30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

:welcome: JonSnow,

I have been here for 5 years Jon so would encourage the other members who are newer to MWO and who are trying to obtain 30 days sobriety before considering moderating or deciding to keep abstaining to answer your question. Feel free to read daily while you are on your AF journey.

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Eve11

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Day 25

?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

― St. Francis of Assisi


Have you ever seen the optical illusion of the old lady and the beautiful young woman in the same picture? Go here to see it: Young Girl and Old Woman Optical Illusion
Usually your eye sees only one ? either the old lady or the beautiful girl. But as you study the picture you realize that they are both in the picture. The old woman is looking to the left with her chin to her chest and the young girl is looking away from the viewer over right shoulder. The nose of the old woman forms the chin of the young girl!

Sometimes I think recovery is like this optical illusion. I believe we can have a paradigm shift when we start seeing ourselves as nondrinkers (or if moderating is your goal) as controlled drinkers, and no longer view ourselves as out of control with drinking.

Visualize yourself strong and in control whenever you are faced with the decision to drink. I was invited to a girl?s get together the other night where there would be glasses of wine sitting around the outdoor fireplace. I bought a very fun low calorie bottle of sparkling raspberry lemonade that looked beautiful in my wine glass. Felt so good the next morning too!

Stay strong folks. Day 25. We're almost there!

:l
Eve11

[FreeFly]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Eve11;1417923 wrote: Day 25

?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

― St. Francis of Assisi



Sometimes I think recovery is like this optical illusion. I believe we can have a paradigm shift when we start seeing ourselves as nondrinkers (or if moderating is your goal) as controlled drinkers, and no longer view ourselves as out of control with drinking.

Eve11

I totally resonate with that Eve - changing the mindset until it becomes effortless

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Day 26

Don?t dwell on the ?good old days? ? They weren?t that good.


Funny how we have such a selective memory when it comes to our drinking. We tend to forget the times that we said something we shouldn?t have...?loose lips sink ships? or got into an argument with someone because drinking changed our personality and we took things the wrong way and were quick to anger. We forget about how bad that awful hangover REALLY was, or how we felt depressed, remorseful or unmotivated when we had drunk too much. Taking an honest look at the ?less good things? that happened while drinking is one of the hardest things to do. When it comes to use of alcohol it is easier to focus on what we really thought was positive about it and fun. If we continue to think this way and don?t have a paradigm shift in our thinking, returning to the mis-use of alcohol is almost inevitable. It is important to keep all memories in perspective. End positive thoughts of drinking into a negative ending. For example if you have the thought ?A drink would be really nice right now? change the thought to, ?I could get caught and get a DUI? or ?my significant other could leave me if I keep drinking this way? or worse of all, ?I will lose the respect of my children who don?t see me as the role model that I should be but just as a mom or dad who?s a drunk.

Points to remember:
? Reminiscing is a symptom of psychological dependence.
? Friends who drink a lot are likely to support and encourage the part of your brain that likes to drink.
? Never associate intoxication as pleasure

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Eve11

[RingingCedars]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Eve11;1418647 wrote: Day 26



Points to remember:

? Never associate intoxication as pleasure

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Eve11

Thanks for that thought Eve. I would add or "pain relief(emotional and/or physical). Going to add that to the "I did not drink yesterday" thread. While I do believe alcohol used judiciously can take take the edge off trying situations, the slippery slope of intoxication must be averted. 12 days af for me and all it takes now is being conscious. Tis not a compulsion. Happy with that.

[DfromCT]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

I've really enjoyed keeping up with this thread, mostly lurking. I can say that the first days are the hardest, though even though it gets a bit easier, we're always needing to make that choice to not have the first drink on any given day. If you're able to say no to the first one, you know you don't have to worry about how many follow!

I found that the the hypnotherapy cd's really helped, and coupled with Kudzu, L-Glut and Naltrexone early on, I really was able to rid myself of the desire to drink. I'm off the Naltrexone, but still taking the Kudzu and L-Glut. Not going to downplay the role that N played in my going AF for such a long time, as I hadn't gone more than a few days AF for well over 30 years.

Good luck, All.
D

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Day 27

Some men succeed because they are destined to, but most men succeed because they are determined to.”
-Greame Clegg


It’s the week-end and that may be a big trigger for someone who used to drink on Friday and/or Saturday night. One of the common mistakes someone can make when they stop drinking and have a slip, is to throw all they have accomplished away. Do not allow guilt to take over, or use a slip as an excuse to keep on drinking. As I have shared before, make a YOU turn if you slip and get right back on the wagon of being AF.

What To Do If You Drink Again

Stop– Just say “Stop!” If you drink again following a period of not drinking, the first thing to do is tell your self to STOP drinking immediately. Set the glass down, if you’ve poured a bottle of wine, throw the rest away. Just say STOP!

