Here again

[grey goose]

Hi all,

Tried this once before about a year and a half ago. I couldn't do the Topamax due to getting down to 112 pounds (took myself off before doc did)

Anyway, last night I was playing with a 12 gauge shotgun that my husband leaves in the closet for when he's out of town (yeah, he's out of town). Nothing happened--thank God. I bearly remember it--I guess I left hubbie a voice mail telling him that it was loaded. A couple of weeks ago, I remember being outside in the backyard w/ the dog--I couldn't take two steps without falling down. If I continue w/ all this fun, someone is going to find me naked, (why do drunk chicks want to take their clothes off?) and stone cold dead. Maybe that's best, eh? Not meaning to offend anyone but I wish I had an eating disorder and weighed 600 pounds rather than being a falling down worthless drunk. Why can't I be more like my mom and less like my father.

Good luck and God bless you all!

Svedka

[Accountable for Me]

Here again

Welcome Grey Goose! I think reaching out for some help is a good place to start. You definitely don't want to be playing with guns in the midst of drinking. Do you have a doctor you can see? I understand not all drugs help all people. Maybe he can prescribe you Campral or another alternative. Good on you for seeking out this community. A great place for you to start. There are a lot of people here that can relate to you. Alcoholism sucks.

Keep posting - and read a lot. It gave me the strength to give up the drink.

Hang in there.

[Finkle]

Here again

I am also one for getting about naked and sleeping where I fall!!! I also leave messages or ring the other half when "tipsy" and tell him I am seeing things (which is often the lights reflecting off the TV) and that I am going to off myself because I am pathetic. This is a great heavy burden on him as he is working 1600km away and cannot do anything.

If we dont drink we feel alot better about life, buts thats the hard part. Perhaps lock the gun away and give your husband the key or make sure that there are no bullets and if someone happens to pop in for a late night visit you can scare them away with it.

[Kitty]

Here again

Hi Goose,

I agree with Accountable for you maybe looking into different medication, there are quite a few to choose from. Some people only take supps so maybe you can just start them again. Please don't play with the gun. I understand that you have it for protection but I don't think you cold shoot straight anyway if you were under the influence. Probably better if your hubby could lock it away, for your own safety too.

Welcome back anyway, re-read the book and get stuck into reading posts. You are not "worthless", please don't think that. Well done for coming back.

See you around,

Kitty

[Beaches]

Here again

Welcome back Svedka,
I'm happy to see that you decided to return. There is a thread on the boards that talks about a lot of other alternatives to Topamax if that's not something that you can take. Also the kudzu and L-glutamine combination is very effective.

It's scary when you can't remember making the phone calls or much less what you've done the night before. Do you need to have the gun loaded? Take out the bullets until you get yourself to a point where you feel more safe with your drinking.

Please stick around and keep posting. There are people here 24/7 to talk too. Best of luck to you.

[idiot_wind]

Here again

Hello you

If you are getting smashed, falling over and playing with shotguns, you need to see your doctor and get some help (I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE)

And I know you weren't "Playing with a 12 gauge"

You are thinking about killing yourself (or at least you were when you were drunk)

You are suffering clinical depression (which is no more your fault than catching the flu)

Its Seriously time to go and get help,..

Sorry, I don't pull punches and say what I think...

I think I am giving you most excellent advice however...

David xxx

[diamond]

Here again

I agree super - urgent get to hospital or doctor as soon as possible because 'playing' or not next time it just might go off, and remember the person you would be leaving behind and other family too.

Please

Good Luck
Diamond

[Jacy]

Here again

Most people are at their lowest when they're drunk and start doing things like that. I know I have been not with guns but other harmful stuff. Our minds are not clearly thinking and we have a tendacy to do things we wouldn't normally do if we were AF.

Please take care of yourself and see a Dr. or someone that can help you. Remember no one is perfect we all have flaws. There is nothing to be ashamed about getting help if you need it.

Hugs

Jacy

[grey goose]

Here again

Thanks to you all

You are all extremely wonderful for responding to my desperate message. It's a long story--one that I won't go into--but I am helping myself w/ reading, research, herbal supplements, and the Lord above. My insurance won't prescribe things for depression or alcoholic issues. I'll do what I can. Thank you all so much for your support. I truly, truly appreciate it.

Goose

[42cat]

Here again

Grey Goose.... ((hugs)) and nice to meet you. I'm a newbie, but just this last week on the boards has made me feel so much hope. I hope you stay and post lots and lots and lots. It really feels great to be among people who truly understand and relate.

My husband will be away next week, and I'm really scared about my drinking. (Always overdo - more than usual that is - when he's gone... It's like some childish "oh wow, I'm free to drink as much as I want without being judged" thing .. silly, I know, but I know a lot of us can also relate to that feeling as well.)

Anyway, I was wondering ... if you're still home alone tonight ... could you or someone you trust, who knows their way around guns, unload the shot gun and take that and the rest of the ammo out of your place for now? Might be something to consider before this evening, or whenever you might find yourself feeling lonely, weak, down, or whatever feeling you think you might find yourself with that could lead to the bottle. Just as a precaution?

Hope all goes well with everything. And keep on postin' !

~Catt