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    #46
    HAPPY TO BE HERE

    I've been on Anti Buse before, seen my doctor, been to rehabs, ect ect ect. Have had the DTs at night for quite some time now after a bad binge. My wife knows when im in the DTs and she knows to wake me up out of them.There are times when my hangovers are SO severe that I almost wished that God would take me silently in my sleep to end all this misery,but I love my family too much to even think of them losing me.

    Right now, I have so damn many problems and im NOT facing them, Im DRINKING them and I KNOW thats NOT the answer but it does at least give me short term relief-------only to add long time agony.I think the biggest problem right now is my LACK of work and to much time on my hands. I lost a good paying job awhile back to an idiot owner and I have'nt been the same since. This guy SCREWED me over good and he knows it.And right now, nobody wants to hire a 50 year old.

    Anyways, feeling pretty good right now and I do have to WORK [part time] in the morning. I do NOT feel like drinking and I think im going to start my Anti Buse again tommorrow MORNING BEFORE I go into work so I wont be tempted to drink when I get out.

    I REALLY do want to stay SOBER.

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      #47
      HAPPY TO BE HERE

      Billy,
      I think your committment to becoming AF is in place-taking the Antabuse sounds like a good plan for you. It takes drinking right off the table- no agonizing about taking a drink-you can't. Are you drinking lots of water? That will help with the detox-it'll move along more rapidly. If you can start getting a good number of AF days under your belt, you will have a clear head to start solving some of your problems instead of hiding from them. I do wish you all the best-this disease is truly a BEAST and it's really hard work to make the BEAST go away. I look forward to getting to know you on this site; I have only been here about three weeks-I love the people here; they have been a lot of help to me. kriger
      Day 19
      "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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        #48
        HAPPY TO BE HERE

        kriger,
        Prior to about 2 years ago, I was completely sober for a year and a half and become very bored with life. Had a GREAT job, GREAT income and life was running along just smoothly.I was frequenting AA but towards the end I got so damn tired of hearing the same stories over/over/over.

        On Nov 15th of 2006, I got SCREWED bad with a bussiness transaction from a business owner. Thats when things REALLY started to come apart. I've blown almost 35k since Sept of 2007 mostly on booze and low-life friends that were more than happy to help me blow it. [BUMS]. I had set this money aside for a business that I wanted to start but become depressed and tired of the banks not accepting my business loan applications, I just threw in the towel. Hey, and I had a credit score of 788 at the time of the business application.Economy is SO bad in the USA right now, the banks are reveiwing EVERY business loan with a spy glass.

        Well, the good news is, is that im SOBER again today [6th day now] and I made DAMN SURE this morning when I woke up that I was going to STAY that way for today. Before I went to the gym to work out this morning, I said a prayer and asked God to help me make it through this day AF. I than walked into my dresser drawer, took out my bottle of ANTI BUSE and took me one.

        Its my plan to repeat this again all this week so I can at LEAST give myself a fighting ''chance'' to see the REALITY of things with clear vision.And yes, I drink about 7-8 glasses of water per day when im not on a binge. I also work out alot to.

        The Black Velvet hides things for awhile,but they are allways worse when you sober up.I cannot take the DTs anymore, the high blood pressure that goes with my party binges, the throwing-up, cold sweats, tremors, and guilt.

        Anyways, thank you SO much for your kind words of wisdom.I do plan on checking back every day.

        Comment

          #49
          HAPPY TO BE HERE

          Guess what?

          I'll be SOBER again today----just popped my anti buse and am headed of to the gym.

          Comment

            #50
            HAPPY TO BE HERE

            one2many,
            thank you, I mean, I figure there is no place to go DOWN, allready been there for tooo long.No sense in trying to plan on going to hell either, cant be any worse than what I been living here on earth with the booze.

