My NEW Story Starts Here...

[SKendall]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG, I am so happy to see you again. I didn't see the pics (?). No matter, you are inspirational and I will go back thru this thread when I have the time.


Please keep checking in.

[startingover]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hiya DG, I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing it. The pictures say it all really, you are a true inspiration. Stories like this make it easier to keep going when it gets tough.
Good stuff DG!!

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Sunbeam, congratulations on your moderation success. If you are not having to "fight" it, that is wonderful!! The bottom line is that alcohol is no longer controlling you and that's what matters. I used to think and "wish" a lot that I *could* drink moderately. That didn't work so any thinking of it was a fantasy anyway, but I finally reached a point where I no longer *wish* that I *could.* It sounds like a similar epiphany to your statement - that the less you drink the less you want to drink. I just finally accepted internally, that drinking does absolutely nothing positive for me - NOTHING. So why would I want to drink at all? It's really great to reach these turning points, isn't it.

Hi SKendall! Thank you for stopping in! It's great to *see* you.

louise, your avatar always brightens my day by making me smile. Someday I want to visit during the big balloon festival and see it for myself "live!" Somebody told me they thought the pictures looked more like mother/daughter to which I said "that's an insult to my mother!" (she is in great health and very active at 76)

startingover, I'm glad you found some inspiration. I know what you mean about success stories helping us through the rough spots. Me too!! Thank you for posting to my journal!

DG

[tlrgs]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

HI DOGGY .. JUST WANTED TO STOP IN AND SAY HI HI HI HI

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi T!!! Thanks for stopping by - it's great to see you! I'm mighty jealous of you living in Florida now that fall is really here.

DG

[livingfree]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hey doggygirlie!

DG - I haven't been on the site for quite sometime, but was talking to a MWO dear friend on the phone last night and she said were some really motivational things on the boards right now. I have moved on in my AF life, but this morning felt the urge to log on. You have always been dear to my heart, and this rocked my day with enthusiasm in a brand new way!!

I am SO proud of you and can't tell you how much your walk in this journey inspires me. I will be 11 months AF Dec. 1 and I am getting quite comfortable in these shoes. To comfortable. I know I need to have new excitement in this walk as I head to the 1 year mark. I don't want to ever "start this over". Your updated post is the very thing I needed to GET EXCITED!! THANK YOU! You look amazing, you sound even more amazing and I can't wait to see what the next 6 months will be like for you!

I am reminded of the dear friends I have made at MWO - some of whom I talk on the phone with - some I email and then today .... some that remain on the boards to support and encourage those who they have no idea they are encouraging. I will try not to be such a stranger and pop in here as time permits. I got to the point I felt I wasn't helping anybody so moved on. I will never look at it this way again. Because of your update. :l

Life gets better and better .... I PROMISE you! It's so great to see your transformation.
Congrats in ways that only those on this site can understand.

Love to you
Liv

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hi Liv!!! Wow thank you so much for your post. You have been such an inspiration to me along this sometimes rocky road. Boy are you right - I don't ever want to do this over again! (did enough of that with several repeats of the early days/weeks!)

I periodically take breaks from MWO as well. There is an ebb and flow to this process of building a new alcohol free life. Our lives are ever changing - and hopefully for the better now that we are free!

Congratulations on almost 1 year AF. That is a wonderful accomplishment. For your gift to yourself, I think you should add some diamonds to those awesome pink sunglasses. Because of course the future is so bright........

It is so good to see you. Love right back at ya my dear!!

DG

[A Work in Progress]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Hey, Liv, I hated to see you leave... you left a big gap. We need strong, clear AF folks who are willing to talk about their experiences, struggles, successes... it seems there aren't very many of us, and I would be grateful if you were here more often! It's been FANTASTIC having DG back around...

wip

[retteacher]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG: I just read this whole thread all the way through. That's an accomplishment for me, because sometimes I'm so scattered I have the attention span of a gnat.

I have been absolutely struggling w/lapses. I haven't gone for a whole month in a long time. I'm happier sober (obviously), but out of nowhere I just drink when the opportunity presents itself. I haven't bought booze in a long time thank God. I do think I have made progress in some areas:
-no drinking while cooking.
-no drinking to fall asleep.
But, I do give in now & then.

I'm not in denial about the fact that I'm an alcoholic. It's just that every now & then I say: "Screw it, I'm going to drink."

I will not give up, because I know what I have to do. Abstain for life. I have no other option.

I will read this thread again & again. Today, I was actually going to run to the liquor store but came to this thread instead. The desire has left me thank God.

Thank you so much for allowing us to see your transformation. I want to be w/you & will be some day.

