Really sick of it.

[secret lady]

:h Hello...I was here about a year ago, bought the topo and the works. Topo made me feel weird so I stopped. I am back to my usual self. I drink pretty much on a daily basis about 1 bottle of wine and some beers. My husband doesn't pay attention to my drinking anymore, he say he doesn't care. I know he does, he averages about 2-3 beers a week if any. I have a 12 year old daughte and she see me out on the patio everynight, this is making me sick. I need to stop because it makes me really sad, and not like myself.

I have a great career, family and home. I have it all, except my control over drinking.
Today I am going to start all the supplements again and really give it a go. I have the CD's stuffed away somewhere, maybe I will dust them off. The only one I have admitted I have a problem to was my sister who is 45, btw I am 44. She is developing a problem as well.

Oh, I am Native American and come from a family of alcoholics, the funny thing is both my :new: mother and father don't have and not been alcoholics. Just my 3 brothers, and possibility my 2 sisters. I don't blame my problem on that though. I think I just let things get out of hand, and now I am desparate for help, not to mentioned I have recently developed high blood pressure. On top of that I am smoking only when I drink but I drink everynight.

I need to stop for my health and family. :new:

SL

[jessie]

Really sick of it.

I think you've made the most important move by admitting that you have a problem. I disappointed my own daughter time and again and they get really critical the older they get. It hurts them so much.
Good luck, thousands of us have gained victory and most of us fell flat, especially in the beginning. I get a lot of strength from my Christian believe and really stuying the Bible.
God bless.
Jessie

[Accountable for Me]

Really sick of it.

Welcome Secret Lady! I know many believe that Native American's are prone to alcoholism, and that may be true. I, believe there are many of us of different nationalities, colours, etc that are prone as well. No one is any different than anyone else when it comes to this disease, as far as I am concerned.

Admitting you have the problem is a HUGE step and one that will help you start in healing and dealing with this affliction. Read through the posts and post often. The more you reach out the better you will do, I believe. Alcoholism is a very lonely thing, and at least here, you are with others who completely understand.

Again, welcome!!

[Guest]

Really sick of it.

Hi Secret Lady and welcome.

If you feel you can`t muster the strength to do it for yourself, do it for your little daughter who`s watching mum get drunk out on the patio every night.......you`re a good mum, and wanting to be a sober mum is partly what brought you to M.W.O. Kids only get one childhood, and they deserve one filled with happy memories.

I thought I couldn`t leave my nightly btl/wine behind either, but I have, as of 39 days ago. I gave my daughter back her sober mum.........she is proud of me, and I am now proud of myself......it`s not easy to quit, but it`s so worth all our struggles.

Love and strength to you,

Starlight Impress x

[secret lady]

Really sick of it.

Thank you all so much for your responses. Everything you say is true, and the funny thing is I know this. It just feels so good already having you people, all the way from Scotland and Canada and South Africa supporting me. You are so right about having my daughter see me this way, she is definately deserves a wonderful childhood. Hearing you say this helps solidify what I need to do.."quit" It breaks my heart on the damage on what I may have already done.

A month ago I went back home for a family reunion. The first day I arrived, my sister and I were called to go to the ER, our younger brother 35, was in their with a injury from one of his drunken escapades. I love my brother dearly and I had not seen him about 3 years. He adores me and was crying and hugging me while he was being stiched up. I almost cried as well, he looked horrible. He was a very handsome man. Dr. put him on some meds for his injury and said he couldn't drink. My sis and I took care of him that night and the next day. As we sat around and visited in the early afternoon we noticed he was starting to shake. Knowing what we know about dt's we gave him a few beers, which calmed the shakes. Later that evening we reunited with old friends, there were about 10 ladies and my brother sitting around having beers and catching up. I was sitting directly accross from my brother who was sitting on a cooler. All of sudden his mouth opened in most horrific way I have ever seen, then his whole body stiffened up and he fell over backwards on the cooler. We thought he was playing at first, but we soon realized he was having a siezure from withdrawls. Thank goodness one of guests was a nurse and new right away what was happening. Day 2 I was in the ER again. This got me really thinking about what may lie ahead for me if I don't quit soon. BTW, my brother was adopted and was born Fetal Alcohol affected. His biological mother died at around the age of 30 from liver disease, very sad because it is even more difficult for him. My dream is to stay sober so eventually I can humbly try to help him.
Peace
SL

[Guest]

Really sick of it.