Make it a Slip– Guilt and disappointment are normal when we slip. Remember though that feeling bad or guilty is just signaling our desire to change so don’t give up! Work through your feelings by journaling, confiding to a friend, or sharing your feelings with your friends at MWO.

Get Honest– Be honest with yourself. Now that the slip has occurred, being proactive by taking positive steps is a practical and meaningful way of getting back to abstinence. Get the help you need. Do what worked before.

Reflect on What Went Wrong– Journaling is a good way to list and understand the circumstances that contributed to your slip. Did circumstances include a change in relationship, an alteration of goal-oriented practices, a shift in emotions or maybe an unexpected event?

Reflect on What Worked– Evaluate how well you have used your support systems in the past. Had you reduced the number of support activities prior to your slip? What activities or friends helped to support your abstinence? Write down anything that helped you.

Get a Plan– Write out a plan and/or contact an understanding person that can assist you in writing a plan to stop drinking.

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Eve11

[Alcoholic]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Going to vega this weekend! Packing my kudzu and l glut! 2 months ago I would have packed wine an wine bottle opener!!!! I haven't been taking kudzu, just taking l glut. I think kudzu for me only works to reduce the amount I drink, and since I don't drink that frequent, I think I will take it only when there's an emergency craving or I think I'm going to be tempted to drink. After much experimentation, I'm beginning to find l glutamine as the actual one reducing my cravings. Today I didn't even crave l glutamine!

So over time, I'm thinking of only taking l glutamine as needed when there's a craving. And kudzu if the craving is very strong. I don't know if that will work, but I'm gonna try!

[Alcoholic]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

I agree w freefly: you should make these stickies!

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Day 28

“The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”


Day 28 and we are getting closer and closer to our goal of being AF for 30 days. In this dangerous time of holidays approaching it can be easy to fall into permissive thinking such as: “I deserve a drink because it’s the Holiday season” or some other excuse, "Saturday night", company party where I'll just have one to unwind, etc." Being we rarely think about consequences when we are craving a drink and are too busy making excuses as to why we “deserve” one, try to deliberatly bring them to mind when you are struggling with “should I or shouldn’t I have this one little drink?

Some questions to ask yourself before taking that first sip are:

1. How will I feel tomorrow if I give in to my urges tonight?

2. What consequence may occur if I give in and have a drink?

3. Will the negatives outweigh the positives in the long run if I give in?

Another way to help with urges is by imagining that your best friend is voicing the same urge you are experiencing. How would you convince them not to take that drink? A second image you can use when experience a craving is a reminder of a behavior that you do not want to repeat. I have shared this story before of how an Uncle told my husband I should listen to a tape recording of myself the day after drinking. Ouch! That visual picture of him saying that plays in my head when I am struggling...and the remembrance of me slurring my speech and being sappy is a hard one to release.

Hang in there! You can do it!

:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Day 29

Dreams are what get you started. Discipline is what keeps you going.
~ Jim Ryan


As I walked through the grocery store tonight, my eyes were drawn to my drink of choice – fine wine. Looked good enough to buy, but then I reminded myself of some words from a song…just walk on by... ♪ ♫ ♪…walk on by… ♪ ♫ ♪!

Yes, just seeing my “drug” of choice in the grocery store can create the urge of “gotta have some.” Or, I can be just fine not thinking about drinking at all and a commercial can come on the tube where beautiful people are sitting around a dimly lit table in a beautiful environment enjoying a glass of my favorite and it triggers the thinking of “I WANT that too!

Some urges are so relentless that talking back to them is futile. Good old fashioned distraction is sometimes the only medicine that can change your thoughts. Distraction can be cognitive (mental exercise) or behavioral (some type of activity). Usually being active is more effective so in the case of walking past a trigger point (like my wine in the store) I walk VERY fast! :H

Many folks share that they put their energy into working out, getting fit, playing with the kids (instead of drinking and ignoring them) and trying to figure out what activities interest them to keep them busy such as gardening (like my friend Sunbeam), scrapbooking, etc. With 29 days under your belt and a rested body that has been detoxed from alcohol by now, you have had time to think about others things that interest you besides that drink in your hand. Get involved in your kid’s sports, charity work, or go back to school. I just spent the last 2 ? years working and receiving a Master’s Degree. Knew I couldn’t be drinking and studying too well so that definitely helped!

Cognitive distraction can be extremely powerful as well. Imagery has been used as a means of helping stressed people relax. You can use imagery to take your mind off an urge which is dominating your consciousness. So, when I see the television with the beautiful people sitting somewhere spectacular, maybe I’ll work on my online scrapbook of the last trip I took when I was on vacation and sitting somewhere like that. Many people share great benefits of meditation, or chanting a favorite mantra. And you are always encouraged to come here and share your words, whether you’re struggling or doing well, we all can help each other stay strong.

