The Mod Hatters!

[I'm Strong and in Control]

The Mod Hatters!

FOUND IT!!! I guess I should start at the beginning instead of the end!

[Eve11]

The Mod Hatters!

Lasha;1473837 wrote: Am I doing the right thing?
Hey Lasha,

Welcome back and of course I remember you. The ability to moderate or not, doing the right thing or not, cannot be answered by anyone else but you. Sometimes trial and error gives you the answer you are looking for. I heard recently from a friend who runs a face to face moderation support group and here is what he answered to my question regarding moderation support groups and people's success with them. There may be a pearl of wisdom for you here.


I am an unqualified believer in the program. Not for everybody, of course. I've seen four or five people over the years who I privately believed would not succeed at moderation and should really go the AA route. (One of them proved me wrong, and became one of our most valued leaders! So I think our initial judgments about possibility of success are pretty unreliable.) On the other hand, I've gotten to know hundreds (literally) of people whose lives have been greatly improved, probably permanently, by the moderation habits and skills they learn from us. I could name three people whose marriages were either saved or made possible by our program.

We're here for you Lasha to support your mod attempts if that's the route you want to pursue.

:l
Eve11

[Lasha]

The Mod Hatters!

Hi Eve,
Thanks for replying and your words of wisdom, liked the attachment about modding being successful for some.

Yes, I do think I can mod, I used to do it no problem, it was only my wobble after losing sis and dad that I turned to massive drinking.

I tapered and am now happy with what I drink, the thought of abstaining makes me agitated and depressed. It seems easy not to drink during the day knowing you will get 2 or 3 drinks in the evening. One thing I'm not sure about is going any lower but I'll work on that.
Byrdylady says "all you gotta do is get through this day" Doesn't work for me, I say "all you gotta do is get to 8 o'clock" Everyones different I suppose.

ISAIC,
Tried to cut and paste Eves questionnaire but you've fond it, good, no cheating now!

[Stewarts]

The Mod Hatters!

As some know, I was on a big AL free stint before my vacation last week. One of the great things from it (besides detoxing) was just the clarity on certain things, even overindulging on drinking. I have some friends that like to have get togethers, usually around some sort of music venue or party and they like to pound! I am not condoning this, but let's say I know I have one of these potentional nights coming up (and they are rare), perhaps I prepare by being really, really good with what I eat and put in my body (probably no alcohol) until that day or night. When that comes around, I probably won't want to drink as much as the rest of them because my body won't be used to it.

There were other little things like that....it's hard to explain, but it possessed an even more concept of control ofone's live and actions if that makes any sense (???)

j.

[freethinker]

The Mod Hatters!

Hello Eve & other "hatters",

I was steered here by "I'm Strong and In Control" ( thanks you!). I've gotten some attitude on some other threads because of my desire to moderate my drinking. I think there are many members who, based on their own experience, believe moderation to be impossible. I respect their self-belief about that but don't think they should presume to know me or my mind. Sooo, this may be the only forum that I post on.

I'll have to carefully look around the site to see the "moderation" friendly threads as well as members. People will be judgmental based on their own experience. I really try not to be that way. I wouldn't be much of a "freethinker" if I was, would I ? Thanks for starting this thread.

[Stewarts]

The Mod Hatters!

freethinker, there are a lot of angry people out there. As we all know, many people, perhaps most of the population have no problem at all moderating....some may need a little help than others, but we all know it is possible...hell, some people may want to rip it up one night for whatever reason, and as long as they are not endangering their lives or anyone elses, so be it.

I think, and this is just an opinion, some of these people are so pissed off at themselves, their lives, etc., that they actually resent people that have this control of their lives. Instead of looking at themselves and saying, "you know, I have a problem, this is no good for me, I can't control it, I may even be an alcoholic," and live the best life they can, they get sober (which is good), but demonize everyone else that does drink because they are resentful that they can't do this themselves.....and perhaps their lives just overall...using or sober, well, suck.

I used to do certain drugs when I was younger, I don't do them now. For my body, and my mind, it's not "fun" anymore. Do I resent that? No. It's part of my, or was part of my life. Perhaps it's my body telling me certain eras of my life are over and while that was fun, it's time to move on (or grow up).

I mean think about it...your sober, your in "control" of your life, yet you have so much hostility and anger towards other people...???? Does that make any sense at all??? No, of course it doesn't. These are people that are very angry about their lives for whatever reason; most likely, it has nothing to do with AL or drugs even. I have friends who are recovering addicts, they don't drink or do any sort of drugs anymore and I can assure you, they are quite content, no, let me rephrase that, they are actually very happy with their lives and their choices, and do not resent those that have different life choices.

[paulywogg]

The Mod Hatters!

hey stewarts,i dont think most of the people who dont believe in moderation are resentful or angry at the people who choose to mod,i think maybe theyre more angry at what alcohol has done to them personally,kinda like they have to totally hate alcohol to stay sober,i dont think thats a bad thing,everybody has to make their own choice,a few may have attitude because theyre envious,but to each his own,all i know is im not perfect but im a hell of alot better than i was,if people judge me for not being completely af,then the heck with it right?

