Wednesday With Love

[optimist]

Wednesday With Love

Hello everyone - I've been in the background checking in and being introspective - please know that my support and strength have been sent out to each and everyone who has reached and even to some who have not. I've have my minor ups and downs with moderation but overall things have been well. Still looking for a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel - money is tight so it will be a long search but I hope a successful one. All of our animals (3 cats and a dog) are geriatric - the youngest being 11 - so it's time - wish us luck.
As always - hugs to all - know you can draw strength from here.
OP

[lucky 2.0]

Wednesday With Love

Hugs to all, especially E!

E, would you please close that thread now?

In all seriousness, I hope you are feeling more positive soon. Depression sucks and to be immobile would be the worst. I am sorry you are going through of rough spell.

[dilayne]

Wednesday With Love

Hey everyone,
Well, I'm having a headache now..3rd day on the topa. I saw the therapist today and have been talking to hubby all day. If hubby and I can have a solid plan by Monday for Abs, I'll discontinue the topa before I titrate up to 50mg. I was having a hard time coming off the binging, but once I move to Abs, I'm fine..I can go 5 months, or 15 years, so I'm not staying on the topa if I feel ready to commit to to Abs. It's tough. My husband always says that he'll quit if I want him too..but he makes me make the decision, but the problem is when he sees one sign of weakness, for example, if I decide to cave..he is right there with me, and the next thing I know it, he's calling me the next night asking me if I want some wine..so the plan has to be that he commits to it as well, which means he has to admit that he plays a part in the 'ism' here. If we can't come up with a united plan of action, which we discussed with my therapist back in September...all was fine, until late Feb. when I decided to drink...he refused then to support me to moderate or get back on track when I wanted to...I know I'm rambling, but this is and has been my quandry. The topa is absolutely the last resort for me..it is almost as bad as the hang overs...I have a low tolerance for those..which at least has always kept my worse drinking no more than a large bottle of wine at a time..maybe more than that on maybe two other occassions...so neither really is a long term option for me....I'll keep you posted.

Thank God for text messaging. Hubby and I seem to be able to get some tough issues addresssed without getting emotional that way! The bottom line seems to be that I am the scapegoat (in my family as well) for all of our problems, including financial..and I'm the one that has to come up with the solutions and implement them...he never has to admit to any problems or utilize any discipline to solve them...I'm the designated alcoholic and I have to be the alcohol police, as well as the check balancer and the budgeter..at least he goes out and makes the money, and he is a sweet and loving man, and will do anything...but I tell you...this alcohol thing is a family dynamic, almost always! I believe that! Thanks for listening ya'll...a little tired of this cycle!!!!

[chrysa]

Wednesday With Love

Dialyne..beautiful beautiful what you & your husband are doing. I am so glad youa re close & ons ame page...that's a gift

Eustacia..dear...so glad to see you back. I am not here consistenly but I think about you often..(because off that totally insane thread you started) LOL... Feel the love pouring into you..continue to take care of yourself & get stronger...don't forget..you are way too hard on yourself..you are a beautiful soul...I htink maybe get some drugs there for the depression & pain

To My Queen B Lushy..I did what you told me & changed my avatar & profile. I hope I met your approval...

Luck..hey sweet pucky duck...you are my Oracle on the boards...

Hey Jude...Hey Jude....don't be afraid...just go out & say you love him...you have always been great here

Sammys..you are such a cute littel nerd sweetie

MKR..the rock around here

PP...so glad you are here...are a stable force also

Nancy..my Christian friend..

OPtimist..we have not met..you are cool

betty ..you are famous..I read your stuff all of the time...thanks

Skendall, Allie, Janie...good vibes to you..hang in

Rocky..you are incredible

Oh gosh Guys..I am so sorry..I just cant go through the list ..but I am so very very appreciative of you all ...You are always there...

I admire those who go through the list...don't think I will ever be one of those...but hopefully at least I will post on a more consistent basis..for my own good!!....

Oh I am moderating OK..just OK...