Mary

[livingfree]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Diamonds for the Glasses it is! LOL
Wip - Hey woman! Thanks for the hello! I'll check in with you again soon! So glad to see you are still here. You are making some big AF tracks! Way to Go! We'll catch up soon!

xxxooo

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

Mary, I'm so glad that you found inspiration from reading this. I admire you so much because you are a FIGHTER and I know this battle has been really hard for you, but you never give up the fight. That's what gives me a very strong belief that you WILL kick this thing for good. I will always be rooting for you Mary! Treasure each AF day.

Liv, you and :bling: just go together.

DG

[retteacher]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

DG: I'm AF today & am happy about that. I won't let anything interfere w/it. Thank you so much, Mary

[Doggygirl]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

If you are up for reading another long post, go make yourself a sandwich and a big glass of water!!

In July 2007 when I first found the MWO program, I also found the SMART Recovery program. Even though I ended up sticking with MWO and putting SMART on the back shelf, I DID complete one of the first recommended SMART exercises which is the Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA). I can't believe I managed to find that first rendition of the CBA several months ago, but it's been very interesting to read what I wrote in the past, and update it with new thoughts going forward. I updated it again last weekend at 6 months sober. I figured I would post it here in case anyone finds it useful. I'm glad I have engaged in this exercise. I'm learning a lot about myself in the process.

Cost Benefit Analysis

Started in July 2007
Updated August 21, 2008 ? Three months sober
Updated September 22, 2008 ? Four months sober
Updated November 23, 2008 ? Six months sober

Advantages of Using Alcohol (benefits and rewards)

7/2007:
Problems of life are softened.

8/21/08:
Well, that?s BS!! Problems of life are usually MADE WORSE due to alcohol. Dealing with a problem or crisis is MUCH easier when one does not have to worry about all the planning and execution of drinking, and/or being drunk and NOT able to do what you need to do such as drive.

In fairness, I suppose I could say that non-emergency problems were easily procrastinated with the help of booze.

Other things I can think of that seemed like advantages when I was much younger (i.e. to fit in, to feel braver in social situations, etc.) stopped being relevant years ago which is probably why they never occurred to me when I originally wrote this.

11/23/08:
On the topic of non-emergency stuff being easily procrastinated?.. That used to seem like a minor advantage, but now I see it?s really not. Any perceived short term benefit from putting off unpleasant or boring tasks is FAR outweighed for me by feelings of guilt and remorse when things aren?t done on time, or aren?t done at all. Getting things done each day ? whether they are small mundane things or bigger things ? is now a source of satisfaction. I love having a sense of accomplishment!

Disadvantages of Using Alcohol (costs and risks)

7/2007:
It?s so limiting ? a ball and chain like smoking cigarettes.
I?m sure lots of people know I drink to excess even though I try to cover up the large quantities ? that?s embarrassing.
I am damaging my body.
Life feels like it?s on hold.

8/21/08:
Yep, yep and yep.

8/26/08:
Drinking increases risk of bad judgment on my part ? from the dangerous i.e. drinking and driving, to the embarrassing i.e. drunk phoning/e-mailing/posting.

9/22/08 ? my 4 month sober anniversary:
Whenever I would have a mishap ? trip on something physically or verbally, or forget something, I felt paranoid and guilty ? ?people will think I?ve been drinking?.? I would get these feelings of paranoia and guilt whether I had actually been drinking when the mishap occurred or not. ?Hiding Drinking? was an all consuming and constant activity.

I really was mean to my husband when drinking. My nasty comments (and often, repetitive nasty comments) were horrible. Then came the guilt and paranoia and defensiveness ? a viscous circle in our relationship. I?m lucky he stuck around.

When drinking I had to write EVERYTHING down ? even the smallest commitment ? so I wouldn?t forget about it due to drinking.

I am NOT a good wife when drinking (in addition to my mean streak). I didn?t take good care of our home or daily responsibilities like cooking, shopping, laundry, etc.

I am NOT a good business partner when drinking. I answered customer phone calls after I had drinks, and blew off business development activities in favor of drinking. NEVER could I have had a customer come to the house to do things like drop off a computer after 10AM lest they smell my breath, see it in my eyes, etc.

11/23/08: I am horrified at how for many years, I minimized the very serious costs and risks associated with drinking.

1) Drinking and driving. While I liked to kid myself that I ALWAYS used good judgment about this, there are many, many times in recent years (and more in years past) where I consumed alcohol in some amount, and got behind the wheel. A few weeks ago I heard a news story about an accident where a woman who tested positive for alcohol (I don?t know how much ? but that doesn?t even matter) hit a vehicle and killed an entire family. The drunk woman was the only survivor. Even if I had only had one drink and something like that happened, how could I ever live with myself or forgive myself? That would be a horrific thing to try to overcome with no alcohol or substance involved at all. It?s beyond my comprehension. There would be no punishment a court of law could give me that would be worse than what I would do to myself internally. That would be worse than killing myself in an accident. So often we think of a DUI and how that would negatively impact and inconvenience our own lives. We should never forget how drinking and driving can devastate or end other lives.

