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    New kid in town

    Howdy all,

    I like most have been reading all your wonderful stories before I decided to write a wee bit about myself. My story may go back to front and upside down.

    I am 28 years old, live with my fiance and my little man (which is my dog Finn, who is possibly one of the most spoilt pooches around). We live in our unit on the beach in Scarborough, Perth Western Australia and life is grand. We own our unit and we have travelled Australia for 6 years (otherwise known as the Biggest Aussie Pub Crawl). My parents and my partners parents are still together, good upbringing etc.

    Problem is, I think my kidneys/ liver have packed their bags and left the building! Both my parents drink and had numerous parties when we were in bed as kiddies, weeknights, weekends, whenever. Toilet door was right next to my bedroom and I am surprised my room was never mistaken for a lavatory! So my sister and I grew up surrounded by alcohol. I remember getting so angry while trying to sleep thru the noise that I would eat my quilt or hit my head purposley on some staionary peice of furniture. It got to the point that I started taking Phernergen to go to sleep, I was 10! Recently I brought this up in conversation with my mother, over a drink and she wished I told her back then as she feels bad! Let me tell you that I was never a shy child and was very forthcoming and I can assure you that I indeed told them continuously. Anyhoo...

    I started drinking about 14 years old. Just with friends nothing major, 3 long necks or a six pack of beer (my choice of drink). Started smoking ciggies etc. Took valium at school at about 16, one of the people involved in the "valium adventure" ended up in hospital, they lived! During all this I would get into a lot of trouble with the parents, while they continued having drinks and people over telling tales of their drug induced youth. Not to put all the onus on the oldies though, they are very good people. Just presenting a picture for you to understand where it MAY come from.

    Throughout my teens and early twenties I drank, went to the pub every second day, threw up, slept around the toilet, cheated on partners, got into fights, stained carpets, argued, made a dick of myself (continuously), half the people at the pub would stay at my house, to which I awoke with someone trying to get up my skirt as I slept on the couch with the front door left wide open. Never saved any cash, looked and stunk like crap. And altogether not mentally healthy at all.

    So today, I am with my partner of nearly 7 years (and we have both cheated on each other during alcohol related incidents), he has mentioned that I drink too much on several occasions causing an argument as he binge drinks all weekend but "has it under contrrol" during the week. I like to drink every day. I can drink up to 10 beers per night and still wake up and go to work! Colleagues have said on occasion that I often look sick and pasty (I tried to reason that I have Scottish skin). I feel nauseous and angry if I go 3 days without a beer. I feel resentment for my partner when he is at home from work (fly in/ out, 2 weeks on 1 week off) if we are to have an alcohol free night. I base my night time life around it. I dont go out with my friends for fear of embarrasing myself, I would rather stay at home and watch a scary movie with 10 beers than socialise or go to dinner. I cancel outings so I can remain in my home by myself with the dreaded beer. I left my partner at the pub with our friends on his birthday because I would rather go home and drink alone, pass out and wake up and try to remember all that occurred on the previous night. I have black outs every time I drink on my own, I have also been, ashamed to say, but peed the bed/ couch... I have locked the dog out the front and he howled all night and I did not wake up (that was red wine, oooh evil). I passed out on my living room floor and my neighbour happened to peer over the fence to see me in that state to which he climbed into my house and put me to sleep on the couch, to which I have no recollection.

    I could go on forever, no doubt you all get the picture. I wish to moderate and am determmined to do so, but at the same time I have already cancelled going to meditation tonight so I can have a few. I have to go to meditation as I have newly acquired panic disorder with a touch of psychosis for good measure!

    Partner is away working and no body will ever know!

    Thanks if you have taken the time to read my ramble. I realise that there is a real strong group here and I would be most honoured to partake.

