Keeping track of where I am

[Choices]

Thank you Cowboy... it is hard to think of my good qualities. I feel like a fake. but I'll try.

I'm nice to people
I'm helpful
I'm a good cook
I am giving
I'm talented
I'm strong
I'm a good mom, wife

[abcowboy]

There you go! Now build on those qualities and keep adding to the list. You are a good person who deserves all the things you want. They are there for you, you just have to reach for them and do what's necessary to get them...

[treetops]

Glad to see that you and hubs have had a talk. Think about also getting some face to face specialist support - as I mentioned. You are vulnerable and you need as many support systems as you can get. We can give you a heap of support on MWO but I think other options might really help here.
I hope you have a restful evening and dont agonize about what happened. Really try to reduce your social commitments - at this time of the year it can get out of hand. Much of it isn't really necessary and when you feel stronger you might be able to pick up your social life a bit. But I wouldn't worry about it at the moment. If you were sick with a virus or something - it wouldn't be an issue to back out of many expectations that others have. This is no different. You are still there for your daughter and your husband and thats important.

[Choices]

Thank you TT. I agree that I need some face to face support and thank you for the pm on where to go. My head was/is too jumbled so I'll have to re-read when I get myself together. Yes, that's me done for the rest of December. I am just too sick. A while ago I booked a batch that is sorta close to where my in-laws live for the 23-27. I didn't want the stress of staying at their house where my daughter and I both struggle to sleep.. and my mother and law and sister in law are very strong alpha heartland women. They can be quite bossy and opinionated. So I just booked and told hubs after... he normally works X-mas eve and boxing day... so I said we could take two cars and he can come up when he is able. But he decided to take time off... which is kinda surprising... but good too I hope. Maybe two cars still is a good idea.. he just doesn't quite understand how stressed out I can get there... and gets mad at me for it. But that's been getting better as he is realizing they stress him out too.. and doesn't like the rift him and I can get into. Life can sure be a battle ground for me at times. Just trying to feel okay inside when I don't like whats going on outside. And I'm unsure how to stop it.. so I work around it, I guess. I know that being sober has really helped in that area. Even in the way I want to raise my daughter. I'm a lot more confident in my views.

[Choices]

So, I've also checked out the 3 principles thread that was suggested... Um... I'm thinking my many posts today kinda are a perfect example of the opposite of that! I can see how this maybe a good way to help me cope. It all makes since, (from what I've scene or read so far) for me it would be a madder of really practicing it and not forgetting to do that. I do get stuck in my thoughts and they almost become a broken record. Its so annoying. But part of me feels like I need to stay stuck. It's bad programming and punishment from my well meaning parents. My mother has actually said and still does say... you have to feel bad to change it. This can be true, but I like the concept of feeling good to change. I think it will be less painful. I've also listened to The Untethered Soul... and reading Radical Acceptance. Which are both amazing. Especially Radical Acceptance for me. Thanks for the support today.. I am beginning to feel slightly better.

[starty]

Hi Choices. I am glad you are back in the game once more. Well done!!

The 3 ps I am sure will help. It is more of a realisation rather than something you need to practice. Take the pressure off yourself and simply read, watch you tube clips and relax. That is all you really need to do. You don't need to add another thing to worry about in your already pressured life.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Choices.
I'm glad your getting the poison out of your system and feeling better. It really is a poison and if it weren't already legal, there is no way alcohol would get approved for sale today. It is bad for everyone, not only those of us that are addicted.

The cool thing about the principles is that once you read, watch, and discuss enough to start "getting it", there is nothing to practice - it is just how we naturally operate! Many of the videos are quite short and clear. I'm so glad you're willing to look into the topic. Understanding that those horrid thought/worry loops are not at all real and are under my control (they really are!) has been so liberating.

Like TT said, if you had a virus, you'd slow down and not expose others. No one is going to catch this but for us, it's worse than a virus and you need to take the best care of yourself you can.

Could you, your husband, and daughter have your own Christmas at home this year?

