The Mod Hatters!

[Zenstyle]

The Mod Hatters!

Hewwo Sunny... :l

We kinda talked about it and I reckon you shouldn't be silenced by anyone... You have good info to impart and you should stand up and be heard hun.

Maybe you are right... maybe modders are not so welcome on some threads. I would be very hurt if I thought I wasn't welcome because of that. I think if modders are respectful of abbers it would be ok... you know? Like being aware that some people are fighting the urge to drink so be subtle about it?

[Eve11]

The Mod Hatters!

sunshinedaisies;1402654 wrote:

It isn't meant as a slight to anyone else and anyone else is welcome to post here too..... you are not being mushy and I know anyone can post on the army thread too, and I thank you for that, but this thread is just slightly different.

I needed a little help from my friends. Thanks sunshinedaisies and LG!

Zen, I generally don't post in general for the reason I stated earlier. Being I don't post there, I am not familiar with all of the sub threads there just as you may not be familiar with my Humble Pie post here in mods. I encourage you to read this post and your questions will be better answered. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f3...pie-69760.html

Anyway, folks, let's refocus on the task at hand and not get sidestepped as to why this thread was created. We want to welcome newbies, and encourage lurkers (this is not a bad word but just means we know many of you are reading but not posting) to join us in our discussions. We would love to help you on your road to recovery.

:l
Eve11

[RunningCourage]

The Mod Hatters!

Zen, Sunshine, Eve, LG... I like this debate. Because it's not a slinging match. And we're all listening while putting our cases and concerns forwards.

For what it's worth, I don't classify myself (yet) as either an abber or a moder, simply because I'm still too new to this whole thing. And when i say 'new' I mean new to both mwo, and also new to trying to do something about my drinking which, has been, i believe for a long time, unhealthy. Not a problem per se, but i used it daily to get a buzz and a bit drunk. And i miss that.

So, I am really appreciative of these threads in order to read and ask about all the various approaches to living with AL. It may be that in time i decide that AF is, simply, more straightforwardly, the best. It may be that i am able to redefine, relearn my drinking ways so as i mod. And i don't yet know whether this is Mr Richard Head speaking to me, luring me back to drinking in his sly and subtle ways, or whether it's just me trying to be be as honest with myself as possible. Like I say, I miss the buzz. I like drinking. Aint gonna lie about that one.

I'm 45 days AF (if i hit the hay tonight AF). What keeps me going AF just now, is less memories of how bad it was (it wasn't bad per se, it was just a little bit more of a struggle feeling groggy and guilty in the mornings), but the fear that if i try to mod, or if i allow myself an evening where i end up having a few that I wouldn't have the strength to return to going days AF. I'm also concerned that the ol' days of drinking a bottle of wine myself late in the evening before beddiebys would return all too quick.

Still, I do think that at some point i should try a certain period (such as 30 days) modding, to see how i cope with that. The idea being that I can then re-evaluate my relationship with AL after those 30 days ... If i like modding, fine. If it's a re-course back to the ol' ways... then get back on the AF wagon. And, if it is simply too stressful (because i'd prefer to have a bottle rather than just a glass), then there again, perhaps better to be AF.

Oh. Didn't mean to write all that. Planned to come on here and post whimiscal stuff as is my norm..

RC

[LibraryGirl]

The Mod Hatters!

Zenstyle;1402641 wrote: Eve... You don't know of the Army thread? In General Discussion? You've been here longer than me...

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is your nationality? Maybe English isn't your first. I know we have a lot of people on here with different first languages.

In any event I dispute the fact that modders are not welcome on the rest of the boards. I'm a modder and I'm allowed to mosey on through... and I reckon that is how it should be. It's about humanity and the person within. That has to come first, right? Or am I being mushy?

Hey Zen. I think what we're trying to say is that talking about *drinking* moderately is frowned upon outside of the Mods section. If we want to talk about the weather, our lives, etc. then of course we can talk anywhere, I guess, lol. The purpose of this thread is so that people who want to moderate their drinking and *talk* about it, i.e., what their goals are, etc., they can do it HERE.:l

[DfromCT]

The Mod Hatters!

First things first: I sense that there's a need to clarify Hatters vs. Haters! Many of us metaphorically wear a Moderation Hat, thus we're Mod Hatters!

Thanks for starting this thread, Eve. I think the Mod Hatters area can be a safe haven for all--AFers, MODers, and those that are not sure where they fall. As we know from experience, many areas of the MWO forum are dominated by those that are AF, and many of them don't want us to share anything to do with moderation. Respectfully, we don't post about drinking in those areas. I think the discussion above (which, by the way, I admittedly hadn't read through when I PM'd Zenstyle) shows that there's a great misunderstanding about the need to reach out to folks like me.

