My NEW Story Starts Here...

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hang in there Mad Diva. The simple truth is that we just have to make up our minds to NOT DRINK. (and NOT SMOKE when you get ready to work at that vice again) Use all the available tools to your advantage - the supplements, the hypnosis CD's, the exercise and diet recommendations. Use other programs too if you want "more" (as I do) such as the SMART Recovery program. And then just make up your mind to say "no" every time the voice in your head wants booze. Stand firm. Having been up and down this road a couple times, I can say it's MUCH easier to get through each urge saying "no" and getting the early months out of the way than to sometimes give in, and start the whole battle over and over again.

Best wishes to you!

And R2C, there were no carbs on Turkey Day.

DG

[retteacher]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG: I just read your whole advantages/disadvantages list. I identified w/so much. However, the biggest benefit to being AF is not lying to myself or others any more. No hidden stashes. No bogus trips to the store. No fake headaches, because I'm drunk. The subterfuge was unbelievable. I don't know how I did it so much. I think it just became a habit which I did automatically.

I come to your story frequently for courage, hope, & strength. I know I'm going to accomplish what you have, but until then, I'm not going to write my story here. I want to be successfully AF for a long period of time before I do.

Thank you so much. Please check back here often to update this thread.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Mary - all the lying that we don't have to do any more is an excellent point. I need to update my CBA and incorporate that. I sure did plenty of lying and it is SO much less stressful to just be myself - take me as I am with nothing to hide!!!!

You can do it Mary! Just keep choosing not to drink every time the choice comes up.

DG

[retteacher]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

I absolutely will make that choice to be AF. Mary

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

As usual I was up before dawn rarin' to go!! Life is so good without hangovers. I love my mornings. Today being Christmas, I thought maybe I would hear or see a fat man in red on my roof top. But I didn't. So I updated my Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA) a few days late from my 7 month sober anniversary.

Special thank you to Mary who pointed out a BIG BIG thing that I had totally forgotten to include previously - the LYING aspects of alcoholic drinking.

For those who haven't seen this before you can probably tell how my thinking has changed throughout this journey. And how we think has a lot to do with how we act, so this is a very good thing. I thank SMART recovery for the excellent tools they provide and teach such as the CBA which have helped me greatly in changing my stinkin' drinkin' thinkin'.

Cost Benefit Analysis

Started in July 2007
Updated August 21, 2008 ? Three months sober
Updated September 22, 2008 ? Four months sober
Updated November 23, 2008 ? Six months sober
Updated December 25, 2008 ? Seven months sober

Advantages of Using Alcohol (benefits and rewards)

7/2007:
Problems of life are softened.

8/21/08:
Well, that?s BS!! Problems of life are usually MADE WORSE due to alcohol. Dealing with a problem or crisis is MUCH easier when one does not have to worry about all the planning and execution of drinking, and/or being drunk and NOT able to do what you need to do such as drive.

In fairness, I suppose I could say that non-emergency problems were easily procrastinated with the help of booze.

Other things I can think of that seemed like advantages when I was much younger (i.e. to fit in, to feel braver in social situations, etc.) stopped being relevant years ago which is probably why they never occurred to me when I originally wrote this.

11/23/08:
On the topic of non-emergency stuff being easily procrastinated?.. That used to seem like a minor advantage, but now I see it?s really not. Any perceived short term benefit from putting off unpleasant or boring tasks is FAR outweighed for me by feelings of guilt and remorse when things aren?t done on time, or aren?t done at all. Getting things done each day ? whether they are small mundane things or bigger things ? is now a source of satisfaction. I love having a sense of accomplishment!

12/25/08:
There are no advantages at all of using alcohol. There was the perceived benefit of ?softening problems? way back in the beginning of this journey. But now I can think of not a single benefit at all of me drinking alcohol. I can?t speak for anyone else ? only myself. If you are reading my CBA and can think of something I?m missing here, please challenge me on it! Maybe I?m wrong, but for myself I don?t think so.

Disadvantages of Using Alcohol (costs and risks)

7/2007:
It?s so limiting ? a ball and chain like smoking cigarettes.
I?m sure lots of people know I drink to excess even though I try to cover up the large quantities ? that?s embarrassing.
I am damaging my body.
Life feels like it?s on hold.

8/21/08:
Yep, yep and yep.

8/26/08:
Drinking increases risk of bad judgment on my part ? from the dangerous i.e. drinking and driving, to the embarrassing i.e. drunk phoning/e-mailing/posting.

