Not allowed to feel

[betty boop]

Not allowed to feel

Waves, that is so unfair, you are such a caring person, and you deserve to have someone there for you ......

Sending big BB hugs to you....

[Quiescent]

Not allowed to feel

Waves,

Don't become stone woman!

Let it all out sweetie, you're a woman, crying is your God Given right!

Isn't it funny how much energy we put into wishing the men in our lives could somehow get it? I don't have much hope.

Love and Hugs :huggy

[Lotus]

Not allowed to feel

Waves, only last night I was thinking how insensitive my husband is. Apparently I don't know what work is because I sit at a desk all day whereas his work is manual. What he doesn't realise is other than being mentally tired from a full time job, I am studying part time plus having to look after finances and get home and make dinner. If I say anything he just walks away. I just don't talk to him for a few days which does make him realise (well especially when he notices the "fairy" hasn't washed or ironed his clothes and his dinner hasn't magically appeared on the table!!!).

But there are other bigger issues (not being supported or spending time with me) that I actually do wonder if he will ever change or whether I can cope with my husband's behaviour for the rest of my life.

And as others have said NO do not become a stonewoman. It's good to have emotions as it our way of dealing with it. It makes us stronger.

I hope things get better for you.

[rachel28]

Not allowed to feel

this prob wont help but it made me laugh the other week, in the middle of a week long sulk/row my dearest bf took it upon himself to SHOW ME HOW TO DO THE WASHING PROPERLY!!!!! fine carry on i said u show me, i admitt sometimes the washing fairy does have her bad days an thinks screw it, 1 bf complains like a bxxxh if i put tumble drier on yet he an 2 boys expect there fav things bk in the drawer i put em in, (not they ever know where 2 look, ) 3 loads a day 4 a family of 4, well any wat, we have had lots a rain so the washing mounted uop, this is when bf an i were rowing, so i let him get on with it, i was workin sat came home washin out lovely on line he had ran in an out all day , puttin it out takin it bk in, must of been hysterical to watch, any way by that night it was slung on the bk of the sofa in a crumpled soggy heap, i coulden t help say , WELL DEAR THAT BLOODY SHOWED ME!!he shoved it all in tumble drier while i kept walking out to the electric meter tutting as the electric ticked away !!!! his fav trick, by end of that night he put it all bk over sofa in a now dry crumpled heap, when i asked when he was ironing and putting it in draweres an turning odd socks well u can imagine reply, its funny now cos ecvery night he goes around kids rooms wiv washing basket demanding washing, its only took the poor bugger 3 yrs to realise what ive been nagging about, an since the washing mountain has been much more controllable as has the bf, no moral or advice it just made me smile thinking about it, men they like to think they know all but hey leave the bloody washing to the bloody washer women, just bk us up, xxxx

[MKR]

Not allowed to feel

My dear Sweet Waves, I am sorry I am just coming on the boards and missed this before.

Most of us are on that road in various stages and sometimes it is so tough to look too close. Babies gone, no more babies coming, if you love being a mom and I know you do it is so bittersweet. I had choices to have more children and bypassed that. I am glad I did but getting use to not having daily, weekly contact with them is tough. Sorry you miss your son so much. Letting go . . . ouch . . . completely letting go . . . . OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Perimenopausal / menstruating brings out the absolute fire in our lives. It is OK, to feel all of these things and in fact I think NOT OK to bottle up and turn into stone woman. Change your avatar dear . . .it is not you!! Scream, yell, cry all very cathartic activities! Been there, done that and plan on doing that some more when the mood hits! Which at 52 it does!!

To put it in perspective: I was out to dinner with 6 girlfriends a week ago. One with her 50th anniversary coming up was saying she was shocked but her husband didn't get . . such and such. One of the ladies said, that is not shocking . . .what man gets it? All of us cracked up, what man, sensitive or not totally "gets it?" Even if we have raised sons to be super sensitive, they are still testosterone driven and we are estrogen driven. Brains are wired so differently. That is a good thing too though. We all just have to agree to disagree on emotions and love em for who they are even if they seem emotionally as dumb as a door sometimes!

Lots of great advice above. I love my husband but I keep my girlfriends close by, I hope you will always talk with our girlfriends here too! Thanks for opening this dialog, you made a lot of women feel warm and fuzzy instead of alone!

I hope today finds you feeling much better.

Lots of Love and HUGE hugs sweetie,
Mary

[Beaches]

Not allowed to feel

Waves,
You can't be a Stonewoman you are too nice. No man can turn you into that either.

I have been through some rough patches with my husband lately and I'm much earlier into the marriage and children aspect even though I am approaching 40. It seems as though he believes he's entitled to relax around the house even though we both have full time jobs and we both agreed to have 3 children. But that's my soap box.
I don't really display emotion which is not good either because I seem to bottle it up then explode into crying, melting down fit. That seems to work and get his attention for a couple of days. I just don't think it will ever change so I need to change or mold my life the way it needs to be around him so that I don't get so frustrated all the time. Ah the glory of men.
Hope you are feeling better!!