I came to MWO specifically because I thought if offered an alternative to AA and the "all or nothing" approach to dealing with alcohol. I naturally found my way to the "Just Starting Out" area of the forums, and was posting in the thread that's requested we don't mention. After about 10 days AF, I shared my fears of failing at moderation, specifically about having a long-planned glass of wine with my wife after completing at least 30 days AF. The response to my post was so harsh that I left and almost left MWO entirely.

I've since learned that there are many lurkers (again, not meant to be a negative term, just someone that reads without posting) that leave MWO b/c they, too are seeking an alternative to the all or nothing approach. I love that the Mod Hatters area can be a safe haven for folks that want to discuss their thoughts, fears, drinking, abstinence, whatever. It also is respectful of those that might read such posts and be tempted to fall off the wagon.

So I thank you once again, Eve, for creating such a haven. I'll post a bit more about my Sandy experience a little later.

D

[Eve11]

The Mod Hatters!

RunningCourage;1402754 wrote:
,Still, I do think that at some point i should try a certain period (such as 30 days) modding, to see how i cope with that. The idea being that I can then re-evaluate my relationship with AL after those 30 days ... If i like modding, fine. If it's a re-course back to the ol' ways... then get back on the AF wagon. And, if it is simply too stressful (because i'd prefer to have a bottle rather than just a glass), then there again, perhaps better to be AF.
Hi RC,

We're always open to any debate as long as things remain respectful. Everyone has their own viewpoint and the winners are always the ones who agree to disagree.

You stated you don't classify yourself as an abber or modder and please understand that you don't have to label yourself, especially not here on our site. A lot of people come and read the posts, know they have a problem (from somewhat ranging to severe/chronic) and post when they are ready. Actually RC studies show that people do best when they are given choices rather than when a program like AA is mandated by the court system. Nothing worse than an AA attendee who is only there because the court makes him go and he is not ready to think about really giving drinking up. It's too bad there aren't more programs to allow choices because surpisingly most people do choose abstinence when they are given a choice. I have read other online sites for AL support and have seen the question raised about moderating on those different threads. One alcoholic's answer made a lot of sense to me. He said, "what fun would it be to only have 2 drinks?" He just absolutely doesn't comprehend how that can work for people who moderate or drink normally, so guess what? He will never be able to moderate because he isn't wired that way.

I started a new monthly AF site - we're on day 2 but you can make it anyday in your recovery that you want. Just apply today's message to your life. Start there with us and the mama nesters looking out for you won't get mad at me...I do mean that with love and respect for the people who work so hard over there really worrying about AF folks because they know some should really remain that way. Go here for the 30 day AF thread: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...n-69752.htmlGo

Regarding your line:What keeps me going AF just now, is less memories of how bad it was

I have to cut and paste a blog that a fellow named bluesky wrote. I may have to create it as a link for people or the modders are going to get tired of reading it! :H I do think it's such a helpful message for people who think...maybe...can I? etc.

Bluesky's Story
I've been trying to moderate my drinking since my teens, and I'm now in my 40s. I finally came to the realization that, for me, abstinence is the only way, but like you, I have harbored reservations and have given it another try. It never works out for me, but still I don't learn. You see, my memory is selective. I tend to forget how sick I felt each day, the hangovers, the blackouts, the puking, the worrying about how I appeared to other people, the remorse I felt every single morning when I woke up. I was beating myself up and yet I continued. Who does that? Social drinkers don't do that. But alcoholics do.

So, you will figure out your way RC and if you choose to try to incorporate drinking back in as a moderate lifestyle, we will be here to support you in that attempt. Should you decide to remain abstinent (if you try moderating and it doesn't work), well then, we will support you in that choice too. If you decide to never drink again and just like the support over here...well guess what? You know the answer. We don't judge folks here...we only try to help them find their own individual way out!
:l
Eve11

[Zenstyle]

The Mod Hatters!

Hiya LG, Dave, Eve! Hugs backatcha LG?

I obviously didn't come across very well as Dave PM'd wanting to know where I was coming from. It's simple really... since I joined MWO I've been listening to the Mod -v- Ab thing and it seems unnecessary to me to have that division. It looked like Eve was making it a "them and us" scenario and that doesn't seem productive.

HOWEVER... after getting a PM from Dave... I see what you are trying to do. And I acknowledge and understand that people who are modding need a space where they can discuss that lifestyle.

I would like to reiterate though... modders are welcome on pretty much any thread on the boards imho. I specifically checked with One Step at a Time and Newbies Nest and both said "yep". (Actually, the Step thread said... and I quote... "we could give a crap if you are an abber or a modder....all are welcome") :H My home thread, the Army thread, welcomes all in the same vain as the Step thread, and pretty much the same vernacular?

So... really, it's not so Ab -v- Mod as some people think it is. Obviously one has to be cognizant of the fact that some Abbers cannot EVER drink and it would be rude and selfish to discuss drinking in front of them... and that's where your Mod Forum comes in... right?

