Not allowed to feel

[Waves 2]

Does anyone else have a hubby who dislikes any display of emotion?

I was upset last night over:

• getting older,
• something he said,
• not being able to have any more kids,
• not seeing one of the kids I do have,
• coping with family illness,
• my school closing in July,being too busy and stressed while school is open, ( 2 of my big displays that were ready for open evening were wrecked by rain and have to be done again),not drinking,recovering from poorly leg...etc.Menstruating with no hope of mothering againbeing perimenopausal?? do I need a reason??

I cried ( lots admittedly) It was as if all pent-up feelings gushed out at once. He won't speak to me today. I need a magic wand to turn me into :

Stonewoman.

Does avatar come close?

[rachel28]

Not allowed to feel

i was thinking of changing mine to that, i know the premenstrual 1, BLOODY MEN,

[Prest4time]

Not allowed to feel

Oh Waves I'm so sorry!

I can relate to having overwhelming times of emotion as I realize my children are leaving home and those precious years have gone by so fast. I have no desire to have more though, because I see the rest of my life as a new adventure to do new things!

Do you have things in your life that you never did because your primary focus was being a mother? I personally am starting college this Fall and embarking on a whole new field of study, all the whilst my oldest will be a sophomore in college this year and my next will graduate from high school. I try to counter the sad feelings with looking at the flip side that I am still young and much adventure can still await, but we have to make it happen!

Sorry your husband is being insensitive. He probably cares very deeply for your pain but just has no clue what to do about it. That frustrates men whenn they know when they cant "fix" the situation. He probably just feels a little out of control and helpless to do anything.

Hope you feel better soon! Go read the "Laughing Out Loud" thread!

Allie

[paula]

Not allowed to feel

Waves You look like lots wife. I too am in a similar position, but I've gone through
menopause, and feel great, I'm not on hrt I take natural supps, at my age I'm happy
to have grandchildren. I don't think menstrual changes can be appreciated by men.
Sorry your feeling down but you will feel better. It does you good to have a cry sometimes
Best wishes Paula x

[lushy]

Not allowed to feel

Waves, I am sorry you are so down too. I think for a lot of men it is hard to deal with emotions and understands ours since we women tend to be very emotional. They do not understand the hormonal changes and all that can come from that. I happened to be married to a very sensitive man and I realize I take that for granted when I hear stories like this.

It sounds like summer vacation is just what you need. I hope you will indulge yourself in a new hobby or something fun to make you feel special! Lots of love!! And no, that avatar does not suit you!!

[sammys]

Not allowed to feel

My other half when I have been really sick, like in bed with a fever and flu asked me how long I was going to be sick for. I really think some have no clue. If he thinks not speaking to you is some kind of punishment to you he is mistaken. I say enjoy the silence and when he does start speaking to you which will not be long because he will need something remember you have us to vent to. Hope I made you feel a little better.

Sammys

[southernbelle47]

Not allowed to feel

{{{{{{Waves 2}}}}}}
Men really just don't "get" it. Never have never will.


This is why it worked better in the old days when families live together for generations.
At least grandma could understand!
Consider yourself hugged and understood by all us "grannies"!!!!:l
:h Love ,
Nancy
As someone very smart said to me...."it's good to cry and let it all out".

[Preciouspinot]

Not allowed to feel

I am in total agreement that men just don't understand or know what to do. I am not an emotional person and maybe cry in front of hubby once a year. He usually leaves me alone or offers to take me to Disney but, does NOT want to discuss any issues!

[Preciouspinot]

Not allowed to feel

Big Hugs to you right now BTW...:l :l :l :l

[zincityzen]

Not allowed to feel

Waves 2, I feel your pain and I don't know why, but lots of men are like that. They just don't feel comfortable with situations that can't be fixed easily. He doesn't mean to be callous, he just doesn't know what to do, so he's decided to stay out of your way. *sigh* They do that.