Also, remember that laughter is the best medicine so distract yourself with watching something very humerous. For a great laugh and words of wisdom to distract yourself, take psychiatrist Bob Newhart's advice and watch his video "Stop it". It is totally funny and worth the couple of minutes it takes. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw[/video]]Bob Newhart-Stop It - YouTube

We are each an angel with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other.
~Anonymous

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Eve11

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

DAY 30

The best way to predict the future is to create it!
~Jason Kaufmann


Congratulations, you have reached day 30! There is no doubt that there were obstacles, cravings and urges along the way…it was no easy task but you MADE it and you should be very proud of your success.

With this 30 days of cleansing your body of alcohol from your system you probably have lost weight, have better looking skin, feel better, sleep better and have totally enjoyed waking up in the mornings without hangovers, regrets, or remorse. Now the big question looms…where do you go from here?

This thread was started in the moderation section because many people are not quite emotionally ready to believe that they can never drink again and they want to believe that they can moderate their drinking to safe drinking levels. Whether they will be able to or not depends on the level of severity of their alcohol problem and the types of consequences which are of concern for them (legal, health, and interpersonal issues). Studies do show that the most successful people in the area of controlled drinking are non-physically dependent problem drinkers.

After researching this topic for many years (I have been at MWO for 5 years), I have discovered that I personally think that the term “moderator” is a misnomer. To me, someone who moderates their drinking, never had a problem to begin with. They may have a drink, maybe two at the most once or twice a week. They don’t think about drinking, they don’t “crave” drinks, and they haven’t experienced any negative consequences from drinking. They can pretty much take it or leave it. Now we have to face facts. We at MWO (whether we call ourselves, moderators, abstainers, or haven’t given ourselves a label) are all here with one common denominator, we discovered alcohol was creating problems in our lives and we sought help.

In my opinion, a psychologist from the New York Research Institute on Addictions gave my drinking problem a more appropriate name (I label myself a MWO moderator). She would call me a restrained drinker. A restrained drinker is someone who has to put a fair amount of effort into controlling their drinking and/or fighting the urge to drink. They may continue to have alcohol in their lives, but there is always that price they pay of fighting a battle to some degree because they are not and never will be "normal" drinkers. I don’t really “moderate” my drinking like my hubby does, who can have one or none and be just as happy. I restrain myself to try to have no more than two. I restrain myself to try to not drink more than 3 times a week. Restraining is work, and effort…so it is not surprising to discover that many people (when given the choice to choose moderation) end up choosing abstinence in the end after either numerous failed attempts of trying to moderate or just getting tired of all that work of monitoring their drinking.

It is very important to note that controlled drinking seems to only work for those people who were never physically dependent on alcohol to begin with. Individuals do best if they score less than 14 on the Alcohol Dependence Scale (ADS). If you choose to try to moderate (as we call it here) or restrain your drinking, please go to this site to take the alcohol dependence test. http://www.recoverynowla.com/images/ADS.pdf

Two researchers, Sanchez-Craig (1984) gave some good advice for better success for individuals who want to moderate their drinking.

1. They must have a belief that the goal of moderation will not threaten important relationships in their lives or threaten the security of their jobs.
2. They should have a social network supportive of the goal of moderation (MWO!)
3. They must be willing to commit time and effort to the achievement of their goal
4. They must believe that moderation is a valuable and attainable goal

We are blessed that MWO does have this moderation forum so that those of us who choose to moderate/restrain/restrict our drinking can support each other. But please remember that moderation may not be the best choice for you. If you choose to abstain and not attempt moderation at this point in time, we have some very strong AF threads that can help you fight this battle. I will also be posting frequent inspirational messages on this site as it will stay an AF site as we do encourage everyone to try to obtain 30 days of abstinence if moderation is their goal. And if moderation is their goal, remember Knute's words of wisdom:

Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
~Knute Rockne

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Eve11

[Sunbeam]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Eve,
Thank you for all the thought and effort you have put into this series. I believe you have provided the necessary support and reality check for people to make a wise decision about the role of alcohol in their life. You have helped more people than you will ever know.

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

Sunbeam;1421844 wrote: Eve,
Thank you...

Thanks for following this thread Sunbeam. I hope that the thread will continue and people will just comment on what AF day they are on and perhaps add some insight as to how the comments for that day apply to them and we can keep it rolling because someone is ALWAYS on day 1...5...9...etc.

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Eve11

[Eve11]

30 Days AF Monthly Moderation

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal – it is courage to continue that counts”

Hey everyone,

This is a difficult time of the year so hop on this 30 day AF thread and start at whichever AF day you are at. Let us know how things are going, what inspires you to stay strong, what you're battling with so you don't fall. Personally, I notice triggers like an empty wine glass (have been filling it with flavored seltzers lately) can make my heart skip a beat and think, "Oh, a glass of wine would be nice" but then I fight the urge. One thing I learned a long time ago was just to give it a little time and the urge seems to pass. Let us know how you're doing!

:l
Eve11