            Comment

              #51
              HAPPY TO BE HERE

              Hey Billy, You are doing great! Hope yo uhad a good gym session! :goodjob:
              Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
              Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

              Comment

                #52
                HAPPY TO BE HERE

                hi billy.you realise what is wrong in your life,thats the biggest reward you can have,keep walkin tht road and ,I no you will be an inspiration to all here GYCO

                Comment

                  #53
                  HAPPY TO BE HERE

                  Billy,
                  I'm so proud of you for staying sober. I bet your withdrawal symptoms are starting to subside. You have made it through the toughest of times and I can hear in your posts that you are committed to stay sober...good for you, Billy. It's not an easy road but the end result and benefits are well worth it. Keep on keepin' on!!! kriger
                  "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

                  Comment

                    #54
                    HAPPY TO BE HERE

                    Thanks to EVERYBODY for their STRONG support.

                    This is the first time in awhile that im able to actually see the deck of cards that life has delt me in the last few years, and alot of it is just not fair,however, as we ALL know, life is not allways fair and you have to make the best of it with the deck you have in your hand.

                    I took yet ANOTHER anti-buse just a few minutes ago and WANT to remain SOBER. It feels so DARN GOOD waking up in the morning without a headache and a severe hangover. I even went and played basketball last night for the first time in 2 and a half months.My buddies asked me ''what happened'' and why I have'nt been there on Wednesday nights for? Of course I did'nt tell them that my parting was in the way, I told them that it was softball season, and now that its over, I should be back regular on Wednesdays now.

                    I hate using the ANTI-BUSE as a crutch to help me stop drinking, I want to be able to STOP because I am an alcoholic and need to realize that I need to STOP drinking for ME, not because im taking a pill that wont allow me to drink. But I'll tell you this much, the anti-buse has now kept me SOBER [9 days now] for enough time and ALLOWED me to UNDERSTAND just what the hell im doing with not only myself, but with my life when im drinking.

                    If im able to make it past this weekends holiday [ Labor Day] -------im even entertaining the thought of going back to AA next week!

                    Comment

                      #55
                      HAPPY TO BE HERE

                      Alot of folks here take antabuse...whatever it takes...take it! Do it! if that little pill keeps you sane....take the darn thing every day for the rest of your life if you have to. You're only failing if you stop trying.
                      Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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                        #56
                        HAPPY TO BE HERE

                        Billy,
                        You sound so hopeful!! I feel your happiness in your post. I agree with Britt-you need the Antabuse right now. Good Luck for the weekend, but from what I've heard you won't be able to drink (doesn't that drug stay with you for days?) Don't stop taking it in hopes of having a drink this weekend...it really isn't worth it, Billy. Kriger
                        "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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                          #57
                          HAPPY TO BE HERE

                          Yep.
                          I dont take a strong dosage of the anti buse. I take a half of one pill everyday [this stuff plays games with my stomach when I first start out] I probably could start taking a full pill tommorrow without to much stomach issues because I've been on a half a pill pretty much all week, INCLUDING this morning.

                          I WILL make it thru this weekend.

                          Im headed with my wife up north tommorrow to see her dad [ 250 mile round trip] and plan to come home Sunday morning. They party pretty good up there,however, I've been sober for a year and a half before and understand that I can deal with those that party up there, even if I cant.

                          I watched the 10 differant video tapes [ Rain something?] yesterday that we have posted here at MYO and I gotta tell you, it HIT HOME!

                          AF 10 DAYS TODAY!

                          Comment

                            #58
                            HAPPY TO BE HERE

                            Billy Jack,

                            Welcome to the site and I hope that you find it helpful. I too was a binger. I was often scared of dying on of my binges, but that never seemed to stop me.

                            Stop into the chat room if you need to talk to someone, and these forums (as you probably already know) are great for getting information and talking about what you are going through.

                            Comment

                              #59
                              HAPPY TO BE HERE

                              Thank You,
                              still doing fine.

                              Comment

                                #60
                                HAPPY TO BE HERE

                                Good...I am glad to hear it!!! K
                                "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

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