9/22/08 ? my 4 month sober anniversary:
Whenever I would have a mishap ? trip on something physically or verbally, or forget something, I felt paranoid and guilty ? ?people will think I?ve been drinking?.? I would get these feelings of paranoia and guilt whether I had actually been drinking when the mishap occurred or not. ?Hiding Drinking? was an all consuming and constant activity.
br />I really was mean to my husband when drinking. My nasty comments (and often, repetitive nasty comments) were horrible. Then came the guilt and paranoia and defensiveness ? a viscous circle in our relationship. I?m lucky he stuck around.

When drinking I had to write EVERYTHING down ? even the smallest commitment ? so I wouldn?t forget about it due to drinking.

I am NOT a good wife when drinking (in addition to my mean streak). I didn?t take good care of our home or daily responsibilities like cooking, shopping, laundry, etc.

I am NOT a good business partner when drinking. I answered customer phone calls after I had drinks, and blew off business development activities in favor of drinking. NEVER could I have had a customer come to the house to do things like drop off a computer after 10AM lest they smell my breath, see it in my eyes, etc.

11/23/08: I am horrified at how for many years, I minimized the very serious costs and risks associated with drinking.

1) Drinking and driving. While I liked to kid myself that I ALWAYS used good judgment about this, there are many, many times in recent years (and more in years past) where I consumed alcohol in some amount, and got behind the wheel. A few weeks ago I heard a news story about an accident where a woman who tested positive for alcohol (I don?t know how much ? but that doesn?t even matter) hit a vehicle and killed an entire family. The drunk woman was the only survivor. Even if I had only had one drink and something like that happened, how could I ever live with myself or forgive myself? That would be a horrific thing to try to overcome with no alcohol or substance involved at all. It?s beyond my comprehension. There would be no punishment a court of law could give me that would be worse than what I would do to myself internally. That would be worse than killing myself in an accident. So often we think of a DUI and how that would negatively impact and inconvenience our own lives. We should never forget how drinking and driving can devastate or end other lives.

2) The possible health consequences are horrific. How on earth did I manage to ignore the risks and consequences, especially when they were right under my nose? One of my husband?s brothers was a serious alcoholic who was only a couple years older than me. He passed a way a couple of years ago with most of his major organs just shutting down. His liver and other organs began to fail more than 10 years before he died. He suffered greatly and still drank heavily every time he was released from the hospital ? and he was in and out many times. Not only did he personally suffer greatly from alcohol abuse, and die from it, but his alcohol abuse put his parents through the ringer. At a time when the parents should have been enjoying their early retirement years, they were caring for their son who killed himself slowly. I can?t believe I watched that happen ? RIGHT under my nose ? and just kept drinking away.

I never want to take these consequences lightly again.

12/25/08:
Now how could I have missed this one before!! DRINKING MADE A BIG FAT LIAR OUT OF ME!!!! Here are just a few examples, but this is surely the ?cliff notes? version:

1) Going to multiple liquor stores so that the owners/workers of the liquor stores wouldn?t wonder why I bought so much booze. (lying about how much I was drinking to local business people!!!)
2) Hiding empties in multiple garbage cans so the garbage collector wouldn?t hear tons of bottles rattling. (lying about how much I was drinking ? even to the garbage man!!!!)
3) Sneaking booze into non-booze containers (i.e. vodka into a water bottle with ?to go? lemonade mix in it) thinking nobody would be the wiser. Or a drink in a ?to go? type coffee mug ? disposable or washable) ? lying about what I was drinking and how much alcohol I was drinking to family, friends, anyone around me).
4) Just plain lying up close and verbally if my husband or anyone else asked me how much I?d had to drink.
5) Trying to put a good game face on while majorly hungover ? lying about how I felt as a result of excessive drinking.
6) Manufacturing issues or problems to quickly get me out of situations where I could NOT drink, and get me back home where I COULD drink. (i.e. part of my ?dislike? of my in-laws was manufactured so I could get away from them fast and keep drinking or start drinking in the volumes I wished)
7) I was challenged about drinking on the job at my last employer. Of course I lied about that and went to great lengths to not get fired WITHOUT ADDRESSING THE TRUTH OF MY ADDICTION. The drinking behavior continued.

Like I said, that?s just a short list of the lies and deceptions that were an integral part of my addiction to alcohol.


Advantages of NOT Using Alcohol (benefits and rewards)

7/2007:
Less calories ? weight loss.
Freedom ? not restricted from activities like driving later in the day.
I know quitting will be hard at first, but I can envision myself being a better partner for hubby. Cooking more, being awake and lucid later in the day, etc.
No hangovers.
Save $$$.
Can feel good about participating at SMART recovery.

