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[gyco]

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welcom billy j,lot of us here are in the same mode as you,i guess at are age,im a few years older ,we get tired of beating our selves up so we get lucky to find a place like this,i also have had my ups and downs,dont have a problem stoppin just stayin stopped,just finished again ten months,but i am trying to mod, seeing tobe working pretty good so again welcom gyco

[BILLYJACK]

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Guess who's back?

Only day 5 AF this time...Hopefully all the way this time

[hulagirl]

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Welcome back Billyjack. Stay around this time. We can help each other.

[BILLYJACK]

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Im really scared this time..My binges in the last year have been moving closer to like 7-10 days of sobriety,than I'll do another binge for 3-6 days..Lots of bad shit has happened to me in the last year [ NO excuse to drink ] and instead of facing them, im drinking them away..Withdraws are the worst they've ever been and I know im not far from death IF I dont STOP right now..The nightmares [ DT's ] I have for the first 3 days of detox are waking me right up with heavy sweating,shakes,ect..My arms tingle from my shoulders on down in both arms while laying down..Liver and kidneys are both sore and I was weak as hell..Cant sleep for squat,maybe 2 hours a night, if that..Blood pressure thru the roof and heart rate hanging around 105 bpm at rest.

I did manage to make it to the gym last Friday and Saturday [yesterday] for about 25 minutes of cardio each time and some light weight lifting. TODAY, my heart rate is better, blood pressure is better, and some of my strength is coming back..Not nearly as ''fog headed'' as I was and except for my depression, im about 70% back to felling like a real human being.

Have set up appointment with Alcohol Counselor [ AGAIN ] and am seeing a Alcohol Doctor [1st time] this coming Tuesday to see how much damage I've done to myself..I have two ''so called'' friends that love to see me drunk because I ALWAYS wind up paying for THEIR drinks when im on a binge and they are both unemployed,divorced, on welfare and have virtually NOTHING left..These guys have been using me for YEARS now and im going to have to let them GO..I just got my taxes back about a month ago [ 3.500.00 ] and I've blown 3k on parting and 3 differant binges,,makes me sick to my stomach..

Anyways, I dislike AA, HOWEVER, it did manage to keep me SOBER for a year and a half before I got BORED with sobriety..I think im going to head back there for another TRY and stay with my counselor as well.

Wish me well---if I dont make it THIS TIME,I feel like there is a good chance there will never be another chance.

[hippie37]

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Bill good to see you back fighting the good fight!!. You're definitely doing the right thing by ditching those 'friends'. They'll have you back binging in no time at all mate. Take what you need from AA and leave the rest if your not comfortable with 12 step fellowships. I personally do both N/A and AA meetings and I had so many prejudices against 12 step programs in the past. I'm seeing things in a very different light these days though. N/A is more my home these days as I'm an addict and always will be.

I DO wish you well and good luck with the doctor on Tuesday. My GP told me I had alcoholic hepatitis a while back but it's the terminology that makes it sound worse than it is. Functioning side is not to bad but still got a lot of fatty build up on the liver. But he says that will be back to normal within 12 months if I stay off the damn drink!!. Which is what I'm doing!!

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[BILLYJACK]

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Thanks Hippie 37,

Just got off the phone with a friend who is also quite the boozer but works during the week and partys like hell on week ends..He wanted to know if I'd be joining him this afternoon? I told him I had to let go of the booze and hoped he'd understand what the stuff is doing to me and my family..

The other two guys that use me for my money dont usually check up on me and know I'll find them if im out on a binge..Got news for them, I dont anticipate on looking them up either.

I dont do NA cause I dont ever do drugs [ except Alcohol ] and one of the reasons im going to go back to AA is even though I did'nt like it, I ALWAYS felt better when I left. BUT, im going to have to find some differant meetings to go to because I BORE real easy and I think thats what happend in my last year and a half sobriety.

[Evie.Lou]

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Different meetings with different people is a good idea...I get bored real easy and not every meeting feels positive to me...Keep looking and I am sure you will find a group that you can relate to.
Gather all the tools you can and stay close to this site I believe in you. If I can get sober I am sure you can...PM me if I can help in anyway.

[BILLYJACK]

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During my year and a half sobriety, I made it a point to go to about 2 and ''sometimes'' 3 meetings a week..I especially had one meeting on Tuesdays at 10am that I really like alot..

After a year or so of sobriety, my Tuesday meetings were cut back ''a little'' because of differant employment. And this older guy named Dick with 32 years sobriety kept giving me BS about how I was going to be nothing more than a FAILURE if I did'nt start making that meeting more..I got SO sick and tired of hearing his shit everytime I come in there that I actually quit going to AA over there and eventually, quit going all together..

And I could write a book on what the SAME people in the SAME meeting was going to say when it was their turn to talk [ yawn ]..Seemed like some of these meeting are nothing more than coffee breaks for old men and women with nothing more than the same old fable stories to tell. BUT, sometimes you never know when a NEWBE will come thru that door and I guess the story's would be NEW to them..

Perhaps I was a little on the greedy side.

[Cinders]

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Billy,

I am right with you. I don't know if I have another sober in me, so I want to make this one stick.

I said something yesterday to my sponsor about my home group's meeting and how it is always the same old timers who speak (although it doesn't bore me at all, I need to hear what they have to say).

She told me that it is okay to hear the same things over and over again. Us alcoholics sometimes take a long time to really understand the message and it may be the first time or the 50th time before it "clicks."

I do know that the one hour I spend at AA is one of the best hours of my day. I can't explain it but it is a relief to sit in a room with others who understand me and do not look down on me because of my addiction. It is always an "aahhh" hour for me.

I sure hope you find your way back to sobriety, Billy. I am like you, a chronic relapser, so I know what you are going through and feeling. It sucks.

Let's make this sober stick.
Cindi

[peacenik]

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remember, there is nothing as boring as a drunk person!!!!

[BILLYJACK]

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QUOTE*
remember, there is nothing as boring as a drunk person!!!!
END QUOTE*

Especially if YOU are SOBER :H

Day 6 and kicking ass..Went to the Gym with the wife today and MAN, did I ever have a BUSY day after that..Just what I need to keep this addicted mind STRAIGHT.

[peacenik]

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exactly!!!

[BILLYJACK]

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Day 7 [ and St patties too ] and im still going strong..

[jb]

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HI Cindi

Thanks for the advice. I am so finding this rather difficult and I still have the craving and wish someone would give me some advice on how to stop them or how to deal with them.

[BILLYJACK]

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A year and a half later since my last post in here, I cant beleive im still alive.

God must have a plan for me because my drinking is worse than ever and im still here.:thanks: