? E?? Where are you???