Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

[shirljane]

:new: When I came across this site and read the "my story" excerpt, I felt like I had finally found a site that might be helpful to me in my struggle with alcohol. I have known I have a problem for some time now but everywhere I have turned for some sort of support has encouraged and pushed for me to go to a local AA meeting and I'm sorry, that just is never going to happen. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and to top that off I work for the probation department. I absolutely am not in a place where I can admit to my co-workers and/or clients that I am addicted to alcohol. I feel I would have to really hit rock bottom for that admission to be forced out of me and I don't want to hit rock bottom. I was never a big drinker in school, drank a little in College and then got married and started having kids. My two girls were and are the most important things in the world to me and when they were young I didn't drink much because I always felt I needed to be in control of my senses if anything were to happen to them that needed me to take action in someway. When my marriage failed due to his drinking I became a single mother for a number of years. I can pinpoint that this was the beginning of my abuse of alcohol. It started with Friday and Saturday nights out with the girls. Single and partying. My mother had moved in with me to help out with my girls so I had a live in responsible babysitter should I get too drunk to take care of them - made it easy to be irresponsible for the first time since I became a mother. Even though I was only drinking on weekends, out with my friends, I got extremely drunk on a regular basis and often could not remember anything past a certain point the next day. Then just drinking when I went out wasn't enough. I slipped into depression of being alone and began drinking vodka on a regular basis during the day. I met my second husband and for awhile my drinking was under a small ammount of control. I still drank too much on too many occasions, but at least I was only drinking on occasions. After we got married and the stress of my job, blending a family (he has no kids) and financial stress has finally got me to the point I am now. I tried to fool myself for a long time that I was fine, my drinking did not affect my work or my family and I never got behind the wheel while intoxicated. I can't have a problem if it isn't hurting anything but my health right? The last few years however it has begun to effect those around me. I have come to work hungover and dread the day someone asks me to demonstrate the pbt because I'm certain I would register an alcohol level. I have woke up in the morning with no memory of going to bed and wondering what I may have said or done the night before. My girls are old enough to know that there is something not quite right with mom and my husband has expressed his concern that I drink wine every night. I tell him it helps me to sleep when after a stressful day and just two glasses so not to worry - but he doesn't know about the vodka that goes along with it. I only drink wine to mask any odor of vodka on my breath. On Friday I took out the recycling and threw away 8 empty vodka bottles. I am going through two to three liters a week in addition to the wine and beer decoys. I wake up every morning telling myself I need to quit, but when work is over and I'm home for the day, I always try and get few down before the husband gets home. The longest I have gone in the last 5 years without drinking is 5 days. So, that's my story I am here on day one.

[lushy]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

Just wanted to say Welcome Shirljane. Have you read the book? Stick around, you will get all the support you need. :welcome:

[InnerStrength]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

Welcome - you will find lots of support here!
Good luck
Jen

[roxane]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

welcome to MWO

first step is done, posting. as lushy said, if you can read the book, it will help you decide what you need to do.

roxane

[Guest]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

Hi shirljane and welcome,
Glad you are here and felt able to post your story........think it`s very similar to how a lot of us got to be here.
I have no personal experience of AA, but fully understand your reservations about anonymity and the position you are in as regards not wishing your drinking to come to the attention of your employer.
I hope you find what you are looking for at M.W.O.........my personal experience of the site has been wonderful and thanks to the unending support I have received from other members, I am now sober.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[psychmommy]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

You are not alone. . .

Hi shirljane,

I am struggling just as you are. . . I am an mom and and a wife. . . I have a responsible position which would be in jeopardy if people actually knew what I was doing. . . I don't have any answers, but wanted to let you know you are not alone. Welcome. . . there are so many wonderful people here with a lot of wisdom. . .

Take care!

[The Londoner]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

welcome shirljane

Hi shirljane
Please keep coming to this site-it really works!
Thinking of you and sending you comforting thoughts as you make this terrific but hard decision to go AF- as others have said, there is a wealth of support and caring and understanding right here.
We are all in the same boat but we ain't gonna capsize!
Put on your life belt and jump aboard! Some v good sailors for company.........

Anna
:welcome:

[cpn1004]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

Hi ShirlJane and welcome.
I have the same problem only with beer. I used to think I drank a six-pack every day, but since using the "drink-tracker" I have discovered it is more like 8 and sometimes 10. Like you I need to stop.
Let's try for today.
Peace and Love,
phil

[Hannah]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

Welcome, Shirtjane

I relate to your story in so many ways. I too knew I would never, ever, go to AA - same situation, small town, everybody knows everybody, and I am the Postmaster there. No way would I ever go to AA! I thank my lucky stars for the night I found this site, and I am sure you will too.

When you have gone for the 5 days alcohol free (AF), did you have any withdrawal symptoms beyond mild ones? Were you drinking as much then as you are now? Just want you to be aware that if you stop cold turkey when you are used to drinking a LOT you could have some severe withdrawal symptoms. Some people taper their drinking down a bit first. Just want you to be prepared, and plan how you are going to do this. Download RJ's book, read the posts, etc. - you will pick up a wealth of info here.

Good luck to you, you have made the right decision. We will be behind you all the way.:welcome:

[secret lady]

Think I can quit - just need a little extra support

Your story sounds so familiar to mine. I hope you get the help you need through all these kind people. I tried, but I need additional help and will be entering a rehab center in a few hours YIKES!!! I drank beer to mask the smell of the wine, how clever we think we are. We are only fooling ourselves. Our husbands and families deserve better, and so do we. Once I decided to go on Sunday, everything just fell in place, like it was meant to be. The few people I have told, my 2 sisters and my best friend and her husband, my 12 year daughter and my husband are so supportive. I am just ready to be done with it once and for all. Hardest part is taking Medical Leave of Absence, I know all the people think something terribel has happened, no one has to know anything, I made it senstive info.

I am looking forward to coming back here in a month to see how everyone is doing.

:l Secret Lady