Took action for the first time..today

[Stopthat]

I've been drinking for about 14 years now. Its progressively getting heavier and last night (well actually this morning) I put myself in a compromising position by "going further" with a practical stranger. I'm pretty ashamed and embarrased by my repeative alcohol induced behaviour where I drink and drink and drink. Today I feel like I've just hit rock bottom and have decided to get help and have taken my first (real) steps. Its painful when you're sober!....need to put on my big girl panties on and deal with it. Get a hobby for one.

Steadily drinking about seven standard drinks most nights of the week with a binge or two in the mix.. The effects of the acohoI has let my friends down at some point, been an average example to my daughter.. but most of all has damaged me to the point where I have little self respect. I'm in my early 30s, financially secure, have an amazing child, a highly demanding/prestious job, good looks (for now anyway) and good friends...but still feel very lonely and helpless. Truth is my father is a cronic alcoholic (with brain damage now) and I am becoming him on the "jungle juice" - so he calls it.

At nights I feel like I'm just filling in time and scared of realising my potential....a friend said to me the other day that "Im a Prada bag in the bargin bin". This rings true when it comes to my putting myself out there with guys. Pathetic sorry.

I've been a single working mum for about a year and half now and feel like I need to get myself involved in another relationship (its habitual for me) so I can be emotionally co-dependant and again delay taking responsibility for my own issues.

I know I'm not ready for a relationship now..but I want one! Another drink too please!

[Flip]

Took action for the first time..today

wow, you're story is too close to mine for comfort.

Welcome from Canberra - tomorrow you will have welcomes from all over the world!

Congratulations on your first steps, admitting your problem and asking for help. Read everything on here you can find that is relevant.

Have you seen your Dr? got a counsellor? thought about how you are going to get through the next few weeks? THese are things you need to do first.

And for Dog's sake, leave the men alone for a while and look after #1 (you) and #2 (your child!). lol

[Finding My Self]

Took action for the first time..today

Stopthat - a welcome from the UK

You are great to have seen 'it' and to want to not follow your dad NOW. Please don't do that - not only for your daughter but YOU. You sound to have so much but, yup, that old loneliness thing - I've been rambling all week about that ('OK, in a muddle' thread.... loads of help from the guys here on that though!)
I 'did a you last night' once like that....I was lucky; he was nice. But........... I am soooh glad not to be that person any more.

It's OK - it's possible and you've got sooo much help here. Keep reading and reading and posting and posting.... keep us posted!

Love to you
FMF xx
(118 days!!) (see!!!) (one day at a time adds up!)

[Stopthat]

Took action for the first time..today

Thanks so much Flip and FMF for the advice. Im sitting in my kitchen unable to hold the tears back. This is my first connection. I will act swiftly and visit regularly re help.

[Cinders]

Took action for the first time..today

Stopthat,

:welcome:

Your story is very familiar and you are NOT alone!!

Read the book. You can download it. It talks about supplements that help heal your body and brain from the damage caused by the booze.

I agree with Flip about a doctor/counselor, you need one and if you can get one, great. Concentrate on You and Your Amazing Daughter for now. Heal yourself first before you start thinking about relationships.

Come here and post whenever you need to. Read what others have to say and share in this community.

Anytime you feel desparate, someone will be here to "talk" to you and help.

Cindi

[Flip]

Took action for the first time..today

let those tears fall darling, imagine that they are the old things you want to get rid of coming out, so you can look at them and throw them away.

TIme for a new start. It can be done. I've done it. And I brought home more than one stranger and put my girls in danger. It was these things that made me stop and look at myself and who I was becoming.

Nearly 10 months sober AND COUNTING!

[paula]

Took action for the first time..today

Hi Stopthat and welcome,
You have been given good advice, I can't add to it.
Take care. Love Paula.x

[Guest]

Took action for the first time..today

Hi Stopthat and welcome.
So, you`re ashamed of yourself for picking up strange men when pissed........well you ain`t done anything countless others haven`t done, myself included........just remember, YOU don`t do any of those things.......it`s the drunk in you who does. Also, you didn`t do anything those men didn`t do..........it`s 2007 for goodness sake........."double standards" no longer apply, except in the tiny minds of some men.(I did say "some", Boys!!! lol)

You`ve done the best thing you could do now........you`ve stopped telling yourself that you`re only having a laugh and a good time and now you`ve taken a critical look at what you`ve become.........sure, right at this time you don`t like what you`ve become........that`s what led us all to M.W.O........you are anything but alone.

