My NEW Story Starts Here...
Thank you j-vo for your kind words!! I feel like a completely different person than I was one short year ago.
Ceprise, glad to hear that the procedure went smoothly. Sounds like you have a good plan for the dinner party.
As far as telling people, I think we each have to find our own way in our own time. One thing I will say from my personal experience is that I struggled a very long time AND KEPT DRINKING until I was ready to tell someone in my real life. For me, that first someone I spoke with about my alcoholism was my husband. I told him I was an alcoholic (of course he already knew this all too well) and I told him about MWO and the plan, and how I planned to implement the plan. The nature of my relationship with him, combined with the nature of my thinking is such that if I DIDN'T tell him (which I did not for 11 years) then I wasn't really serious about fixing the alcohol problem. And believe me, looking back, there were many promises to myself that were shattered to smithereens and I realize now that I didn't really mean it, even to myself if I wasn't willing to share with him.
This stuff all gets very heavy, but IMO it's important that we really examine our thinking patterns and behaviours. Us alkies are very clever at getting our fixes, and keeping the party alive. I was very quick to tell lie after lie after lie to others, and also to myself. It's great to be living about a gazillion times more honestly now.
CS I understand what you are saying about the back lash of telling people you quit, then relapsing, then having egg on your face. I agree it is important to really consider carefully what you say to who, and when. At this stage I am grateful to just say "I'm not drinking today" to anyone who might wonder about it. AA has helped me greatly over the last 3 months to dig into my alcoholic thinking and understand it better. Nobody knows an alcoholic like an alcoholic! I love being around people who have years and years of experience with sobriety. I'm sure that 20 or 30 years from now MWO will have that too.
I had a talk with Mr. Doggy last night about something very deep and dark that we had never discussed before. In my final few years of alcoholic level drinking, I was so desparate and depressed that I often had suicidal thoughts. It actually went as far as the planning stages. After my back surgery several years ago, I saved up the muscle relaxers and pain killers that I didn't use (I've always been very sparing with that stuff as I knew I didn't need another addiction!). I would get the refills and save those, and get appropriate new prescriptions from the doctor and fill those. I had quite a stash going. I believe more than enough to get the job done. I was close enough a few time to start swallowing them. Thankfully I chickened out before I swallowed enough to kill myself or require medical attention on those occassions.
The reason I even was thinking about this and decided to share has to do with the tumor I have (Parathyroid - there is a thread about it in the holistic healing section) and my fear that my body is in such a state to be creating abnormal cells, even assuming this one is benign as most of them are. Now I'm fighting to live a healthy life. I'm reading like crazy and looking at detoxification programs (i.e. Far Infrared Sauna combined with some diet tweaks and a supplement detox program - along with my doctor). We're considering investing in a negative ion / alkaline water purifier and our own sauna for the house.
It just made me think....WOW what a change in thought patterns from suicide to living as healthfully as possible. I just hadn't really put those pieces together before. (well, I've never talked to Mr. D about suicidal thoughts before)
Anyway....for those of you who are just starting out on this journey and/or still strugging to string together some AF time, keep after it. Don't give up. Don't be afraid to be willing to try ANYTHING to get sober. It is so worth it. It's life and death. Sometimes I get worried about small stuff like feeling some discomfort at a business social event when others are drinking while I simply cannot. I'll feel a bit pouty. In those moments I MUST REMEMBER that for me, drinking alcohol IS a matter of life and death.
Well, I haven't been posting as much here recently about my own journey, but I hope to come up with a doozy for my upcoming one year anniversary. I am SO excited about it! I can't wait. While this is a one day at a time journey.....for some reason THAT day will feel huge.
OH - I should probably mention that on Thursday this past week I reached my 300th Curves workout!!! I'm still figuring out maintenance, but today I am only 1 pound over my goal weight range and working hard to get it back under 150. I know what I have to do. It's been a good week (was almost 3 pounds up on Monday!) of doing it. I will do it next week too.
Be strong everyone!
DG
Thank you j-vo for your kind words!! I feel like a completely different person than I was one short year ago.
Ceprise, glad to hear that the procedure went smoothly. Sounds like you have a good plan for the dinner party.
As far as telling people, I think we each have to find our own way in our own time. One thing I will say from my personal experience is that I struggled a very long time AND KEPT DRINKING until I was ready to tell someone in my real life. For me, that first someone I spoke with about my alcoholism was my husband. I told him I was an alcoholic (of course he already knew this all too well) and I told him about MWO and the plan, and how I planned to implement the plan. The nature of my relationship with him, combined with the nature of my thinking is such that if I DIDN'T tell him (which I did not for 11 years) then I wasn't really serious about fixing the alcohol problem. And believe me, looking back, there were many promises to myself that were shattered to smithereens and I realize now that I didn't really mean it, even to myself if I wasn't willing to share with him.
This stuff all gets very heavy, but IMO it's important that we really examine our thinking patterns and behaviours. Us alkies are very clever at getting our fixes, and keeping the party alive. I was very quick to tell lie after lie after lie to others, and also to myself. It's great to be living about a gazillion times more honestly now.
CS I understand what you are saying about the back lash of telling people you quit, then relapsing, then having egg on your face. I agree it is important to really consider carefully what you say to who, and when. At this stage I am grateful to just say "I'm not drinking today" to anyone who might wonder about it. AA has helped me greatly over the last 3 months to dig into my alcoholic thinking and understand it better. Nobody knows an alcoholic like an alcoholic! I love being around people who have years and years of experience with sobriety. I'm sure that 20 or 30 years from now MWO will have that too.
I had a talk with Mr. Doggy last night about something very deep and dark that we had never discussed before. In my final few years of alcoholic level drinking, I was so desparate and depressed that I often had suicidal thoughts. It actually went as far as the planning stages. After my back surgery several years ago, I saved up the muscle relaxers and pain killers that I didn't use (I've always been very sparing with that stuff as I knew I didn't need another addiction!). I would get the refills and save those, and get appropriate new prescriptions from the doctor and fill those. I had quite a stash going. I believe more than enough to get the job done. I was close enough a few time to start swallowing them. Thankfully I chickened out before I swallowed enough to kill myself or require medical attention on those occassions.
The reason I even was thinking about this and decided to share has to do with the tumor I have (Parathyroid - there is a thread about it in the holistic healing section) and my fear that my body is in such a state to be creating abnormal cells, even assuming this one is benign as most of them are. Now I'm fighting to live a healthy life. I'm reading like crazy and looking at detoxification programs (i.e. Far Infrared Sauna combined with some diet tweaks and a supplement detox program - along with my doctor). We're considering investing in a negative ion / alkaline water purifier and our own sauna for the house.
It just made me think....WOW what a change in thought patterns from suicide to living as healthfully as possible. I just hadn't really put those pieces together before. (well, I've never talked to Mr. D about suicidal thoughts before)
Anyway....for those of you who are just starting out on this journey and/or still strugging to string together some AF time, keep after it. Don't give up. Don't be afraid to be willing to try ANYTHING to get sober. It is so worth it. It's life and death. Sometimes I get worried about small stuff like feeling some discomfort at a business social event when others are drinking while I simply cannot. I'll feel a bit pouty. In those moments I MUST REMEMBER that for me, drinking alcohol IS a matter of life and death.
Well, I haven't been posting as much here recently about my own journey, but I hope to come up with a doozy for my upcoming one year anniversary. I am SO excited about it! I can't wait. While this is a one day at a time journey.....for some reason THAT day will feel huge.
OH - I should probably mention that on Thursday this past week I reached my 300th Curves workout!!! I'm still figuring out maintenance, but today I am only 1 pound over my goal weight range and working hard to get it back under 150. I know what I have to do. It's been a good week (was almost 3 pounds up on Monday!) of doing it. I will do it next week too.
Be strong everyone!
DG
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