    Mel
    xxx

    PS. Rach28 - you are too cool for school
    Good job!:goodjob:

    #2
    New kid in town

    Mel, just glad you found us, you could be any number of us! I just chatted with you a bit ago, you hang in, and for sure get the supps, and just shoot for doing something except going home to drink...think of something, anything else to kill some of that drinking alone time....I had to change "habits" to change the wine habit, not easy, but can be done...its not for sissy's this cutting back, but its doable!
    "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

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      #3
      New kid in town

      Hiya Finkle,

      Welcome to the boards - this is a great place to find out lots to help you get on top of all those patterns of behaviour! I'm like you - we all drank at school and after - we were the "good private school kids", we didn't do drugs we just drank ourselves stupid - it was our social scene (who vomits first wins- groan!).

      Cheers

      Cashy
      xxx
      "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" - John Lennon

      Comment


        #4
        New kid in town

        hi a finkle , 2 cool 4 school, i never bloody went !!!! your story an mine sounds familiar only my little man is a 10yr old boy, bless him, mum always said he saved my life, i dread 2 think where id b if i didnt get pregnant at 17, dead i think, my boy has kinda kept me here, i ve had 2 b kinda grown up, oh an im still in a state so yes, he kinda saved me, i got 2 stop an change things 4 him, b4 he starts, he is being bullied, an never seen his dad, but got a temper like his dad so id better pull my finger ot my butt! keep in touch xx
        if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got!

        Comment


          #5
          New kid in town

          Hi Finkle, welcome! Keep checking in here everyday or as often as you can. It really helps to keep focus on sticking to your goals. Its great and the people are fab. We can all relate to your story. You will get there. Love, Bella xxx

          Comment


            #6
            New kid in town

            Hi there,

            Thanks for the welcoming. Its really comforting to know that people have shared similar circumstances as I have and it makes it so much easier to talk about.

            I feel guilty enough about not playing enough with dog, let alone a kid. I cant handle the guilt!

            Vomit - oh yes, after the inevitable skul of a bottle of vodka, because you "cant smell it" hehehehe..
            Good job!:goodjob:

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              #7
              New kid in town

              guilt is a bixxh it just turn s the wheel in this vicious circle, xx
              if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got!

              Comment


                #8
                New kid in town

                Hi Finkle and welcome.

                We`re all in a mess when we come here. I never thought I could get it together this time around, but it`s all started to come together, thanks to all the great support here.

                Get the book and read it, visit the Health Store, read lots of posts, then make some sort of personal plan. It doesn`t matter how lacking in ambition your initial plan may be, as introducing the smallest change to your drinking pattern is a major success. Many say a plan of small steps is more likely to see us succeed,rather than making a wildly ambitious one at first, as all the little changes accumulate to alter our lives.

                I wish you love and luck,

                Starlight Impress

                Comment


                  #9
                  New kid in town

                  Hi Finkle.

                  Have just been reading the posts. Very encouraging as usual. I just had to reply to yours as I can relate to the guilt about your dog. Mine is the main reason for hating myself when I drink. I would be heartbroken if anything happened to him while I was incapable.

                  I had a bottle of wine on Friday evening, not intending to drink it all as I had work on Saturday but suprise suprise, the contents disappeared, too rapidly for my likeing and what made it worse was I 'lost the end of the evening' which is getting too frequent. That's what made me realise I had to do something and joined this sight on Saturday. I haven't had anything to drink since Friday, until tonight. I was at Mum and Dad's and Dad asked if we'd like a glass of wine. Before I could stop myself, Yes please, was uttered. Felt guilty again!

                  I was intending not to drink until the weekend when I go on my Sister's Hen Do. Not sure how I'll cope. Don't seem to know when to stop after I have a couple. Probably have to leave it alone. She'll think this wierd tho! Any advice anyone?

                  By the way, I love coming to this site. Hadn't wanted to accept that I was developing a problem but now I have somewhere to talk about it. It's helping already.

                  Thanks everyone.

                  Em.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    New kid in town

                    Advice, on a Hens night??? Sheesh thats a hard one. Seeing as I am new to this and any excuse is a good one, I would probably have to leave that to a senior member!!!
                    Good job!:goodjob:

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