2) The possible health consequences are horrific. How on earth did I manage to ignore the risks and consequences, especially when they were right under my nose? One of my husband?s brothers was a serious alcoholic who was only a couple years older than me. He passed a way a couple of years ago with most of his major organs just shutting down. His liver and other organs began to fail more than 10 years before he died. He suffered greatly and still drank heavily every time he was released from the hospital ? and he was in and out many times. Not only did he personally suffer greatly from alcohol abuse, and die from it, but his alcohol abuse put his parents through the ringer. At a time when the parents should have been enjoying their early retirement years, they were caring for their son who killed himself slowly. I can?t believe I watched that happen ? RIGHT under my nose ? and just kept drinking away.

I never want to take these consequences lightly again.


Advantages of NOT Using Alcohol (benefits and rewards)

7/2007:
Less calories ? weight loss.
Freedom ? not restricted from activities like driving later in the day.
I know quitting will be hard at first, but I can envision myself being a better partner for hubby. Cooking more, being awake and lucid later in the day, etc.
No hangovers.
Save $$$.
Can feel good about participating at SMART recovery.

8/21/08:
The above are all true. Add to the list:
I used to think alcohol was a mood enhancer. It actually made me nasty quite often. I?m calmer and happier and in a better mood in general now.
No exhausting time spent planning to drink, drinking, and lying / covering up. Time for better things.
The health benefits go beyond less calories and weight loss. I?m adopting a whole new lifestyle with better health and fitness at the core.
Leading a far more honest life.
I know there is more to be added to this list!! Good stuff too!

8/26/08:
I am ?all there? for life 24X7. If there is a late night emergency I can think clearly and decide what to do, I can drive to do what is necessary, etc. I am not hungover for critical morning activities. My judgment isn?t clouded by things like planning where drinking will fit in to my schedule during a crisis.

9/22/08:
I am guilt and paranoia free during physical or verbal or mental mishaps!! It?s wonderful not having to worry about anyone ?discovering? my alcohol addiction.

I actively use my calendar now because there are so many things I want to get accomplished each day. I am NOT writing things down because I might forget commitments due to drinking.

I am a far nicer person to be around for my wonderful husband. I feel like I?m a pretty darn good wife and business partner which after 10 years of waiting, my husband truly deserves.

I am a much more effective business partner. Our business is up over 30% this year and I think our joint sobriety over the last 4 months has made THE difference in our numbers.

11/23/08: The list of advantages to not drinking is endless. My life is better in every way since stopping the madness with alcohol abuse. One specific thing I will add is a continuation of my previous comment about our business. Even with the serious downturn in the economy recently, we are still managing to meet our goals ? or at least get really close ? despite having to work a lot harder to do it. Having a clear head, more energy, and no distractions related to substance abuse (thinking about drinking, planning, making sure I?ve got my booze, starting drinking early, etc.) sure helps. A LOT.

Disadvantages of NOT Using Alcohol (costs and risks)

7/2007:
I will miss the buzz.
I will probably have a tough time, at least initially, around others who are drinking.
I?m scared about facing life head on ? what will I fill the ?drinking time? with?
I will have to address the boredom.

8/21/08:
The further away I get from drinking, the less and less I miss the buzz.
Being around people who are drinking gets easier too. The benefits of NOT drinking far outweigh any temporary discomfort.
I?m still working on facing life head on ? and finding meaning now that alcohol isn?t ruining my life. But I?m excited to work on it ? not fearful.

11/23/08:
Are there really any disadvantages? I see it mentioned a lot where people are concerned about what others will think when they do not drink. So that would suggest the ability to only consume one or two is a perceived benefit, and NOT being able to have one or two (abstinence) is a disadvantage. I really don?t think so. I think non-addicted drinkers don?t think enough about alcohol one way or the other to care if I don?t drink at all. Addicted drinkers only care that THEY can drink ? I know that for sure because that?s how I was. The only time people NOT drinking made me uncomfortable was when nobody at all was drinking except me. (but that never stopped me!) So in my opinion, none of that is a disadvantage to NOT using alcohol.

End of CBA

Well, that's it for now. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

[ready2change]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

You never cease to amaze me DG! I am so in awe of you, you have truly come so far this time. You have taken complete control of your life and the benefits are enormous. I aspire to reach the heights you have.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy life to help others here and show that with hard work and determination, sobriety CAN happen.

Have a wonderful turkey day...no carbs there!

Hugs..R2C

[maddiva]

My NEW Story Starts Here...

That is an inspirational story and has helped me as I am 'quaking' on my second day. Also, you quitting smoking. I have an on-going battle with the evil weed and have tried too many times to quit and failed dismally. For me the two alcohol and cigs go hand in hand. So I shall look up the website that helped you. Although I am not a forty plus smoker and could not do it, I have done this thing enough to realize it is bad for me. Thank you:h