Howdy all,
I like most have been reading all your wonderful stories before I decided to write a wee bit about myself. My story may go back to front and upside down.
I am 28 years old, live with my fiance and my little man (which is my dog Finn, who is possibly one of the most spoilt pooches around). We live in our unit on the beach in Scarborough, Perth Western Australia and life is grand. We own our unit and we have travelled Australia for 6 years (otherwise known as the Biggest Aussie Pub Crawl). My parents and my partners parents are still together, good upbringing etc.
Problem is, I think my kidneys/ liver have packed their bags and left the building! Both my parents drink and had numerous parties when we were in bed as kiddies, weeknights, weekends, whenever. Toilet door was right next to my bedroom and I am surprised my room was never mistaken for a lavatory! So my sister and I grew up surrounded by alcohol. I remember getting so angry while trying to sleep thru the noise that I would eat my quilt or hit my head purposley on some staionary peice of furniture. It got to the point that I started taking Phernergen to go to sleep, I was 10! Recently I brought this up in conversation with my mother, over a drink and she wished I told her back then as she feels bad! Let me tell you that I was never a shy child and was very forthcoming and I can assure you that I indeed told them continuously. Anyhoo...
I started drinking about 14 years old. Just with friends nothing major, 3 long necks or a six pack of beer (my choice of drink). Started smoking ciggies etc. Took valium at school at about 16, one of the people involved in the "valium adventure" ended up in hospital, they lived! During all this I would get into a lot of trouble with the parents, while they continued having drinks and people over telling tales of their drug induced youth. Not to put all the onus on the oldies though, they are very good people. Just presenting a picture for you to understand where it MAY come from.
Throughout my teens and early twenties I drank, went to the pub every second day, threw up, slept around the toilet, cheated on partners, got into fights, stained carpets, argued, made a dick of myself (continuously), half the people at the pub would stay at my house, to which I awoke with someone trying to get up my skirt as I slept on the couch with the front door left wide open. Never saved any cash, looked and stunk like crap. And altogether not mentally healthy at all.
So today, I am with my partner of nearly 7 years (and we have both cheated on each other during alcohol related incidents), he has mentioned that I drink too much on several occasions causing an argument as he binge drinks all weekend but "has it under contrrol" during the week. I like to drink every day. I can drink up to 10 beers per night and still wake up and go to work! Colleagues have said on occasion that I often look sick and pasty (I tried to reason that I have Scottish skin). I feel nauseous and angry if I go 3 days without a beer. I feel resentment for my partner when he is at home from work (fly in/ out, 2 weeks on 1 week off) if we are to have an alcohol free night. I base my night time life around it. I dont go out with my friends for fear of embarrasing myself, I would rather stay at home and watch a scary movie with 10 beers than socialise or go to dinner. I cancel outings so I can remain in my home by myself with the dreaded beer. I left my partner at the pub with our friends on his birthday because I would rather go home and drink alone, pass out and wake up and try to remember all that occurred on the previous night. I have black outs every time I drink on my own, I have also been, ashamed to say, but peed the bed/ couch... I have locked the dog out the front and he howled all night and I did not wake up (that was red wine, oooh evil). I passed out on my living room floor and my neighbour happened to peer over the fence to see me in that state to which he climbed into my house and put me to sleep on the couch, to which I have no recollection.
I could go on forever, no doubt you all get the picture. I wish to moderate and am determmined to do so, but at the same time I have already cancelled going to meditation tonight so I can have a few. I have to go to meditation as I have newly acquired panic disorder with a touch of psychosis for good measure!
Partner is away working and no body will ever know!
Thanks if you have taken the time to read my ramble. I realise that there is a real strong group here and I would be most honoured to partake.
Mel
xxx
PS. Rach28 - you are too cool for school
I like most have been reading all your wonderful stories before I decided to write a wee bit about myself. My story may go back to front and upside down.
I am 28 years old, live with my fiance and my little man (which is my dog Finn, who is possibly one of the most spoilt pooches around). We live in our unit on the beach in Scarborough, Perth Western Australia and life is grand. We own our unit and we have travelled Australia for 6 years (otherwise known as the Biggest Aussie Pub Crawl). My parents and my partners parents are still together, good upbringing etc.
Problem is, I think my kidneys/ liver have packed their bags and left the building! Both my parents drink and had numerous parties when we were in bed as kiddies, weeknights, weekends, whenever. Toilet door was right next to my bedroom and I am surprised my room was never mistaken for a lavatory! So my sister and I grew up surrounded by alcohol. I remember getting so angry while trying to sleep thru the noise that I would eat my quilt or hit my head purposley on some staionary peice of furniture. It got to the point that I started taking Phernergen to go to sleep, I was 10! Recently I brought this up in conversation with my mother, over a drink and she wished I told her back then as she feels bad! Let me tell you that I was never a shy child and was very forthcoming and I can assure you that I indeed told them continuously. Anyhoo...
I started drinking about 14 years old. Just with friends nothing major, 3 long necks or a six pack of beer (my choice of drink). Started smoking ciggies etc. Took valium at school at about 16, one of the people involved in the "valium adventure" ended up in hospital, they lived! During all this I would get into a lot of trouble with the parents, while they continued having drinks and people over telling tales of their drug induced youth. Not to put all the onus on the oldies though, they are very good people. Just presenting a picture for you to understand where it MAY come from.
Throughout my teens and early twenties I drank, went to the pub every second day, threw up, slept around the toilet, cheated on partners, got into fights, stained carpets, argued, made a dick of myself (continuously), half the people at the pub would stay at my house, to which I awoke with someone trying to get up my skirt as I slept on the couch with the front door left wide open. Never saved any cash, looked and stunk like crap. And altogether not mentally healthy at all.
So today, I am with my partner of nearly 7 years (and we have both cheated on each other during alcohol related incidents), he has mentioned that I drink too much on several occasions causing an argument as he binge drinks all weekend but "has it under contrrol" during the week. I like to drink every day. I can drink up to 10 beers per night and still wake up and go to work! Colleagues have said on occasion that I often look sick and pasty (I tried to reason that I have Scottish skin). I feel nauseous and angry if I go 3 days without a beer. I feel resentment for my partner when he is at home from work (fly in/ out, 2 weeks on 1 week off) if we are to have an alcohol free night. I base my night time life around it. I dont go out with my friends for fear of embarrasing myself, I would rather stay at home and watch a scary movie with 10 beers than socialise or go to dinner. I cancel outings so I can remain in my home by myself with the dreaded beer. I left my partner at the pub with our friends on his birthday because I would rather go home and drink alone, pass out and wake up and try to remember all that occurred on the previous night. I have black outs every time I drink on my own, I have also been, ashamed to say, but peed the bed/ couch... I have locked the dog out the front and he howled all night and I did not wake up (that was red wine, oooh evil). I passed out on my living room floor and my neighbour happened to peer over the fence to see me in that state to which he climbed into my house and put me to sleep on the couch, to which I have no recollection.
I could go on forever, no doubt you all get the picture. I wish to moderate and am determmined to do so, but at the same time I have already cancelled going to meditation tonight so I can have a few. I have to go to meditation as I have newly acquired panic disorder with a touch of psychosis for good measure!
Partner is away working and no body will ever know!
Thanks if you have taken the time to read my ramble. I realise that there is a real strong group here and I would be most honoured to partake.
Mel
xxx
PS. Rach28 - you are too cool for school
Comment