Secret Lady,
Am sorry to hear of the tragic, premature death of your brother`s birth mum. Her death and her causing damage to your brother by drinking when she was carrying him shows how high a price some people pay as a result of alcohol dependence. Is both a tragic and frightening story, and says we should all quit sooner rather than later.

Wishing you and your brother well,

Starlight Impress x

[slightlysuze]

Really sick of it.

So sorry to hear of all the suffering in your family from the abuse of alcohol....it does such terrible things to people:l

Coming here was a good move....you'll find lots of support as you find your way forward. Don't dwell on what harm you think you may have caused in the past....set your face towards your future - sober, peaceful and at ease with yourself. Read lots here and take encouragement from a whole community of us trying to be the best we can....sharing joy when we succeed and helping each other up if we stumble.

Suze

[secret lady]

Really sick of it.

thanks for the kind thoughts. I decided to try treatment. Since being on here, I realized I can not go at this alone. My husband said he wasn't sure if he loved me because I always choose the ***** over him. I told him I love him dearly, and that is when I decided this has gone far enough. I am waiting to get checked in. He am my 12 year old daughter are very happy with my decision. To be honest, I am really scared, and hopeful at the same time. Wish me luck, once I complete the program I plan on coming back here to keep me on the right track. If I had not come here in the first place I don't think I would have been brave enough to do this....thanks everyone for your awesome posts and support.

Keep up the good work!!

SL

[Hannah]

Really sick of it.

Secret Lady

I wish you all the luck in the world as you begin your treatments. I had a brother who died at the age of 35, fell in an alcoholic induced stupor and hit the back of his head. Died 3 days later of a brain hemorage. Alcohol has wrecked more families that probably any one other thing. BUT - you can do something about that before it's too late. And do be sure to come back here, checking in here all the time is a wonderful way to keep yourself on track.

Wishing you well, :h

[Guest]

Really sick of it.

Hi secret lady........hope rehab goes well for you.
Stay strong........you`ve shown a lot of guts by opting for rehab.......you will get well. Am rooting for you and looking forward to you coming home to rejoin us.

Wishing you all good things,

Starlight Impress x

[KateH1]

Really sick of it.

Hi secret lady,

I am new as well. After months, even years of knowing that I had to stop this craziness, I too am finally fed up and on the path to sobriety. I am happy that you are on your way and that you also found this place.

Best wishes on rehab, stay in touch here as well.

[Beaches]

Really sick of it.

Secret Lady, good for you and I wish you all the very best in the world.

[Paddy]

Really sick of it.

Dear Secret Lady,

Wishing you well with Rehab, too. It's not easy for any of us. But I have to underline what many of the others have said already - admitting that you have a problem is one way to tackling it. And frankly, it's true that researchers say that ethnic minorities such as Native Americans are more at risk to substance abuse. I have been working with the UN's office on drugs, and with ethnic minorities in South East Asia on matters of opium abuse and abuse of crack, and it's true that this is the case. This has to do with lack of awareness and sometimes education. And this I say I a non-discriminatory way.

Yet, when it comes to alcohol abuse, it permeates all strata of society, and you would not believe how many of my colleagues, yes, and my family members have been affected by it. The reason I fell into the trap, well I put it down to a mixture of being predisposed due to members of both my parents' family being alcoholics, and the cultural environment I grew up in.

In any case, it's one thing dealing with the cause and blaming, but now's the time to deal with present. You chose Rehab. I wish you the best. Make sure you have a plan in place for when you come back, rearrange your world. Maybe choose new friends, ones that can influence you to the better.

Love and peace,

[MaryK]

Really sick of it.

Hi Secret Lady, I understand the family thing. My family is Finnish American -- BIG drinkers. You've definitely taken the first step and that's wonderful. I'm in your corner rooting for you all the way!