My NEW Story Starts Here...

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi NS. Low carb worked well for me on two different occassions - one when I was still drinking (vodka and club soda is low carb, right? :H) and again when I stopped drinking.

The problem I have personally encountered which seems to be a fairly common problem, is that I stopped being able to follow it. I just don't have enough will power to stick to it any more. I have to think there is some physiology involved, but I can't claim to understand it.

For now, I actually feel better eating a mostly vegetarian type diet - low in fat. Ala Dr. McDougall, Dr. Essylsten, China Study, etc. I just need to keep my mitts off the C.R.A.P. (Calorie Rich And Processed).

The meeting with Mom. Sigh. At least I got some stuff off my chest that (I think anyway) desparately needed to come off my chest. I'm beginning to understand just how narcissistic my mother is beneath her "oh poor me" act. She has an entire quiver full of ways to invalidate my feelings and make it all about her. I'm not sure how our relationship will go in the future, but it's not going to be one of pretending any longer.

Whew. Now I'm going to finish lunch and go watch my husband train dogs.

WE HAVE A NEW PUPPY!!! How did I not mention that already?? She is so cute. She is a jet black German Shepherd Dog. Her nick name is Bingo. We knew we wanted to name her Bingo before she even arrived here. She came from an "H" litter so we were stumped trying to come up with an "H" name. My brother's SO came up with it over Christmas. HINGA!! So her official name is Hinga Bingo vom Spitzenhund. How is THAT for a cool name!! :H She is really something. I need to get some pics moved to Photobucket for sharing. And make me a new avatar. Although it's hard to get good face shots of a black doggy!

DG

[lead366]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Yaaaaaaa the parents....I guess thats why the youngsters call them " Da Rents" these days.

You know what I did with mine?..... Just let em go and let em be. They have their own issues.

Im polite, nice and at distance...I kinda like it lol

China study--got it...did you see Forks over knives movie?

[j-vo]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi DG, great to see you here!

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi Lead! Let 'er be is my motto. Indeed I saw FOK.

Hi j-vo!! How is life treating you?

Lizzy

[j-vo]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Well, DG, I've been back here since third week of October, and had much success due to many changes. I started my journal above in Just Starting Out, and I'm continuing my journey learning everyday. I slipped a few times since October, but overall, I'm doing great. I feel a great change in me both mentally and emotionally, and know what needs to be done for successful recovery, so I'm doing it! Thanks for asking.

I see you're doing well! Are you finished with classes? There a sugar roll call in the general section if you were worried about the cookies! It's nice to see you back.

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi j-vo! Sounds like you are enjoying your process of change. That is awesome! You sound really good. I finished my Associates in Addiction Studies but then started last semester working on a Master of Social Work. I still have a long way to go with that one.

Speaking of....

I need to get busy with homework.

DG

[j-vo]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Congratulations to you, DG. That's a great accomplishment! Keep up the good work and get that homework done! Hehe...teachers like to say that. I have dreams of my classroom and kids all the time. DH tells me I talk in my sleep to them. It's not all drinking dreams!

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

My Mom really is a master manipulator all wrapped up in this "oh poor me" package. I envy my brothers who live several states away.

There. I said it.

I think I need to use this journal as a way of releasing all the pent up feelings. They are eating me alive inside. I also need to be realistic. When I was a child, she was the kind of mother who thought of herself first. She hasn't changed. She's not going to change. I have worked so hard to try to release the resentment I feel and get some acceptance going. It hasn't worked so far. If anyone sees this and has some advice I am all ears. But just telling myself (over and over and over ad nauseum) to just "let it go" hasn't worked so far. Ugh.

DG

[lead366]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hey DG---Understood completely

Use this forum to let er go....vent like hell!...Family can drive you crazy...If you let them.

One way to look at this is to look at Dr. Essylstein......Even the US government tried to make a mockery of him and tarnished his career.....He was labeled an outcast. But?...He stuck with his gut--He relied on Science....and in the end?...He made a believer out of me.

Cant argue with facts and science.....the average diet kills us and screws up our minds. He proved that scientifically. My parents have very weird moments as well.....Maybe its THEIR diet?...Who?..knows. lol. What I have learned is that its pointless for me to try and rationalize this food approach with someone who is stuck in that rut. So?..I just forgive them in my mind and talk with evolved people---like the ones here at MWO--and you.

It takes great fortitude and true guts to kick AL.....and to eat right as well.

Just like an average AF person cant reason with an ALkie...same goes for the food...same goes with a parent who has their mind warped by whatever media, socialization or substance.

