Hi, Everyone,
I thought I'd start a thread instead of killing one.
Gypsi, I stopped in here a couple of days ago and saw that you had posted. I'm so impressed with your fortitude. Also, belatedly, happy birthday!:day4:
Mary, I had to laugh when I read about your shoes and scarves. You and I should have a contest. I have drawers of silk scarves and shawls that I no longer wear. Also, more shoes than I could wear in fifty lifetimes. The beautiful scarves and shawls I keep, hoping, I guess, that I'll have another stretch in my life when I'll go out to dinner and to soirees. Some of them are quite special and I know that I could never find similar ones should I donate them to charity. The shoes are another story. I cannot tell what will and what will not be wearable until I have walked outside for about 30 minutes. Hence, most of my shoes are only worn once and then they are discarded to the "maybe sometime if I ever get my body fixed" pile and, ultimately, given to charity. I wrecked my feet during my dance career and almost nothing except flip-flops--including standing barefoot--is reliably comfortable. A couple of months ago I had some good luck in finding out about Masai warrior shoes with half-spheres for soles. I bought a pair and if I wear them I'm able to "roll" through the pain. Fortunately, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon next week who is going to try to fix things. I'm kinda worried about giving up exercise for my three month (minimum) recuperation because exercise is so important in keeping my drinking down.
I'm going through some tough times personally. As some of you know, I have no biological children. I am the carrier of a genetic defect and I saw no reason to chance passing it on to a child. It is very likely that I am going to lose my beloved dad within the next month to this disease. There is one physician who thinks that he might be able to buy my dad a little time as long as my dad can withstand the surgery that is scheduled to occur over a four day span starting about a week and a half from now. My dad told me on Monday that he also has severe prostrate cancer but that there is no chance that he could survive surgical intervention for this problem. There is some hope that if he survives the upcoming series of operations that he can have radiation treatment for the prostate cancer later this summer.
My dad, to many people, is old. He is in his seventies. But he is so engaged with life and has such a vibrant mind that giving up is not what he wants. To complicate things further, my father is not a Christian and, hence, lacks the idea of a warm, enveloping afterlife. And to complicate matters for me, when he is suffering this much, he isolates. He is thousands of miles away and I would be on a plane to see him in a heartbeat, as would my siblings, but he feels that he will stay calmest and do better if he is only around one person, my stepmother. My stepmother has practically devoted her life to taking care of him and I worry about her, too. But she is very formal and I have to tread lightly (sorry, bad pun) to avoid making her life harder. I know that my dad loves me and that there is absolutely no bad blood between us and I feel glad for that knowledge. I just so wish that I could see him, if only for a few minutes, but that would upset the sort of mindfulness that he is using to survive.
I did something really dumb a few days ago. I googled him and tried, once more, to understand the work he had done when he was younger. I didn't understand a great deal of what he had written, but it is clear that he has such a creative and giving mind. I couldn't stop crying.
To make matters worse, my husband is being a grump. I think that Mary and someone else had recommended some self help books about relationships that I thought I ordered from Amazon but apparently didn't. Mary, would you please tell me the name of the book again?
Does anyone else have advice about living with someone who snarls and speaks in a harsh tone of voice? My husband and I are not from the same background, culturally or economically, and he thinks that the way he speaks to me is fine. He did not speak to me like this before we were married and I keep trying to figure out how I might be eliciting this behavior from him. I never heard a man address a woman harshly when I was growing up. People around me were polite--to a fault, I might add. Perhaps, therefore, I am hypersensitive to harshness. I've been trying to "develop a thicker skin" for years but my progress isn't very good! Therapy is not something my husband will consider and I am already in it. For a time, particularly after my mom died, I used alcohol to mitigate the pain of the way he speaks to me. Obviously, I am trying to make another choice. I did lapse a little a couple of weeks ago and like Mary, I am finding that for me, moderating is going to have to mean abstaining with only an occasional drink.
A few months ago, Jenneh posted a very interesting self-test about types of alcoholism. It turned out that my drinking is heavily related to my hypergyclemia that was diagnosed via a glucose tolerance test 25 years ago. Jenneh, would you mind posting the self-test again for the benefit of people who have recently joined? It really helped me a lot, and I think that it would help others.
Ok, so this is a gloomy (and VERY long) first post on what I hope will be a wonderful Wednesday for all.
My love to all, Eustacia
I thought I'd start a thread instead of killing one.