You know your drinking has caused you to let your friends down in the past and you feel you could be a far better mum.........you also know you`ve got much to offer and you have a lot going for you..........put the booze out of your life and you`ll fulfil your potential in every respect.

I`d have to advise against looking for a new relationship for the time-being. You`ve got a difficult road ahead of you if you really want to get sober, and a new man is only going to complicate matters. Plus the fact, if any new relationship floundered, chances are you would seek comfort in the bottle.I am currently on my own and plan to remain so until I feel I am fully recovered from yrs. of partying hard.

Reconsider all your good points and all that is good in your life and build on them by wholeheartedly committing to getting yourself sober. I won`t pretend it`s easy to quit.......it`s not.........but happiness will never be found at the bottom of a booze bottle.

Wishing you love and strength for your journey ahead.

Starlight Impress x

[bootcampbarbie]

Took action for the first time..today

yes, to all of the above and i love what starlight has said. god do i remember wanting to chew my arm off in the morning in horror of what that drunk evil twin of mine had drug home. oh my god. even coffee couldn't make that better. so, here's to earning some self respect, here's to you, ms. prada. maybe you should change your screen name to "Prada". i thank god that i never ended up with any STD's from all those drunken adventures because i'm pretty sure i wasn't aware enough to use a condom.
So a new day Prada girl. You have all the opportunity of life ahead of you. buy everything that roberta put together. it works. you will be astonished.there is finally hope and it comes in a simple package. we are here on your journey. bootsie

[Cinders]

Took action for the first time..today

Bootsie,

:H :H :H :H

I don't think that name will fit, though...

Cindi

[Guest]

Took action for the first time..today

UH-OH.......barbie........did you really have to mention the condoms?? LMAO

[bootcampbarbie]

Took action for the first time..today

hahahahahaahhaaha. oh the adventures of that evil twin of mine cindi. oh my gawd. and can i say she didn't have very good taste either. i mean it is true everything looks better at closing time. lol and i think she just got more far sighted as the evening wore on. stop that you can take heart that really there are lots of us out there that understand completely what you are talking about. maybe you will be able to even smile here pretty soon. hell laugh at me. that's always a good start.

[bloggy]

Took action for the first time..today

I once pulled a man 32 years my senior.

He was gross.:upset:

[Phoenix74]

Took action for the first time..today

Good on you Stopthat!!

Quote from Starlight:
You`ve done the best thing you could do now........you`ve stopped telling yourself that you`re only having a laugh and a good time and now you`ve taken a critical look at what you`ve become.........sure, right at this time you don`t like what you`ve become........that`s what led us all to M.W.O........you are anything but alone.

Absolutely agree with Star.

We've all done this, to greater and lesser outcomes. We've all woken up the morning after with the greatest burden of regret.
I know I've felt like throwing it all away on at least one occasion. NOT WORTH IT. Drink is a killer of many more things than the liver.

The posts are right to tell you to put it down to a tough learning crash (I say learning crash here, not curve, cos I know how it totally stops you in your tracks and shakes the s**t out of you); you've done the right thing this morn in looking at your situation with an honest heart.
Once you do that you are ready to find out where things really stand.

You've got to work on your self-esteem, if it's ok for me to be so honest, that's got to be the reason you're searching for a relationship. You know what codependence is so you know you have trouble on this front.
My guess is you're too smart to put off dealing with your issues by hiding in a twosome because it's there in black and white in your post that you're doing it.

Anyway, big :welcome: to you; :new: here too and the people you will meet are great !

Hope you're doing ok

[slightlysuze]

Took action for the first time..today

Hi Stop:welcome: ....I love your name.....and it will soooo easily convert to StartThis when you make the big leap to put your life back on track. :H There are so many wise and inspiring people here...and we're all in the same boat so there's only support - no judgement......so come here lots, read lots and start your better life as soon as you can! Be fearless!

Suze