My current approach to moderation

[freethinker]

Hello Mod Hatters

I've posted some but am fairly new here. Thought I would talk about my first "official" attempt to moderate. I've had many periods of moderate drinking over the years but recently had too much on a few occasions within about a 4 week period.

That brought me here to a point of re-evaluating my consumption. My intention is to have my week look like this: having no AL from Sundays to Friday evening. Allow myself to enjoy no more than 2 or 3 drinks (max) on Friday evening and Saturday evening. Back to AF on Sunday.

If I find myself breaking my own rule (i.e. having 4 or 5 or having any during the non-AL days) I will disclose it here and seriously consider abstinence. Is this goal considered moderation by you guys?

To be continued.....

[paulywogg]

My current approach to moderation

sounds like a plan

[kuya]

My current approach to moderation

Two units per day for a man is considered 'safe' ( but that is NOT 14 on one day ! :H:H).

You gotta 'suck it and see' FT.......for me two drinks is like trying to have sex with a chastity belt on, but if you can, and it is pleasing for you then go for it.

[Eve11]

My current approach to moderation

freethinker,
I consider myself a pretty successful moderator and that is pretty much what I do. I am usually AF Sunday through Friday and then allow myself 1-2 on Friday and 1-2 on Saturday. Sometimes there are exceptions (like a football game on Sunday where I may have one or 2) holidays (like Thanksgiving on Thursday) and things like that. I try to keep it to the National Institute of Alcoholisms range of no more than 7 a week for women (and for men it's no more than 14). I have had episodes however, where the one or two glasses of wine (when a bottle is opened at home) has turned into 3/4 or all of the bottle so I am not a perfect moderator. Thus, I keep coming here to try to be as accountable as possible as the strength in others helps me.

:l
Eve11

[freethinker]

My current approach to moderation

Thanks for the replies. I'm sure this is very doable for me. Because of some other life goals I'm formulating I'll probably do less than I am allowing for. Like the late Jim Rohn said "Everything affects everything else".

[Siren136]

My current approach to moderation

I've been thinking about moderation lately because I've read many posts about it over the last 2 weeks or so. I'm thinking about it in the abstract - not for myself yet (if ever).

I walked into the room living room over the weekend at 11:50 AM with a beverage. My husband looked at it and said "It's not even noon yet!". I asked what he was talking about. It turned out he thought I had a big (huge) glass of wine but it was just a Coke Zero. But it got me thinking.

A lot of people say that if you have to make rules for yourself for drinking then you probably can't moderate. I don't think that's necessarily true though. Society has rules, 'normal' drinkers have rules - it's just that it's not something they consciously think about.

Don't drink during the day.
Don't drink alone.
It's OK to have a drink to steady yourself after a traumatic event (not 7)
It's OK to have a drink to celebrate (not 7)

And on and on. So I think moderation (for those who choose to do it) is a process of relearning the rules and getting them re-ingrained into the brain, if that's possible. And until then it's a matter of sticking to them by sheer force of will. Some people struggle with this more than others. For those who really have to white-knuckle their moderation it might not be worth it and they eventually need to choose abstinence to stay alive. Those who don't have to struggle too much can probably moderate with a degree of success. I may be neglecting an aspect of this, though - please feel free to point it out. I'm not going to defend this - this is just about moderation in the abstract. I guess this could be applied to just about any topic.

Anyway, I still think one needs a significant time AF before making the decision to try to moderate. And one needs to be really honest about the level of difficulty it takes to get and stay AF before making the decision.

[kuya]

My current approach to moderation

I think for us it comes down to this......can we EVER be happy with one or two units of alcohol ? Since the day I started drinking I ALWAYS had more so the answer for me is a resounding NO.

What about you Siren?

[Siren136]

My current approach to moderation

I think I wouldn't be happy with it, no. But the question to answer is - can a person stop after one even if they are not happy with just one? If you can have a drink, be pissed off, rant and rave and still abstain, then you'll have to decide if the struggle is worth it. If you have a drink, get pissed off and proceed to have more even though you told yourself you wouldn't, then you KNOW you have to quit for good.

I'm not thinking about that for myself right now, if ever. I'm an abstract thinker and when I hear one thing applied broadly across lots of people it makes me examine the logic. My thoughts were not necessarily for myself.

I always considered that I could eventually moderate because I used to be a normal drinker. Over the last few days I had a revelation of sorts. I was never really a normal drinker. I just used to not drink every day. I would go for long periods of time where I didn't drink but when I did drink I would binge drink. So I don't think moderation is really in the cards for me, but I do think there are people who can successfully do it.

[gyco]

My current approach to moderation

interestin

Siren136;1487119 wrote: I've been thinking about moderation lately because I've read many posts about it over the last 2 weeks or so. I'm thinking about it in the abstract - not for myself yet (if ever).

I walked into the room living room over the weekend at 11:50 AM with a beverage. My husband looked at it and said "It's not even noon yet!". I asked what he was talking about. It turned out he thought I had a big (huge) glass of wine but it was just a Coke Zero. But it got me thinking.

A lot of people say that if you have to make rules for yourself for drinking then you probably can't moderate. I don't think that's necessarily true though. Society has rules, 'normal' drinkers have rules - it's just that it's not something they consciously think about.

Don't drink during the day.
Don't drink alone.
It's OK to have a drink to steady yourself after a traumatic event (not 7)
It's OK to have a drink to celebrate (not 7)

And on and on. So I think moderation (for those who choose to do it) is a process of relearning the rules and getting them re-ingrained into the brain, if that's possible. And until then it's a matter of sticking to them by sheer force of will. Some people struggle with this more than others. For those who really have to white-knuckle their moderation it might not be worth it and they eventually need to choose abstinence to stay alive. Those who don't have to struggle too much can probably moderate with a degree of success. I may be neglecting an aspect of this, though - please feel free to point it out. I'm not going to defend this - this is just about moderation in the abstract. I guess this could be applied to just about any topic.

Anyway, I still think one needs a significant time AF before making the decision to try to moderate. And one needs to be really honest about the level of difficulty it takes to get and stay AF before making the decision.

this response says it all,almost,ive tried moderation many times over 44 years of drinking,it was always interesting,2 weeks ago it proved interesting to,cause today is 2 weeks since ive had a drink,im not patting myself on the back,but some people like myself dont have a problem stopping,staying stopped like trying to moderate, is almost the same,reasoning,as much as society dictates it,drinking is not normal,by the way,so called normal people dont have to think about the DRINK,when you have to think about it during the day,normally someone has a problem ? hope this helps i no you fols help me THINK thanks:thanks::H

[kuya]

My current approach to moderation

That is wierd cos I have only in the last few weeks realised I was never a normal drinker. I used to have spaces between but always drank to excess. I had very high tolerance so never got drunk and could drink everyone under the table.

And that is why I wouldn't even try to moderate, it would be pointless. But then I now can't see any reason to drink at all, I don't have the desire to get out of my head cos I like being in my head....if you know what I mean ?

[K9Lover]

My current approach to moderation

Siren136;1487119 wrote: A lot of people say that if you have to make rules for yourself for drinking then you probably can't moderate. I don't think that's necessarily true though. Society has rules, 'normal' drinkers have rules - it's just that it's not something they consciously think about.

A "normal" drinker would probably never end up on a website such as this. We all came here because we were searching for an answer to a problem right? Do normal drinkers Google "How to quit drinking" or "how to moderate drinking"? Probably not. Problem drinkers do that kind of stuff...so why would someone with a "problem" with alcohol think they can hit a switch and all of a sudden become happy with one or two drinks a few nights a week?

[freethinker]

My current approach to moderation

Since I"m the one who started this thread I'll update it by saying that I've been doing excellently at moderation. There are some of us here who don't need to take the "all or nothing " approach. Moderation works for some. BTW, this thread is in a moderation forum, right? I just want to get the conversation here back on a positive approach to moderation. This thread was started with that in mind for "like minded' folks.

I guess I am an example of a "normal" drinker who did in fact seek out a site such as this. Drinking is a lot like many other things in life like eating chocolate, exercising, reading, or anything else where there's room for improvement. Sometimes improvement means doing more of a thing, sometimes less of a thing. Of couse an addict would see this a little different, I'm sure. Addiction can take on many forms , even coming to forums.

If someone can moderate without undo emotional disturbance or painstaking effort, like I'm able to, then I would encourage them to enjoy the occasional drink. I think cultivating an indifference to alcohol, as stated in another thread, is a key to moderating. Drinking is just not that important.

[Siren136]

My current approach to moderation

Yeah, I think that was my point. I think there are some who can do it. I just don't think I'm one of them. I've never been a normal drinker in my life.

[drinkingal]

My current approach to moderation

K9Lover;1487289 wrote: ...so why would someone with a "problem" with alcohol think they can hit a switch and all of a sudden become happy with one or two drinks a few nights a week?

I think this is why many people give up on moderation or cutting back because they think it will be easy and they'll just change all of a sudden because they decided to. But just as with abstinence, you have to have a plan and actively change your thinking and learn new behaviors about alcohol, it doesn't just magically happen, just like someone quitting alcohol has to change their thinking and behavior or they end up a dry drunk.

anyone who wants to cut back on drinking though deserves support, because it can be an important step towards abstinence for some people so instead of people looking at modding as a destination, it should be seen as a process. People are able to see that with abstaining but some people here refuse to see modding the same way. I don't think anyone truly fails at modding if it helped them start the process to try to reduce, and even if it leads them to a decision of abstaining, it has played an important role in their journey IMO. Other people can successfully moderate but unfortunately many of the successful ones leave the site and move on so having Eve here is such a huge help encouraging people to change, and to start their journey no matter where it leads.

[K9Lover]

My current approach to moderation

drinkingal;1487601 wrote: Other people can successfully moderate but unfortunately many of the successful ones leave the site and move on

You made some good points Drinkingal, but I have to disagree with this one. I think they leave the site because they are NOT successful. In fact, I know of a few instances where this is the case. I have talked to these people off of the boards and know it to be true. They were embarrassed to admit that moderation didn't work, and that's why they are no longer here.