[paulywogg]

The Mod Hatters!

what i shouldve said in my last line of not being af is im working on getting there,i feel like a hypocrite cuz i post on the abbers thread and here too,i guess im just really not sure where im at,i want to be af but oh hell im a work in progress,just taking it day by day,im not struggling i feel in control,for once in 8 years so bottom line is im getting healthier,and thats all i care about right now,if i slip i slip,no benders but im not gonna beat myself up over 1 beer its too much pressure,i dont need a drink,i choose a drink sometimes i guess,sorry for the rant ive just kinda kept that bottled up for awhile

[freethinker]

The Mod Hatters!

Stewarts, paulywogg,

I appreciate the spirit of both your comments. I've already had a few apologies from members and I'm sure I'll probably have to ask for some at some point myself. As Art Carney said in the film Harry and Tonto, " It's life and we're just trying to get through it".

I hope every member here can achieve their goals and accept life on it's own terms. Some have had a hard time, whether by their own actions or being victimized by another. I totally get that. I strive for contentment versus happiness. It's hard to keep an even hand on emotions when life seems to have not worked out quite like we planned.

I can tell that there's quite a mix of suffering and happiness on these boards. I think the greatest help members can do for each other is not to presume too much. I'm a very logical person with, hopefully, the right mix of emotion. I hope that serves me well here. I hope to be open to sound advice and give a little in the process. This forum is like a tapestry. We all need to make sure it's woven well.

[Stewarts]

The Mod Hatters!

Pauly, I think you may have missed my point, or perhaps I wasn't clear, and should clarify...I was talking about this Board in general from personal experience and things I have witnessed. Like I said, I have friends I work with who are recovering addicts and they show NONE of the hostility and anger I have seen from, and to be fair, some members of this board.

Personally, I just ignore them and give them their space. I don't post in their sections, I respect their space, and hope they do the same in return. I'd say most do, some do not.

j.

[gofig07]

The Mod Hatters!

I am late to this thread but wanted to chime in and thank everyone for their comments.

I am in a period of AF and doing the Supplement Program with my husband. We have always been moderate drinkers but in the last year our tolerance went up and we found ourselves drinking more and situations that have been come drinker triggers.

We took the test and we are low level dependence, thanks Eve for posting it.

I am doing a AF period to prove to myself that I am in fact not alcohol dependent and give my body some detox time and get back to just having one or two on occasion !

[LibraryGirl]

The Mod Hatters!

Welcome, gofig.:welcome: I am a long-time member of this site, but haven't been posting much in a long time. I kind of miss the modding community and may be back a little more now. I understand what you mean about triggers, and about being diligent. Although some say that "real" moderate drinkers don't need to take tests to see if they have a problem, or don't need to track their drinks, I believe it's very healthy to recognize signs and make ammends as necessary. I wish I had done that a long time ago. AL can be sneaky and moderation for people who have been problem drinkers is difficult but possible, with practice.

[gofig07]

The Mod Hatters!

LibraryGirl;1520810 wrote: Welcome, gofig.:welcome: I am a long-time member of this site, but haven't been posting much in a long time. I kind of miss the modding community and may be back a little more now. I understand what you mean about triggers, and about being diligent. Although some say that "real" moderate drinkers don't need to take tests to see if they have a problem, or don't need to track their drinks, I believe it's very healthy to recognize signs and make ammends as necessary. I wish I had done that a long time ago. AL can be sneaky and moderation for people who have been problem drinkers is difficult but possible, with practice.

:thanks:

I have never been a heavy drinker. I grew up in the Church where everyone we associated were tea toddlers ! over the years we had become occasional drinkers, holiday meals and what not. I have had weeks, months, years and even one decade where I did not consume any A. Now, living in Wine Country I found I had more exposure to A and in more situations than I had in the past. So I plan to be a moderate in my consumption and I think even if it is not an ongoing problem drinking it IS important to be aware ! It is the same as exercise and diet...if you do not pay attention your body will get away from you !!!

[gofig07]

The Mod Hatters!

I posted in the subscriber section and I wanted to put this here too as I will probably not visit the forum again and wanted to share this.

I am so glad I found this site. I ordered the extreme nutrition kit and my husband and I have been using it for over a week, plus the Kudzu and we are so happy and amazed at how easy it was to say NO to A. Our goal is to get back to occasional moderate A consumption. A few weeks A free has been awesome and I had a wine here and there and had no desire to have a second one ...let alone the whole bottle. My husband easily went from his 6 ish beers a night relaxing to 2 ! Thanks MWO !

[Jay14]

The Mod Hatters!

I got a 7 (could be a 9 too, a couple of questions I could answer either way) on the pdf linked in the first page. Which was quite a relief. I expected more.

What if someone in moderation management does has an overwhelming majority of AF days and goes on a binge say 10 times a year, no drink driving involved, just a few pub/bar crawls that end up longer than usual. Would you guys say this is ok?

And while I am at it, what is a binge? Ok, I know what a binge is, because it involves losing control and overdoing it, while you start out with ok it 'll just be a few drinks. But on my last few binges I calculated my time out which was about 6-7 hours, and the drinks I had and it was about an drink an hour. That's the same number of cans of coke or soda I had in my abstinent days. Of course the later came minus the hang overs, the extreme anxiety and agitation of the next day, and the brain and body damage (they were really nice my abstinent days ), but the point I am making is that if you are to be out for a while, say on holidays when you are out in bars, and you are staying up late, you 'd have to take bird sips to manage a drink every two hours or so....

(of course denial and rationalization are not good allies either...)