:hug:

[Choices]

Thanks NS and Starty,
The Bach (cabin) will be much more relaxing then staying at home and it's my attempt at protecting myself so we'll see how it goes. (I've also already put a no refundable deposit on it). I would avoid going to my in laws for Christmas If I could... But this one day I can't get out of. I would hurt too many feelings and it would mean a stressful fight with hubs. Hopefully cancelling everything under the sun before Christmas will help. We are meant to be at my daughters kids club (daycare at the gym) party today and I am so happy we are not going. It's the last week for that as it will shut down for a month for school holidays. I won't be able to go to the gym... Which helps me... But it will be nice not to have to be somewhere at a specific time.

[daisy45]

Glad to hear you are feeling more optimistic Choices. Accepting that you need to put yourself first! This will benefit yourself and those around you in time to come......nice and gently does it.

[NoSugar]

Choices,

It seems odd to me that there are so many activities for 3 year olds. Most children that age just like to be with their (content, calm) parents.

Our kids needed quite a bit of "down" time. There was a lot of pressure to enroll them in all sorts of enriching or fun activities, lessons, and sports, but thank goodness we listened to what they wanted and everything turned out alright.

Your daughter may be too young to express herself about all of this but in terms of all these parties, would she even know what she is missing? If she could choose, I bet time with loving parents would be her choice everytime.

I'd just encourage you not to involve your daughter in things because others expect you to and make you feel like it is what you "should" do to be a good parent and provider. Listen to your heart and gut everytime. xx, NS

[treetops]

I hope you are feeling better today Choices. We are also hiring a bach for Christmas and thats partly to avoid the need to deal with big family gatherings, lots of driving around and me doing lots of work on Christmas Day. But We did the big thing last year and it was fine (but drawn out and exhausting) - partly because we did not stay 'on site' where all the festivities were. Children of course dont like to miss out - but sometimes I think the parents expectations are really what sets the agenda. I have heard quite a few adults complain about big children's parties lately - maybe its time to scale back. (I just see that I echo what NS posted). Kids really do enjoy down time and the little things.


Anyway I hope you practise lots of self care today as this is serious and you need to heal.

[Choices]

It's not normally like this. Every one of daughters friends I met while pregnant so they are all born this month or last month. And she just goes to Montessori 3 days and kids club so I can work out. Everything else is downtime. We are at home a lot. She does do swimming but we all love that.

[Choices]

I think the problem was, is that I started drinking again. Most of these activities are manageable and easy to back out of. I didn't really have friends or know anyone before my daughter was born. When I was pregnant I met some awesome women and formed support groups. This was really critical when I had baby because I suffered terrible post natal depression. And to be honest, a lot of the activities I did were so I could be around other mothers who had babies the same age. These things only met once a week (coffee groups and in a church). I think all of my mum friends are feeling similar now that our kids are hitting 3 years. It's too much. I've cancelled so many this season, and I feel just fine doing it. And didn't mind cancellations for our party.. Etc. I think what got on top of me was being newly sober and navigating all of this. Also, each stage with these kids is wonderful but eye opening how crazy this age can be. What use to work doesn't etc. Also my daughter just started at this Montessori and I'm finding it to be quite full on for the parents. I'm use to daycare where I told them what I wanted.. This is the other way around. I feel like I'm in school kinda... It's a transition for me. I'm seeing that I'll need to say no a lot more in this situation. But I'm still in that desire to fit in with the mums at the new school. My daughter technically doesn't need to go to school. But to be honest.. I am a stay at home mom and I actually need breaks from being at home with a baby/toddler. The gym is the same for me. I need to burn off steam and have me time to take a shower without a door open. The swimming has always been fun we go together as a family and it's great. Also we live by the beach and our neighbours have a pool.. I just want her to be able to swim for safety reasons.

[Choices]

I already know I'm not having a party next year. At least not one to the scale we did. And I am really thinking about if this Montesorri is a good fit for me. It seams there is an obligation... Every week for me. We could stop going to kids club, give it a try and see how we go... It's good advice NS and TT.

[treetops]

Glad you are on the mend. Dont worry about next year and whether or not you will have a party etc. Things will be winding down with preschool soon and you can reassess in the new year. Now is the time to concentrate on your health and wellbeing. I can see that its important that you connect with the other Mums and that sounds like it was a good strategy esp after the PN depression. Those connections are positive so keep them there but just take a back seat at the moment. Enjoy the lovely spot you live in and the weather. It sounds like yoga also is good for you -and even if you can't schedule a class, i am sure you can do some at home. Hope the evening goes well.