Morning' Muffin Darlings,
Well, it's nice to wake up without a hangover for the 5th day in a row. Just had a conversation with hubby about it all...I think he got it. What is it about men's wiring? I guess we are the same way, sometimes but it's the difference between high speed internet and dial up sometimes, isn't it. I forget that I have to spell it all out...if I could just remember that all of the time, it would save me a LOT of emotional energy. If I could be patient, he always eventually gets it...but then, of course, he forgets it in about a day, and we have to start all over again...oh, geesh...anyway, it was a good talk. I reminded him of the time when we first got married..when we met, I had stopped drinking, so he quit drinking on our first date, so, we never even had a drink together..ever. However, I did continue to sneak a little smoke, from time to time, and he caught me one time. He put his foot down and just said no. I reminded him of that, because really, that is what I wanted and needed from him at the time, I was raising children at the time and before then, all I got from men was them wanting to get me drunk or high...so it felt like a real strong act of love and strength for him to stand up for our family like that..I told him that I need him to do that for me now, if I get weak and want to drink...no to throw up his hands and say, "let's party". As a result of him saying no early in our marriage, we were able to raise our kids in a drug, alcohol and smoke free environment and it made all of the difference in the world about how we taught our kids about these things. My older daughter was already dabbling with cigs by then, so it was too late, but none of them have ever had any issues with substances and I'm very grateful. I told my husband that I am not upset about how he has been with the alcohol but it puts me in a position to where I feel like I have to bare the burden alone, and if this is the case, my best choice right now is the topamax. I'll be taking it until or unless we come up with a solid plan for the future in the event I slip up, because I know by now that if I start again, and if he joins me, that we'll fall right back in to weeks or months of drinking every night..so somebody has to be responsible. If he isn't willing to be strong for me, then I have the topamax, which is not my first choice. This isn't putting the responsibility fully on him..the fact is, is that it doesn't take but a little whisper from him that 'maybe we shouldn't drink tonight' that would turn me the other way, and if I'm so out of it that nothing will stop, me, (I've never been there before), so I'm not going to worry about that..(I guess I always have the topa, in that case.) So he is thinking about it..his first excuse is that he can't stop me..well, that is bullshit, I asked him to think about why he doesn't want to be responsible for setting boundaries and why he doesn't want to stop me...well, I know that is harder because he has to deal with himself and how he is putting some of his selfish needs above my welfare..ouch, I know that has to hurt..and you know how people can be..if it hurts, well, they usually would rather you wear it..at least that seems to be how it works around here. So that is where my story is today. Thanks for being a place I can share it. Lord knows I've needed a place to come!!!
I hope everyone has a really good day.
XOXOXO
Dianne
Well, it's nice to wake up without a hangover for the 5th day in a row. Just had a conversation with hubby about it all...I think he got it. What is it about men's wiring? I guess we are the same way, sometimes but it's the difference between high speed internet and dial up sometimes, isn't it. I forget that I have to spell it all out...if I could just remember that all of the time, it would save me a LOT of emotional energy. If I could be patient, he always eventually gets it...but then, of course, he forgets it in about a day, and we have to start all over again...oh, geesh...anyway, it was a good talk. I reminded him of the time when we first got married..when we met, I had stopped drinking, so he quit drinking on our first date, so, we never even had a drink together..ever. However, I did continue to sneak a little smoke, from time to time, and he caught me one time. He put his foot down and just said no. I reminded him of that, because really, that is what I wanted and needed from him at the time, I was raising children at the time and before then, all I got from men was them wanting to get me drunk or high...so it felt like a real strong act of love and strength for him to stand up for our family like that..I told him that I need him to do that for me now, if I get weak and want to drink...no to throw up his hands and say, "let's party". As a result of him saying no early in our marriage, we were able to raise our kids in a drug, alcohol and smoke free environment and it made all of the difference in the world about how we taught our kids about these things. My older daughter was already dabbling with cigs by then, so it was too late, but none of them have ever had any issues with substances and I'm very grateful. I told my husband that I am not upset about how he has been with the alcohol but it puts me in a position to where I feel like I have to bare the burden alone, and if this is the case, my best choice right now is the topamax. I'll be taking it until or unless we come up with a solid plan for the future in the event I slip up, because I know by now that if I start again, and if he joins me, that we'll fall right back in to weeks or months of drinking every night..so somebody has to be responsible. If he isn't willing to be strong for me, then I have the topamax, which is not my first choice. This isn't putting the responsibility fully on him..the fact is, is that it doesn't take but a little whisper from him that 'maybe we shouldn't drink tonight' that would turn me the other way, and if I'm so out of it that nothing will stop, me, (I've never been there before), so I'm not going to worry about that..(I guess I always have the topa, in that case.) So he is thinking about it..his first excuse is that he can't stop me..well, that is bullshit, I asked him to think about why he doesn't want to be responsible for setting boundaries and why he doesn't want to stop me...well, I know that is harder because he has to deal with himself and how he is putting some of his selfish needs above my welfare..ouch, I know that has to hurt..and you know how people can be..if it hurts, well, they usually would rather you wear it..at least that seems to be how it works around here. So that is where my story is today. Thanks for being a place I can share it. Lord knows I've needed a place to come!!!
I hope everyone has a really good day.
XOXOXO
Dianne
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