Remember, women have XX chromosomes and men are XY, which means they are MISSING A WHOLE STRAND of DNA that women have. What is missing from that strand? Being able to remember birthdays, knowing how to respond to distraught persons, multitasking, and everything having to do with birth... I do not mean to male bash here ... I mean to offer some perspective. Our brains are different and I just don't think men have the hardware to respond to emotional stress as women would. It's like hoping my dog will eventually learn to use the toilet. Ain't gonna happen. Blood ... turnip ... etc.

Don't become Stonewoman! with pain sometimes the only way out is through!

[rachel28]

Not allowed to feel

i bet your your dog would aim better than my kids,!! men do seem to get a fair old bashing here! lol, men do have a habbit of assuming your upset, angry, jelous etc etc JUST BECAUSE ITS THE TIME OF THE MONTH! thats the sentance that pushes me over the edge, i was honest ages ago an made the mistake of tellin him i can b real snappy, now everytime the kids or him r out of order an i tell em about it, out comes that old chestnut, its just because your on, any other time he is much better at listening, maybe its a man reflex to hormones , aggravat, then run away quick, sorry to any guys out there!!! hopefully he will find a way to approach u soon an u can plan some positive AF things to spend the years ahead, new adventures, xxxxxx

[Guest]

Not allowed to feel

Sorry hubby doesn`t seem to appreciate that us women can sometimes be very dramatic creatures, Waves.

Am 42 now and can honestly say that none of the men that have ever been in my life could handle my recurrent `prima donna` displays(their interpretation-Grrrrrrrr!!!!)

My age and the fact that I`m currently single dictates no more babies for me, and admit impending loss of fertility used to make me a little melancholy, but now I just look forward to the day(hopefully) when my once new-born places their new-born in my arms...........

Starlight Impress

[ducky]

Not allowed to feel

Waves, so sorry to hear you are feeling frustrated. I have some of the same feelings. I am almost 49 and ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. Well I am a step, and that is great, but DH does not understand why I still think about adopting! I want a family tree. How crazy is that? I want someone to look at a picture one day and say, "That was Mom....she was nuts...her dad was ...." Right now with both parents gone (last year) I feel like when I die that is it.

So yes, I understand all the emotions and the lack of understanding.

Hang in there.

[magic]

Not allowed to feel

You Are Allowed to Feel

Waves,

Not allowing ourselves to feel is what got most of us here in the first place.

Feel all of those feelings, cry all of those tears, your list tells me that you know the reasons for your feelings, try to work them through.

Don't give your husband the power, your power, to tell you what you can feel and what you cannot. I have to agree with the other posters that men "don't get it" and I don't know why. I am trying to raise my son's to be 'aware' I guess, I'll have to wait and see if I've made a difference.

Waves, I don't know your alcohol status but do you think that your emotional state, for lack of a better word, could be a combination of hormones and beginning to feel all of those things you stuffed down into your shoes with alcohol?

Regardless, I can empathize with you and your feelings about no more babies. I was infertile for 10 years and just as I was "on a roll" my husband was transferred to a small town in Northern Canada. I refused to go with him. That was 15 years ago. The roll came to an abrupt stop and I have resented him ever since.(?) I am now 51.

I hope it's helping to know that others feel the same way. I feel like an old lady too.
I hate it when women obviously older than me offer to carry something for me!

Hugs from the Great White North,

magic xx

[Bella]

Not allowed to feel

Waves, i know exactly what you mean! If I am feeling down, pissed off, whatever...and i vent off to my husband, he kind of closes up. Its horrible. He says, there is no point in getting angry, upset etc.. as there is nothing i can do. In other words, don't show emotion unless I can solve the problem!!!! That is mad in my eyes. My Dads dog died the other day and i was distraught. but I made sure I did all my sobbing alone as I knew I wouldnt get any support from him. He would just think, Oh typical emotional woman! I am making him out to be a horrible person. He is not, but he just doesnt get with deep emotions and believe you me I have lots of deep emotions!!!!

Waves, we are all here for you. So, you can say anything. I hope youre okay. Bella xxx