8/21/08:
The above are all true. Add to the list:
I used to think alcohol was a mood enhancer. It actually made me nasty quite often. I?m calmer and happier and in a better mood in general now.
No exhausting time spent planning to drink, drinking, and lying / covering up. Time for better things.
The health benefits go beyond less calories and weight loss. I?m adopting a whole new lifestyle with better health and fitness at the core.
Leading a far more honest life.
I know there is more to be added to this list!! Good stuff too!

8/26/08:
I am ?all there? for life 24X7. If there is a late night emergency I can think clearly and decide what to do, I can drive to do what is necessary, etc. I am not hungover for critical morning activities. My judgment isn?t clouded by things like planning where drinking will fit in to my schedule during a crisis.

9/22/08:
I am guilt and paranoia free during physical or verbal or mental mishaps!! It?s wonderful not having to worry about anyone ?discovering? my alcohol addiction.

I actively use my calendar now because there are so many things I want to get accomplished each day. I am NOT writing things down because I might forget commitments due to drinking.

I am a far nicer person to be around for my wonderful husband. I feel like I?m a pretty darn good wife and business partner which after 10 years of waiting, my husband truly deserves.

I am a much more effective business partner. Our business is up over 30% this year and I think our joint sobriety over the last 4 months has made THE difference in our numbers.

11/23/08: The list of advantages to not drinking is endless. My life is better in every way since stopping the madness with alcohol abuse. One specific thing I will add is a continuation of my previous comment about our business. Even with the serious downturn in the economy recently, we are still managing to meet our goals ? or at least get really close ? despite having to work a lot harder to do it. Having a clear head, more energy, and no distractions related to substance abuse (thinking about drinking, planning, making sure I?ve got my booze, starting drinking early, etc.) sure helps. A LOT.

12/25/08:
I have the opportunity to live my life honestly. I still have work to do peeling off the layers of my own onion to uncover all of my own deceptions that I created around my drinking. But now I have the opportunity to work on it ? now that the cloud of alcohol is gone.

Disadvantages of NOT Using Alcohol (costs and risks)

7/2007:
I will miss the buzz.
I will probably have a tough time, at least initially, around others who are drinking.
I?m scared about facing life head on ? what will I fill the ?drinking time? with?
I will have to address the boredom.

8/21/08:
The further away I get from drinking, the less and less I miss the buzz.
Being around people who are drinking gets easier too. The benefits of NOT drinking far outweigh any temporary discomfort.
I?m still working on facing life head on ? and finding meaning now that alcohol isn?t ruining my life. But I?m excited to work on it ? not fearful.

11/23/08:
Are there really any disadvantages? I see it mentioned a lot where people are concerned about what others will think when they do not drink. So that would suggest the ability to only consume one or two is a perceived benefit, and NOT being able to have one or two (abstinence) is a disadvantage. I really don?t think so. I think non-addicted drinkers don?t think enough about alcohol one way or the other to care if I don?t drink at all. Addicted drinkers only care that THEY can drink ? I know that for sure because that?s how I was. The only time people NOT drinking made me uncomfortable was when nobody at all was drinking except me. (but that never stopped me!) So in my opinion, none of that is a disadvantage to NOT using alcohol.

12/25/08:
There are no disadvantages to being alcohol free for me. Challenge me if you will!!

[cyclefan]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Doggiegirl

Sprouted Wheat Bread
Horseradish
Pepperjack Cheese
Italian Roast Beef
Avocado
Tomato

Great story, delicious sandwich. I'm pretty new to this AF game, last week I threw a couple of giant pity parties for myself (invited a band and everything) until I got a handle on what the problem was, your CBA hits the nail on the head. We can sabotage our lives in order to accommodate alcohol. As I am coming out of my fog I'm realizing that I have some changes to make in order to start living an AF life. Key word Living. Thanks for this post, very informative and also very encouraging!

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Oh cyclefan I know those pitty parties all too well!! I consider myself religiously confused at best, but there is a TV preacher that I enjoy watching sometimes because she really is all about personal responsibility and cutting our own crap. Joyce Meyer. Anyway, in one of her sermons (presentations?) one day she talked about how we women like to host our own pity parties and MAN was her version hillarious! In the bathroom with a HUGE mirror to watch the mascara flow, and of course do this when the hubby is home so he gets the full benefit....etc. etc. :H

I'm happy to say that I'm not nearly as inclined to want to host those as I used to be. Another benefit of sobriety.

Hey - next time bring a samich for me too, K?