Your sane---your clean..your evolved obviously...and you are growing.

Vent like hell...I'll back you up!

Have a great and blessed day

[j-vo]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

I actually was going through some of this last month with my parents. There were several things that were eating at me. I wrote a long letter to them, explaining all of my feelings and resentments when I was growing up. They were open to my concerns and did say that they didn't know half the stuff I broached. Well, ok. My parents have this thing about denial. And I think it was a part of their upbringing...don't show your real feelings or your pain, then you'll look weak. Mom's in denial about other things as well. But she would never be open to me or anyone about them. I can't change that. But it did bother me. And also what i am seeing, almost like I've been blind forever, is that there's a lot of self-centeredness with my parents, especially mom. Don't get me wrong. She can be a loving person, but it's all about her a lot. I think I experienced a lot of emotional neglect when I was little as mom had constant depression which left her bed-ridden a lot, dad traveling every week all week, and my sisters and I that mom had to care for. Mom and Dad were also into marriage encounter in which they would meet with other couples on Fridays and talk about themselves and their marriages, while we sat downstairs and watched things on HBO that they didn't know we were watching. It was about them always. Them first. So I have resentments, but I need to learn to let this go. It is what it is and was. I don't know if this helps but just things that I'm done thinking about for now because I don't want to put my sobriety in jeopardy. My parents are loving, caring, but the things I wished didn't happen or wished they would see, they are not, and it's time for me to let that go.

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

lead and j-vo - thanks to you both for your support. It always helps to just know people understand.

I've been trying to let it go for so long now. I've let a lot of other things go but for some reason, this thing with my mom just isn't budging. Will give it more time and self-compassion I guess. I think it would be easier if I could at least talk factually with my Mom about what happened. As an example, she claims not to remember my bout with anorexia. She said she doesn't remember taking in my baton twirling costumes and clothing. Huh??? You don't remember your 5'9" daughter weighing 103 pounds? bones jutting out? Mom crying for me to eat? Don't remember that??? Really??

Oh well...

I'm not drinking over it and that is a blessing. I'll take it.

DG

[Guitarista]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Doggygirl;1630720 wrote:

I think I need to use this journal as a way of releasing all the pent up feelings.

Hey DG! Great to see you. :h

I don't have any advice here, but don't forget or overlook one important step you are taking.......

You have begun the journey to healing in this area by the simple ACT of talking about it, and taking action. Where it will all lead, who knows, but you are being pro-active with this issue, and that is a major positive in my book.

Your new pup sounds very cute! P.S. All good here.

All the best, G bloke.

[lead366]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Doggygirl;1633490 wrote: lead and j-vo - thanks to you both for your support. It always helps to just know people understand.

I've been trying to let it go for so long now. I've let a lot of other things go but for some reason, this thing with my mom just isn't budging. Will give it more time and self-compassion I guess. I think it would be easier if I could at least talk factually with my Mom about what happened. As an example, she claims not to remember my bout with anorexia. She said she doesn't remember taking in my baton twirling costumes and clothing. Huh??? You don't remember your 5'9" daughter weighing 103 pounds? bones jutting out? Mom crying for me to eat? Don't remember that??? Really??

Oh well...

I'm not drinking over it and that is a blessing. I'll take it.

DG

Hey DG-----Seen this before a few times. Perhaps she is in denial and soooooo embarrassed to talk it through since the guilt for her would be overwhelming???

To forget allows ignorance to be bliss...maybe its her avenue?...Who knows...just a thought

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Thanks for the support lead and g-man. G-man I'm so happy to hear you are doing well! I need to get 'round the forum and figure out what you've been up to. :h

I actually know her (too) well and understand her (too) well. The question for me really is to decide what kind of relationship I want/am willing to have with her. Even closer to the truth - Am I willing to maintain the distance (far) that I truly want? Am I brave enough and true enough to myself to do that? Or will I continue to cow tow to her unique brand of manipulation ad nauseum?

Today is Day 4 no sugar.

DG

[j-vo]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG,
I guess would look at it like this...how often do you see your mom, interact with mom? When I had major resentments about my husbands one sibling and several extended family members, DH said, "Really, j-vo, how often do we see them? A few times a year?" Well, sister a bit more, but not much. Why would I let a few days a year simmer in the pit of my stomach for several months? It's not a fair equation. But this is different, as it's your mom. I know I can't control anyone, especially my mom, and I know she's done what she can for me. I can't break through her denial. I hope this works out for you!