Trying to make it happen

[fluff]

I think this will be my new " home" now that wqd is a sinking ship.

[paulywogg]

Welcome back Fluff

[abcowboy]

Great to see you back fluff! Hopefully the medical conditions aren't too severe? I've pretty much made MWO my new home as well since the news of the end of WQD. I also started posting again on SR, so far just the 24 Hour Recovery thread. Trying to post on 3 forums is just too much for a simple minded guy like me lol. I'll probably contribute more on SR once WQD officially shuts down Jan 1st.

Day 1's are always a tough commitment, especially if we look in our rear-view mirror, but that's all it is, a rear-view mirror, meant only to remind us the pain and suffering we're leaving behind! Hope to see you active on other threads as well, caring and sharing is what its all about!

[fluff]

I'll get there or probably die- who knows. It's an addiction. I gave up smoking a long time ago- just don't get why I can't give up drinking. Well, I kinda do know- no one I know smokes and everyone I do know drinks- makes it tough to quit.

[abcowboy]

I was in the same situation as you fluff, being from a small rural town all my friends drink, heck, everybody drinks! But we can't let that stop us. I thought for sure I'd have no friends at all when I quit, but it didn't matter, I had to quit or die. And all my friends don't mind, it took them a while to understand that my answer would always be, "no thanks, I'm still not drinking" but they finally caught on. Yep, it took a long time to be comfortable around them when they were having a few, but I didn't want to end up living like a hermit either.

If I remember correctly, your hubby is a heavy drinker? That will make things a bit tougher, but not impossible. Remove yourself from the situation when he's drinking and stick to your quit. I know you can do this!

[fluff]

It really gets harder and harder to quit- I wake up in the morning depressed- I go to work come home and am just I think clinically depressed. I have no desire to do anything- even just lying in bed on a day off bothers me. This holiday season was so hard to put it all together. Do you know what most women have to do to make it all happen- decorated the outside of the house- put candles in the window- send out all the Christmas cards- buy all the wrapping, the food etc... You really have to think ahead!Have the time to get my daughter from college- Yes I have that grueling drive into NYC to pick her up at NYU. Prepare the perfect dinner for Christmas Day with a daughter that doesn't eat red meat..Son hates ham...And no-one wants turkey 'cause we had that that at Thanksgiving! What the fck?! Who ya gonna please? This is why I drink. Well- one of the reasons- but the end of the year is hard- plus everyone's birthdays are in December and January. Except mine. Rant done.

[madonmehndi]

Hi Fluff,

A womans work.... It is really hard work preparing Christmas and we don't even do Thanksgiving (I am in UK) so I really feel for you, I am very early in my quit (day 41) and struggling with the whole concept of being AF this Christmas, sending you ((( hugs))) and hope you can find the strength to give quitting another go

[fluff]

Thanks Madon- Something weird happened- I woke up for the first time feeling " normal" not depressed or anxiety ridden- I think this is my day to start this new quit.

[abcowboy]

Hi fluff, how did your Day 1 go yesterday? Yep, a woman’s work is never done they say. And telling you that not every household is like that doesn’t help because that’s the way it is in your household. There are some days that I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as well, but I know it’s nothing to drink over. The day will pass and tomorrow will be brighter.

Your kids are hard to please? Who said you had to please them all the time? It’s up to you to get the house ready for Christmas, try cutting back on what you do. Be thankful that you have healthy kids who love you. Be thankful for what the Christmas season is all about, there’s no need for all the bells and whistles to make it more joyous. But above all, think of yourself, get some time in for you and think about what makes you happy. Sure, drinking will take away the problems for a short time, but that’s not real happiness. I know how much you love music, and when I read your post a song came to my mind, Ricky Nelson’s – Garden Party. You can’t please everybody, but you got to please yourself….

Hang tough, you’re a wonderful woman, you’ll be able to do this….

[fluff]

Aw thanks!
The thing that stresses me out is this holiday season! I'd rather be on on beach somewhere without even thinking about it, to me it's just a farce and I've never believed in it- even when I was a kid- I knew it was all a lie. And now the lie continues- to my kids like we all do. But they know better now- they're in their late teens- early twenties. So - what , we continue the fake music and retail crap? Ugh.
But if I said any of this to my family and friends I would be thought of as a pariah. I don't believe in Christmas- it's not even when Jesus ( if he really did exist ) was born. He was supposedly born in September- but they changed it to the winter solstice.
I think I get stressed out due to the fakeness of this holiday. It doesn't mean anything to me- but I still have to go thru the motions.

[abcowboy]

Fluff, I know that a lot of people don’t believe in the real meaning of Christmas, or the commercialization of it. Even saying “Merry Christmas” is politically incorrect now, but to heck with them, I still say Merry Christmas and always will. But if you don’t believe in it, why not just make the season “Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards Men” men being a general term of course. Why not donate some time at your local food bank, or helping serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter? Even our small town hosts a free Christmas dinner for those less fortunate. By helping them you are helping yourself, seeing firsthand the things you should be grateful for, and knowing that you did something good in a season where doing good is a great way to show appreciation and gratitude.

[abcowboy]

MC fluff.jpg

[fluff]

Re: Trying to make it happen

Funny how three years ago just flies! I was into my daughter's high school volleyball and now she's in college studying at NYU in Berlin for the semester. I was so involved with her life back then -her and my my son- but more hers. He grew up faster.
Three years ago was the the last time I wrote to my journal. I was able to make a clean slate for only a week- but I did do it. I'm hoping I can do it again.
I so miss being a part of their lives- on a daily basis- being someone that meant something to some one -having a purpose in life.

[Lost Soul]

Re: Trying to make it happen

Hi fluff,
Gosh we are at polar opposites with kids. My two are 5 & 10 & it's hard to imagine a time in my life when they won't be dependent on me! It is a hard & devoted job to be a parent & requires self sacrafice because alot of it (rightly so) is one way support, guidance etc.You sound very proud of your two & they sound like they are doing so well :heartbeat: As hard as it may be that as they've grown & become independent, it is also a credit to you for what you have given to them x
Perhaps it is an opportunity for you to take some time for you now & spend time caring & support you? Only my opinion, but I think you just need to trust that you deserve it xxx
Take care
LS

[fluff]

Re: Trying to make it happen

I guess three years ago was when I started this journal -not the last time I wrote in it- I should have said. But time really does fly!
Hey Lost -I wish my kids were back in my life on a daily basis- this whole empty nester thing is so hard for me, anyway. I guess there are a lotof people who feel the opposite.
What makes things worse is I quit my job back in December- due to management-and bad politics there. I couldn't stand it any more- so now, I need something else-to get that sense of purpose back and be more social. I did find a gym I think I'll join- but still job-hunting, as well.