Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

[BondGirl]

Hello all,

Haven't posted in a while. It's been rough.

Where do I start? I've been a problem drinker for many years. I love the ritual of a glass of wine, but honestly, the buzz is sort of a negative now. As per Eve 11, I'm somewhere in the zone of white knuckle moderator,

I'm diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, which is a tricky thing. I feel weird, because I have a great life. I'm intelligent and attractive, am secure and have wonderful friends. Yet I feel afraid.

More info: I tried to kill myself in January. I tried to drink myself to death, essentially, and I don't know why. I spent five days on an inpatient psych ward (not freaky - no padded walls and electroshock, more like TV and Scrabble). I still fear afraid of why I did this, but I am determined to never go this route again.

I have a great therapist, but she is a human being and can only do so much. Right now, I'm here because prefer the language of moderation to AA bullshit. I am looking for:


1) support in becoming an abstainer and/or a very moderate drinker.

2} practical advice on just "getting thru" it... quitting gives so much anxiety, and the physical pain is a roadblock. I've had some luck with kudzu, but tonight I'm struggling and reaching out.

Thanks in advance, A.:new:

[Siren136]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Sorry no one was here for you BondGirl! Just remember that if you need help and no one answers, it's not because we don't care! If that happens, just go back into the toolbox and the Nest and read, starting at the beginning. You'll find some pearls of wisdom because we have all been through alcoHELL!

The best advice I can give you is not to look too far into the future. It IS overwhelming to end an relationship that has been going on for so long. Just commit to one day alcohol free and focus on that day. If one day is too much then go hour by hour or minute by minute. When you feel like drinking, take some kudzu or L-glut and come on here and tell us that you really want a drink and we can help you through the cravings. Again, if no one is here go back and read all you can.

Depression is a disease, as is alcoholism. You should not feel weird about them because they can affect anyone. I'm like you - attractive, smart, great job, great family. But my alcoholism and underlying depression have driven away the love of my life.

As far as advice to becoming a moderate drinker - as I said, just take it one day at a time. I bet once you have a good amount of time AF you won't be so torn and will want to stay that way. Don't think too hard about the future.

[Lasha]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Hi Bondgirl and welcome,

Are you tapering down or intending to stop?
Tapering is working for me but don't know what your plan is.

Lash

[Kradle123]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

HI BG, :welcome:

Ditto what Siren said and sorry you didn't get replies last night. Most of us are in different time zones even here it he US. But it does make for a gigantic community of support but still an intimate group you can 'bond' with as you Go through your own journey.

Sometimes I feel like all of us here at MWO are on the pilgrimage along that old Spanish Road (the Camino) from The movie, THE WAY, with Martin Sheen....that we are all heading to the sea to let go of the ashes of our addiction i think we have all accumulated along the way...

Depression is a big scary thing and you are definitely not alone. I am bi-polar and though on the outside looking in it appears like I have a good life..and I do... , there's no question I can be in the middle of joyous children, good food and sunny days and feel like a complete fake, failure and just down right dark.... That's when i have to Consciously make a BIG decision to turn my mind away from that awful place in the basement and just stare at the wonderful people and places I'm in at that moment- come completely into the present as they say......trite but true.

So please read read read and post a bit if you want. Again - Welcome and looking forward to walking with you, :l

[MonaCat]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Set some long term and short term goals; along with a plan of action !
A journal might be helpful.

[nonamegirl]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

HI, BondGirl,
Just wanted to send you a hug and a Hello. Keep coming back! Such good people here, I bet most times you'll find someone to help.
:l:welcome:

[BondGirl]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Hello all,

I'm going to be posting today, because I don't want to drink.

I'm nervous, scared, because I feel like I've been here before and never wanted to visit this place again. I am determined to make itk, but right now it hurts.

Got turned down for promotion this week. I slept a lot this weekend, called out of work.I just poured myself a glass of wine and threw it up immediately, so obviously my body doesn't want that. So I won't drink today, but it could be an uncomfortable few hours.

I will be fine, but It's going to be a bit uncomfortable in the meantime. You know how detox goes?

Support very much appreciated, -A.

[nonamegirl]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Hey BondGirl

Obviously no one was here for you yesterday when you needed it, and I am sorry. I am sending you strong thoughts today. You will be in my heart and I hope you feel better, bit by bit. The first days choosing to get the alcohol out of your system are so difficult, but as you know, very worth it. Check in to the other boards when you need immediate feedback... I've found that those of us that come to this one aren't always online.

Good luck. Step by step in the right direction.:l

[NoSugar]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Hi, Bondgirl

I see you posted over in the Newbies Nest. Weekends tend to be slow around here in general and your best bet for activity is the nest.

Sometimes when I have needed help and no one seemed to be around, I just randomly picked an earlier page in the Newbies Nest thread and read for awhile. I usually found a post that helped me plus I got to find out how people who are now fairly far along the AF path were doing when they started out. Seeing how far they had progressed in just a few months was very inspiring. Also, seeing names that no longer seem to be active on MWO motivated me not to be one of the people that disappears. Maybe some of those people are fine, and I truly hope so, but I suspect that many if not most of them are NOT on their way out, which is so sad because if you commit yourself to what is going on here, it can be done.

I hope the silence yesterday didn't turn you off MWO!

Love, NS :h

[BondGirl]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Thanks all, I'm going to take your advice and go to the Nest.

[Eve11]

Looking for support en route to moderation or abstinence.

Hey BondGirl,

I am sorry I didn't see your post sooner as well. Keep in mind that there is much more support in the abstinence threads or General (where people may abstain, moderate, or not claim to do anything but come here for support) when you are really reaching out and need help asap. The moderators who are fairly successful usually don't need daily support and sometimes we can go for days or weeks without posting or reading posts. So, as someone kindly mentioned above, we are here for you, but can't guarantee a timely manner of being available to post as quickly as you may need versus other threads. Newbie's Nest always seems pretty active when you are really reaching out in an emergency.

I understand your desire to come here and post freely with your thoughts without fear of judgment and you will certainly get that support here.

There are many, many people who have what is called co-occurring disorders and that is some type of mental health issue as well as alcoholism or alcohol abuse problems. With depression, it becomes the age old question of the chicken or the egg? Which came first? Does the depression lead one to drink (which may temporarily lift their mood) but then usually leads to deeper depression the next day. Studies do show that depression and drinking go hand in hand.

Sometimes keeping a record of how many drinks you had, who you were with, what triggers started the drinking that night or day and how you felt the next day will help. Truthfully, I always find that I feel 100% depression free and on top of the world on the mornings that I awake and haven't had a drink the night before. You may find as you monitor yourself that the cycle of drinking and depression don't work but only you can determine that. Just start keeping a journal or tracking system and see if that helps. Here for you and available for private mails anytime.

:l
Eve11