Are there any long term moderators?

[cassy]

Just curious..as read and posted here for a few months and it sounds as though moderating isnt possible for so many..does this mean abstain is the only way to go for us problem drinkers??


I guess moderating is better than being a drunk....but like fags it sounds that whatever the goal set there are always slips, or the frequency and amount increases againa nd again.

welcome your views.

regards Cassy.....still in moderation mode(did 45 days AF over Ester time though)
Regards Cassy

[Beaches]

Are there any long term moderators?

Hi Cassy,
There is a thread here for Long Term Moderators as well. Maybe check that out. Keep coming here too. We like to have you checking in...

[cassy]

Are there any long term moderators?

Hi Beaches.. i do read the mods threads with curiosity....just trying to make sense of if people can really moderate or does it build back up again slowly.

when i quit fags years ago it was all or nothing for me..as i would have the odd ciggie at weekends or at parties. wasnt a daily smoker but related it to social events.

same with wine i like to have a wine or two when i,m out right now but so so scared it will increase..hence i have to be honest and record my progress . Yes i can see never having to worry about these issues once a decision is made not to drink again must be a relief .

So people who moderate presumably do do becasuse THEY CAN? or maybe NOT READY TO ABSTAIN LONGTERM???

Welcome comments ...Regards Cassy

[Determinator]

Are there any long term moderators?

Million dollar questions Cassy, those same questions keep me up at nights. I think you've actually got me to post on the Mods board for the first time...wow. (aside from the once upon a time part)
My doc just told me last week that I could have a drink on occasion after my 90 day AF period is up. The way my mind used to work that would have been a huge relief, but such is not the case. It is a partial relief but a great burden to consider HOW to do so successfuly if I indeed do partake on limited times. As you've wondered I also wonder if it doesn't just open the door for an eventual slide back into the "old dark place" I so gladly crawled out of. This is AF day 74 and feeling super. I really do miss red wine...that's all I miss. still thinking.....

[betty boop]

Are there any long term moderators?

Hiya, well before finding this site I was drinking 3+ bottles of wine everyday, driving drunk, generally getting drunk to the stage of passing out every single day!!!

I went AF for 17 days back in january ....

Since then, I try not to drink in the week, sometimes manage it sometimes not, I never drink alone and haven't been drunk once this year .....

Although that may not be mods by some peoples standards, I'm quite happy at the minute .....

Betty xx

[lushy]

Are there any long term moderators?

I agree with Betty. I am much better than I was when I first found this site, maybe not by some people's standards but by mine. The times I falter are the times I am not working the program. That is a fact. When I work the program I can moderate very well.

There are a handful of real true long term moderators here who are still very successful with moderating from what I understand. It surely is not for everyone but in certain cases I think it can be done.

[Java]

Are there any long term moderators?

That is such a good question. I have been AF for over 4 months now, and I am seriously considering attempting mods, but I am scared a bit, I dont want to go back to the place i was...i woul however like to be able to enjoy an occassional drink out with my boyfriend or friends...but i don't know, like you said, if it will just build back up the habit...I am still too chicken to attempt the mods, I thought about it last night when I was at a friends party. I was out with my boyfriend, i got a shirley temple instead...i am happy about that decision...but i still wonder what will happen the day I change my virgin drink to something else...I dont know.

[Waves 2]

Are there any long term moderators?

This question comes up time and time again. Just goes to show that many of us find it very difficult- including me. I keep slipping up time and time again.

However, still hoping to find my way out eventually.

Hope reigns eternal.

[julie001]

Are there any long term moderators?

Hi all,

I know that since I really started focusing on using the tools provided in the MYO program, I have begun to change my mindset about alcohol and its impact on my life. In fact, I've been reevaluating a lot of aspects of my life (the beauty of being sober more often than not). I've cut back significantly on my drinking and am working on week 2 of no alone drinking. I've also successfully moderated the last several times that I was out socializing. Will it last? I sincerely hope so! I know that it will always be something that I have to be thinking about...self-control. I never want to be what I became these last few years again. With that thought on my mind, I hope I can continue to successfully moderate. What I appreciate most about this program is that we are all able to try to improve our lives in ways that work for us. We can be honest with each other in ways that it's hard to be honest with anyone else. Best of luck to you, Cassy, and to everyone else. Thanks for sharing your feelings about what you are going through. It's so helpful to be have open dialogue about this.

Julie

[tawnyfrog]

Are there any long term moderators?

OK - for what it's worth ...

Here's my take on the subject. I am a long-term moderator (since Feb 06). As I've stated in another post, moderators are reluctant to talk about their progress because the Abstinence-v- Moderation debate is divisive. We do not wish to be seen as smug and self-satisfied, nor do we wish to be responsible for others who try mods on our recommendation and then fail. Nor do we ever want to encourage people who have succcessfully abstained to change from that laudable state. It is a totally personal journey and we must each take responsibility for buying our own tickets.

Had abstinence been mandatory when I first googled my life into MWO, I would never have started. The concept of never again having a drink was anathema to me. I knew that I would not have made it to day 3 and I HATE failure. My approach was to set myself personal rules - realistic rules which I felt I could adhere to.