DG

[hulagirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Thanks for inspiring me. I'm just a beginner, 6 AF days, but you help me see a little bit into the future and what the possibilities for change may look like.
Mahalo

[gyco]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

doggy one,very impressive,i started the year saying think positive,as soon as negative sets in,for one with an AL problem or drug problem or many other addictive problems,it can mean disaster.example,when some drink they step into an elusion,kinda like magic,what they seem to see,they beleive is not real,your pictures tell a story,we get lost in a false dream,always remember to much of one thing is not good,we get caught up into something else,that can bring us down,again,on a better note,be proud of yourself and your accomplishments,YOU did it ,good thing im a married man,happily,or id ask you out for a date,no matter which way you were,gyco my dear have a wonderful new year

[dill]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG, Thanks for your story, your CBA, your insights, honesty and inspiration. You have been a great help to me and many others I'm sure.

[BridgetJones1998]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi DG,

You are such an inspiration to me. I didn't elaborate but I, too, drank alone. I really didn't want to be around anyone. It was a chore to go and be with anyone. I just wanted to be with my AL. Your enthusiasm for life is what I want for myself. I feel I am slowly getting there... it will take some time. I am actively working towards it. Thank you for sharing. I wish you continued success! Big HUG!!!

[southernbelle47]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG
What a great thread!

Joyce Meyers is a hoot...isn't she? If you can catch Beth Moore of Life Today with James Robinson on Wednesday....she is priceless also!
Love ya!
Nancy

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Wow - thanks to all who have visited my journal and for the messages!

Southernbelle - I will keep an eye out for Beth Moore if I'm ever "surfing" in that direction.

Bridgetjones - on the alone drinking. It sure didn't start out that way for me, and I'm sure it didn't for you or for most of us. As a teen, drinking ONLY came up with friends. In college, it ONLY came up at bars/parties. (although there was a LOT LOT LOT of that for me). I thought about that at some point on this journey - exactly when did my drinking change from being excessive while with other people to excessive while along? I'm not really sure. I don't think it happened over night. I'm glad that's over.

The important thing you said about achieving enthusiam for life is that you are "actively working on it!" When I think about all the time I wasted drinking - GEEZ the world should be our oyster! (and I believe WILL be!)

dill - glad to help. I have gotten tremendous inspiration from so many others here and at SMART Recovery who are way ahead of me on the sober path. It's amazing how we can all join hands figuratively, with everyone ahead of us and behind us on the big path.

Gyco, THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT!! It is wonderful to know that if I were single and you were single, I would have a date. I think all women love knowing that!

hulagirl, the possibilities are endless! I love the picture in your siggy line of your flowers, and I noticed your mention of planting some veggies in the daily thread today. I hope you will share more info in the daily thread about your gardening. That's an area of interest for me that I really know nothing about at this stage.

Here's to a sober 2009! I'm going for 365 days sober this year! And I BELIEVE!

DG

[helpless in georgia]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

hello everyone ,im new . i do not drink or do drugs but i feel i have a problem anyway. i have been married to the same man for 25 years. he used to drink alot everyday but eight years ago he quit. our life was great ,but he has a lot of health problems and in february 2008 the doctors removed him from work due to his health. since march of 2008 he has stated to drink again and when he drinks he doesnt know when to stop which the results into going to the er . i have talked, fussed threatened and anything else i could think of to get him to stop. i know he is having a tough time but his drinking is killing me and our children. he stopped drinking on december 4 2008 for the 5th time simce march of 2008. i find myself not trusting him at anything he says. then on december 26 2008 he bought a 6 pack and drank it all,we did not have to go to the er but it just upset me so bad that i dont know what to do anymore. on december 29 2008 he called a -1-800 number and has an appointment to try again on monday january 5 2009. i need some advice what can i do ,i think i need help to . i want to believe him but i just cant and its making my life horrible.i love him alot and dont want this to destroy our home, i hope someone here can give me some advice ...thanks

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi helpless. I am sad reading about your situation with your husband. I will respond as best I can, but I know you will get more feedback if you start a new thread with this message - maybe in the General Discussion section. That section seems to get the most viewership.

The most important thing I encourage you to do is make sure you take good care of yourself and your children. Speaking as an alcohol addict, I can say that only *I* could decide to get sober and take the necessary steps. I'm guessing that the same is probably true of your husband.

I don't think you should feel bad about not trusting what he says. He has given you good reason not to trust what he says by promising to stop, and then not keeping his promise. Only he can be responsible for that.

There are some posters here such as Determinatrix who are the spouses of the person with the addiction problem. They can probably offer you much better insights to the spousal support (and when to stop) side of things than I can.

Best wishes to you and your children. And also to your husband - I hope he finds it within himself to stop the madness.

DG