Can I mod - binge drinker?

[Leolady]

Hi everyone

I originally posted the thread below in the Tell Us Your Story section, but am repeating it here, as I would be interested to hear if any of you feel that I have any chance of being successful at moderation, as this is what I would like to achieve. If I really cannot do moderation without slipping back into the once a month binge, then I will try to stop drinking completely, although I feel this would very much impact on my social life and the people I am friends with.

"I used to use this site quite a lot several years ago. I was trying to moderate my drinking, but never really succeeded. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine every day and sometimes a lot more than that. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was diagnosed with throat cancer early in 2010 (probably caused by my heavy drinking and smoking for many years, although I had already quit smoking 4 years earlier). The treatment for the cancer forced me to stop drinking for a while. It took me 2 years to fully recover and, thankfully, the cancer seems to be gone. After I began recovering from the cancer treatment, I found I could just have a few drinks without any real desire to have more, which was great. However, the drinking has crept up over the years. I am now at the stage where I can go 3 days a week with no alcohol and just have a few drinks on the other nights, but about once a month or so I go on a complete binge on one night, particularly when I am stressed or have had a row with my husband. We have always had a volatile relationship, but generally get on well and I know that alcohol does not help anything. I did it again last night, got angry with hubby and drank far too much vodka. He is now very cross and threatening to leave me! I know I drink loads when I get angry and then I get even more angry and in a really destructive way. I want to stop this cycle of binging, but would like to continue to enjoy a few drinks on 3 or 4 nights a week. I am also worried that if I keep doing this, then my cancer might come back. I just don't know how to stop this binging and would be grateful for any advice."

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[paulywogg]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Hi leolady,personally for me i cannot moderate,the one or two drinks just irritates me! so i end up bingeing better to just avoid it i think

[giraffe1234]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Hi there Leolady
My heart goes out to you. Many of the situations you describe sound like a page from my diary. It sounds to me that you know the answer already. Alcohol weakens our body, our mind, our credibility, you self-respect, our everything. I cannot tell you what to do, but I am sure you will make the sane decision by yourself. Perseverance and tenacity are called for, and logging in daily to MWO has really helped me tremendously. Btw, I have nothing to brag about, I've only been sober for 22 days now, and I'm scared of falling of the wagon. But with the support of MWO members, so far so good.
Good luck and keep us updated on your decision and you progress.
:goodluck:

[Nelz]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Ive been around here for a little while, and to date, this is one of the most debated subjects I have seen.

Nobody can really tell you if "you" can mod. I would say 98 percent of the people on here can not, and that is why they are here.

There are a very select few that can indeed pull it off. I for one choose not to dance with that devil ever again, because I just dont want to go through the battle again. I simply dont have an OFF button when it comes to AL.

My hat is off to those that choose to and are successful with modding, it may be a road you can hoe, but nobody ultimately can answer that..........but "YOU"

Good luck with your choice

[istym4me]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

LEOLADY-

Do you have a juicer? For health reasons, like yours, a macerating juicer is a wonderful tool. Many people have cured and/or maintained being cancer free by using them.

I have been asking about moderation also. It doesn't seem to be a welcomed topic here even though the site was made to promote moderating. I have downloaded the book and am looking into ways that others have been able to MOD. In many ways, if you are only having one bottle a day, you are MODERATING by some standard already. BUT it seems it is bothering your family- husband and you are certainly seeking 'help'. As others have stated, it's only YOU that can make the journey to decide what you are comfortable with.

How are you? Have you come to an agreement with your husband?

[Leolady]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

istym4me

Thanks so much for your reply. I don't have a macerating juicer, but have been thinking about getting one, although I cannot take any kind of citrus juice because it stings on my radiotherapy treated mouth and throad like battery acid! However, there are other fruits and veg that can be juiced, so I may give it a try.

I know what you mean about modding not always seeming to be a welcome topic on the site. I am having at least 2 or 3 days a week alcohol free at present and then usually 3 to 4 drinks each day on the other days. If I could keep that up, then I would be content. It is just the tendency I seem to have to binge on one night a month that is doing the harm. Hubby has decided to give me one more chance, but I don't want to get better just for him, but for myself, so I am going to try very hard to change my behaviour patterns and, with them, my drinking patterns.

What are you trying at the moment and what stage have you reached? i wish you well on your journey.

[Sunbeam]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

There is a thread here somewhere that gives you a score based on the severity of your drinking. Eve 11 started the thread.

[istym4me]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

I got to 11 days, drank a bottle of wine on the 12th, last night. Felt like carp about it earlier but I am okay right now. I am good at letting go of guilt and also good at moving past that FUNK stage.


Okay, I think I have learned something new since I posted to you Leo
The woman that made this forum, no longer Moderates and has stated she has quit drinking. That was in 2010 I believe. This is going to sound harsh but I think she should change the front page because it seems so misleading now. Without changing the front page or updating her progress it give a sense of false hope to many people. I feel slighted a bit as if it's all just about selling stuff now. I don't even want to finish reading the MWO book.
Does your husband drink?

Amazon.com: omega 8600 juicer

That is what I own. I just did a batch of carrot wheatgrass juice this morning. I grow my own wheatgrass, such a great thing to do.

[treetops]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Many of us have used the MWO website without forking out any money here. It's a great website and the energy comes from the people who participate - a grassroots thing.