Because I still enjoy good health, my concerns with excessive drinking were not corporal health concerns - they were the concerns of memory loss, surreal days and vague, disturbing nights. I knew I had to stop being, what amounts to, permanently drunk. My plan was MY plan so please don't use my numbers as your numbers but I worked out that if I only had 3 drinks spread at least an hour apart over an entire evening, I would remain un-drunk. (Please note I'm using the Oz measure of 100ml = 1 glass of wine thus 1 bottle = 7.5 drinks. Small drinks indeed!)

I've been able to realistically stick to that. Of course there are exceptions. If I say I only drink in the evenings but there is a fabulous luncheon happening, of course I'm going. I just apply my 1 per hour, 3 max during a different part of the day and have no more when I get home.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. If you've managed successful Abs - why change it???? You're brilliant and I wish I had your guts. But if you're "beating yourself up" because you're despondently failing Abs - perhaps a stint of well-structured moderation might be of help. Set goals that you CAN achieve (not easy, but certainly possible) and you may just find that the less you drink, the less you crave.

So - while the '3 per day is still far too much' debate will rage - I'm speaking as the ex 2 bottles of brandy, 1 bottle of port and a 4L handbag of red (because I didn't want to waste my good stuff) per week girl.

Un-drunk is good. The world still sucks at times but hangovers and guilt no longer add to the suckage.

[rudemama]

Are there any long term moderators?

Hi all,
I have been thinking about this debate. I was two months af and then experimented with having a drink, on two occasions I had a glass of wine and that was it. This Saturday I had 2- 3 glasses then sat on my front porch after guests had left and drank 3 beers. very aware of each beer and the consequences. it was peaceful. But somehow i felt bad, guilty. Well woke up with a hangover. 60 days with out one and it felt horrible, muscled through the day. talked to an af friend ... still don't know. I don't know if i can moderate I just don't know. but will take one day at a time knowing now that it is easy to get go right back to that fuzzy place. So I don't know what rules i can make for myself as i feel a mixture of guilt and defiance when i say f**it to them. So here i am hungover free today and that is it. Thanks all for being here and being able to have honest converstions. Rudemama

[DidItForMe]

Are there any long term moderators?

I don't think that any of us came to MWO because we were just looking around the Internet for fun. We were looking for something to save our lives. We were desparate, we were scared, and we were hoping for a miracle. But while we were all at that same starting place, we are all very different people in how we want to, or can, handle the change in our drinking patterns. I do not think that I could live with not drinking at all . I would fail at that and then where would I be? Back at square one. Drunk every night, blacked out, feeling like sh*t every morning and full of anxiety every day until I could start drinking again to make myself feel better and start the cycle all over again. I would continue to miss my children growing up, an I cannot bear that any longer. I chose to moderate. I chose to decrease the amount of alcohol I consume so that I was never drunk again. I don't even get "Tipsy". I enjoy a few glasses of wine every night then I stop. I have to. It is hard but it is how I have chosen to work alcohol in my life. Some days I do not drink but like I said before, I don't think I could do that all the time. I do think moderation is possible....for me.

[cassy]

Are there any long term moderators?

Thank you all for such honesty ..it really helps.
The hints from tawny on the one drink an hour were thought provoking..thankyou.

Well it seems moderating is a hard road to walk and needs self discipline, clear strategies to manage the day and an honest review of how its going.

My goal would be no more weekday evenings drinking at home (dont drink alone yet!!)Maybe share a bottle with the hubby over dinner or with friends.

like many of you have experienced coming to this site sure made me wake and realise after 40 years of habitual drinking(not always binge drinking...that came much much later!!)that something has to change.

I am pleased .so very pleased to have found you guys.....and along with my faith/prayer life i feel confident that big improvements can be made on my personal journey through life...
So here i go AGAIN...moderating the best way I can.....Good Luck to all moderators...
goal set...plan...get the stragies in place and review every day.....seems to be the way to move forward when in moderating mode.


Regards Cassy

[fsophiah]

Are there any long term moderators?

Lately, I have been trying to renew the excitement I first felt when I discovered this site almost a year ago. At that time, I felt as though the heavens had opened for me with MWO. One of the reasons I thought the heavens had opened up was that I had really wonderful initial result with topamax. I really didn't want to drink very much, and I had cut back enormously. I just didn't get the buzz, and that was wonderful. I had side effects that were finally intolerable for me, and since then, I have been trying to moderate. with some success, but not as much as I would like. Right now, I'm trying once again, very slowly, to reintroduce topamax and kudzu and see if I can strike the perfect balance that will kill the buzz without giving me terrible digestive pains. If that doesn't work, I'm willing to try another drug, like vivitrol, but I don't want to say that I won't ever drink alcohol again. So it's a balancing act. (BTW, Tawn, I got a new computer, so I'm ready to try the photo chat again.) The one thing I do know is that I'm not alone anymore, and reaching out is incredibly rewarding.