Gypsi, I stopped in here a couple of days ago and saw that you had posted. I'm so impressed with your fortitude. Also, belatedly, happy birthday!:day4:
Mary, I had to laugh when I read about your shoes and scarves. You and I should have a contest. I have drawers of silk scarves and shawls that I no longer wear. Also, more shoes than I could wear in fifty lifetimes. The beautiful scarves and shawls I keep, hoping, I guess, that I'll have another stretch in my life when I'll go out to dinner and to soirees. Some of them are quite special and I know that I could never find similar ones should I donate them to charity. The shoes are another story. I cannot tell what will and what will not be wearable until I have walked outside for about 30 minutes. Hence, most of my shoes are only worn once and then they are discarded to the "maybe sometime if I ever get my body fixed" pile and, ultimately, given to charity. I wrecked my feet during my dance career and almost nothing except flip-flops--including standing barefoot--is reliably comfortable. A couple of months ago I had some good luck in finding out about Masai warrior shoes with half-spheres for soles. I bought a pair and if I wear them I'm able to "roll" through the pain. Fortunately, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon next week who is going to try to fix things. I'm kinda worried about giving up exercise for my three month (minimum) recuperation because exercise is so important in keeping my drinking down.
I'm going through some tough times personally. As some of you know, I have no biological children. I am the carrier of a genetic defect and I saw no reason to chance passing it on to a child. It is very likely that I am going to lose my beloved dad within the next month to this disease. There is one physician who thinks that he might be able to buy my dad a little time as long as my dad can withstand the surgery that is scheduled to occur over a four day span starting about a week and a half from now. My dad told me on Monday that he also has severe prostrate cancer but that there is no chance that he could survive surgical intervention for this problem. There is some hope that if he survives the upcoming series of operations that he can have radiation treatment for the prostate cancer later this summer.
My dad, to many people, is old. He is in his seventies. But he is so engaged with life and has such a vibrant mind that giving up is not what he wants. To complicate things further, my father is not a Christian and, hence, lacks the idea of a warm, enveloping afterlife. And to complicate matters for me, when he is suffering this much, he isolates. He is thousands of miles away and I would be on a plane to see him in a heartbeat, as would my siblings, but he feels that he will stay calmest and do better if he is only around one person, my stepmother. My stepmother has practically devoted her life to taking care of him and I worry about her, too. But she is very formal and I have to tread lightly (sorry, bad pun) to avoid making her life harder. I know that my dad loves me and that there is absolutely no bad blood between us and I feel glad for that knowledge. I just so wish that I could see him, if only for a few minutes, but that would upset the sort of mindfulness that he is using to survive.
I did something really dumb a few days ago. I googled him and tried, once more, to understand the work he had done when he was younger. I didn't understand a great deal of what he had written, but it is clear that he has such a creative and giving mind. I couldn't stop crying.
To make matters worse, my husband is being a grump. I think that Mary and someone else had recommended some self help books about relationships that I thought I ordered from Amazon but apparently didn't. Mary, would you please tell me the name of the book again?
Does anyone else have advice about living with someone who snarls and speaks in a harsh tone of voice? My husband and I are not from the same background, culturally or economically, and he thinks that the way he speaks to me is fine. He did not speak to me like this before we were married and I keep trying to figure out how I might be eliciting this behavior from him. I never heard a man address a woman harshly when I was growing up. People around me were polite--to a fault, I might add. Perhaps, therefore, I am hypersensitive to harshness. I've been trying to "develop a thicker skin" for years but my progress isn't very good! Therapy is not something my husband will consider and I am already in it. For a time, particularly after my mom died, I used alcohol to mitigate the pain of the way he speaks to me. Obviously, I am trying to make another choice. I did lapse a little a couple of weeks ago and like Mary, I am finding that for me, moderating is going to have to mean abstaining with only an occasional drink.
A few months ago, Jenneh posted a very interesting self-test about types of alcoholism. It turned out that my drinking is heavily related to my hypergyclemia that was diagnosed via a glucose tolerance test 25 years ago. Jenneh, would you mind posting the self-test again for the benefit of people who have recently joined? It really helped me a lot, and I think that it would help others.
Ok, so this is a gloomy (and VERY long) first post on what I hope will be a wonderful Wednesday for all.
My love to all, Eustacia
(especially with some padding on it!)
zwink:
zwink:
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