[SKendall]

The Mod Hatters!

These threads area bit sensitive. Subs is my home group, but we rarely discuss alcohol. I have chosen AF because AL is dangerous for me. I once ended up with my skirt over my head at a garden club seminar! One of those big ballroom things. Also,my depression when drinking was too dark and DUI.

People who come here have done awful things while drunk and others are worried about only having a couple. One size doesn't fit all. ANY BEHAVIOUR that affects our life negatively and compromises relationships is worth getting help and support for. That can include domestic violence, bullying, substance abuse, overeating, etc. The list is long.

I love the NN because they are serious about AF and help the people needing and wanting AF. I don't read the mods thread much but have a "live and let live" attitude to it, or "each to his own". Most of all I love my friends in subs. RJ wanted to moderate until she found she couldn't and is now AF. The 30 day AF is a good test. I feel the same as RC, I'm afraid to mod because I know it will be disastrous. I also like Recipes, What we're reading, laughing out loud. If I were drinking AT MY OLD LEVEL, I wouldn't enjoy anything.

There does seem to be folks who are successful at moderating. Abstinence is damn hard but for folks like me, necessary and so worth it. I used to spend a lot of time, planning, thinking and obsessing about alcohol and now I feel grateful and relaxed.

Good luck everyone!

[SKendall]

The Mod Hatters!

X-posted Zennie. Excellent post.

[Eve11]

The Mod Hatters!

Zenstyle;1402986 wrote:
Obviously one has to be cognizant of the fact that some Abbers cannot EVER drink and it would be rude and selfish to discuss drinking in front of them... and that's where your Mod Forum comes in... right?

Zen,

Thanks for the reply and yes to the above. Please try to read my "Humble Pie" thread if you have time and you'll understand more where I am coming from. With that being said, I will edit the first part of this original Mod Hatter post so I am not confusing people with believing that they cannot post outside of the monthly and long term mod section. I contacted the Newbie's Nest creator and NN was started with that intention of a safe "nest" for everyone. Our common denominiator whether we are abbers, modders, or not committed to either is that we all found this site because of drinking issues in our lives. I for one, am all about working together and not being divided and I am sorry if my wording on this post came across incorrectly to the point that it can be misconstrued. I am going to change it. I will leave the part in about little support in the outside world for modders. That part is so true. There are very few groups out there to help people with drinking issues that are not chronic.

:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

The Mod Hatters!

SKendall;1403111 wrote: I have chosen AF because AL is dangerous for me. I once ended up with my skirt over my head at a garden club seminar!

Skendall,
Thanks for bringing us a little humor!! :H

My husband's Aunt still gets teased about "mooning" her grandchildren when she had imbibed a little too much!!

See you in subs SKendall where talking about our pets and simple pleasures of life is the most drama we see!

:l
Eve11

[Zenstyle]

The Mod Hatters!

Eve... I just read your primary post and that was a good edit! Just facts and no opinions. Two thumbs up from moi... )

I think it is entirely possible for everyone to get along... So here's to peace on the boards! Abbers, Modders, what the hell? Just be the best you can be... right? xxx

[NoraC]

The Mod Hatters!

Hello there! I just found this thread. Great thread. I'm another one that has been here years and I don't call myself a modder. I don't really moderate well. But, I'm not completely AF either. I got for periods of AF. Then, I go for periods where I do drink. I try to limit the drinking periods and am doing much better at that. My problem is that I don't just have a glass of wine......I still want the bottle. So, it's better for me to just not drink.
I am at a much better place than I was a couple years ago. I am happier with where I am.
Thanks for starting this thread Eve.

[drinkingal]

The Mod Hatters!

Hi Nora! I have a similar story to you. 18 months ago I was drinking a ridiculous amount of booze. I'm still working at moderating my drinking better and it has been a lot of work, but I'm in a much better place now too than I was and I wouldn't want to go back to that ever. The strange thing is, I think I had to cut down my drinking to even really think about how it might be affecting now, or could in the future affect my health. When I was getting smashed every night I think my brain was so numbed out with drinking and hangovers that it was easy to not even really worry about it (like a lot of other things), I'm much more conscious of things now. I also love that I don't go running for the bottle whenever something upsets me which was a huge hurdle for me and it's become easier to be more normal with it. I've never really made a decision about whether I will mod or ab long term through all of this, I just take things for what they are now and it feels good to have made so much progress. Good luck to us all in finding what works

[SKendall]

The Mod Hatters!

There still is a debate on whether we have a disease. As a hypoglycemic my body craved sugar and my mind craved a buzz. When I think back, I can't believe the person I used to be, it was so foreign.

However, I am still addicted to sugar and wanted to arm-wrestle Vivian for her loot tonight! But it was a great chance to buy a bunch of candy and have halloween be the cause!!

I like the fact that we seem to be "coming together".