Peace & Love ~C

[lushy]

Wednesday With Love

Chrysa, that avatar is the best!!!!! You itchy witch you!!!!

[eustacia]

Wednesday With Love

Dear Sammys, PreciousPinot, SKendall, Nancy, Judie, Paula, Mary, Lucky and Chrysa,


Your kind words mean a lot to me. I'm always sorry to hear that another person is or has suffered from depression but reading it today made me feel less alone. Mary, while we share hypoglycemic drinking patterns, I didn't start drinking because I was in physical pain. I started because I am so shy that I was in almost constant emotional pain. My depression is partly hereditary (my mom) and partly situational. The current bout was set off several weeks ago when my husband spoke to me in a harsh voice over a period of several days. He denied speaking gruffly. That's what you get when you're a hybrid of a couple of ethnicities that put so much emphasis on comportment and you marry a guy from a warm Jewish family that doesn't tamp down emotions and doesn't mind emphatic speech. A gruff tone of voice, something my husband never demonstrated until after we were married, affects me profoundly. I've been checking out getting biofeedback to stop the huge blood pressure spikes that his very appearance can now generate. I wish that my husband would not say that I am too sensitive. I don't like hearing that said about anyone because it leads me to feel that whomever is the recipient of the comment is being pathologized and I end up hurting for the person. That being said, maybe it is true that I am too sensitive, at least for my own good.

I am in therapy. In fact, at this point I call myself a therapy "lifer" because I can only imagine being in therapy the rest of my life. Usually my weekly sessions are about my existential crisis du jour but right now they are about my depression. The best antidepressant for me is to be able to run, skip, dance. None of these activities will be on my agenda for the next couple of months because I could harm myself until I am more recovered from the surgery.

Mary, you asked how I am feeling. My knee jerk response is "fine" because I am not in pain unless I try to move but when I'm honest with myself I'm not feeling fine at all.

I'm being careful again about the supplements and haven't had anything to drink for the last three days, even though the bottle of wine is still by my bedside. I've been reading some contemporary books on Buddhism, specifically, Zen,and I'm finding that the precepts, particularly the ones that urge compassion, are touching me. Maybe I'll go to a temple once I'm ambulatory.

The support of everyone here is priceless but it is hard for me to say that I feel at all worthy of such an outpouring of warmth. I love you guys!

:heart: E

[trixietrack]

Wednesday With Love

Wow Eustacia, you sound very down and the reasons for it are valid. I think that some talk therapy would be very good for you. i have done it and even if it's only for a few sessions, it does help one unravel and heal. big hug to all

[trixietrack]

Wednesday With Love

Preciouspinot;131041 wrote: Hey Judie! Yes, time to move onward and upward. Instead of back in the "saddle" maybe back into your "hiking boots". I have found or rather re-found that exercise does wonders! It takes the edge off, reduces stress, releases endorphins and helps me sleep better.

I agree exercise does wonders for the brain the body and the soul swimming is my thing

trix

[chrysa]

Wednesday With Love

E...
You are more than worthy..you are a beacon for many...what is your ethnic relationship with your husband...I have a bi-cultural, bi-ethnic partnership as well

[chrysa]

Wednesday With Love

Lush Queen B..you have made my day, evening, night...thank you...I will sleep well now under our full moon..I hope you will too...REALLY!
Luv2 U ~C

PS. Be careful jumping off the roof....hehhehehehe

[Saint Jude]

Wednesday With Love

Thanks for the "wake-up" call PP! I did spend 20 min on the stairmaster & 15 on the ab lounge today, maybe 5 on the xx ski machine. It's been raining all day here, I should just bundle up & go outside, but don't really feel like it. The exercise does help though.

Hubby's not gonna be home for a bit, maybe I'll hit the treadmill for a while. I'm so fortunate to have a big living room. Most of the equipment we aquired as "hand-me downs", or neighbors just wanting to get rid of it. I need to count my blessings more often. :h ray: :wings:

Love Ya'll,

PS, Chrissa I love the new avatar!
:l
Judie