Trying to make it happen

[NoSugar]

How was day 2, Fluff? Hope your computer isn't preventing your journal update!

[Roadside]

Fluff, we all go through this; one part is our mind's incredible ability to adapt by blocking out certain info (I.e. Traumatic events) but sometimes it clouds even our short term memory. Second part is AL's lying deceptive ness; he is like the harmless old lady with the apple, "come have a drink..." He stands in the shadows waiting for vulnerable moments...

Glad to hear of your day two; I am on day 2 myself and feel good.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Hi Fluff, Welcome to MWO... there is another website called "women for sobriety" and they promote writing affirmations to keep your quitting reason front and center.... the first one really resonated in my heart: "I have a life threatening problem that once had me"...

Whether I like it or not, my relationship with alcohol is similar to yours. I pretended, I rationalized, I faked it. The people I couldn't fool were my kids. While they love me unconditionally, they had no choice but to put up with my behavior. Ironically, I felt the same way about my mom. So for me to break the pattern, and to keep it broken, I have to not drink. And yes, I sadly still have that life threatening problem.

As for your husband, that is the scary part. I thank God that when I told my husband, "it's me or the booze", he chose me. I am so so grateful, Fluff, because I didn't want to lose my husband of 20 years, but I knew that I couldn't be successful not drinking if he was hitting the rum/coke every night.

Hugs! Patty

[fluff]

Starting over again- didn't drink too much tonight- but tomorrow is going to be another day one of quitting. Just feeling really tired lately and need to dial it back a bit.
Happy Thanksgiving!

[cuckoosnest83]

Hi fluff, glad to see your post. On day 5 today but feel like crap because of lack of sleep. Hope you have a good day 1 tomorrow. Keep posting.

Cuckoo

[fluff]

Day 2- here- Hi Cuckoo!
I don't know why I go full-steam ahead with quitting and then crash and burn on around 7 or so days- can't seem to make it to two weeks. And then I end up back into the evening drinking and feel horrible the next day. By horrible I mean, light-headed and emotionally bad- my spirit's down and I just feel guilty.
And I wish I could bottle up the goodness of how I feel sober- and I'm at peace and not battling with myself.
Well, feeling good this morning- got my coffee and going to get ready for work.
I think the good thing about keeping a journal is seeing your history and trying to find out what made you slip and trying to correct that.

[abcowboy]

Hi fluff! The funny thing is, if you made it to day 2, then to day 7, day 8 is just 24 more hours.. We all hear and read it so often, it's just one day at a time, don't pick up that first drink! Such simple words, but also so complex..so very hard for those who don't understand. So, if you can't seem to do it for you, then do it for me, because I think you're worth it! How about you come here each day, and tell me you made it through another day, and when you "think" you need to pick up that first drink, see my ugly old weather worn face in that drink... And you will be helping me as well because, I also need help and support, I know I can't do it on my own...

[cuckoosnest83]

Hey fluff, I'm glad to see you made it to day 2. Fluff I also seem to crash and burn around day 7 and I think my big trigger is lack of sleep. I so enjoy it when I'm not drinking but the lack of sleep really wears on me and I talk myself into the "if I only had one or two drinks to help me sleep" but it never turns out to be one or two. I have tried numerous all natural sleeping aids such as melatonin, Alteril, etc. but with little success. I'm back on day 3 but I won't give up as I know you won't. I think for me I just have to get it in my head that until I have at least 2 weeks AF sleep will be a problem for me. Bought some sleepy time tea today and hope that along with an Alteril will help the sleep deprivation. So glad to see you back and posting. Let's keep our thoughts positive and know that we can do this. Wishing you success on day 3 and hopefully many more AF days to come.

Cucks

[fluff]

Well, I've progressed now to drink one day not the next. Which is a lot better than drink every day for a week- then quit for a few days- so, I'm getting there.
Maybe drink for one day- then quit for two- and a few days later quit for three- and then so on.
I don't know! But, it'll come.
Ps- Thanks AB and Cuckoo- so glad to see support here

[cuckoosnest83]

Hey fluff, if you want to try tapering off I think there are some threads about that. I agree with you that drinking every other day is better than drinking everyday. I think we all need to find what works for us. Some people do better with total AF and others seem to do better with tapering. We all need to find our own path that works for us. Sending you positive thoughts.

Cucks

[fluff]

Oh Cuckoo - I don't know what's best- but, it is better than it was. I still , in the back of my mind, want to do the long -term quit, but just can't find the motivation. I am a creature of a habit that I loathe.

[cuckoosnest83]

Hi fluff. A friend of mine who has been sober for 4 years gave me a lot of her AA books. I've gone to a few meetings but not sure if it is for me. I've been doing daily readings in the Twenty Four Hours a Day book. Yesterday the question was posed "Am I convinced that I can never get anything more out of drinking?" For some reason this question really made me start to think that if I break down and buy a bottle what do I hope to attain from that. I wake up feeling horrible and do not get anything accomplished. So I'm going to keep hanging in there and get as many days AF as I can and I know one day it will stick both for me and for you. Keeping you in my thoughts as we go through this together.

[fluff]

Hi Cuckoo-That's a really good question! The thing that I get out of drinking is just the "reward" factor- or maybe it's doing something I know I shouldn't be doing- maybe a deviant thing I need to fulfill.
Or maybe it's self-sabotage- and then I fight it- and then give in. The hamster wheel.
How many days quit are you?
What is your drinking M.O.? You know- your pattern.

[cuckoosnest83]

Hi fluff, today is day 6. My drinking M.O. is mainly boredom and loneliness. There have been many nights where I make it home without buying anything to drink but then when I get to my empty house the loneliness and boredom take over. It is very ironic because when I drink I really tend to isolate which is totally at odds with what I want to do. I want to meet friends for lunch, go out shopping, run errands, volunteer, etc. but instead of doing that I would make myself a drink "just to take the edge off" but as my sober friend says you take that first drink and then it takes you. I wish I had more of a support system where I live but most of my family and friends live in a different state. I know I need to change my routine and yesterday as miserable as it was here (dreary and raining) I did get out for a short walk.

How about you? What is your M.O.? I think in an earlier post you said your husband drinks too. I think that would be very difficult to handle when trying to go totally AF. Do you exercise? I know when I was exercising on a extremely regular basis my thought process was much different. I enjoyed the health benefits and didn't want to drink because then I knew I would blow off the gym.

Today my plan is to make a healthy dinner, finish my laundry, take my dog for a walk, make a cup of sleepy time tea and do some inspirational reading.

I hope things are going well with you and remember that every day without a drink is an accomplishment.

I'm in your corner and pulling for you to get off the hamster wheel just as I hope one day I too will be done with this cycle of self-abuse.

Cucks

[fluff]

6 days is fantastic, Cuckoo! Keep it up -I'm rooting for you!
When I don't drink I start getting on the healthy track-too. I think we both live in the same area- I'm northwest NJ- and yes! It was rainy all day yesterday- so I didn't go out.
You've spurred me on, Miss Cuckoo- So I think tomorrow will be a new start!
I drink on the weekends mostly because of boredom, as well. My problem is I need to constantly be doing something or else I drink.
Thank you for being such an inspiration in here!
See you tomorrow for your day 7!