Is the mods group still active?

[persimmon]

I was part of the MWO community a couple of years back but I left because of some interpersonal attacks not involving me. I posted a very brief introduction on the new members thread and got--attacked. First time that has happened to me personally. Perhaps I should not have posted on a general thread. I am not an alcoholic and I have no desire to stop drinking. I came back because for the second time in the last several years I felt that my tolerance for wine which I love and also helps me with a painful medical condition has crept up from one or two glasses a day to four. Do I belong here if I do not want to stop drinking? I am a kind person and a very good listener and, maybe, at some point I might be able to offer support to another moderator. If anyone feels that I do not belong here, please let me know and I will leave. Thanks so much.

[freethinker]

Is the mods group still active?

Hi persimmon,

I joined the forum earlier this week and determined that I wanted to walk the moderation path myself. I got a few misplaced snippy remarks from some veteran AF members. Therefore, I'm sticking exclusively to the moderation forums and suggest the same for you.

You should feel welcome here and won't be given any kind of hard time unless an AF member wants to purposely come here and start trouble with you with judgements and attempts to know you better than you know yourself. Believe it or not, it happens. So,
you may have to stand up for yourself a bit to show who's actually "out of place".

The funny thing is that a lot of those like myself who want to moderate feel that we can have prolonged periods of being AF. Therefore, we could probably contribute some worthwhile thoughts on the more specifically AF forums. BUT, any mention of moderation would make you wish you hadn't tried to contribute there. So, I suggest don't. You'll have like-minded friends here in the mod forums whether you want to abstain, moderate, or just go back and forth for periods of time. Hope this helps. Welcome!

[paulywogg]

Is the mods group still active?

the mods section is active sometimes,not as much as it was before but a few threads have popped up just yesterday and today,i post over there sometimes,have a look

[freethinker]

Is the mods group still active?

persimmon,

I still stick by what I said in my first post based on personal experience, but to be fair, I read the posts on your thread and although there may have been one or two edgy remarks fly your way, I think the overall treatment you got was very decent and receptive. kuya is a member who is winning a serious battle and has a certain communication style that I don't think was meant to intentionallly insult you or hurt you.

I really feel for you being in physical pain and possibly facing your mortality. I'm sure most of those other posters would say the same thing. If you can accept me being frank, I think you may have overreacted and got a bit too defensive and let them run you off.

If you can't take pain meds and feel the real need to drink to ease physical suffering, I understand. However, if that's the best path for you, then I suggest seeking council here as I said before. I wish you some peace in your suffering.

[Eve11]

Is the mods group still active?

persimmon;1481225 wrote:

Do I belong here if I do not want to stop drinking? I am a kind person and a very good listener and, maybe, at some point I might be able to offer support to another moderator. If anyone feels that I do not belong here, please let me know and I will leave. Thanks so much.

Wecome back to MWO persimmon,

Yes, you definitely are welcome to our moderator forum and probably belong here for now. Some people come to MWO knowing they need to stop drinking completely and need to abstain. There are very good abstinence only threads. Some come and post all over the place and never declare themselves abstainers or moderators. Many claim they have no problem posting everywhere. I haven't had the same experience as I have seen problems when those moderating or wishing to moderate post in the non moderator forums.

It can be hard having a moderating site and abstinence site in the same community. Sometimes I think how it would be difficult if we had an AA meeting in my church accross from a Moderation Management meeting. Just seems like it could be a can of worms.

To be fair to people abstaining, it can be challenging for some to hear about people wanting to believe they can moderate. It may jepordize their own recovery or they may just be so concerned if their belief system is an "all or nothing approach" as they don't believe moderation is possible and it bothers them to hear from people who think it is. So, I have found (have been here 5 years) that it works best to stay here in the mod forum when I discuss my moderating. If I post in other areas, general, recipes, health, etc. I may talk about other issues but I don't discuss my moderation lifestyle. Also, if I ever give advice in non-mod areas, it is never where I am encouraging someone to consider moderation. Only if they find me here do I give them all the moderation help they are looking for. You will not be judged here and we :welcome: you!

:l
Eve11

[paulywogg]

Is the mods group still active?

well said eve

[FreeFly]

Is the mods group still active?

Just dropping by to say 'hello'. Eve, how are you? I went AWOL for a while but back attempting AFdom. I love your posts and good to see your kind words and warm welcome to Persimmon. Hello Perismmon I hope you can find your place here in MWO again. I'd like to extend a hand of friendship too. For me it's not so important who is here for abstinence or moderation - we're all reaching out for help and support wherever we may find ourselves in our healing. I know there's some tough love around and that works for some. Perhaps there's also a place for a more gentle approach? Sending you hugs anyway :l

[Eve11]

Is the mods group still active?

Thanks Pollywog and welcome back FreeFly.

I relate to your statement FreeFly about tough love versus a more gentler approach. Sometimes I think people's feelings do get hurt when the responder was just trying to help them with tough love advice. The advice I often give people is to send a pm to someone they feel offended by so it gives them a chance to clarify what they meant. As kind as I try to be when I post, I have actually had a couple of pm's sent where people were offended by something I said. I am glad they did that as it gave me the opportunity to explain what I was saying and I was able to soothe the hurt feelings in both situations.

:l
Eve11

[FreeFly]

Is the mods group still active?

Hi Eve, I hear what you're saying and it's sound advice but I do wonder, when someone's feeling in a vulnerable position, whether they'd have the courage/wherewithal to do that. I'm a sensitive soul and I'm not sure I would when feeling down (just me!). Having said that, no doubt you're right as to best foot forward. Nice to see you

[Eve11]

Is the mods group still active?

Thanks for your thoughts FreeFly. I hear what you're saying and it really does bother me when someone feels somebody has come down real hard on them so that is why I personally think a more gentler approach is always the way to go.

I think the problem we have at MWO is it started out as a place that was real open to moderation. RJ's book is based on the concept of moderating. But as time has gone on here, most find that they cannot moderate and end up in the abstinence section. New members often post over in those areas like general, starting out, etc. because they are the first threads they see when they find MWO. They think members will be open to their belief in moderating (because of RJ's book and concept in moderation) and they share their honest feelings of maybe not being ready to abstain but knowing they need help. Unfortunately most are posting in nonmoderating forums and then some of them feel they get negative feedback (that they are not emotionally ready to deal with) because of expressing this desire to eventually moderate.

Are the abstinence tough lovers bad? Well, let's wear the other guys moccasins. Not really. The abstainers may either feel jeopordized as they are struggling hard to be abstinent or they want to protect these newbies to remain abstinent as they don't want to see someone making the same mistakes they made. Anyone who is a parent will understand this reasoning. :h

Unfortunatly with online sites, we cannot hear tone, see facial expressions, etc. and many times words beome misconstrued or misunderstood. I believe a gentler approach for the people who are in these abstinent threads would be to refer newbies to the moderation forum for those who come to MWO expressing the desire to eventually moderate. As I have shared in other posts, people are much more successful when they are given choices. Many, probably most, do end up choosing abstinence in the end, but the belief that they think they can moderate when they find us, actually enables them to seek help, whereas they may never have never sought help in the first place if they were only given the "all or nothing" approach". I have been here five years and probably feel a calling to keep coming back and hanging here in the hopes that everyone can eventually have an open mind and understand this concept. I have just seen too many people finally find us (at the mod forum) to only share that they almost left because the original sites they found made them feel frustrated and misunderstood. I have also heard too many stories of people coming back a second time and posting the reason that they left was the fact of nonsupport in these origial threads that they found. For those who are so concerned for these newbies, believe me, research shows that most will choose abstinence, just give them the time and space to make their own choices. When we judge too harshly, they leave us and may never get the help they so desperately need.

:l
Eve11

[freethinker]

Is the mods group still active?

Very insightful post Eve. It seems that the hammer doth drop to quickly on the heads of some of the newbs around here. Sometimes "tough love" can turn into " tyrannical love".

I like being able to come here today and say that I had a very nice evening with my wife, had 2 drinks as per my mod goal, and slept very well. I almost didn't even have one. My wife ended a very busy work week and will usually have 1 drink or 2 on Friday evening. She has never been an AL abuser. She's very good at moderating everything in her life. (What a gal! And good looking to boot!) Anyway, we enjoyed a couple together.

I may have 1 or 2 tonight. No biggie either way. It's a process for me and , as you say, may lead to total abstinence as it does for many. I know the gentler, slower path won't work for many (they'd kill themselves first). As I bounce around MWO it's really sad to read some of these stories. My dad drank a quart of vodka a day for 30 years and died at 59. It's a rough way to live a shortened life.

[FreeFly]

Is the mods group still active?

Eve11;1481750 wrote: Thanks for your thoughts FreeFly. I hear what you're saying and it really does bother me when someone feels somebody has come down real hard on them so that is why I personally think a more gentler approach is always the way to go.

I think the problem we have at MWO is it started out as a place that was real open to moderation. RJ's book is based on the concept of moderating. But as time has gone on here, most find that they cannot moderate and end up in the abstinence section. New members often post over in those areas like general, starting out, etc. because they are the first threads they see when they find MWO. They think members will be open to their belief in moderating (because of RJ's book and concept in moderation) and they share their honest feelings of maybe not being ready to abstain but knowing they need help. Unfortunately most are posting in nonmoderating forums and then some of them feel they get negative feedback (that they are not emotionally ready to deal with) because of expressing this desire to eventually moderate.

Are the abstinence tough lovers bad? Well, let's wear the other guys moccasins. Not really. The abstainers may either feel jeopordized as they are struggling hard to be abstinent or they want to protect these newbies to remain abstinent as they don't want to see someone making the same mistakes they made. Anyone who is a parent will understand this reasoning. :h

Unfortunatly with online sites, we cannot hear tone, see facial expressions, etc. and many times words beome misconstrued or misunderstood. I believe a gentler approach for the people who are in these abstinent threads would be to refer newbies to the moderation forum for those who come to MWO expressing the desire to eventually moderate. As I have shared in other posts, people are much more successful when they are given choices. Many, probably most, do end up choosing abstinence in the end, but the belief that they think they can moderate when they find us, actually enables them to seek help, whereas they may never have never sought help in the first place if they were only given the "all or nothing" approach". I have been here five years and probably feel a calling to keep coming back and hanging here in the hopes that everyone can eventually have an open mind and understand this concept. I have just seen too many people finally find us (at the mod forum) to only share that they almost left because the original sites they found made them feel frustrated and misunderstood. I have also heard too many stories of people coming back a second time and posting the reason that they left was the fact of nonsupport in these origial threads that they found. For those who are so concerned for these newbies, believe me, research shows that most will choose abstinence, just give them the time and space to make their own choices. When we judge too harshly, they leave us and may never get the help they so desperately need.

:l
Eve11

Hi Eve, a thoughtful and considered post. I think MWO is richer for having your wisdom. As you say, many will ultimately consider abstinence, but it is a process and I think the mods section is equally important. Let people find their own way and hopefully be welcome whatever path they choose. As you say, some newbies may not be ready for abstinence but having a mods section can be a great half-way house, or, as probably initially intended, a way to keep tabs and a hold on their intake. Either way, I hope those new to the site will find, or be directed to, wherever may be right for them; and once there, receive the invaluable love and support waiting for them.

[Alcoholic]

Is the mods group still active?

I agree with everyone here! I've been AWOL too just living my life. A much healthier lifestyle compared to 6 months ago. Like Eve said, moderators tend to focus on other aspects of their lives once alcohol is not a focus anymore. So the thread sometimes becomes empty.

I agree w FreeFly, Eve has contributed so much in MWO community! She needs an award for all the effort she put into this forum!!!

[eustacia]

Is the mods group still active?

Just stopping in to say hello!

:heart: E

[Eve11]

Is the mods group still active?

eustacia;1482085 wrote: Just stopping in to say hello!

:heart: E

Hello thread killer queen!
:l
Eve11