Took action for the first time..today

[memarcie]

Took action for the first time..today

Stop, you've come to a great place!

I've been where you are. I was miss promiscuous when I was drinking a lot!

[jessie]

Took action for the first time..today

I wish I started the road to healing in my early thirteis - I've thrown away years and because I am a functional alcoholic nobody noticed until recently because inevitable you'll start drinking more and more .
Good luck to you to.
Jessie

[derrygirl1]

Took action for the first time..today

I'm new here!

:new: I found this site yesterday and feel it was a sign. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a rambling story.
I grew up in Ireland where alcohol was prevalent in most peoples lives, my parents were both alcoholics, my mother now reformed. I know most of my self image and self confidence issues are a result of her, even now in my forties, and living 3000 miles away from her she knows how to push buttons. She has always had her favorites, and now that follows through into grandchildren. She has never gotten to know my children and what she does know she criticizes, however the other grandchild is like the second coming of Christ. My husbands parents are both deceased so my children have no grandparents.

Growing up we partied and when I first started working my rule was no partying during the week, only weekends and that worked well for a while, then I worked at a bar at night so after working we'd sit around and drink until 2 or 3 in the morning and then I'd miss the next day of my "real" job. And so began a cycle that "broke" when I met my husband. We had a bad argument and I went on a bender... soon after found out I was pregnant, had a few glasses of wine during pregnancy but no more benders, also stopped smoking. After having first child I didn't even think about drink for almost a year. Working really hard so exhausted every night, second child came along and still no major problems, a few binges every now and again.

Real problems started when I quit work, I thought my kids are getting older I want to be home with them. I started drinking every night so I could sleep, and it's progressed from there. Seven years of drinking every night. THe last month has been the worst, I've gotten my child on the bus in the morning and then gone back to bed until 12 -1:00 p.m. I've drank to excess in front of my older child's friends, have embarrassed him, myself and my family. He was very angry about it when he was younger, however I've gotten better at hiding it from him, waiting until he goes to bed, hiding the beer cans. I'm 5' 4" and weigh 130, not overweight but I've gained 30 in the last 7 years from alcohol. I'm drinking 8 - 9 cans of beer every night, more on weekends.

I have a younger sister who is an alcoholic, who had a double bypass last year. The night before the operation she drank a half bottle wine, the night after the operation she drank a bottle of wine (both carried in by her husband). She convalesced with me for a few days and mostey unbeknownst to me she drank 7 large bottles of wine in three days, some I saw, a lot she was sneaking. She starts drinking as soon as she gets up as does her husband. Anyway, I thought, I'm not an alcoholic, that's not me, I don't drink during the day. However come 8:00 at night watch out! We also have a home by the shore so drinking can start at anytime on the weekends! Can't you tell I'm different than her.......so much "better" than her? Anyway we don't talk anymore, problems contributed to by growing up with mother, past history, alcohol.

I suppose the biggest part of being an alcoholic is being a liar. I've always felt like a fake, I don't belong here or anywhere. I feel I'm on the outside looking in, I'm not participating in life. I look at my children and it's surreal, it's like where did they come from? Talking to my child's principal and wondering if he's staring at me because of the smell of alcohol, blood shot eyes. Not having friends because of secrets.

Anyway, got up yesterday morning at 12:00, didn't have to get up early as kids were off. Had a hangover which I don't get too much of anymore and spent the rest of the day feeling lousy. Jumped on the computer to see if there were herbs to stop the cravings or natural ways to stop drinking and found this site. 8:00 came and went last night and I watched t.v. while sipping water. Went to bed at 11:30 even though I knew I couldn't sleep, always the worst part of stopping drinking. Went online to this forum and stayed on until 1:30a.m. Went to bed and tossed and turned, thoughts whirling around in my head. Must have dozed off at some point, remember feeling like a bang in my head, and whole body jumping.........alcohol withdrawal? I heard my husband get up and I got up thinking crap, it's only about 5:00 a.m. I've only gotten a few hours sleep, but it was 7:00 a.m. I'm feeling clear headed, no pain, have had two cups of coffee and actually something to eat. So I am into day two, thank you for all the posts that help me see I'm not the only one out there.

[southernbelle47]

Took action for the first time..today

:welcome: Derrygirl1! I'm so happy to see that you have found us! It is No accident that you did! I believe that with all my heart.
Yes...there is hope! And you have some mighty good reasons to stick around here and read and post!
Download the book and order some of the supplements. I love the cd's offered here. Oh... and DRINK that WATER! It flushes out the "poison" from your body.

:goodjob: on your story..
:l Nancy

[ducky]

Took action for the first time..today

Welcome Derrygirl!

You will find a lot of support here. Glad to hear you were AF last night. Keep reading and posting and keep up the good work.

[paula]

Took action for the first time..today

Welcome Derrygirl, your story has a lot in common with mine. I thought I could never stop
drinking, but then I found this site. Stick around there is plenty of help and support.
Paula.

[onthegrand]

Took action for the first time..today

StopThat,
I can relate so much to your story. I , like you, seem to have a picture perfect life, lovely husband, great kids, a job that I love and excel at but still feel such an incredible lonliness that I try to ignore by drinking. I think that we really have to look deep into ourselves to see what is the root of that lonliness. What you said about being scared about realizing your potential rang such a loud bell for me. I have felt that way most of my life and have really struggled alot with those feelings. I have done so much self sabotaging so that I could avoid reaching my potential. Best of luck, know that you are not alone. This site has been a true treasure to me and although I have only been on it a few weeks, I feel like I have known everyone a lifetime!

[vixta]

Took action for the first time..today

Stopthat,
where have you gone you haven't posted for a while, don't feel guilty or anything, it's like 1 big community here where we all have the same problem and we all fall off the wagon at times, it's really hard but no matter wether you drink or not you can post still and you won't be judged. I have the same story as you an alcoholic Dad, a good job, ruining what I'm capable of etc etc.
Derrygirl, I think your brave and also relate to your story, keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Even if I don't post I check this site every night to see how you are all doing.
May the power of the universe keep us strong. I have reduced my drinking since finding this site, which I'm grateful for. Everyone here is great and v supportive so do let us know how you are and remember, don't feel guilty!!!!!!!!
Vix. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx