The Song Remains the Same

[zenvalentine]

Reading the posts here is inspiring in a way, yet I also feel even more pathetic because not only do I feel like a loser for drinking so much, but I also feel like my story isn't even unique. I guess we are all playing out the same struggle, and I do take comfort in that.

I started drinking when I was 14 or 15, so I have a good 25 years under my belt. My mom was an alcoholic and she would buy me beer back in the day. I loved drinking right away, losing my inhibitions (which are many) and embracing what felt like a spontaneous and joyful lifestyle. I kept things from getting completely out of hand for many years -- all through college and grad school. When my mom died unexpectedly/I started a new job/moved to a new city alone, my anxiety went through the roof. I started going to bars by myself "to meet people." Of course, lie down with dogs.... Suffice it to say that I began keeping the company of seasoned alcoholics, and that just made me feel like my drinking wasn't that bad. But it got bad pretty quick. I've kept my job, bought a house, etc. but my life has become much too much about drinking. I don't read books anymore or write or play sports or do any of the things that defined my youth. Now I'm 40, getting fat, and the voice in my head says daily: "I am so sick of myself." I want my life back. I actually tried this program once before but didn't get very far (live-in boyfriend was a drunk, too; now he's gone and my excuse has gone with him). So here goes ... sorry this is depressing ... thanks for being here!

[Guest]

The Song Remains the Same

Hi zenvalentine and a warm welcome.

So you`ve tried this programme before, but maybe you felt like there were too many obstacles in your way back then.......it`s harder if you are constantly around someone who is always drinking.

I`ve said to many people, that for me to start sorting myself out, I had to wait for my `right time` to come along.I hope you find success with M.W.O. this time around.

I wish you much love and luck.

Starlight Impress

[zenvalentine]

The Song Remains the Same

Thanks so much. I am not having a good day, but I think this is a great, positive resource. I hope this is my right time!

[magic]

The Song Remains the Same

Welcome!

Hi Zen, :welcome:

As human beings we are all unique.

As addicts our stories are all very much the same.

There is a way out and you can do it, perhaps now is your time as your boyfriend has gone.

Put one foot in front of the other, focus on some 'sober' goals, and make a plan.

Wishing you strength.

magic xxx :schmokin:

[zenvalentine]

The Song Remains the Same

Thanks ... I hope I can get to the place of offering support to newbies. You guys are amazing. :goodjob:

[n2itiv]

The Song Remains the Same

It is in the stars

Ms 'Zen'

Given your handle, I'm going to tell you how wonderful you are from a metaphysical viewpoint. I have been a numerologist for about 15 years. My research shows me that those of us who have addictive personalities are brilliant. We can do anything we set our minds to ... and tend to be the Jack of all Trades yet Master of none.

As a numerologist, to find addictive patterns in someone's chart I look for the #5 (5, 14 or 23) in their b-day or name (do a google on 'numerology' or send me a private email to run your chart). There's about a dozen key calulations. The #5 means a lesson in freedom, moderation (in sex, drugs & rock n roll) and/or learning to work outside the box. When we have the #5, we have tons of opportunities, and that is what we chose to come to College Earth to learn.

Having a 14/5 in your chart means you really have some karma from your past life and will need to work that much harder, but have an opportunity to accomplish that much more. BRILLENT Thomas Jefferson has 14/5 more than once in key areas of his chart. He was a politician, farmer, architect, writer attorney and founding father of our country yet he is also famous for his love of women and wine. He wrote many articles on FREEDOM of religion, speech, press etc.

The trick is to balance finding YOUR brillance/passion without being overly sotted, which zaps one's energy. Do NOT beat yourself up, you are right where you are supposed to be.

A section in Betty Eadie's 'Embraced by the Light', a near-dath experience book has brought me great comfort. When she was in 'heaven'; her higher power/God/whatever, showed her a drunken bum on the street. She responded: 'How horrible, why doesn't he get sober?' God responded: 'Don't be judgemental. He has a very important purpose I need him to do.' At that moment a powerful businessman caught up in his financial mental calculations, rounds the corner and stumbles upon the drunkard. He is so moved by the man lying in the sidewalk that the bussinessman learns a powerful humanitarian lesson and builds a homeless shelter/charity.

So no one should be judgemental of themselves (or others). We should simply strive to do the best we can with our God-given Brillance. You dear Zen are perfect as you are. Just work on being positive and loving to yourself

xox:welcome:

[zenvalentine]

The Song Remains the Same

Thank you. It is easy to forget that we are perfect as we are -- even when we know the wisdom of such understanding. Thanks for the reminder! I don't have any 5's in my birthday, but 5 is my favorite number. So maybe I am CHOOSING to be a 5 and am still brilliant??

[magic]

The Song Remains the Same

Absolutely! :k

magic xx :schmokin:

[n2itiv]

The Song Remains the Same

We are ALL Brilliant!

Of course you are BRILLIANT Everyone is unique and brings a special gift to the table.

Here's an excercise to take your mind off of drinking (and others reading this) if you want to see if you have the #5 in a key area of your chart: Lifepath, Birthday, Expression or Soul Urge. We will use Thomas Jefferson as an example:

Lifepath:
Born 4-13-1743 = (4)+(1+3)+(1+7+4+3) = (4)+(4)+(1+5) = 4+4+6 = 14 = 1+4 = 5

Birthday:
The 13th ... 1+3 = 4

Expression:
Thomas Jefferson (Had no middle name) ***See below for alphabet/number translation
(2+8+6+4+1+1)+(1+5+6+6+5+9+1+6+5) = (2+2)+(4+4) = 4+8 = 12 = 1+2 = 3

Soul Urge:
Based only on the vowels in a name
(6+1)+(5+5+6) = (7)+(1+6) = 7+7 = 14 = 1+4 = 5

As you can see, Thomas had the 14/5 in 50% of his chart.

***
1 = A, J, S
2 = B, K, T
3 = C, L, U
4 = D, M, V
5 = E, N, W
6 = F, O, X
7 = G, P, Y
8 = H, Q, Z
9 = I, R

I admit - this is day 3 Alcohol Free and I'm just keeping myself successfully busy!:h

[magic]

The Song Remains the Same

Fascinating......

First, congratulations on another sober day!!!!!!! :thumbs:

Second, this was so interesting, I have a number 5/ Soul Urge.

Can you tell us more?

magic xxx:schmokin:

[n2itiv]

The Song Remains the Same

Thx Magic!

As y'all do your calculations, you may be curious what the other numbers beside 5 mean ...

1 - Independence, Individuation, Self
2 - Paitence, Cooperation with others
3 - Creativity, Joy of Living, Communication to many
4 - Order, Service, Limitation
5 - Constructive Freedom
6 - Responsibility of Love
7 - Analysis, Understanding, Faith
8 - Material Satisfaction
9 - Selflessness, Humanitarism

Where you find the given number tells you someting too:

Lifepath: Your major lesson in this life, your central focus
Expression: Your potential natural abilities, how people see you
Soul Urge: What you want to be, have and do, what drives you in your decisions
Birthday: A sub-focus of the Lifepath ... Think of a glass of orange juice where the lifepath is like the glass of water and the birthday is the tablespoon of orange concentrate flavoring the drink/lesson.

:h

[n2itiv]

The Song Remains the Same

Hey Gang,

I'm feeling a bit anxious with tomorrow being Monday and me not drinking, so here's some more numerology post info on the #5

There are three more places/calculations that are weaker but still signifcant. Sadly I have ALL three plus my birthday. LOL. Using my earlier postings in this thread, you can do the calculations. They are:

Maturity: Add your Lifepath + Expression
Growth: Add all the letters in your first name only
Challenge: (Month of Birth - Year of Birth) or if a negative #, (Year of Birth - Month of Birth)

Hope some of y'all are having fun or at least being occupied by all of my ramblings

[julie001]

The Song Remains the Same

Zen,

Be glad that you are not unique, because at least there is an entire community of people here who can relate to your experiences, offer empathy, and advice. Take advantage pf tat and take baby steps. Drink one day less than normal a week, change your drink of choice to something you don't like. Take some of the supplements MWO recommends, log on here daily and read, read, read, and finally, reward yourself for every little success that you have with chocolate, a new pair of shoes, a movie with popcorn and milkduds--whatever makes you feel good and is not alchohol realted. .

After months of being here, I have begun to make positive changes. It's been slow, but steady. I'm working on my triggers now--boredom, depression. The people here offer wonderful advice. Good luck and look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Julie

[zenvalentine]

The Song Remains the Same

Thanks, Julie. I really do appreciate the shared experience. I hadn't heard about changing your drink to something you don't like -- great idea, since the vodka tonics go down like lemonade. I am worried I will get fatter with the reward system. Last night I didn't drink so I felt I deserved two dinners and ice cream. Yikes! But I do feel better today.

[Paddy]

The Song Remains the Same

Hi Zen,

Hey, loads of positive feelings coming your way from this side of the world. As Julie said, there's lots of us who share your feelings and who've been there be4. I'm sure that in a couple of days and weeks you'll feel better.

It's certainly important now to set goals. But also not to set them too high. One at the time. I guess, once you tackle the biggest demon, the drinking, the rest will fall into place. For me it did. Have you been able to read through RJ's book yet? That's a good start. I have been on Topamax, the drug suggested in her book, since February. I reached a dosage now where my cravings have disappeared and I'm alcohol free, well I have been, for 17 days. Some of the members here don't choose that route, as Topa has a few side effects. In any case, you should read the book it talks about all of that an more ...

Welcome! Please feel free to talk to any of us.