IMO leolady although you are happy with your usual moderate levels I suggest that they are still too high in terms of health. You might want to reconsider this.

[Samstone]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Isty
I found this site last January and read all about moderating. I joined because I was hoping to moderate. I read the MWO book and was kinda excited about possible moderating. The more I looked the more it seemed to involve taking drugs that have may have side effects. (It took me a month to figure out SE was side effects in posts) I decided that drugs was not the answer as I really didn't want to deal with the side effects. Drank more, then I figured there is no moderating.

Now I understand your disappointment in the site but it seems that the site evolves as we all do. I am grateful that was here at all. It is what we want to make of it. I did find out later that the RJ no longer moderated, frankly confirming what I'd figure out for myself. Some people may be able to moderate, so they have the option to at least look at it here.

[Leolady]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

istym4me

Thanks. Yes, my husband does drink, sometimes excessively. I think we have been enabling each other over the years, so another thing that needs to change.

Treetops

Thanks for your input. I am aiming to reduce my alcohol intake further to stay within the recommended "safe" limits, which in the UK is 14 units a week for women (or to abstain completely). Having said that and despite having done some research, I cannot find any reported evidence to show where this figure comes from (or any of the other, sometimes differing limits which seem to apply in other countries). If anyone knows how these limits are arrived at and what evidence they are based on, I would be interested to know. I have read reports that suggest that the UK alcohol health safety limits were simply figures "plucked out of the air"!

[nonamegirl]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Here is the post Sunbeam referred to

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS IN THE LONG-TERM MODERATORS BOARD. Eve11 is a great source and a great inspiration to many of us... and there are many of us who are working the Moderation Life. It works for some, not for others. ALL ARE WELCOME!:l

This post is designed for those that have been trying to moderate or control their drinking. Those that abstain may definitely relate to the struggles shared here as trying to control one's drinking can come with many challenges.


WHAT TYPE OF MODERATOR ARE YOU?

I finished an excellent book written by two PhD’s who are advocates that moderation can work for some people. What I was surprised to read was that their research placed people who moderate in 5 different categories. I wanted to share the info as I thought it would be thought provoking for us. My personal belief is that some areas may cross over into others. You’ll see what I mean after I share the info. I will also share how I feel I fit in and wonder where you think you do.

The Stable Moderator: These are people who have found that moderation works well for them and once they cut down it’s no longer a struggle. They can take it or leave it. They don’t feel like “controlled” drinkers. They don’t drink daily and when they do they have one or two without the craving for having more. Their drinking poses no real problems and they are comfortable with moderation.

The Pretty Good Moderator: These people (like the stable moderators) have cut down on their drinking but still may have days when they drink too much and still have problems related to their drinking but nothing as severe as before.

The White-Knuckle Moderator: Although these folks have tapered down their drinking they find it’s a continual struggle to keep it under control. They often feel like they’re on a tightrope and could fall at any time. They find moderation to be an awful lot of work as they find that they drink less but still want more oftentimes. In the long run they usually decide it isn’t worth the effort and they quit drinking altogether.

Pointless Moderation: Even if these folks succeeded in moderating and didn’t struggle to keep their drinks down to safe levels, they started to wonder what the point is in drinking so little. Previously they drank to get drunk so now they have found alcohol has lost its meaning.

Nice Try: These folks tried to moderate but didn’t have much success with it. They may have had some days of moderation but ended up going right back to completely overdoing it. The experience of giving it a good but unsuccessful try helped them to let go of the idea of controlling their drinking and they chose to abstain rather than to continue to harm themselves and others.

I wish I could say I was in the first group. Wouldn’t that be nice. I fluctuate between the Pretty Good Moderator and the White Knuckle Moderator. Most often I can have one or two drinks and feel satiated. There are times however when I still struggle and want to have another drink. Sometimes this happens when we get home from an evening out where I allowed myself two drinks. Now I am home and really want a third drink. I purposely try to not have alcohol in my home because I never know when a crazy craving is going to hit or when it isn’t. Because it can be such a “white knuckle” event for me at times, I do entertain the thought here and there of completely abstaining and getting off of the merry go round. Being a “white Knuckler” is not a lot of fun.

There may be some very lucky ones who fall into the stable moderator role. Perhaps those are some of the people who leave the board as they took the advice they got here, felt moderating wasn’t a difficult thing to do, and they don’t want to be reminded of their previous struggle so they don’t come back to post anymore.

I have read others (who abstain) say there’s no point in only having two drinks so people like that would fall into the Pointless Moderation category. And there are many who have been real honest with us and shared that they gave it a go but it just wasn't working for them and they felt they would have more peace and freedom by letting go of the thought that moderating could work for them.

Share your thoughts friends, where do you think you fit in?

The book is entitled Controlling your Drinking, by William R. Miller and Ricardo Munoz. Has lots of good information.


Eve11

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

What a breath of fresh air to find support for moderation on this website!!! I just finished 40 days of abstinence and pondering whether I would ever drink again. My head is in such a different place than when I began. Let's see what type of moderator I am!

[patrice]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

I have been 'moderating' for the last year. At first I was the 'Stable Moderator' then I think I went down the list because now I am the ' Nice Try'... this was after at least 60 days of AF time.
It hasn't worked me but I gave it a really good try. Now I know.
Everyone is different though

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Can I mod - binge drinker?

Patrice - have you stopped moderating? I know people on the abstain thread have slips and go back to abstinence. I expect to have slips while moderating.