[InnerStrength]

Not allowed to feel

Ah Waves, they just dont get it. You have every right to feel your emotions. If you turn into a stone woman you will just push it all back inside you. And that just makes people sick, emotionally, physically, spiritually. You let it out and his thoughts be damned!! Haven't you held your thoughts for long enough? I know I sure did.
Love Jen

[julie001]

Not allowed to feel

My hubby gets the sniffles and he acts like he's dying for FIVE days at least. I've decided it's absolutely a guy thing. When I'm sick, I still have to care for my children, go to work, cook meals, and make sure the hubby somehow feels appreciated. In my mom's day, men did nothing at home with the family. Mine doesn't do much...but he does do more than the typical 1950-1980's guy. Men are difficult.

Julie

[rachel28]

Not allowed to feel

men!!

[Waves 2]

Not allowed to feel

Rachel, thanks for all your posts. You seem to be doing better with the attempts to mod. I haven?t posted to you but I have been following your progress. Keep it up.

Allie, thanks for that. I have always loved languages so I suppose that this is the time to learn a new one.

Paula, can I ask what natural supplements you take? And can I start them now?

Lushy, thanks, you are probably right, he thinks I was so upset because of what he said so he feels guilty for saying it but thinks my reaction is too extreme. He doesn?t see the bigger picture.

Sammys, I was smiling reading your post. Thanks.

Southernbelle, my mum is on holiday or I probably would have vented to her.

PP Yes, after an argument we never discuss what caused it we just seem to get up and move on. Unfortunately that hasn?t happened yet.

Zin, hoping to find the way through but just at the moment it feels like the eye of the needle.

Starlight, Thanks I do have a grand-daughter who is very precious and I savour each moment I have with her. And yes he does think of it as a prima donna act not as an act of saving my sanity.

Ducky, sorry you feel like that and totally understand it.

Magic, Thanks, let?s hope your sons "get it".

Bella, You have hit the nail on the head.

Betty, strange thing is when dad died he was superb. Just supportd me quietly by helping with kids, making tea etc. lots of little things that made a difference.

Rachele, YOU are the one who persuaded me to change the avatar. Are you to blame for Stonewoman???????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????? HA HA

Lotus, He won?t let me cook for him- keeps saying he isn?t hungry.

MKR, thanks for your support as always. My best friend has just had her husband of 24 years walk out and leave her so I can?t talk to her at the moment and my other friends are alone through choice. Great to get the support on here.

Beaches, your "fit" gets you noticed my "fit" gets me ignored. Oh well! We are all different.

Janie, I am sorry you had to go through that.

Jen. I suppose the led in thought are what caused the outburst in the first place. I don?t open up enough-not even on here usually.

Julie, You forget- women?s illnesses are not as severe as mens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for all your replies. Will keep you posted if any changes occur.
Love to you all as always.:l

[redrobin]

Not allowed to feel

Oh dear!! If there is any consolation it's that bad male behaviour is universal.

I managed to 'lose' my ex husband a few years ago but in the interests of remaining 'civilised human beings' and 'good parents' we have remained reasonable friends and he in fact still pops around from time to time and does the odd job around the house - largely uninvited.

In other words he strolls in, tells me all the things that I 'ought to do', half 'fixes a few things, makes a mess and strolls out again, leaving me gritting my teeth. Why do I put up with it? The kids, of course. But I sometimes wonder whether I'm really any better off than when he was here permanently.

I really empathise with with the wrench in letting tgo of the children. I'm currently trying to come to terms with my fifteen year old (adored) daughter departing for Europe on Student Exchange in November. She's excited and I'm already starting to grieve. And yet I REALLY want her to go and to have this wonderful experience. Mothers!

Waves, we understand all too welll!!!!

Robinxx

PS You change your avatar back to something noice and I'll get rid of The Pig - what to????

[Waves 2]

Not allowed to feel

Hi Redrobin,
As requested Stonewoman is gone.

Think hubby might be beginning to mellow a little as he:

• Talked to the television
• hit the dog with his sockchose the path he knows I dont like when I followed him on the dog walk this morning but he couldn't resist looking back to see if I reacted!

Subtle I know! very grateful for all the insight you gave me. It helps put things into perspective.

Not out of the tunnel yet but can see a glimmer of light. ( I hope.)

Love to you all as always.
Waves

[Quiescent]

Not allowed to feel

Rachele, YOU are the one who persuaded me to change the avatar. Are you to blame for Stonewoman???????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????? HA HA

I must have been a good persuader that day:H

I love you just the way you are waves.

For pitty sakes look what I've done to my user name and avatar!
I used to be imagine and now I'm some name no one has ever heard of and can't spell. I have changed my avatar hundreds of times.

There's something to be said for consistency!

[Waves 2]

Not allowed to feel

We had a surprise visit from a couple that we haven't seen for 12 years last night.
Of course hubby couldn't continue to give the silent treatment in that case so it stopped and things have been ok since.

The guy made a comment about age and hubby just looked at me in a knowing way but didn't comment. Perhaps he does get it? Just doesn't like drama.

When we had the worst time of our lives just over a year ago. I cried lots. he just went very very quiet.

We all handle things differently. When his mum died he took himself off walking for a fortnight. Whereas when my dad died I relied heavily on him.

Anyway, thanks very much to all of you for your words and insight. They really helped and I have copied them into word just in case I need them again.
Love to you all as always
Waves x

[trixietrack]

Not allowed to feel

men get it. they just don't get it right away. and sometimes when they do, they deny it, or pretend they are busy with something more important. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr